How disgusting is this...
Replies
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this article is the best thing i've read all day. thanks!
(and to answer your question: not disgusting at all.)
would you feel the same way if it was an anorexic person who was just skin and bones? they are both destroying their health, bodies, future...
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Wow, I'm baffled by people reading this who think the author is actually ok with herself. She may say that, because it sounds good, but I think the best way to ascertain someone's self esteem is to look at the way they see others. In this case, the clues we get are contained in the assumptions she makes about what others see in her.
Choice quotes, straight out of the "what not to do" examples you might hear in cognitive behavioral therapy:
"The doctor glances up from the first page of my chart — the only page he actually looks at — with the condescending smile that men in bars will flash me, the fat chick, when they edge past me to chat up my friend. As if merely acknowledging me is an expression of great tolerance. "
"My therapist is a petite woman with opinions as sharp as her suits. "
"But this decision is still a seedling in frozen soil back when I am 23 years old and sitting in front of a doctor who is more interested in my chart than in resuming eye contact"
"Shop clerks give me the side-eye, direct me to accessories;"
"Recently, I was outside walking sans dog and a woman in a hatchback rolled down her window to flash me a thumbs up and call out (quite sincerely): “Good for you, honey!” She assumed that, as a fat woman walking, I was trying to lose weight."
I won't go on. This kind of thinking is neurotic at best. You know someone is ****ed up when even smiling at her is going to land you in an article as the "condescending" guy at the bar.
I'll agree that "disgusting" is not the right word to describe it though. And I actually do like her defiant spirit as well as the idea that she would feel great about who she is at any size. But I don't get the impression she really does feel good about herself at all, or she wouldn't be assuming the worst about everyone else. I don't see the real deal, strong and independent woman here. I see a poseur wannabe feminist.0 -
It's a little annoying that people are attacking you for saying this lifestyle is disgusting considering if a severely anorexic woman's lifestyle was in an article everyone would be agreeing saying she needs help and her lifestyle is hurting her family, but everyone is so damn sensitive when it comes to obesity that no one has the balls to say that this woman needs help just as much as an anorexic woman they act like shes okay. In other words..i agree with you.0
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It's a little annoying that people are attacking you for saying this lifestyle is disgusting considering if a severely anorexic woman's lifestyle was in an article everyone would be agreeing saying she needs help and her lifestyle is hurting her family, but everyone is so damn sensitive when it comes to obesity that no one has the balls to say that this woman needs help just as much as an anorexic woman they act like shes okay. In other words..i agree with you.
Well, you know, Americans love the underdog. The author is good enough at her job to tap into that.0 -
Sad that someone posted that this is disgusting. Its the wrong attitude and it is the attitude that allowed this poor soul to go down this road in the first place. The entire essay is so sad.
However, there is a point at which people remain what we call "professional victim". Sad but true. When I read stories like this, I am grateful for my support network.0 -
She made a personal choice. Great, we all have lines in the sand. However, when you take your choice to the public, then it's not personal anymore. This attitude is dangerous. Somewhere some young woman who is teetering on the verge of obesity and poor health, who might decide that taking a healthy approach to weight loss is the right choice, could read this and make the wrong decision. I absolutely feel sad for this woman, but I feel even more sad for someone who reads this and thinks, yeah!!! Me too!! Just like when someone comes on here with bad advice, I'm gonna call it out. I feel bad for her, but this is bad advice.0
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This was me last year. I had been fat my whole life. I'd let my weight make me feel like less of a person. I realized it's not worth it.
I don't care about being skinny! I don't want to have surgery, and I don't want to starve myself. I don't need the cute clothes, or the attention. I decided that if I weighed 318 lbs for the rest of my life I would be happy. There's so much more to life than weight.
When I finally accepted my weight and let go of the guilt associated with I was able to really see myself and really figure out what I do care about. I care about playing tag with my kids, and getting up in the morning without pain. I want energy and I want to be me without the help of caffeine, or cheese to bury the pain inside. Now that I've started running I want to be faster and feel the sun on my face as I get over that next hill. I want my boys to see me accomplish something next week when I do my 5k.
It's not up to anyone else to tell this girl she needs to lose weight. Once she is happy with herself she will be able to do anything she wants to. Some people just need to take a different route to get there.
Well said. I'm finally getting to the point of looking at me as who I am, and not the extra weight I carry. Its helping me get the motivation to lose more weight. Unfortunately society isn't in the same boat, but I keep trying to tell myself positive things. You really have to do some soul searching and reality checks to get to this point. It is NOT easy. Its taken me a LONG time to get here....to feel good, pretty and sexy, and not just fat. My weight does not define me. I define me.0 -
It's not disgusting. That's her prerogative. She's entitled to eat whatever she wants and to do whatever she wants. And while you may disagree with her choices, you have no right to pass judgment on her. People don't have to lose weight if they don't feel like it. Their life, their choice. There's nothing you can do about it, so what's the sense in shaming people?0
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It's not disgusting. That's her prerogative. She's entitled to eat whatever she wants and to do whatever she wants. And while you may disagree with her choices, you have no right to pass judgment on her. People don't have to lose weight if they don't feel like it. Their life, their choice. There's nothing you can do about it, so what's the sense in shaming people?
