How disgusting is this...
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Unless you have experienced abuse all through your childhood and understand that the weight is her armor and makes her feel safe and secure do not judge her.
I understand her because I was and am her. If you can think of a type of abuse, I survived it. I am fighting every day to lose weight and the fear that comes with it. I am in my 40's and at one time was a size 4/6 (starved to get there due to peer pressure) and started having night terrors so I gained weight the weight back. I would have rather been looked at for being fat than an object of desire. It took me years to come to this realization and now I am trying to do something about it.
I hope for her sake, one day she does find the courage and strength to realize that she is worthy of love and her health is important.0 -
As a woman who has been overweight most of my adult life ,I totally understand where she is coming from .
- she's just not ready to lose weight
- we do hold our weight for psycological reasons- Abuse , neglect, Fear . If this is indeed a tru story then One day she may be ready to deal with these and then she may be able to deal with her physical health.
I feel bad for anyone who keeps weight on themselves due to past trauma - (but they do not disgust me at all.)
maybe it is that she had yoyo'd so many times she just can't accept another dissapointmnet?
We are not all strong .
Amy0 -
absolutely agree witht he lady talking about abuse. that was my problem as well.0
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It's disgusting (maybe a strong word... but I'll stick with the thread) because she's choosing to give in to her demons and remain overweight.
She clearly has physchological issues which have caused this- she's very clear to point those out. Yet, instead of listening to the health care practicioners who tell her that she's using food and her obesity as a crutch she found herself a new team which tells her what she wants. As an author who clearly did a Master's program in her field it's funny she doesn't seem to have taken any courses on researching your topic. If she had she'd have better examples than Dr. Oz and fad diets. I too hate Dr. Oz for constantly trying to tell the world that "thin is beautiful", but that doesn't mean that weight loss is only for superficial reasons. It doesn't mean I'm going to keep myself in an unhealthy state because I know that "thin" and "beauty" are not mutually exclusive, like most try to say they are.
Yes, unfortunately being obese tends to make some people unattractive-- it also makes many others, who ARE attractive FEEL like they're not. It also brings on a whole slew of heath issues and frankly, social stigmas. Should we cave to stigmas/general opinion just because they're there? No, of course not. Should you try to do what you can to improve any negative situation you're in? Yes, you should. It's one thing to be proud of yourself and your accomplishments. She sounds like she's doing very well as an author, and great for her for that. She does deserve recognition where it's due. Frankly, I do think she writes well as well. But to try to publicly justify why you will not work on correcting the crutches you've been holding on to for so long? No, no sympathy from me on that end.0 -
Bump0
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I suggest you head to the library or book store and pick up a copy of She's Come Undone.Why do you think it is disgusting? its her choice.
You're kidding... right?
The book is selling disinformation to dieters that don't want to take responsibility for their bad decisions. They don't have an innate genetic disposition to be hungrier than others. Their continued overeating has changed their urge to eat (google epigenetics if you want to learn more). So technically they do have more urges to eat, but that's only because they have consistently overate throughout their life. Habits, good and bad are formed and can be undone. She just doesnt want to.
I just looked through the author's other articles and saw one called "My best relationship is with my dog". I'm not surprised.
In the profession that I'm going into, I see women (men) who are similar to this author. She is "sick" not just on the outside but on the inside as well. She's right, she can lose the weight but if she doesn't fix what is going on in the inside, she'll just gain all that back.
I am also in healthcare as well, and I know it is really hard to sit here and read things like this. I can't speak for you O.P., but for me, I have seen what a lifetime of not taking care of yourself will do to someone's health. This will take a toll on her eventually and that is hard to read.
The bottom line is, she is not ready to change, She is in a dark place, and she feels alone. She also uses her weight to keep people away, because it's easier for her to be alone. - like I said, she needs to fix the inside, and I hope she does. I also hope she see's a registered dietitian who can help her make small changes over time and get a handle on her relationship with food.0 -
She obviously has plenty of issues to work through already. Let her learn to love herself as she is and then she may choose to make improvements to certain areas of her life. Baby steps0
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There are plenty of people just like this author who have endured abuse of all kinds and at all ages and they do not make excuses. Some people will make excuses for themselves NO MATTER WHAT they go through in life. I guess it's great that she has come to terms with being overweight and is "comfortable" with how she is, but it comes down to health. There is no excuse that should be made when it comes to your health... regardless of how comfortable you are in your own skin.0
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Yes, fat-shaming is disgusting.
