My parents are obsessed with trying to stop my weight loss
Options
Replies
-
LaauraLoses wrote: »Why is it worth focusing on that one thing only when I can do both though because I need to have less fat % and more muscles and weigh less to? I don't understand why I can't do all of those things at once and why people comment that I do just the fat % one instead even though the picture of two people someone put I am not like the first one I am to fat so even with more less fat % I won't be like the other one without being lighter because I have got a small frame body??
You are wondering why people keep keying in on your comments and are concerned.... it's because of things like what I bolded above. You say that you can't look like the picture that everyone is using to demonstrate he difference between a higher weight lower body fat percentage and just a lower scale weight, because you are too fat. This is a red flag in my mind.
4 -
WinoGelato wrote: »LaauraLoses wrote: »Why is it worth focusing on that one thing only when I can do both though because I need to have less fat % and more muscles and weigh less to? I don't understand why I can't do all of those things at once and why people comment that I do just the fat % one instead even though the picture of two people someone put I am not like the first one I am to fat so even with more less fat % I won't be like the other one without being lighter because I have got a small frame body??
You are wondering why people keep keying in on your comments and are concerned.... it's because of things like what I bolded above. You say that you can't look like the picture that everyone is using to demonstrate he difference between a higher weight lower body fat percentage and just a lower scale weight, because you are too fat. This is a red flag in my mind.
You going to call her parents?0 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »She has repeatedly told all of you that she's doesn't have an eating disorder and isn't here to have her goals second guessed. It's time to accept that your advice isn't wanted and back off trying to shove it down her throat.
You're probably right, people should stop asking.
However, my sister repeatedly says she doesn't have an eating disorder anymore and that she's perfectly fine and doing well. She's had anorexia for 15 years and is in no way over it.11 -
She mentions having a Korean birth mother, very possible that she has a petite frame and being on the lower end of the healthy range is appropriate for her. From what I have seen and read I don't see the reason why we should assume she has an eating disorder??
No one is assuming anything. The thread started with OP saying her parents are concerned. I'm tying to ascertain why they might be concerned and probing OP about her goals, while her goal itself might be a healthy one, some of the comments she makes are subtle warning signs.
There are countless people who come on these boards in the throes of an eating disorder. There are also countless others, young women and young men, who are just beginning to exhibit signs of disordered thinking about food, weight loss, and their bodies. It is a very slippery slope. Posters like these are often good about providing answers that sound like they are doing ok, but when you read between the lines you realize there is more to it. Also, many people who are in the midst of an eating disorder don't realize it themselves. Unless they have already sought treatment and help, the answer is almost always "no I'm doing fine, I just want to be healthy" while the behavior suggests otherwise. And the posters here trying to understand her mind set are doing so out of genuine concern. There are also people here who want to dismiss such concerns, constantly defending some of the hallmark behaviors of disordered eating like aiming for calorie targets below the minimum, over exercising and under fueling, focusing only on scale weight, etc. These people tend to dismiss anyone who is suggesting that it's possible and for many even preferable, to lose weight in a slow, healthy and enjoyable way - I'm not sure why, but it's really prevalent lately.
It is possible that OP has got her head on straight and is on a good path to achieving a healthy weight, a physically fit body, and that she and her parents will come to a common understanding of her goals. I certainly hope that's the case. That doesn't mean we shouldn't still try to clarify, particularly when her original post suggested that people who know her far better than us are concerned.
9 -
Jeez people. Just accept some people want to be lighter (within the healthy range) and don't want to do strength training.
And please don't let us have the misfortune of being exactly 18 because it seems that everybody stating that age is lying here.
Oh... and for the love of god, do force your children to move out the day they turn 18 (sarcasm). Things don't work like that. Not all people can do that. And yeah, parents' control over their children's choices does legally finish at 18; the fact that these people haven't moved out yet doesn't mean (because of whatever very personal reasons we shouldn't even be asking about) parents can control them.
@ OP, I keep my BMI at 19 (ish), I hate weight training, and I eat about 1800 calories a day (not very sure at the moment because I moved to Australia, and they used kilojules here, but I'm usually at 9000 kJ if anyone cares about doing the math), and I go to the gym in a healthy way 3 (ish) times a week (aka when I'm not drowning in readings and uni stuff).
Anyways, my point, some people are genuinely happy at a low (healthy) weight and couldn't care less about strength training, so stop screaming EATING DISORDER every time you find people like that. It's a very serious thing to even mention to someone if you don't know them.
Besides, we all have an idea of what we'll look like at "x" weight, and we may also have a change of heart if we get there and still don't like what we see (like doing body recomposition).