It's her psychology that's gross, not her body. OP is responding to the meaning between the lines, not her "choice", which doesn't sund like a choice at all.
When someone is truly ok with themselves, they don't sound anything like this person.0 -
This was me last year. I had been fat my whole life. I'd let my weight make me feel like less of a person. I realized it's not worth it.
I don't care about being skinny! I don't want to have surgery, and I don't want to starve myself. I don't need the cute clothes, or the attention. I decided that if I weighed 318 lbs for the rest of my life I would be happy. There's so much more to life than weight.
When I finally accepted my weight and let go of the guilt associated with I was able to really see myself and really figure out what I do care about. I care about playing tag with my kids, and getting up in the morning without pain. I want energy and I want to be me without the help of caffeine, or cheese to bury the pain inside. Now that I've started running I want to be faster and feel the sun on my face as I get over that next hill. I want my boys to see me accomplish something next week when I do my 5k.
It's not up to anyone else to tell this girl she needs to lose weight. Once she is happy with herself she will be able to do anything she wants to. Some people just need to take a different route to get there.
Well said. I'm finally getting to the point of looking at me as who I am, and not the extra weight I carry. Its helping me get the motivation to lose more weight. Unfortunately society isn't in the same boat, but I keep trying to tell myself positive things. You really have to do some soul searching and reality checks to get to this point. It is NOT easy. Its taken me a LONG time to get here....to feel good, pretty and sexy, and not just fat. My weight does not define me. I define me.
Yes, this, completely. I find it so sad how many people think that it's a bad thing for a fat person to love and accept her body as it is. Body shaming and self hatred are not particularly productive. The more I have come to love and accept my body the way it is and to move away from a focus on losing weight and being thin, the more inspired I am to take care of my body. When you hate something, why would you want to go out of your way to care for it? I used to get so frustrated if the scale didn't move, and I gave up so many times. The goals I have now are more focused on my fitness and the way I feel, and I am rarely let down by my progress on those goals. The side effect is that my body is stronger and healthier, despite the fact that I am paying way less attention to weight loss than I used to.
That being said, I have to agree with those posters who feel that this woman does not seem to have quite reached that place of real self acceptance - the kind that inspires you to truly love and care for your body. There's a lot of hatred and negativity in this article that makes me really sad for her. However, I know from my own experience that I think this place she's at - the one of all the bitterness and not wanting to lose weight just to spite people around you - can be a step on the way to a more positive and constructive type of self-love. I hope that some day she's able to reach that point.0 -
It's not disgusting. That's her prerogative. She's entitled to eat whatever she wants and to do whatever she wants. And while you may disagree with her choices, you have no right to pass judgment on her. People don't have to lose weight if they don't feel like it. Their life, their choice. There's nothing you can do about it, so what's the sense in shaming people?
It's her psychology that's gross, not her body. OP is responding to the meaning between the lines, not her "choice", which doesn't sund like a choice at all.
When someone is truly ok with themselves, they don't sound anything like this person.
I can accept that.0 -
It's not disgusting. That's her prerogative. She's entitled to eat whatever she wants and to do whatever she wants. And while you may disagree with her choices, you have no right to pass judgment on her. People don't have to lose weight if they don't feel like it. Their life, their choice. There's nothing you can do about it, so what's the sense in shaming people?
It's her psychology that's gross, not her body. OP is responding to the meaning between the lines, not her "choice", which doesn't sund like a choice at all.
When someone is truly ok with themselves, they don't sound anything like this person.
My man here understands... Everyone else thinks I'm talking about her body condition. So it's kinda pathetic of many here who dont read full thread and saynthensame bull**** crap over and over again that she is an woman who likes herself or that she finally accepted her body.
Such bull****0 -
In my opinion, I don't agree that her way of thinking is "disgusting" The word I would use is disturbing. This essay is heartbreaking. I don't think she is happy with herself. Reading the essay, I believe that this writer has given up. Her psyche is so damaged that she has placed herself in this bubble where her physical appearance is her shield. She is definitely confused. She doesn't want people to judge her by her weight, yet she uses it as her armor. Her logic is warped but that's most likely due to the trauma of her childhood. This girl is only 23 years old. She's young. I feel sad for her.0
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In my opinion, I don't agree that her way of thinking is "disgusting" The word I would use is disturbing. This essay is heartbreaking. I don't think she is happy with herself. Reading the essay, I believe that this writer has given up. Her psyche is so damaged that she has placed herself in this bubble where her physical appearance is her shield. She is definitely confused. She doesn't want people to judge her by her weight, yet she uses it as her armor. Her logic is warped but that's most likely due to the trauma of her childhood. This girl is only 23 years old. She's young. I feel sad for her.