. . . wait, was that the question?0 -
This girl made peace with her body. She decided that she loves it, and it is what it is no matter what anyone else thinks.
We celebrate talk like this all the time. Accepting a bit of stubborn flab, extra skin, stretch marks, weirdly shaped belly buttons, etc.
So there must be some kind of limitation on it. Like, if you are 'too fat', it's 'disgusting' for you to love your body. Or if you aren't 'doing something about it", you better not love your body. Or if you do...you better not tell anyone...
Now I'm wondering if I'm disgusting for loving mine while I took a break from cutting at 209lbs? Am I under the limit?
It's the mental illness piece, not the number on the scale piece that is being reacted to.
She has a binge eating disorder, and seems to be using societal norms to justify it by refusing to conform.
BTW:You look great and healthy, and this thread has absolutely nothing to do with you or your health/fitness goals.
Thanks! That's very sweet! I wasn't ACTUALLY wondering.... I was more making a point. Like, of course you wouldn't judge me, why would you judge her? Because there's some ambiguous cutoff? It's ridiculous.
But yes, I agree with you on the BED, which is causing her to be overweight. Certainly, she resists treatment. But it's sad. It's not disgusting. Lots of people with addictions resist treatment. Hell, most of them do at first and continually. But is it 'disgusting' and shameful, like OP continues to claim. No. It's not. I think it's offensive too because if you think off all of the different types of addicts that resist treatment, 'disgusting' doesn't seem to come to mind. But it's ok to call a fat girl with BED 'disgusting.' I don't get it. And it offends me.
I totally see your point. And, as a recovering addict (alcoholic) myself, I can relate to how she is feeling and the resisting treatment.
What I would say is disgusting is that this site will publish something like this where she is propagating this unhealthy and dangerous point of view. Others will relate to this, and thus feel validated to continue with dangerous patterns of thought and behavior.
Social normalization is a reality. When I was drinking, I thought everyone drank like me, because that is who I surrounded myself with. If people with a BED read this, they may believe it is normal and feel empowered to continue on.
Just my $.020 -
I think disgusting is the wrong word. 2 1/2 years ago, this could have me. I thought I was perfectly content to be over 200 pounds. Until I decided I wasn't. This essay could be the pivot point for her. Or not.0
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Wild Wall of Text Appears!
Wall of Text uses Judgement!
It's super effective!
Critical Hit!
...
You black out!
Forget the rest of this thread, THAT is awesome.0 -
Also, can folks just admit that "sad/frustrating/tragic/depressing" does NOT equal "disgusting"?
Disgust is a very strong reaction/emotion and a very strong word when applied to struggles with abuse, with mental illness, with disorders. It reeks of piling loathing onto someone else's self-loathing, and THAT'S disgusting.0 -
I don't think she has made peace with her body or past at all. I think she is still hiding behind it all. That's not peace or being happy with yourself0
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I don't find it disgusting because I know what she is going through...I just find it sad that she doesn't want to make herself better! Good luck to her though!!0
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im fat. I am not a drain on anyone. I dont use health insurance (until Obamacare forces me to use a rip off industry just like car insurance). I dont have a handicapped plaquared, I dont have special things at work because of my size that the company paid for. When I needed a new chair, I purchased it. I pay for my own food.
For someone to assume that all fat people are a drain on society is simply ridiculous. As far as the author of the article being disgusting, nope. The OP may have a head full of himself and think everyone needs to be like him. We call those people *kitten*. OP, you sir are a *kitten*.0 -
This girl made peace with her body. She decided that she loves it, and it is what it is no matter what anyone else thinks.
We celebrate talk like this all the time. Accepting a bit of stubborn flab, extra skin, stretch marks, weirdly shaped belly buttons, etc.
So there must be some kind of limitation on it. Like, if you are 'too fat', it's 'disgusting' for you to love your body. Or if you aren't 'doing something about it", you better not love your body. Or if you do...you better not tell anyone...
Now I'm wondering if I'm disgusting for loving mine while I took a break from cutting at 209lbs? Am I under the limit?
