I'm mad at myself for getting to where I was and I'm mad at other people...

Verity1111

for not pointing out when I was gaining a lot of weight. It wouldn't matter if it weren't for the fact that people won't hesitate to tell you that you're getting thin (even if you're healthy) or comment that you're not eating enough, but you can gorge or gain almost 100lbs and no one will tell you. I can not believe that not only did I not notice I'd gained any weight, but no one cared enough to say, hey, your health is deteriorating, but I guarantee they have no issue telling me I don't need to lose weight (even if I'm not at a healthy weight). Maybe it's just me, but I point out and say good job when someone loses a lot of weight (in a polite way) and I also will be honest with people I know well and find a way to tell them they've gained weight if they ask or comment on it or that I've lost and if they ever want to join me at the gym etc I do something to show I am interested in their well-being and I wish people had done that for me.

Chef_Barbell

It would be nice but it's not their job.

Ironandwine69

Why is other people's responsibility to point that out?

Verity1111

Chef_Barbell wrote: »

It would be nice but it's not their job.

Ironandwine69 wrote: »

Why is other people's responsibility to point that out?

It's not but it's also not their job to comment on weight loss as if it's bad. So if you're going to be a douche you should at least be a useful douche. (not you, them lol)

Chef_Barbell

Verity1111 wrote: »

Chef_Barbell wrote: »

It would be nice but it's not their job.

Ironandwine69 wrote: »

Why is other people's responsibility to point that out?

It's not but it's also not their job to comment on weight loss as if it's bad. So if you're going to be a douche you should at least be a useful douche. (not you, them lol)

I'd personally rather no comments at all. I know I'm fat.

aylajane

Ummm. no one can gain 100 pounds without noticing, unless they were grossly overweight to start with. At some point you had to buy new pants unless you wear the worlds stretchiest yoga pants! You want everyone else to be honest with you but you are seriously lying to yourself if you think you didnt notice you were gaining that much weight.

Why are you not held to the same standard then as them? Be honest with yourself. Don't worry about being the rest of the world's monitor. It starts at home. Lead by example.

Lounmoun

Well I had someone put their hands on my belly and ask me when I was due. So at least one person let me know I had gained weight. It was painful and I am not grateful. I'm grateful that most people did not feel the need to let me know I had gained weight.
I knew I had gained. My clothes didn't fit. I had a scale. I had a mirror. I saw photos of myself. I didn't need anyone to tell me I weighed more than I should.
I'm not angry at myself or others. That isn't productive to me. I am managing my weight better now and that is the important thing.

T0M_K

the anger wont help

becky10rp

This is on you. Take responsibility over your life and your actions. Only you can turn this around. Blaming others doesn't help anyone.

rsclause

I think the only people that I would talk to about their unhealthy weight gain is family. I routinely see a very obese person and shake my head because I know that they can reverse it. I also think about all pain suffering and expense it will cause. I realize that in most cases I can not change the world but I can set a good example.

llaurenmarie

Gee, if only negativity burned calories..

rml_16

Verity1111 wrote: »

for not pointing out when I was gaining a lot of weight. It wouldn't matter if it weren't for the fact that people won't hesitate to tell you that you're getting thin (even if you're healthy) or comment that you're not eating enough, but you can gorge or gain almost 100lbs and no one will tell you. I can not believe that not only did I not notice I'd gained any weight, but no one cared enough to say, hey, your health is deteriorating, but I guarantee they have no issue telling me I don't need to lose weight (even if I'm not at a healthy weight). Maybe it's just me, but I point out and say good job when someone loses a lot of weight (in a polite way) and I also will be honest with people I know well and find a way to tell them they've gained weight if they ask or comment on it or that I've lost and if they ever want to join me at the gym etc I do something to show I am interested in their well-being and I wish people had done that for me.

You're mad because you didn't notice your clothes didn't fit anymore and no one pointed it out to you? I always assume people can tell they're gaining weight ...

This is YOUR responsibility. People will point out you're losing because it's considered a compliment in our society. Most people don't want to be rude and mean and point out when you're gaining. They assume you know, since, you know, you live in your body. You being in denial is not my fault.

quiksylver296

On the flip side, many people would be highly offended if someone pointed out they had gained weight.

Machka9

Chef_Barbell wrote: »

Verity1111 wrote: »

Chef_Barbell wrote: »

It would be nice but it's not their job.

Ironandwine69 wrote: »

Why is other people's responsibility to point that out?

It's not but it's also not their job to comment on weight loss as if it's bad. So if you're going to be a douche you should at least be a useful douche. (not you, them lol)

I'd personally rather no comments at all. I know I'm fat.

+1

The moment I had to buy the next size up in clothes, I knew I was fat. I didn't need (or want) anyone to tell me. It was embarrassing enough to have to go to the till with the garment in the larger size.

marelthu

I hate to say it but I'm not sure how successful you'll be in your weight loss if you don't take responsibility for your weight gain and admit it's all on you. As others have said, it's no one else's responsibility to point out the obvious to you. Most people have too much decency to say anything to your face.

lemurcat12

I knew I was getting fat -- how could I not? -- and I would have been rather insulted if someone had said "hey, getting fat!" or "did you know you gained a bunch of weight?" I also would never say that to someone else.

I also don't think comments on getting too thin are polite and wouldn't make them, but the only ones I've had are basically "great job" type comments or attempted reassurance "you don't need to lose more" that I think are intended to be positive. Sometimes comments come out weirdly.

I blame absolutely no one but myself for me getting fat (and I'm not really that hard on myself about it, what would be the point?, I know why I let it happen).

RelCanonical

Getting down on yourself and others isn't really going to help anything. Time to reset everything to "now" and figure out how you're going to spend your future. You're here, so you know you have work to do.

Need2Exerc1se

I think I get where you are coming from. It was a comment from my husband that brought me out of my funk and spurred me to lose weight. I wish he'd made the comment sooner. But, he didn't and that's not his fault. And who knows if he'd made it earlier if I'd have been as receptive.

Once I started on a diet I too was pretty p.o.'d at myself for gaining all the weight. All my life I'd been thin and fit. Why did I throw it all away and get fat for the first time after so many years??

I also agree with a poster above who said you had to know you were gaining weight. I did. Anyone that gains enough to make your clothes tight or go up a size knows it, whether they acknowledge it or not.

But anger and regret accomplish nothing. The past is the past. You can wallow in it, or you can move on from it.

HeliumIsNoble

Sorry you're feeling frustrated. I can see where you're coming from, but most reasonable, civil people (as in the people who aren't standard issue pains in the neck on a daily basis) would take it for granted that anyone overweight knows they're overweight and that any comment to that effect would be pointlessly personal and rude.

On the other hand, "ooh you're so slim" and similar are seen as nice, complimentary things to say. As well, everyone has seen a documentary about anorexic women who genuinely think they're fat, so many reasonable, civil people will feel the need to reassure anyone who has visibly lost weight that they are slim. Most of the time, most people are well-intentioned and wish to help others; it's just the application which leaves something to be desired.

Sharon_C

I would never tell someone they were getting fat. That's just not in me to do. And I would never want anyone to tell me I'm getting fat. I'm perfectly aware. I don't need someone pointing it out.

snickerscharlie

1) Maybe they didn't think you were fat?
2) Maybe they didn't notice anything worth commenting on?
3) Maybe they felt it was none of their business?
4) Maybe they don't care?
5) Maybe you should just do you?