My parents are obsessed with trying to stop my weight loss
Options
Replies
-
heiliskrimsli wrote: »kristikitter wrote: »Seconding everyone who says that it's a parent's job to worry. My mum does it - whether the scales go up or down for me. And I'm 27, hahaha.
However once you're 18, it's no longer their say that matters, and it's perfectly within someone's rights to tell the parents to stop meddling.
Yeah but then OP should move out if she doesn't want to hear it. *shrug*13 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »Her BMI is 22.
There is nothing wrong with losing additional weight when you're still above the midpoint of the normal range. There's nothing wrong with losing weight if you're still above the bottom of the normal range. OP wants to lose weight. That is her business, not yours to tell her that she's wrong or that it's wrong to prefer to be a lower weight or to say that a lower weight would make her happier.
That's your baggage you're putting on that.
BMI is a population measure. The normal range is 18.5 to 25. This does NOT mean that any ONE particular individual will be equally healthy throughout the 18.5 to 25 range. It does not mean that they will be healthy/healthier/healthiest at 25, or 19, or for that matter at 22.
You, or I, have NO WAY of knowing whether losing weight below the midpoint of the normal range is better for any ONE PARTICULAR INDIVIDUAL's health, or not.
If you want to consider the BMI range even further, by many measuring sticks, such as longevity, some BMIs in the low overweight range are "healthier" than BMIs in the low normal range.
For non-short females especially, BMIs below 20 start being a concern when it comes to reproduction.
A younger person by the way may be perfectly healthy at a lower BMI as an adolescent, yet less healthy at that same BMI as they get older.
So, even when it comes to the measure you CHOSE to focus on, i.e. whether the OP can "afford" to lose weight, neither you nor I have any way of knowing if that's the case or not other than on an aggregate basis.
BUT NO ONE other than yourself IS FOCUSED ON HER BMI and whether she can afford to lose weight or not.
Everyone other than yourself is focused on the OP's attitude towards weight loss as expressed by her statements; statements you've studiously avoided addressing.
I don't care if someone is BMI 22, 30, or even 40. They can still exhibit ED traits that should be resolved for the sake of their long term health ESPECIALLY if they are 18 years old!
As to whether I have the right (or even moral obligation) to give constructive advice to people who want to reach reasonable goals while pointing out to people who are not articulating reasonable goals that their goals leave something to be desired, that's for me to decide.
I am not the one who asked for advice in a public forum, the OP did.
And I have certainly not denied you the right to articulate your mistaken opinions.
Regardless of whether they stem from your own baggage or not.27 -
A BMI of 22 is really very normal.1
-
heiliskrimsli wrote: »Her BMI is 22.
There is nothing wrong with losing additional weight when you're still above the midpoint of the normal range. There's nothing wrong with losing weight if you're still above the bottom of the normal range. OP wants to lose weight. That is her business, not yours to tell her that she's wrong or that it's wrong to prefer to be a lower weight or to say that a lower weight would make her happier.
That's your baggage you're putting on that.
BMI is a population measure. The normal range is 18.5 to 25. This does NOT mean that any ONE particular individual will be equally healthy throughout the 18.5 to 25 range. It does not mean that they will be healthy/healthier/healthiest at 25, or 19, or for that matter at 22.
You, or I, have NO WAY of knowing whether losing weight below the midpoint of the normal range is better for any ONE PARTICULAR INDIVIDUAL's health, or not.
She's an adult. It's up to her.If you want to consider the BMI range even further, by many measuring sticks, such as longevity, some BMIs in the low overweight range are "healthier" than BMIs in the low normal range.
You might want to rethink advising people that they can be healthier while overweightBUT NO ONE other than yourself IS FOCUSED ON HER BMI and whether she can afford to lose weight or not.
Except that she's been directly given advice to not lose any more weight and only focus on recomp - which is not what she even asked about.I don't care if someone is BMI 22, 30, or even 40. They can still exhibit ED traits that should be resolved for the sake of their long term health ESPECIALLY if they are 18 years old!
If you were someone qualified to diagnose an eating disorder, you would hopefully have the professional aptitude to understand that you don't go about offering diagnoses on a web forum.As to whether I have the right (or even moral obligation) to give constructive advice to people who want to reach reasonable goals while pointing out to people who are not articulating reasonable goals that their goals leave something to be desired, that's for me to decide.
Your advice on a target weight or BMI wasn't asked for.I am not the one who asked for advice in a public forum, the OP did. .
OP asked about dealing with people who are trying to derail her plans for herself. You responded by telling her to derail her plans for herself. Useless as a screen door on a submarine.1 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »heiliskrimsli wrote: »Her BMI is 22.
There is nothing wrong with losing additional weight when you're still above the midpoint of the normal range. There's nothing wrong with losing weight if you're still above the bottom of the normal range. OP wants to lose weight. That is her business, not yours to tell her that she's wrong or that it's wrong to prefer to be a lower weight or to say that a lower weight would make her happier.
That's your baggage you're putting on that.
BMI is a population measure. The normal range is 18.5 to 25. This does NOT mean that any ONE particular individual will be equally healthy throughout the 18.5 to 25 range. It does not mean that they will be healthy/healthier/healthiest at 25, or 19, or for that matter at 22.
You, or I, have NO WAY of knowing whether losing weight below the midpoint of the normal range is better for any ONE PARTICULAR INDIVIDUAL's health, or not.
She's an adult. It's up to her.If you want to consider the BMI range even further, by many measuring sticks, such as longevity, some BMIs in the low overweight range are "healthier" than BMIs in the low normal range.
You might want to rethink advising people that they can be healthier while overweightBUT NO ONE other than yourself IS FOCUSED ON HER BMI and whether she can afford to lose weight or not.
Except that she's been directly given advice to not lose any more weight and only focus on recomp - which is not what she even asked about.I don't care if someone is BMI 22, 30, or even 40. They can still exhibit ED traits that should be resolved for the sake of their long term health ESPECIALLY if they are 18 years old!
If you were someone qualified to diagnose an eating disorder, you would hopefully have the professional aptitude to understand that you don't go about offering diagnoses on a web forum.As to whether I have the right (or even moral obligation) to give constructive advice to people who want to reach reasonable goals while pointing out to people who are not articulating reasonable goals that their goals leave something to be desired, that's for me to decide.
Your advice on a target weight or BMI wasn't asked for.I am not the one who asked for advice in a public forum, the OP did. .
OP asked about dealing with people who are trying to derail her plans for herself. You responded by telling her to derail her plans for herself. Useless as a screen door on a submarine.
If you saw a person on a bridge looking like they might be about to jump, but you weren't quite sure, you wouldn't step in since they didn't ask for your help? Not even maybe ask if they are ok and ask what's bothering them? Talk to them about all their options, in the hopes that if they are in a dark place, you might be able to help them out of it?
No? Ok.17 -
I don't understand why people comment that I am doing things unhealthy or I am underage or have an eating disorder because I don't I only want to do healthy things for my body and my parents just make comments they don't care that I am doing it healthy and I want only good things for my body to make me more comfortable and happy I already am happier in my body now then before when I was obese but I just think I need to be a little bit less fat % and lighter. I just think I want to do both of those things because I am a small frame body person and I just looked at the picture that a person commented to look but I am fatter than the person in that picture so I need to be lighter to.
I don't know what BMI I want for my body to be but I don't want unhealthy BMI only a good one but less than I am now and I live in UK and my parents are from there and my birth mum is korean but I never met her so it doesn't matter I think? Sorry there are lots off people doing comments it's hard to read them all and remember1 -
My grandmother tells me how 'skinny' I've gotten even if I've gained a stone since seeing her (we live far apart so we don't see each other often). Family members worry, even if they have no cause for concern at all.2
-
Part of the reason is personal baggage, and part is because others have come here with the same question and when more information came out it turned out that they did have an eating disorder.LaauraLoses wrote: »I don't understand why people comment that I am doing things unhealthy or I am underage or have an eating disorder because I don't I only want to do healthy things for my body and my parents just make comments they don't care that I am doing it healthy and I want only good things for my body to make me more comfortable and happy I already am happier in my body now then before when I was obese but I just think I need to be a little bit less fat % and lighter. I just think I want to do both of those things because I am a small frame body person and I just looked at the picture that a person commented to look but I am fatter than the person in that picture so I need to be lighter to.
I don't know what BMI I want for my body to be but I don't want unhealthy BMI only a good one but less than I am now and I live in UK and my parents are from there and my birth mum is korean but I never met her so it doesn't matter I think? Sorry there are lots off people doing comments it's hard to read them all and remember
2 -
LaauraLoses wrote: »I don't understand why people comment that I am doing things unhealthy or I am underage or have an eating disorder
The folks here are just understandably skeptical because they have seen people make the same claims before who turned out to be underage and/or have eating disorders. They are concerned about what might be because they care about your health. You have given the impression that you are more focused on the number on the scale than you are on being lean and fit. Again, that is a red flag. Your goals might be perfectly healthy but we don't know that. All we see are symbols on a screen and we have seen a history of dishonesty with these types of posts so most er on the side of caution.4 -
WinoGelato wrote: »heiliskrimsli wrote: »heiliskrimsli wrote: »Her BMI is 22.