Poor OP is asking how to deal with a family situation, not how to deal with her body composition, and is definitely not asking to be accused of suffering an ED after not agreeing with your ideal (toned and more or less muscular) body-type.
And, going for a racial stereotype (sorry for the ugly wording!!!), since I moved here, most my classmates are Asian, super skinny, and eat waaaaayyyyyyy more than me. So you should probably look into nutritional information more specific for you, because some (not all) people here can't seem to realise race is an element to take into account for your ideal body composition, and may find help on seeing what other Asian people do.5 -
I will never understand why some people think it's terrible to try and help someone establish what their goals are and if there are perhaps more effective ways to go about achieving their goal aesthetic. What is so terrible about "you're in the healthy range for your height, what are your aesthetic goals long term?" and then offering some advice based on that.
And if there are a few red flags there is also nothing wrong with expressing a concern there and giving OP food for thought, a just in case sort of scenario. There is a hyper focus on BMI by a few people and it's not those asking the above questions. And to bring that up in every second post directed at those actually offering helpful advice is derailing and unhelpful to anyone.
And to OP. You cannot build any appreciable muscle with the odd strength exercise and whilst losing weight. It's very difficult for a female full stop, even in perfect conditions. So when you have time, it's probably worthwhile just reading back through the thread and digesting everything that people have suggested that may help you reach your aesthetic goals and make that the focus rather than getting lighter. I personally won't care what the scale says when I look in the mirror and see what I've achieved. And the higher the weight I do that at the better because it means that I get to eat more in order to maintain that. And some think that's a horrible terrible thing, to want to eat as much as I can but I enjoy food so the more the better!
Edit: Just to further add, there is no better time to get seriously strength training and eating at maintenance or a little above than now. 18 is really prime time for seriously making changes that, when you get to finally stop developing and settle into your body around 23-25 you'll be delighted and proud of what you see.12 -
WinoGelato wrote: »She mentions having a Korean birth mother, very possible that she has a petite frame and being on the lower end of the healthy range is appropriate for her. From what I have seen and read I don't see the reason why we should assume she has an eating disorder??
No one is assuming anything. The thread started with OP saying her parents are concerned. I'm tying to ascertain why they might be concerned and probing OP about her goals, while her goal itself might be a healthy one, some of the comments she makes are subtle warning signs.
There are countless people who come on these boards in the throes of an eating disorder. There are also countless others, young women and young men, who are just beginning to exhibit signs of disordered thinking about food, weight loss, and their bodies. It is a very slippery slope. Posters like these are often good about providing answers that sound like they are doing ok, but when you read between the lines you realize there is more to it. Also, many people who are in the midst of an eating disorder don't realize it themselves. Unless they have already sought treatment and help, the answer is almost always "no I'm doing fine, I just want to be healthy" while the behavior suggests otherwise. And the posters here trying to understand her mind set are doing so out of genuine concern. There are also people here who want to dismiss such concerns, constantly defending some of the hallmark behaviors of disordered eating like aiming for calorie targets below the minimum, over exercising and under fueling, focusing only on scale weight, etc. These people tend to dismiss anyone who is suggesting that it's possible and for many even preferable, to lose weight in a slow, healthy and enjoyable way - I'm not sure why, but it's really prevalent lately.
It is possible that OP has got her head on straight and is on a good path to achieving a healthy weight, a physically fit body, and that she and her parents will come to a common understanding of her goals. I certainly hope that's the case. That doesn't mean we shouldn't still try to clarify, particularly when her original post suggested that people who know her far better than us are concerned.
And who made you the eating disorder police? Are you employed by Under Armour for that purpose, or is this just some self-important holier-than-thou personal mission of yours?
Because it looks a lot like the person with the problem is the one who decided to make herself the watcher of everyone else's weight loss.
OP has asked you to back off. Be respectful and do so.0 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »And who made you the eating disorder police? Are you employed by Under Armour for that purpose, or is this just some self-important holier-than-thou personal mission of yours?
Because it looks a lot like the person with the problem is the one who decided to make herself the watcher of everyone else's weight loss.
OP has asked you to back off. Be respectful and do so.
Since this thread has derailed into pointing fingers at who has "the problem," let me point out that you seem to have quite the chip on your shoulder about whether or not the mythical 18-22 BMI is healthy, and you seem to be taking others' polite concern for OP's eating attitude personally. It's a public forum where people come to ask advice. Most people in this thread have offered their advice politely and constructively. You seem hostile and personally offended by what you deem as the "tremendous amounts of fatlogic" by everyone else on this thread. I don't understand why you seem to have become personally and deeply offended that people are offering their opinions on someone else's weight loss on a forum where people come to ask and offer advice on weight loss.