This is exactly, exactly it. Disgusting is totally the wrong word. It's dismissive and judgmental.0 -
In my opinion, I don't agree that her way of thinking is "disgusting" The word I would use is disturbing. This essay is heartbreaking. I don't think she is happy with herself. Reading the essay, I believe that this writer has given up. Her psyche is so damaged that she has placed herself in this bubble where her physical appearance is her shield. She is definitely confused. She doesn't want people to judge her by her weight, yet she uses it as her armor. Her logic is warped but that's most likely due to the trauma of her childhood. This girl is only 23 years old. She's young. I feel sad for her.
This is exactly, exactly it. Disgusting is totally the wrong word. It's dismissive and judgmental.
its a word dude.. get over it. cry later0 -
In my opinion, I don't agree that her way of thinking is "disgusting" The word I would use is disturbing. This essay is heartbreaking. I don't think she is happy with herself. Reading the essay, I believe that this writer has given up. Her psyche is so damaged that she has placed herself in this bubble where her physical appearance is her shield. She is definitely confused. She doesn't want people to judge her by her weight, yet she uses it as her armor. Her logic is warped but that's most likely due to the trauma of her childhood. This girl is only 23 years old. She's young. I feel sad for her.
This is exactly, exactly it. Disgusting is totally the wrong word. It's dismissive and judgmental.
its a word dude.. get over it. cry later
LOL0 -
Wow, I'm baffled by people reading this who think the author is actually ok with herself. She may say that, because it sounds good, but I think the best way to ascertain someone's self esteem is to look at the way they see others. In this case, the clues we get are contained in the assumptions she makes about what others see in her.
Choice quotes, straight out of the "what not to do" examples you might hear in cognitive behavioral therapy:
"The doctor glances up from the first page of my chart — the only page he actually looks at — with the condescending smile that men in bars will flash me, the fat chick, when they edge past me to chat up my friend. As if merely acknowledging me is an expression of great tolerance. "
"My therapist is a petite woman with opinions as sharp as her suits. "
"But this decision is still a seedling in frozen soil back when I am 23 years old and sitting in front of a doctor who is more interested in my chart than in resuming eye contact"
"Shop clerks give me the side-eye, direct me to accessories;"
"Recently, I was outside walking sans dog and a woman in a hatchback rolled down her window to flash me a thumbs up and call out (quite sincerely): “Good for you, honey!” She assumed that, as a fat woman walking, I was trying to lose weight."
I won't go on. This kind of thinking is neurotic at best. You know someone is ****ed up when even smiling at her is going to land you in an article as the "condescending" guy at the bar.
I dunno. Agree she's expecting these reactions, BUT bias against obese people is well-documented. She probably is getting a bit of the cut-eye in stores. Imagine the truth is somewhere in the middle.
No one applauds me for walking to the store.0 -
I find this essay very disturbing. I am saddened and worried for you. I wish you the very best along your journey of self discovery. I think there is a line drawn here between wanting to genuinely accept yourself, to be comfortable in your own skin and making healthy choices. If you were a close friend or family member, I would find your opinions to be selfish. Self deprecation/self loathing should not be a means to make potentially deadly decisions. I pray that you will realize that people do not see you as you perceive yourself. The looks of disgust that you described receiving from those closely related to your health are discouraging, however, no matter what your weight or appearance, there are always going to be people that will respond in a negative way towards you. Its how you react to stress and not how stress reacts in your life that is important. I have learned that people are much too busy thinking about themselves. So don't read so much negativity into looks or comments.0
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In my opinion, I don't agree that her way of thinking is "disgusting" The word I would use is disturbing. This essay is heartbreaking. I don't think she is happy with herself. Reading the essay, I believe that this writer has given up. Her psyche is so damaged that she has placed herself in this bubble where her physical appearance is her shield. She is definitely confused. She doesn't want people to judge her by her weight, yet she uses it as her armor. Her logic is warped but that's most likely due to the trauma of her childhood. This girl is only 23 years old. She's young. I feel sad for her.
This is exactly, exactly it. Disgusting is totally the wrong word. It's dismissive and judgmental.
its a word dude.. get over it. cry later
Words mean things.0 -
It's a little annoying that people are attacking you for saying this lifestyle is disgusting considering if a severely anorexic woman's lifestyle was in an article everyone would be agreeing saying she needs help and her lifestyle is hurting her family, but everyone is so damn sensitive when it comes to obesity that no one has the balls to say that this woman needs help just as much as an anorexic woman they act like shes okay. In other words..i agree with you.
