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Should your S.O./Spouse have a say so if they feel you are too thin or too large?
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It was the "We both have full time jobs and a farm we care for" comment.
The implication is the reverse- as if bc I chose to make these decisions- I don't work- I don't have other things going on- and I just have a boat load of free time and someone just pays for my way. i.e. a sugar daddy.
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It was the "We both have full time jobs and a farm we care for" comment.
The implication is the reverse- as if bc I chose to make these decisions- I don't work- I don't have other things going on- and I just have a boat load of free time and someone just pays for my way. i.e. a sugar daddy.
I think you mean inference because I did not imply that. I'll try to explain what I meant. Just as you discussed your desire to do your dance thing and devote the kind of time it took to do it right, we discussed buying undeveloped land and building it into a farm. Now that the children are grown and gone it is a lot of work for just the two of us. But we do it because we like it. It's our thing. If either of us decided to give it up in favor of gym time that would be met with resistance.
That is all I said or implied. I'm sorry you misunderstood and were offended but my post had absolutely nothing to do with money. I was simply giving the reason for the resistance, which is the farm. The resistance would be there if the gym membership and transportation to and from it were free.1 -
It wasn't just about money. But regardless we'll have to just let it be- you still seem to miss the point entirely and are locking on to one thing- which may very well be the same said thing *I* was doing.
Which is fine- I can accept that you didn't mean it- but that IS the way it translated. at this point we are beating a dead horse and still not communicating clearly- so lose lose.2 -
I don’t think that there should be any say. Ideally couples support each other with weight loss and goals but it shouldn’t ever be a thing where one person has to lose weight just because the other says so.2
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STLBADGIRL wrote: »Can we have a candid and respectful conversation about this subject? I read on here frequently that a S.O/spouse should love your regardless of your weight....but isn't a part of love being open and honest with a person?
I want to be clear....I don't think anyone should demand a person to gain or lose weight.
Yes they should love you BUT they dedicate their life to you AND in your VOWS you said you would stay healthy,,, in sickness AND in health
And most couples are already aware of weight issues as long as they have been honest with each other in the first place2 -
I have had an ex tell me he cheated on me because I got too thick all of a sudden and when he touched the rolls on my waist it turned him off. ... And that is why he is my EX :-) Forget that!
Flash forward - Hubby #2 - Met me when were both in the greatest shape of our life. We struggled together to develop ourselves professionally. We got married, bought a house and had 2 beautiful boys back to back. I gained 70 lbs he gained close to the same (we had a LOT of fun being pregnant lol he ate everything I ate and whatever I couldn't eat). This man has loved me through THICK and THIN (literally lol). He never ONCE said anything to me about my weight.
Then a health exam for insurance revealed that I was obese and those weird headaches and spell, probably the pre-diabetes that also came up on the exam. It was the wake up call that I needed and then... the thought of losing my hubby and raising these kids alone hit me. So I talked to him in the way that we talk "Love, it was fun getting big with you (lol) but now it's affecting my health and I gotta be here to raise these babies to men. I'm changing my ways because I don't want to die early or become a health burden to my family." Those words and my prayers reached him. He didn't get on board immediately, but after watching me lose 30 lbs in 30 days, he started eating like me and asking questions about my diet. And after 90 days, he had returned to the gym and changed his way of eating to what I was doing ... and LOVES IT. We are still going strong 7 months later.
So the short of it is, I didn't marry him for his body. I married him for his heart and soul. Treat your partner as you would want to be treated, with kindness, compassion and caring. And if you can have some laughs along the way ... that is pretty great too.
BTW In case you are interested in knowing our progress
Me: Down 75 lbs in 6.5 months
Hubby:: Down 50 lbs in 5.5 months
Love one another.
18 -
I have had an ex tell me he cheated on me because I got too thick all of a sudden and when he touched the rolls on my waist it turned him off. ... And that is why he is my EX :-) Forget that!