19 -
In my experience OP parents don't become "obsessed" unless there is a concern.
Is your diary open? Perhaps they are concerned about how much or what you're eating?2 -
leanjogreen18 wrote: »In my experience OP parents don't become "obsessed" unless there is a concern.
Is your diary open? Perhaps they are concerned about how much or what you're eating?
I don't know if there is a concern or not, but I know my dad got obsessed with making me get up and walk around after major surgery where the doctor had told me no weight bearing for 5 weeks.0 -
leanjogreen18 wrote: »In my experience OP parents don't become "obsessed" unless there is a concern.
Is your diary open? Perhaps they are concerned about how much or what you're eating?
I don't know if there is a concern or not, but I know my dad got obsessed with making me get up and walk around after major surgery where the doctor had told me no weight bearing for 5 weeks.
No walking or standing up for 5 weeks? Yikes!!!1 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »And who made you the eating disorder police? Are you employed by Under Armour for that purpose, or is this just some self-important holier-than-thou personal mission of yours?
Because it looks a lot like the person with the problem is the one who decided to make herself the watcher of everyone else's weight loss.
OP has asked you to back off. Be respectful and do so.
Since this thread has derailed into pointing fingers at who has "the problem," let me point out that you seem to have quite the chip on your shoulder about whether or not the mythical 18-22 BMI is healthy, and you seem to be taking others' polite concern for OP's eating attitude personally. It's a public forum where people come to ask advice. Most people in this thread have offered their advice politely and constructively. You seem hostile and personally offended by what you deem as the "tremendous amounts of fatlogic" by everyone else on this thread. I don't understand why you seem to have become personally and deeply offended that people are offering their opinions on someone else's weight loss on a forum where people come to ask and offer advice on weight loss.
Well for one referring to a BMI between 18.5 and 22 as "mythical" is pretty fatlogic, considering that is within the healthy, normal range.
For another, OP asked for advice about dealing with intrusiveness from her parents, not for advice about how to stop losing weight, and quite a few people in here have tried to harass her about whether she's got an eating disorder. Even if she did, which I don't think there's any evidence to indicate, badgering her about it is hardly going to get you any kind of positive result. They're not being polite, not after being asked several times by OP to back off.
As for what I am and am not "personally offended by", not much actually offends me. I do find it really ironic that there are so many people so invested in the concept that the One Right Way is to eat as much as possible (and to exercise primarily because you can eat more) on a site called MyFITnessPal.
With what I've seen here, someone should change the domain name to MyFATnessPal.-3 -
leanjogreen18 wrote: »leanjogreen18 wrote: »In my experience OP parents don't become "obsessed" unless there is a concern.
Is your diary open? Perhaps they are concerned about how much or what you're eating?
I don't know if there is a concern or not, but I know my dad got obsessed with making me get up and walk around after major surgery where the doctor had told me no weight bearing for 5 weeks.
No walking or standing up for 5 weeks? Yikes!!!
No weight bearing, just minimum movements on crutches until the joint was solid in its socket.
But the thing was that my dad wanted me up and about. And would not listen when I repeated my doctor's orders.0 -
Dear Posters,
I wanted to offer a brief explanation for the locking of this thread. The forum guidelines include these items:
1. No Attacks or Insults and No Reciprocation
anda) Do not attack, mock, or otherwise insult others. You can respectfully disagree with the message or topic, but you cannot attack the messenger. This includes attacks against the user’s spelling or command of written English, or belittling a user for posting a duplicate topic.
b) If you are attacked by another user, and you reciprocate, you will also be subject to the same consequences. Defending yourself or a friend is not an excuse! Do not take matters into your own hands – instead, use the Report Post link to report an attack and we will be happy to handle the situation for you.
2. No Hi-Jacking, Trolling, or Flame-baitingPlease stay on-topic in an existing thread, and post new threads in the appropriate forum. Taking a thread off-topic is considered hi-jacking. Please either contribute politely and constructively to a topic, or move on without posting. This includes posts that encourage the drama in a topic to escalate, or posts intended to incite an uproar from the community.
If you would like to review the forum guidelines, please visit the following link:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/welcome/guidelines
At our discretion, this locked thread may be deleted entirely in the near future.
With respect,
Sugar
MyFitnessPal Moderator6
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.9K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.8K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.7K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 398 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.9K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.4K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 976 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.4K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions