How disgusting is this...
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I think this article is sad, and I feel for the woman. She is suffering from events of her past that are causing her to shield herself from the world - a place she sees as dangerous and scary. I did that for years as an alcoholic. Hopefully she is going to get the help she needs that she can be happy and open to life - a state that may be regardless of being fat or thin.I’ve no doubt that they really do feel healthier and happier, and honestly (truly) good for them. I just wish that the entirety of their lives weren’t reduced to a single achievement.
Also, I disagree with the quote above. Losing weight isn't necessarily a single achievement. To me, it is a culmination of taking charge of my life and choosing to be healthy and happy.0 -
Now I want this for lunch, thanks a lot!
(oops, meant to copy the sandwich pic)0 -
What is disgusting to me is the REASON she is choosing to be fat. She is not disgusting...being happy with your body is not disgusting...it's the fact that she is CHOOSING this for no other reason than because she can. Because it seems like a decision she can control. Doesn't sound to me like she is happy with her body. But like she has decided that her body is going to be this way so she can "shield herself in the armor of fat".
This. This is spot-on.0 -
What's disgusting is that this:
It distills my experiences into an inescapable truth — that I am not my accomplishments. I am a problem to be solved.
is not only how she was treated, from childhood on -- but that this is STILL what many posters are doing.
What's disgusting is how many people around her ignore her personhood and see only fat. And how many people around her -- and here -- ignore science and health and see only an image.
What's disgusting is that women's bodies are consistently treated as some kind of public utility that we're shamed for not "keeping up" if they don't meet unrealistic, impossible standards.
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I just think this part was weird:I just wish that the entirety of their lives weren’t reduced to a single achievement.
While a huge weight loss is a success and should be celebrated (imo), doesn't mean their entire life is "reduced" to that. Kind of a black and white view. You can have both successes...health and otherwise.0 -
I'm surprised no one's commented on how absolutely delish the sandwich in the original article looks:
Seriously. I want to go home and make one right now. How have I never thought of this?0 -
I can empathize. I've shared variations of those experiences. Child abuse (physical and emotional), sexual assault, obesity, condescension, judgement, etc. However, it's too bad that she hasn't figured out that changing her life might be just as easy as changing WHAT she eats. Not extreme calorie restriction, not chronic cardio, not a "balanced" diet, and not willpower. Of course, there's no authority out there to tell her that (unless she's very lucky to run into a doctor that understands metabolic disorder and how to treat it) and anyone here who tries to help someone who has tried everything and failed gets flamed because it's only about "calories in/calories out" and "willpower" and "all things in moderation". It doesn't matter that it's well documented that diet affects all aspects of health and that changing diet can resolve health problems. To me, that is disgusting.
Edit: OP: I'm pretty much on your side. I made the choice last year to stop killing myself with food, but I was only successful by changing WHAT I eat (ketogenic lifestyle, minimal processed foods). It had nothing to do with willpower. I get flamed on MFP all the time for sharing my experience and trying to help people. I find it hard to blame fat/sick people for their situation when we are bombarded with LIES. What we are told is a "healthy" diet by the government, doctors, media, etc is NOT. The majority of MFP people would tell her to restrict calories, eat a low fat diet, and do tons of cardio and then it's her own fault that it's a fail. I hope that you aren't one of those people. Tough love is what people need, but they also need accurate advice.0 -
It seems that most people here who don't agree with her are viewing her as the doctor or other people would. They don't look at her side of the story and understand the struggle that all that weight has helped her get through. Of course, she won't be healthy the way that we think healthy is; small, controlled weight, not gasping for breath... and we shouldn't define people by the way they look. I wish I can say the same for me, and I think that's something that I'm working on.0
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Not disgusting to me. She is where she is right now in dealing with the traumatic stress of her past. I sincerely hope for her that eventually she'll heal to the point where she can develop a more healthy physical outlook for her life, but right now she is healing herself mentally and she just isn't there.