I don't think that someone who suffers from anorexia is disgusting, any more than I think that someone who suffers from obesity is. Calling this "disgusting" is either a phenomenally poor choice of words, or evidence of a lack of compassion for what other people go through.0 -
I find this essay very disturbing. I am saddened and worried for you. I wish you the very best along your journey of self discovery. I think there is a line drawn here between wanting to genuinely accept yourself, to be comfortable in your own skin and making healthy choices. If you were a close friend or family member, I would find your opinions to be selfish. Self deprecation/self loathing should not be a means to make potentially deadly decisions. I pray that you will realize that people do not see you as you perceive yourself. The looks of disgust that you described receiving from those closely related to your health are discouraging, however, no matter what your weight or appearance, there are always going to be people that will respond in a negative way towards you. Its how you react to stress and not how stress reacts in your life that is important. I have learned that people are much too busy thinking about themselves. So don't read so much negativity into looks or comments.
Powerful!0 -
It's a little annoying that people are attacking you for saying this lifestyle is disgusting considering if a severely anorexic woman's lifestyle was in an article everyone would be agreeing saying she needs help and her lifestyle is hurting her family, but everyone is so damn sensitive when it comes to obesity that no one has the balls to say that this woman needs help just as much as an anorexic woman they act like shes okay. In other words..i agree with you.
I don't think that someone who suffers from anorexia is disgusting, any more than I think that someone who suffers from obesity is. Calling this "disgusting" is either a phenomenally poor choice of words, or evidence of a lack of compassion for what other people go through.
the disgusting isnt the affliction dear. if you read my words or the whole other thread.... its more of her disgusting outlook on life, people and her f'ed up thinking process, if you are so bold to call it that.0 -
It's funny how these threads always bring out the people who think they are the thought police.It's not disgusting. That's her prerogative. She's entitled to eat whatever she wants and to do whatever she wants. And while you may disagree with her choices, you have no right to pass judgment on her. People don't have to lose weight if they don't feel like it. Their life, their choice. There's nothing you can do about it, so what's the sense in shaming people?0 -
It's funny how these threads always bring out the people who think they are the thought police.It's not disgusting. That's her prerogative. She's entitled to eat whatever she wants and to do whatever she wants. And while you may disagree with her choices, you have no right to pass judgment on her. People don't have to lose weight if they don't feel like it. Their life, their choice. There's nothing you can do about it, so what's the sense in shaming people?
“War is peace.
Freedom is slavery.
Ignorance is strength.”0 -
It's funny how these threads always bring out the people who think they are the thought police.It's not disgusting. That's her prerogative. She's entitled to eat whatever she wants and to do whatever she wants. And while you may disagree with her choices, you have no right to pass judgment on her. People don't have to lose weight if they don't feel like it. Their life, their choice. There's nothing you can do about it, so what's the sense in shaming people?
“War is peace.
Freedom is slavery.
Ignorance is strength.”
"The world will never have lasting peace so long as men reserve for war the finest human qualities. Peace, no less than war, requires idealism and self-sacrifice and a righteous and dynamic faith." -John Foster Dulles
Some of us are lost in the world and within ourselves.
Those that are not will always either hate or pity such things.
Hope betters the individual... and so they distance themselves from the hopeless.
While I understand your point of view throughout all of this, please realize that the hopeless are everywhere.
They have lived lives and felt feelings the same as you.
They just didn't come out for the 'better'.
Rather, they just exist.
No need to distance yourself emotionally from these people.
They represent a side of you that you deny, and therefore it gives you strength.
Embrace it.0 -
It's funny how these threads always bring out the people who think they are the thought police.It's not disgusting. That's her prerogative. She's entitled to eat whatever she wants and to do whatever she wants. And while you may disagree with her choices, you have no right to pass judgment on her. People don't have to lose weight if they don't feel like it. Their life, their choice. There's nothing you can do about it, so what's the sense in shaming people?
“War is peace.
Freedom is slavery.
Ignorance is strength.”
"The world will never have lasting peace so long as men reserve for war the finest human qualities. Peace, no less than war, requires idealism and self-sacrifice and a righteous and dynamic faith." -John Foster Dulles
Some of us are lost in the world and within ourselves.
Those that are not will always either hate or pity such things.
Hope betters the individual... and so they distance themselves from the hopeless.
While I understand your point of view throughout all of this, please realize that the hopeless are everywhere.
They have lived lives and felt feelings the same as you.
They just didn't come out for the 'better'.
Rather, they just exist.
No need to distance yourself emotionally from these people.
They represent a side of you that you deny, and therefore it gives you strength.
Embrace it.
wow. this0
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