There is nothing wrong with losing additional weight when you're still above the midpoint of the normal range. There's nothing wrong with losing weight if you're still above the bottom of the normal range. OP wants to lose weight. That is her business, not yours to tell her that she's wrong or that it's wrong to prefer to be a lower weight or to say that a lower weight would make her happier.
That's your baggage you're putting on that.
BMI is a population measure. The normal range is 18.5 to 25. This does NOT mean that any ONE particular individual will be equally healthy throughout the 18.5 to 25 range. It does not mean that they will be healthy/healthier/healthiest at 25, or 19, or for that matter at 22.
You, or I, have NO WAY of knowing whether losing weight below the midpoint of the normal range is better for any ONE PARTICULAR INDIVIDUAL's health, or not.
She's an adult. It's up to her.If you want to consider the BMI range even further, by many measuring sticks, such as longevity, some BMIs in the low overweight range are "healthier" than BMIs in the low normal range.
You might want to rethink advising people that they can be healthier while overweightBUT NO ONE other than yourself IS FOCUSED ON HER BMI and whether she can afford to lose weight or not.
Except that she's been directly given advice to not lose any more weight and only focus on recomp - which is not what she even asked about.I don't care if someone is BMI 22, 30, or even 40. They can still exhibit ED traits that should be resolved for the sake of their long term health ESPECIALLY if they are 18 years old!
If you were someone qualified to diagnose an eating disorder, you would hopefully have the professional aptitude to understand that you don't go about offering diagnoses on a web forum.As to whether I have the right (or even moral obligation) to give constructive advice to people who want to reach reasonable goals while pointing out to people who are not articulating reasonable goals that their goals leave something to be desired, that's for me to decide.
Your advice on a target weight or BMI wasn't asked for.I am not the one who asked for advice in a public forum, the OP did. .
OP asked about dealing with people who are trying to derail her plans for herself. You responded by telling her to derail her plans for herself. Useless as a screen door on a submarine.
If you saw a person on a bridge looking like they might be about to jump, but you weren't quite sure, you wouldn't step in since they didn't ask for your help? Not even maybe ask if they are ok and ask what's bothering them? Talk to them about all their options, in the hopes that if they are in a dark place, you might be able to help them out of it?
No? Ok.
One "Hey, everything OK?"
If they say yes, I move along and mind my own business. I don't repeatedly assert that they have a problem regardless of their answer.You have given the impression that you are more focused on the number on the scale than you are on being lean and fit. Again, that is a red flag. Your goals might be perfectly healthy but we don't know that. All we see are symbols on a screen and we have seen a history of dishonesty with these types of posts so most er on the side of caution.
She has repeatedly told all of you that she's doesn't have an eating disorder and isn't here to have her goals second guessed. It's time to accept that your advice isn't wanted and back off trying to shove it down her throat.4 -
It's just hard to tell whether dissatisfaction with your body is healthy and reasonable desire that will be satisfied or incipient disordered thinking that will keep moving the goalposts on you so you're never happy. And of course everybody likes to give advice to young women.
We can't tell over the internet, just as we can't tell whether your parents are genuinely concerned about something they see in your behavior or are reacting neurotically to your improving your life. You have to be your own final watchdog. Keep your wits about you and observe your own thoughts and your parents' and try to understand if they're the neurotic ones while keeping open to the idea that dysmorphia is a risk that people who love you will worry about.
If you're still frustrated with your parents, my sympathy. The only thing I can think is they either are worried about anorexia or they just have some unreasonable bug you can't control. If it's the former, tell them, maybe show them, that you're eating a recommended amount of calories and nutrients and eating healthy. If that doesn't satisfy them you just have to accept that they're not going to understand right now and try to let it slide off your back. Best wishes. Honestly I'm stunned you're still reading five pages into the debate about your
P. S. Strength training is good no matter what. Strong bones, increased metabolism. It also gives you a tiny bit of control over your shape. We can't control where our fat is, just what lies under it and, within certain healthy ranges, how much fat there is total.0 -
It makes me annoyed that people make comments like that because it's not true just because someone else before did something that is bad doesn't mean I am bad too just because I asked a question the same?? It's really rude to me that people make comments that are not true and say that I am a lier when I'm not and they don't say it to other people
Thank you I am doing exercise and strength exercises for those things and extra muscle to and less fat % off my body overall I am telling my parents that I am healthy and show them I am eating healthy things and being healthy overall but they don't care much they just say I am to thin but I know I need to ask to speak to doctor with them so they know better from a doctor as well as me5 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »If you were someone qualified to diagnose an eating disorder, you would hopefully have the professional aptitude to understand that you don't go about offering diagnoses on a web forum.