People can call it an excuse, a mental block or whatever ... but I'm not going to sit here and insist that she need to stop medicating herself with calories and get on that treadmill. She just isn't in a mental health condition right now to do that.
I totally agree. I think that making the change to be healthy can be really hard, and you have to be in a good place with yourself to really do it successfully. It takes a lot of self-love to prepare nutritious meals and get out and do something when (at least at first) it's not really what you want to do. I think that loving yourself (and herself) is the first step to a brighter future.
She's obviously had a really tough life and she's working through these issues. Until she does, and stops equating food with love and feeling full with having a full life, she will never be able to sustain a healthy lifestyle change.
Shame on you, OP. I'm sure if she were your patient, you'd make her feel just like her other doctors. Rx: "Stop being fat." When the actual issue is much deeper. She needs to love herself first. Man...that sounds kinda deep...and sensitive...and difficult. I don't expect you to get it.0 -
Having been fat (read: morbidly obese) almost all of my life, there comes a time when you can truly accept that your fat, you can embrace it and not let it bother you. I was at that place.
The ONLY reason I ever started to lose weight was because of a statement I made to my wife when I got tired of the fad diets and other fleeting fitness things she was doing while crying about her weight and how difficult it was to cook her "healthy" food and then something totally different for me. I told her to eat real food, get off her butt and do something real and to stop with the 10 minute this or 5 minutes that "exercises" and when she actually did that..I would join her and support her. I know, I know...dangerous ground saying something like that, but I was fine with my fat, she wasn't fine with hers...but there comes a time when you need to put up or shut up.
Last year she decided to put up and holding true to my word...here I am.
Having said all of that, I can say this, if someone chooses to be fat, that's entirely up to them. I was "healthy" fat, my blood pressure was always fine according to my doc, my blood work normally came back fine...except for that time when I was scarfing down Little Debbie Doubledecker Oatmeal Creme Pies and Chocolate milk 2-3 times a day along with 2+ Rt. 44 Cherry Cokes from Sonic per day...blood sugar got a little outta hand, but once that was toned back, I was fine again. At 41 yrs old, my blood work and physical came back fine.
I never let my weight stop me from doing anything or going anywhere so at the time it wasn't that big of a deal for me.
I'm here now because I'm a firm believer of finishing what you start. I started down this road as a way to encourage and support my wife, and now it's become a goal for me. Do I "feel" better now...honestly, not really. There's no big major change in energy or whatever...I can, however, run a little and I do have a whole lot more endurance that I ever had before, I can walk further and faster, but on the regular day to day...can't really tell a difference. I do look better, and I like where this is going, and I'm glad of this choice...but if I had never said that to my wife, I wouldn't be here.
Losing weight is a personal choice and we can talk about it and talk about it...heaven knows our "friends" and family will talk enough for all of us about how we'll "feel" if we lose weight and how much healthier and blah blah blah...bottom line though, if we don't like ourselves fat, we won't like ourselves thin or "healthy" or athletic or whatever. If we can't get past that mental block of appreciating who we are and not just what we look like, then the road will be much harder and longer and most of the time, will end in failure...which just adds to the self hate. If we like ourselves fat, and allow ourselves to accept us for who we are, when the time comes (if it ever does) that we are actually ready to take on the challenge of weight loss, we have a better chance of succeeding...but that's all personal choice and timing.
TL;DR: Fat people can be healthy and happy. You can't succeed at weight loss until you WANT to and are ready to.
Random gif time because this has been just too serious:
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Well, that's a whole load of tl;dr, but what's disgusting about choosing to be fat? I'll still be clinically obese when I hit my goal weight. I prefer the way fat women (including myself) look in comparison to thin women. I have the right to choose to look any way I want to.
You hear people bang on and on about how "fat is a choice!" and use it as an excuse to shame fat people and treat them like second class citizens. Well so f*cking what if fat *is* a choice? That doesn't mean the writer of this piece, or me, or any other fat person doesn't deserve respect and acceptance.