It's the mental illness piece, not the number on the scale piece that is being reacted to.
She has a binge eating disorder, and seems to be using societal norms to justify it by refusing to conform.
BTW:You look great and healthy, and this thread has absolutely nothing to do with you or your health/fitness goals.
Thanks! That's very sweet! I wasn't ACTUALLY wondering.... I was more making a point. Like, of course you wouldn't judge me, why would you judge her? Because there's some ambiguous cutoff? It's ridiculous.
But yes, I agree with you on the BED, which is causing her to be overweight. Certainly, she resists treatment. But it's sad. It's not disgusting. Lots of people with addictions resist treatment. Hell, most of them do at first and continually. But is it 'disgusting' and shameful, like OP continues to claim. No. It's not. I think it's offensive too because if you think off all of the different types of addicts that resist treatment, 'disgusting' doesn't seem to come to mind. But it's ok to call a fat girl with BED 'disgusting.' I don't get it. And it offends me.
I totally see your point. And, as a recovering addict (alcoholic) myself, I can relate to how she is feeling and the resisting treatment.
What I would say is disgusting is that this site will publish something like this where she is propagating this unhealthy and dangerous point of view. Others will relate to this, and thus feel validated to continue with dangerous patterns of thought and behavior.
Social normalization is a reality. When I was drinking, I thought everyone drank like me, because that is who I surrounded myself with. If people with a BED read this, they may believe it is normal and feel empowered to continue on.
Just my $.02
Fair enough.
Edited to add: Thanks for sharing, Kat. :flowerforyou:0 -
Also, can folks just admit that "sad/frustrating/tragic/depressing" does NOT equal "disgusting"?
Disgust is a very strong reaction/emotion and a very strong word when applied to struggles with abuse, with mental illness, with disorders. It reeks of piling loathing onto someone else's self-loathing, and THAT'S disgusting.
Despite my earlier post, I do agree with this. Disgusting is the wrong word for the connotations it brings up. Not sure what I would use instead though.0 -
this article is the best thing i've read all day. thanks!
(and to answer your question: not disgusting at all.)
would you feel the same way if it was an anorexic person who was just skin and bones? they are both destroying their health, bodies, future...
sorry. false equivalency. anorexia is a psychological disease, not a body type. you can't be anorexic and healthy, whereas you CAN be fat and healthy. as this woman clearly says in her article, according to all the tests that don't have to do with her weight, she is healthy. the point is, we're not speculating on her health here. we're speculating on her bodily autonomy as a human being with a right to do what she wants with her body, and how people take issue with that. the responses in this thread are perfect examples. what she chooses to do with her body has nothing to do with you, with the OP, with me, or with anyone else. (and don't even get me started on the whole ~omg i'm paying her healthcare~ bs, because as i've just stated, she's healthy so it's a non-issue.)
i think what's disgusting is the way that many doctors treat fat patients. it leads to fat people being terrified to go to the doctor, and then, guess what? when they do have a medical problem, by the time they get it treated it's exacerbated itself to a point it never should have, giving the doctor even more fuel to blame it on a patient's weight.
shame does not motivate most people to do anything. it makes them hate themselves, which is not conducive to change or healthy behavior. shame, simply put, does not work. that's a big part of what the author was getting at.
shes only has healthy blo0d work cause she is 23.... that wont last long id she doesnt change her eating habits.
this is going to be nitpicky but oh well. she's not 23. the article states that at the time she was at the clinic with her therapist, she was 23. it doesn't state her current age.
She's in her 30's now, won scholarships in 2002-2005 for writing.0 -
This girl made peace with her body. She decided that she loves it, and it is what it is no matter what anyone else thinks.
We celebrate talk like this all the time. Accepting a bit of stubborn flab, extra skin, stretch marks, weirdly shaped belly buttons, etc.
So there must be some kind of limitation on it. Like, if you are 'too fat', it's 'disgusting' for you to love your body. Or if you aren't 'doing something about it", you better not love your body. Or if you do...you better not tell anyone...
Now I'm wondering if I'm disgusting for loving mine while I took a break from cutting at 209lbs? Am I under the limit?
It's the mental illness piece, not the number on the scale piece that is being reacted to.
She has a binge eating disorder, and seems to be using societal norms to justify it by refusing to conform.