Flash forward - Hubby #2 - Met me when were both in the greatest shape of our life. We struggled together to develop ourselves professionally. We got married, bought a house and had 2 beautiful boys back to back. I gained 70 lbs he gained close to the same (we had a LOT of fun being pregnant lol he ate everything I ate and whatever I couldn't eat). This man has loved me through THICK and THIN (literally lol). He never ONCE said anything to me about my weight.
Then a health exam for insurance revealed that I was obese and those weird headaches and spell, probably the pre-diabetes that also came up on the exam. It was the wake up call that I needed and then... the thought of losing my hubby and raising these kids alone hit me. So I talked to him in the way that we talk "Love, it was fun getting big with you (lol) but now it's affecting my health and I gotta be here to raise these babies to men. I'm changing my ways because I don't want to die early or become a health burden to my family." Those words and my prayers reached him. He didn't get on board immediately, but after watching me lose 30 lbs in 30 days, he started eating like me and asking questions about my diet. And after 90 days, he had returned to the gym and changed his way of eating to what I was doing ... and LOVES IT. We are still going strong 7 months later.
So the short of it is, I didn't marry him for his body. I married him for his heart and soul. Treat your partner as you would want to be treated, with kindness, compassion and caring. And if you can have some laughs along the way ... that is pretty great too.
BTW In case you are interested in knowing our progress
Me: Down 75 lbs in 6.5 months
Hubby:: Down 50 lbs in 5.5 months
Love one another.
This is awesome!1 -
STLBADGIRL wrote: »Can we have a candid and respectful conversation about this subject? I read on here frequently that a S.O/spouse should love your regardless of your weight....but isn't a part of love being open and honest with a person?
I want to be clear....I don't think anyone should demand a person to gain or lose weight.
Yes they should love you BUT they dedicate their life to you AND in your VOWS you said you would stay healthy,,, in sickness AND in health
The vow is typically not to stay healthy. It's ... 'to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part'. It's a vow to remain faithful in bad times and good.2 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Can we have a candid and respectful conversation about this subject? I read on here frequently that a S.O/spouse should love your regardless of your weight....but isn't a part of love being open and honest with a person?
I want to be clear....I don't think anyone should demand a person to gain or lose weight.
Yes they should love you BUT they dedicate their life to you AND in your VOWS you said you would stay healthy,,, in sickness AND in health
The vow is typically not to stay healthy. It's ... 'to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part'. It's a vow to remain faithful in bad times and good.
Well- most people do their own these days- few people do super traditional read after me vows. Not everyone said the same thing.
mine included tacos.2 -
And remaining faithful isn't the same as supporting someone's choice to get fat. Those are two different conversations.2
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Can we have a candid and respectful conversation about this subject? I read on here frequently that a S.O/spouse should love your regardless of your weight....but isn't a part of love being open and honest with a person?
I want to be clear....I don't think anyone should demand a person to gain or lose weight.
Yes they should love you BUT they dedicate their life to you AND in your VOWS you said you would stay healthy,,, in sickness AND in health
The vow is typically not to stay healthy. It's ... 'to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part'. It's a vow to remain faithful in bad times and good.
Well- most people do their own these days- few people do super traditional read after me vows. Not everyone said the same thing.
mine included tacos.
Of course that's true. But the point is that when people use that vow they aren't typically promising to remain healthy.3 -
I have had an ex tell me he cheated on me because I got too thick all of a sudden and when he touched the rolls on my waist it turned him off. ... And that is why he is my EX :-) Forget that!
Flash forward - Hubby #2 - Met me when were both in the greatest shape of our life. We struggled together to develop ourselves professionally. We got married, bought a house and had 2 beautiful boys back to back. I gained 70 lbs he gained close to the same (we had a LOT of fun being pregnant lol he ate everything I ate and whatever I couldn't eat). This man has loved me through THICK and THIN (literally lol). He never ONCE said anything to me about my weight.
Then a health exam for insurance revealed that I was obese and those weird headaches and spell, probably the pre-diabetes that also came up on the exam. It was the wake up call that I needed and then... the thought of losing my hubby and raising these kids alone hit me. So I talked to him in the way that we talk "Love, it was fun getting big with you (lol) but now it's affecting my health and I gotta be here to raise these babies to men. I'm changing my ways because I don't want to die early or become a health burden to my family." Those words and my prayers reached him. He didn't get on board immediately, but after watching me lose 30 lbs in 30 days, he started eating like me and asking questions about my diet. And after 90 days, he had returned to the gym and changed his way of eating to what I was doing ... and LOVES IT. We are still going strong 7 months later.