Why did *you* choose to lose weight, OP? So it would be easier to get on that high horse?
What is disgusting to me is the REASON she is choosing to be fat. She is not disgusting...being happy with your body is not disgusting...it's the fact that she is CHOOSING this for no other reason than because she can. Because it seems like a decision she can control. Doesn't sound to me like she is happy with her body. But like she has decided that her body is going to be this way so she can "shield herself in the armor of fat".
Of course, doctors treat fat people differently. It's wrong, and they don't understand what overweight people go through on a daily basis. No, it's not as simple as just "eating less". No one deserves to be a second class citizen based on any aspect of their appearance. For me, this isn't about how she looks, but how she thinks.
Just announcing one day that you don't believe you're eating to cover up pain inside doesn't make that true.
If you prefer the way you look at a heavier weight, your story is clearly different from this girl's. You're making a choice based on how you want to look. Not based on flipping the bird to society in general.
truth0 -
I'm surprised no one's commented on how absolutely delish the sandwich in the original article looks:
Seriously. I want to go home and make one right now. How have I never thought of this?
Because that looks like cheddar or colby instead of Swiss or Jarlsberg or smoked provolone?0 -
It seems that most people here who don't agree with her are viewing her as the doctor or other people would. They don't look at her side of the story and understand the struggle that all that weight has helped her get through. Of course, she won't be healthy the way that we think healthy is; small, controlled weight, not gasping for breath... and we shouldn't define people by the way they look. I wish I can say the same for me, and I think that's something that I'm working on.
Losing the weight isn't going to impact her mental health either. There are lots of people with similar stories where they relied on food to help them cope with a difficult time in their lives. They recognize that as an abnormality, get treatment, and lose the weight. This girl isn't doing that. She is saying that its okay to eat her worries away and that she has no intention of stopping before it kills her.0 -
Shame on you, OP. I'm sure if she were your patient, you'd make her feel just like her other doctors. Rx: "Stop being fat." When the actual issue is much deeper. She needs to love herself first. Man...that sounds kinda deep...and sensitive...and difficult. I don't expect you to get it.
another one.... read whole thread next time before "judging"0 -
this article is the best thing i've read all day. thanks!
(and to answer your question: not disgusting at all.)
would you feel the same way if it was an anorexic person who was just skin and bones? they are both destroying their health, bodies, future...
sorry. false equivalency. anorexia is a psychological disease, not a body type. you can't be anorexic and healthy, whereas you CAN be fat and healthy. as this woman clearly says in her article, according to all the tests that don't have to do with her weight, she is healthy. the point is, we're not speculating on her health here. we're speculating on her bodily autonomy as a human being with a right to do what she wants with her body, and how people take issue with that. the responses in this thread are perfect examples. what she chooses to do with her body has nothing to do with you, with the OP, with me, or with anyone else. (and don't even get me started on the whole ~omg i'm paying her healthcare~ bs, because as i've just stated, she's healthy so it's a non-issue.)
i think what's disgusting is the way that many doctors treat fat patients. it leads to fat people being terrified to go to the doctor, and then, guess what? when they do have a medical problem, by the time they get it treated it's exacerbated itself to a point it never should have, giving the doctor even more fuel to blame it on a patient's weight.
shame does not motivate most people to do anything. it makes them hate themselves, which is not conducive to change or healthy behavior. shame, simply put, does not work. that's a big part of what the author was getting at.