BTW:You look great and healthy, and this thread has absolutely nothing to do with you or your health/fitness goals.
Thanks! That's very sweet! I wasn't ACTUALLY wondering.... I was more making a point. Like, of course you wouldn't judge me, why would you judge her? Because there's some ambiguous cutoff? It's ridiculous.
But yes, I agree with you on the BED, which is causing her to be overweight. Certainly, she resists treatment. But it's sad. It's not disgusting. Lots of people with addictions resist treatment. Hell, most of them do at first and continually. But is it 'disgusting' and shameful, like OP continues to claim. No. It's not. I think it's offensive too because if you think off all of the different types of addicts that resist treatment, 'disgusting' doesn't seem to come to mind. But it's ok to call a fat girl with BED 'disgusting.' I don't get it. And it offends me.
I totally see your point. And, as a recovering addict (alcoholic) myself, I can relate to how she is feeling and the resisting treatment.
What I would say is disgusting is that this site will publish something like this where she is propagating this unhealthy and dangerous point of view. Others will relate to this, and thus feel validated to continue with dangerous patterns of thought and behavior.
Social normalization is a reality. When I was drinking, I thought everyone drank like me, because that is who I surrounded myself with. If people with a BED read this, they may believe it is normal and feel empowered to continue on.
Just my $.02
I agree with both of you... she is clearly resisting treatment. I'm not saying her weight or her disorder should be ACCEPTED, but that it should be viewed in the same light as anorexia/bulimia. There is definitely something wrong in her weight and disorder, but not in the way most people would think. It's not ok to me that she binges and remains overweight. But, it's not ok because she has an eating disorder, not because of her appearance or possible health problems. In the same way pro-ana and thinspo sites should not be encouraging anorexia, this article definitely should not be encouraging binging disorders (although I don't think it blatantly does - it's an explanation more than anything). It just really bothers me that people are taking away from the article that she chooses to be fat and keep eating. Unfortunately eating disorders really are not a choice.0 -
The fact that you were "disgusted" enough to come on here and post says quite a bit. You say you were obese and lost weight and it sounds like you have a case of all the fat in your *kitten* went to your head. The woman said she is done with the same and extreme measures to lose weight but it also says she still walks her dog a mile every day and while she doesn't detail her diet she said she eats some foods that aren't as great and some that are.... so I don't know what the big deal is. Seems you completely missed that part.As for the OP, I have to say and I mean this in the most respectful way possible, but I would not respond positively to you were you my healthcare provider. I have had physicians and nurses in the past who I knew were disgusted by me. They didn't have to outright say it but it was evident in the manner in which they provided care. All it did was make me more resentful and determined to rebel. Some people may respond positively to that sort of treatment but I do not. I don't want anyone making excuses for me or to even letme make excuses for myself . But I can appreciate and receive constructive feedback delivered without judgement. That is why I get along much better with my nurse than my nutritionist. And just because I've lost almost 100 lbs I don't feel that gives me license to to look down on other people who are at a different point in their journey or have yet to start. Just something to consider as you will most likely have patients who cover a wide spectrum in the level of care they need and respond to.
yes... cause posting on a forum = how one gives quality of pt care.0 -
Honestly, the puritanical judgement others have passed on this woman based on one blog post is disgusting. People are highly complex, far too complex to judge based on one article regardless of its depth. She alludes to an emotionally poor childhood, but we know only some highlights and not all the specific events that occurred during it. Moreover, she doesn't blame her doctors for her weight problems; in fact, she seems to fully understand that it is her poor eating habits and lack of exercise--whether compelled by her demonic past, low self-esteem, or something else--that causes her weight issue. She rebukes her doctors and society merely for seeing her ONLY as an obese individual and nothing else. As someone who was disregarded by an endocrinologist for her weight only to be later diagnosed by another one with two hormonal imbalances whose symptoms include weight issues, I understand her frustration.
If anything, her blog post is sad. It is sad that she FEELS compelled to eat for comfort rather than confront her demons by coming to terms with the abuse; understanding its impact on her self-esteem, actions, and behaviors; and then empowering herself to become a more positive individual without using extra or unhealthy foods. It is sad that she sees so little value in herself that she does not see herself as a worthwhile endeavor on a regular basis. But, it seems like she has a lot of mental issues to confront before she is in a safe enough place to tackle her weight issue. And that she recognizes this yet cannot bring herself to begin the emotional journey of healing is a sign of true mental illness, sad, and worthy of our compassion and not disgust.