So the short of it is, I didn't marry him for his body. I married him for his heart and soul. Treat your partner as you would want to be treated, with kindness, compassion and caring. And if you can have some laughs along the way ... that is pretty great too.
BTW In case you are interested in knowing our progress
Me: Down 75 lbs in 6.5 months
Hubby:: Down 50 lbs in 5.5 months
Love one another.
YES!! This is great!!
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Can we have a candid and respectful conversation about this subject? I read on here frequently that a S.O/spouse should love your regardless of your weight....but isn't a part of love being open and honest with a person?
I want to be clear....I don't think anyone should demand a person to gain or lose weight.
Yes they should love you BUT they dedicate their life to you AND in your VOWS you said you would stay healthy,,, in sickness AND in health
The vow is typically not to stay healthy. It's ... 'to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part'. It's a vow to remain faithful in bad times and good.
Well- most people do their own these days- few people do super traditional read after me vows. Not everyone said the same thing.
mine included tacos.
Of course that's true. But the point is that when people use that vow they aren't typically promising to remain healthy.
most people probably not- but I had that talk before we ever talked about getting married.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Can we have a candid and respectful conversation about this subject? I read on here frequently that a S.O/spouse should love your regardless of your weight....but isn't a part of love being open and honest with a person?
I want to be clear....I don't think anyone should demand a person to gain or lose weight.
Yes they should love you BUT they dedicate their life to you AND in your VOWS you said you would stay healthy,,, in sickness AND in health
The vow is typically not to stay healthy. It's ... 'to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part'. It's a vow to remain faithful in bad times and good.
Well- most people do their own these days- few people do super traditional read after me vows. Not everyone said the same thing.
mine included tacos.
Of course that's true. But the point is that when people use that vow they aren't typically promising to remain healthy.
most people probably not- but I had that talk before we ever talked about getting married.
About remaining healthy? So many health problems can arise regardless of weight or fitness.2 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Can we have a candid and respectful conversation about this subject? I read on here frequently that a S.O/spouse should love your regardless of your weight....but isn't a part of love being open and honest with a person?
I want to be clear....I don't think anyone should demand a person to gain or lose weight.
Yes they should love you BUT they dedicate their life to you AND in your VOWS you said you would stay healthy,,, in sickness AND in health
The vow is typically not to stay healthy. It's ... 'to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part'. It's a vow to remain faithful in bad times and good.
Well- most people do their own these days- few people do super traditional read after me vows. Not everyone said the same thing.
mine included tacos.
Of course that's true. But the point is that when people use that vow they aren't typically promising to remain healthy.
most people probably not- but I had that talk before we ever talked about getting married.
About remaining healthy? So many health problems can arise regardless of weight or fitness.
my exact words were "I'm not f**king a fat dude".4 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »STLBADGIRL wrote: »Can we have a candid and respectful conversation about this subject? I read on here frequently that a S.O/spouse should love your regardless of your weight....but isn't a part of love being open and honest with a person?
I want to be clear....I don't think anyone should demand a person to gain or lose weight.
Yes they should love you BUT they dedicate their life to you AND in your VOWS you said you would stay healthy,,, in sickness AND in health
The vow is typically not to stay healthy. It's ... 'to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part'. It's a vow to remain faithful in bad times and good.
Well- most people do their own these days- few people do super traditional read after me vows. Not everyone said the same thing.
mine included tacos.
Of course that's true. But the point is that when people use that vow they aren't typically promising to remain healthy.
most people probably not- but I had that talk before we ever talked about getting married.
About remaining healthy? So many health problems can arise regardless of weight or fitness.
my exact words were "I'm not f**king a fat dude".
Not sure how that relates back to the vow, but I do think it's a good idea to discuss things that are important to you before marriage.1
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