If you don't think losing weight is healthy and avoids long term health issues, why are you even on MFP?0 -
If that's how they choose to live, then what right do we have to judge? We've all been her at some point, right? That's the reason we're here. There are those that want to fit into the norm and those that don't. We do it in different ways. If she wants to live large, then by all means let her. Treat others the way you would want to be treated by them. Do you want someone treating you like dirt for how you live or the way you look? Probably not. It's your right to have that 'omg, she's disgusting with all her rolls' thoughts, but keep them to yourself. Telling someone they need to lose weight when they're not ready only backfires into them getting heavier. They are the ones to set their rules and boundaries, not you.0
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This was me last year. I had been fat my whole life. I'd let my weight make me feel like less of a person. I realized it's not worth it.
I don't care about being skinny! I don't want to have surgery, and I don't want to starve myself. I don't need the cute clothes, or the attention. I decided that if I weighed 318 lbs for the rest of my life I would be happy. There's so much more to life than weight.
When I finally accepted my weight and let go of the guilt associated with I was able to really see myself and really figure out what I do care about. I care about playing tag with my kids, and getting up in the morning without pain. I want energy and I want to be me without the help of caffeine, or cheese to bury the pain inside. Now that I've started running I want to be faster and feel the sun on my face as I get over that next hill. I want my boys to see me accomplish something next week when I do my 5k.
It's not up to anyone else to tell this girl she needs to lose weight. Once she is happy with herself she will be able to do anything she wants to. Some people just need to take a different route to get there.0 -
Shame on you, OP. I'm sure if she were your patient, you'd make her feel just like her other doctors. Rx: "Stop being fat." When the actual issue is much deeper. She needs to love herself first. Man...that sounds kinda deep...and sensitive...and difficult. I don't expect you to get it.
another one.... read whole thread next time before "judging"
Enlighten me0 -
You're right, it's disgusting. Her experience that is.
As for the folks decrying her being a burden on you due to a socialized medical system, sounds to me like the system is the problem, not the woman.
As for the article, I'm not a fan of her style. She switches between multiple voices, never making it clear exactly which one she is using:
-Despair
-Sarcasm
-Social criticism
-Defiance
-Factual history
I ended with no clear idea of who she is.
That's because she doesn't know who she is. But she firmly believes that she shouldn't lose weight to conform to the ideals of society. Which she shouldn't. She should lose weight because that's what she needs to do to maintain a healthy body.
I agree. She mentioned that she walked her dog to figure out a plot point in her book, if her book is anything like the article, the voices are probably very hard to follow.
She may not be 23 anymore, but she seems to still hold onto the maturity level of someone not quite ready to be an adult. She feels invincible and entitled to be obese. That's not ok.
Mentally she's caught in a whirlwind of defiance against society, risking her own health to prove a point: "I choose to live an unhealthy life because I'm still healthy." That won't last forever.0 -
I think that she really means is that her weight doesn't define her as a person but everyone chooses to see her as a person who needs to lose weight period.
And even though I don't think that remaining obese is the best way to stick it up to the Man, I kinda get that.
I've never been really fat, just 10-20lbs overweight. That's all my family could see.
Last year I lost 20lbs in a little less than 3.5months, and that's all I could hear about. Nothing about the internship I got as a Law student or being a straight-A student or anything about my other accomplishments. It is and always was about weight and it's painful and maddening. It feels like one's persona doesn't really matter as long as they go along with everyone else's expectation.
But I must insist, remaining obese is certainly not the way to prove your point. But I kinda understand her.
Yes. It's an eloquently written tantrum, essentially.
Stated perfectly.
When I was obese, all the negative feelings I experienced were self-generated. I hated what I had allowed to occur in my body, in my life, in my health. Nobody ever shamed me, nobody ever said vicious things to me, only once did a child make a comment carelessly that cut me to the bone. The reason it hurt so badly was I knew how much I hated the situation I had created, and I knew I would feel much better when I solved it.
Now that I have solved it, (mostly), I do feel so much better, and that's coming from me as well. It feels really good to know that I have earned the ability to wear a size "small" dress. It took a sustained effort, and a series of adjustments to my habits to get here. I earned it. And that's what feels so damn good. The smaller *kitten* is just a happy side effect of it.0
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