Until you have walked a mile in someone's shoes, one shouldn't judge her so harshly. And, as someone who grapples with self-image as well as being sexually and emotionally abused as a child/adolescent, I ask you to feel blessed that you cannot understand her and just leave her be, whether you agree with her choices or not.0 -
bump for later0
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A lot of that really hit home for me. If that is a book I think I'm going to pick it up.. Thanks op..
I don't really think it's disgusting, it's hard to have to continually make sacrifices as child, have it continue into adulthood and then to make more. Maybe at this point she was content with the way her life was with no change and she just wasn't ready to make a healthy lifestyle for her self.. Maybe she hasn't heard of MFP?0 -
The author of the essay is taking society's slightly neurotic obsession with being thin as an excuse to retreat into her own completely neurotic obsession with being fat. She turns a simple physical state into a badge of identity and honor.
Lines about not wanting to deny the abused little girl she was anything cross the line from evidence of psychological damage to fetishistic self pity. She is a grown woman now. She should make responsible choices rather than resorting to whiny "Think of the children" arguments and applying them to herself.
She says things like this: "There’s always a former Miss Lonelyheart, a thirtysomething virgin who — after a gastric bypass or militant adherence to the Paleo diet — has shed half her body weight and is finally ready for Mr. Right. I’ve no doubt that they really do feel healthier and happier, and honestly (truly) good for them. I just wish that the entirety of their lives weren’t reduced to a single achievement."
Just look at that last sentence. She thinks that weight is such a huge deal that people view weight loss as the main achievement of their lives. NO ONE THINKS LIKE THIS. Except her because she is completely obsessed with weight.
There is not a single remotely rational or healthy sentiment expressed in this entire essay. She is a very sick woman.0 -
Just want to point out that she is simply implying that she is done trying to fit in and be what people expect her to be. Instead, she will eat her grilled cheese and bacon when she pleases, and do as she enjoys. She states that she takes a mile long walk, and that she does have her healthy meals. Just that she isn't focused and fixated because she is truely happy with herself as she is. That's not disgusting.
Also, she notes that she is more worried about her test numbers (blood, bp, etc.) then the scale numbers. It is possible to have a higher weight AND maintain healthy blood results and all that. I have fantastic blood pressure, no medical problems what so ever. I plan to lose weight because I want to buy cuter clothes that I like and not spend 100s of dollars, but I'm not doing it for any one but me. She is choosing to be her because that makes her happy.
So, it's not disgusting. Disgusting is "I don't care what I eat, how I eat, when I eat, and I don't care if I become diabetic and have a heart attack."
Also, helps to consider that she has a lot of emotional scarring and ADMITS that she has emotional eatting problems that she has looked at. What she isn't wanting is someone to say "You can't be happy because you're fat." She clearly is happy, and ok with her the way she is. Honestly, I'd say that is more important than meeting anyones goal weight for you other than your own.0 -
As for the article, I'm not a fan of her style. She switches between multiple voices, never making it clear exactly which one she is using:
-Despair
-Sarcasm
-Social criticism
-Defiance
-Factual history
I ended with no clear idea of who she is.
I'm glad you wrote this - I had an extremely hard time following the article and I though it was just me.0 -
How disgusting is it to place judgement on someone based on an article containing a tiny snippet of her life.0
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Personally I would my my PA to be honest with me rather than tell me what I want to hear. If I were to actively choose to just be obese because it is easier than working hard and being healthy I would want anyone who is serious about being in the health care profession to tell me that is a stupid idea.OP, you're training to be a PA? I feel sorry for your patients. Empathy is an important quality in a health care professional.
Sure I have the right to go ahead and be fat but a health care professional should tell me not to do that and if they did otherwise they would be remiss in their responsibilities. I used to be a CMT before I got in to IT. I have told plenty of fat people that if they don't start to exercise and eat right it will have a negative impact on their health.0 -
Now OKRA. thats disgusting. Seriously. NAAASSSTTTYYYY!!!!0
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