Yet you seem happy diagnosing her goal of losing weight as perfectly healthy without enough information to know if that's the case, and to diagnose her attitude toward losing weight as perfectly healthy and in no way suggestive of a possible problem.Your advice on a target weight or BMI wasn't asked for.
No one but you is offering advice in terms of target weight. Other are, as PAV888 said, focusing on the attitudes she has expressed about weight and weight loss -- attitudes that are frequently found in individuals with disordered thinking on these issues.OP asked about dealing with people who are trying to derail her plans for herself. You responded by telling her to derail her plans for herself. Useless as a screen door on a submarine.
It's very common for people to ask for advice about something that isn't their real problem.
"Can you give me a ride to get gas for my car? It won't start." "Uhhh, by the sound it was making when you turned the key, it might be more helpful if I gave you a jump start."
"I'm not losing weight. I think I must be in starvation mode. But I'm always full and I don't know how I can eat more. Can you give me some advice on how I can eat more calories without stuffing my body full of junk?" "Uhhh, if you're not losing weight, consuming more calories is not the solution."
"I don't have any money for groceries, but if I charge some airplane tickets and a hotel for a vacation, I can use the reward points to get a gift card for the grocery story." "Uhhh, excuse me while I bang my head on my keyboard."
And, to be a little more serious, "It makes my spouse angry when I go to the gym. He used to only be angry when I wore tight tees or spandex-type clothes, but I've given those up for sweats and he still gets angry, even if I get up early and go when he's still sleeping and get back in time to have breakfast with him. I started doing food prep with two other women on the weekends so we could each have more variety by swapping at the end (like a cookie swap), and he doesn't like that either. He doesn't even like my meeting up with my mom a couple of times a week to take a long walk (she needs the exercise too!). Do you have any tips on at-home exercises and how to get variety on solo meal prepping?"
I don't think the best answer to that is "try out some exercise videos on YouTube and make twice the amount of each recipe or meal that you need for a week for a few weeks, so you'll have leftover meals going into the next week and can start alternating what you eat."
Even if we limited ourselves to what OP thinks is her problem, as you've phrased it, the answer is "You can't change other people. You can only change yourself. Other people can't derail you. Only you can derail you." And that doesn't seem to be the answer she's asking for.19 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »She has repeatedly told all of you that she's doesn't have an eating disorder and isn't here to have her goals second guessed. It's time to accept that your advice isn't wanted and back off trying to shove it down her throat.
I simply explained to her why she is getting the responses that she is, so please show me where I tried to shove anything down her throat.5 -
You are 18, and in reality, most likely still growing and your body is still filling in. Might be worth focusing less on losing weight and more on exercising to feel good and to tone up.3
-
She mentions having a Korean birth mother, very possible that she has a petite frame and being on the lower end of the healthy range is appropriate for her. From what I have seen and read I don't see the reason why we should assume she has an eating disorder??2
-
Why is it worth focusing on that one thing only when I can do both though because I need to have less fat % and more muscles and weigh less to? I don't understand why I can't do all of those things at once and why people comment that I do just the fat % one instead even though the picture of two people someone put I am not like the first one I am to fat so even with more less fat % I won't be like the other one without being lighter because I have got a small frame body??0
-
I think a lot of advice has been provided on this thread op feel free to do as you wish. I do wish you the best of luck regardless of what decision you do end up doing.
Good luck!
1 -
She mentions having a Korean birth mother, very possible that she has a petite frame and being on the lower end of the healthy range is appropriate for her. From what I have seen and read I don't see the reason why we should assume she has an eating disorder??
Because there are people here who display tremendous amounts of fatlogic, and they refuse to give it up no matter what.
If OP is Asian it's even less likely that a lower normal BMI would be harmful. Asians tend to exhibit the health problems associated with being overweight sooner than those of European ancestry, and it's why Japan imposes penalties against companies if their staff are overweight.2 -
Uh, not all Koreans have a small bone structure.She mentions having a Korean birth mother, very possible that she has a petite frame and being on the lower end of the healthy range is appropriate for her. From what I have seen and read I don't see the reason why we should assume she has an eating disorder??
3
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.9K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.8K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.7K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 397 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.9K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 975 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions