How disgusting is this...

fooninie

I think disgusting is harsh... In this segment she clearly alludes to psychological trauma and uses it as her 'shield' to be overweight:

"I’d packed on the pounds as a neglected child whose father passed out when his rage was spent, whose mother was petrified to move, to wake him. I was a little girl whose dinners always went cold. So I enacted a kid’s version of nourishment, swallowing fistfuls of Cheese-Its and pulling the cheese off left-over pizza. I took that lead-bellied feeling of fullness for actual satisfaction. I binged because I was frenzied with need. If I didn’t sink my teeth into something — anything — I wouldn’t know I was alive. “Food is not love” may have usurped “nothing tastes as good as thin feels” as the diet evangelist’s koan du jour, but I will never begrudge that little girl anything she had to do to survive."

I agree that this person might say she is ok, but she is not. I work in traumatology...this lady needs to see another kind of doctor, forget bariatric surgery, get to the root of the problem, that's the ticket to true self-acceptance (at whatever weight you choose to be). I'm sad for her.

DragonSquatter

to the numerous posts above on this part of the author.... her is my reply


The therapist wants her patient (the author) to get down to a weight which won't lead to additional health complications. I'm confident that the therapist realizes the author has a lot of body image issues, based on their personal conversations and her medical/education/real life exp helped her diagnosis her pt. It's not like the therapist wants her to lose weight so the therapist doesn't have to look at her jiggling when she talks ffs. The therapist wants the author to lose weight so she will have fewer emotionally charged body image issues.

I don't think she has to be skinny, and in fact, the pursuit of skinny will bring quite a few more psychological issues with it. I'm just saying don't be obese to just be obese and a person who is ignorant to the reason you are fat, don't deny that you have a problem and don't blame others for your own ****ty decisions.

Which the author is clearly doing.

This is how I read this thread also.

For those thinking the OP referred to the woman's body as "disgusting," I think you blew right past the actual point he was trying to make that it's her decisions and lack of self-responsibility that he finds abhorrent. Admittedly, the use of the word "disgusting" probably was not the best choice to convey this idea.

]

Look at me, im the bad guy! lol the baddest guy you'll ever see!

thanks for seeing it bro, but they want me to be the bad guy...


Imagine the author... the fragile shell of a person she is now, diagnosed with anything related to obesity to pile on her. how will this help her as a human?

I'd advise you just to ignore those who clearly didn't read the thread and just jumped to conclusions. All engaging them will do is make the thread get locked or disappear.

I think there is a good debate to be had here though, and it boils down to the question of whether or not you (or anyone) believes that this woman's condition is a result of an actual CHOICE she's making or the result of a mental health disorder that may or may not be entirely controllable on her own. I think you can make the argument both ways.

kennethmgreen

Just want to point out that she is simply implying that she is done trying to fit in and be what people expect her to be. Instead, she will eat her grilled cheese and bacon when she pleases, and do as she enjoys. She states that she takes a mile long walk, and that she does have her healthy meals. Just that she isn't focused and fixated because she is truely happy with herself as she is. That's not disgusting.

Also, she notes that she is more worried about her test numbers (blood, bp, etc.) then the scale numbers. It is possible to have a higher weight AND maintain healthy blood results and all that. I have fantastic blood pressure, no medical problems what so ever. I plan to lose weight because I want to buy cuter clothes that I like and not spend 100s of dollars, but I'm not doing it for any one but me. She is choosing to be her because that makes her happy.

So, it's not disgusting. Disgusting is "I don't care what I eat, how I eat, when I eat, and I don't care if I become diabetic and have a heart attack."

Also, helps to consider that she has a lot of emotional scarring and ADMITS that she has emotional eatting problems that she has looked at. What she isn't wanting is someone to say "You can't be happy because you're fat." She clearly is happy, and ok with her the way she is. Honestly, I'd say that is more important than meeting anyones goal weight for you other than your own.

Great synopsis. This is how I read the article.

jccst9

Let her go, dude. It's her life. Maybe other people think it's "disgusting" that you feel the need to validate yourself by calling someone on the carpet about their choices. I didn't really bother to read much past the first page of this thread but I'm sure it's been said more than once, "to each their own." I'm not what I'd like to be as a result of my choices. However, through MFP and Cellucor products I'm making better choices for myself. Wish her luck on her "path," and I wish you luck on yours.

anna_lisa

to the numerous posts above on this part of the author.... her is my reply


The therapist wants her patient (the author) to get down to a weight which won't lead to additional health complications. I'm confident that the therapist realizes the author has a lot of body image issues, based on their personal conversations and her medical/education/real life exp helped her diagnosis her pt. It's not like the therapist wants her to lose weight so the therapist doesn't have to look at her jiggling when she talks ffs. The therapist wants the author to lose weight so she will have fewer emotionally charged body image issues.

I don't think she has to be skinny, and in fact, the pursuit of skinny will bring quite a few more psychological issues with it. I'm just saying don't be obese to just be obese and a person who is ignorant to the reason you are fat, don't deny that you have a problem and don't blame others for your own ****ty decisions.

Which the author is clearly doing.

This is how I read this thread also.

For those thinking the OP referred to the woman's body as "disgusting," I think you blew right past the actual point he was trying to make that it's her decisions and lack of self-responsibility that he finds abhorrent. Admittedly, the use of the word "disgusting" probably was not the best choice to convey this idea.

]

Look at me, im the bad guy! lol the baddest guy you'll ever see!

thanks for seeing it bro, but they want me to be the bad guy...


Imagine the author... the fragile shell of a person she is now, diagnosed with anything related to obesity to pile on her. how will this help her as a human?

I think the word "disgusting" was maybe the wrong word. But I also understand your point. As a person studying in healthcare it is hard and can be frustrating when patients don't realize how much control and power they have over their own health. I too have lost a significant amount of weight in the past. As a healthcare provider, I think most truly want to help but goes back to you can't do it for them and you wish they knew how powerful each individual could be in their own life. It is not about perfection or being an ideal.

It is about choices, and this writer has made hers. But it saddens me because, it comes across that she has settled in her life. I hope I am not crucified for this comment. We can all be better, healthier and make better choices.

greentart

Bump for later reading.

DragonSquatter

Also, she notes that she is more worried about her test numbers (blood, bp, etc.) then the scale numbers. It is possible to have a higher weight AND maintain healthy blood results and all that. I have fantastic blood pressure, no medical problems what so ever. I plan to lose weight because I want to buy cuter clothes that I like and not spend 100s of dollars, but I'm not doing it for any one but me. She is choosing to be her because that makes her happy.

This kind of thinking scares me. People constantly forget that obesity is a CHRONIC condition that leads to life-long and long-term health risks. Bloodwork being fine when you're young doesn't matter nearly as much as it does when you're in your 40s or 50s and been obese for the last 20+ years of your life. The risk factors go through the roof for certain types of cancer, diabetes, and cardiovascular diseases as people age who have been chronically obese. Quality of life and lifespan are significantly lowered as a result.

I don't mean to rag on the above poster, but thinking that one can maintain very high body fat percentages for a lifetime and be at the same risk level as the person who is active and fit is just not true. Regardless of your reasons to get healthier and drop the excess fat, I think it's great that you're here and doing it. Not only for your skinny cheaper clothes but also for your quality of life.

mandasalem

I think the word "disgusting" was maybe the wrong word.

It's not as simple as it being the wrong word-- it's exactly the kind of harsh, harmful and careless word that sends people like the author-- or like a lot of folks on this site-- into the very defensive attitude of the article, or into a downward spiral, or into any number of disorders.

totalsham

I think the word "disgusting" was maybe the wrong word.

It's not as simple as it being the wrong word-- it's exactly the kind of harsh, harmful and careless word that sends people like the author-- or like a lot of folks on this site-- into the very defensive attitude of the article, or into a downward spiral, or into any number of disorders.

yes a word did all this to her....

not her own personal choices

granitendirt

Really thought-provoking read. Thanks for sharing.

Her article isn't just about weight. In a way, it's a form of irony - because in order to get her point across that it's not about weight, the article (and everyone reading it) fixates on her weight.

This paragraph really sums it up well for me:

"...I’ve spent my whole life capitulating to other people’s expectations: to always walk on tiptoe when Daddy was drunk, to know what would set him off when guessing his triggers was like playing Whack-A-Mole; to swallow my mother’s secrets and keep racking up A’s; to become the perfect girlfriend — always down to f***, then make breakfast in bed; always ready to talk about whatever you want to talk about, honey, to go wherever you want to go — just so I’d never be left alone."

There's so much hurt in those words, and it's a complexity that many people twice her age still haven't worked out yet. I'm impressed that she's been able to go there and dig around in those dark areas of human consciousness, and has come out stronger because of it. I hope I'm able to be so honest with myself.

Cheechos

I skipped all of the comments because just on the first page I've already seen an approximation of this crap:

"She might think she's fine, but just you wait and see how she feels when she's -insert arbitrary old age number here-."
"That's so sad. She's killing herself and needs help."
"She's just making up excuses to keep eating and stay fat. I lost weight by doing x and x and x and she can, too! NO EXCUSESSSS."
"-general spit bubbling lecture about ~*~glorifying obesity~*~ and the strain on someone's tax dollars-"

The only thing that's disgusting here is that people think they have the right to post someone's journey to self-acceptance in a forum just to cast judgment over the writer. How dare this fatty decide to love herself, amirite?

P.S. - I just know someone's going to respond to this with a stupid "Omg her health tho" speech. Save it. People aren't worried about a fat person's health when they do stuff like this. It's all about aesthetics.

crista_b

I think there is a good debate to be had here though, and it boils down to the question of whether or not you (or anyone) believes that this woman's condition is a result of an actual CHOICE she's making or the result of a mental health disorder that may or may not be entirely controllable on her own. I think you can make the argument both ways.

I think you can also make the argument that it's a little of both. While I don't know her, she appears to understand that she has a mental health/eating disorder, but she's making the choice to not do anything about it. She says that because her blood work is fine and she doesn't feel bad about being overweight, there's nothing wrong with that choice. I'm glad that she doesn't hate her body. That's wonderful! But treating her disorder is about overcoming her past and the disorder that her past has led to, not changing her body. She doesn't seem to be entirely happy with her life if this disorder is still controlling her, so while she may not hate the way she looks, there's something inside her that is not happy that needs to be addressed.

As someone who has dealt with BED, depression, anxiety, etc. for many years, even though you may not have health problems from your eating disorder now, you will not be healthy and happy forever if you don't make the choice to do something about the underlying disorder. It's one of the hardest things to do in your life, but it's necessary to ensure that your body and mind remain healthy.

britzzie

I think the word "disgusting" was maybe the wrong word.

It's not as simple as it being the wrong word-- it's exactly the kind of harsh, harmful and careless word that sends people like the author-- or like a lot of folks on this site-- into the very defensive attitude of the article, or into a downward spiral, or into any number of disorders.

Right. There are probably quite a few people who read this article and saw a bit of themselves in the author. Several of these people even posted in the thread. So the thought might go...

"If the author of the article is disgusting,
and I'm like the author,
Am I disgusting?
But I'm doing something about it now,
so maybe I'm not disgusting?
But before I was doing something about it,
I was disgusting?
Wow. That makes me feel really bad about myself."

Yes. Harsh, harmful, and careless. And it makes people defensive.

mandasalem

I think the word "disgusting" was maybe the wrong word.

It's not as simple as it being the wrong word-- it's exactly the kind of harsh, harmful and careless word that sends people like the author-- or like a lot of folks on this site-- into the very defensive attitude of the article, or into a downward spiral, or into any number of disorders.

yes a word did all this to her....

not her own personal choices

Dude, are you serious? People make choices unconsciously and consciously based on their environment, their circumstances, their mental state. Does one thing ever put anyone anywhere? No. It's a thread in the overall cloth. You're being purposefully obstinate, and I guess that's your prerogative, but words have depth and meaning and impact, and pretending they don't is just full-on denial.

Pointing out that "disgust"-- which is a really strong word to use, and as I noted before, one that brings on the kinds of connotations that people with eating and body disorders struggle with on a daily basis-- might not have been the right way to express what you're feeling doesn't make me accusatory or the bad guy, it's just a freakin' fact.

winniethepooh751

Wow, interesting read. I understood the OP to be saying that her mindset was what was disgusting. I've met several people like that in my lifetime and I have to say, it actually is disgusting. Sometimes, if I hang out with people like that, it turns me off so completely that I lose my appetite. Now that may have something to do with growing up with a gastroenterologist for a father, but it's still gross. A lot of times, people have had normal healthy bloodwork for years, not knowing all the while that there were cancer polyps growing in their colons and they end up all kinds of sickly. It's sad that the author was driven into obesity by the circumstances of her environment, but there are quite a few of us who had terrible environments growing up and we escaped our circumstances, and that's why we are all here. At the end of the day, this is just a discussion here and the author of the article may never read any of our thoughts and change her outlook on life.

totalsham

I think the word "disgusting" was maybe the wrong word.

It's not as simple as it being the wrong word-- it's exactly the kind of harsh, harmful and careless word that sends people like the author-- or like a lot of folks on this site-- into the very defensive attitude of the article, or into a downward spiral, or into any number of disorders.

yes a word did all this to her....

not her own personal choices

Dude, are you serious? People make choices unconsciously and consciously based on their environment, their circumstances, their mental state. Does one thing ever put anyone anywhere? No. It's a thread in the overall cloth. You're being purposefully obstinate, and I guess that's your prerogative, but words have depth and meaning and impact, and pretending they don't is just full-on denial.

Pointing out that "disgust"-- which is a really strong word to use, and as I noted before, one that brings on the kinds of connotations that people with eating and body disorders struggle with on a daily basis-- might not have been the right way to express what you're feeling doesn't make me accusatory or the bad guy, it's just a freakin' fact.

Weight gain is common for those who have experienced traumatic experiences. It's not uncommon for rape victims to turn to food to make themselves "unattractive" so they won't be victimized again. She's not dealing with her ****, and she's justifying her bad behavior as being a self-esteem thing.

So no... words didnt like disgusting didn't put her in the situation she is on. Childhood exp's and ****ty choices based off of her past have. Words had no role in it.

As for being proud of her and her choices.... Mama Cass might be proud, but no one else should be.

sunglasses_and_ocean_waves

Ack I dont have time to read the rest of the comments (made it to page 5) but you folks who are blaming her docs for not "understanding" or looking deeper, sound like you want medical costs and wait times to skyrocket more than ever. Docs don't have to care about your motivation or about what you're thinking. They are there to cure what's wrong physically. If you want someone to understand, go to a therapist. Trust me, I just spent a year and half with a team of doctors (cancer), and many many times I wanted to talk about my feelings. Looking back, I'm glad they concentrated on saving my life. The feelings part is secondary. I could deal with that on my own.

I wouldn't want a doc just patting my head and saying she understands. I want a doc to say, "yeah but this is what you need to do for your health."

Having said that, I don't know that I would call the author's choice disgusting. It's sad. The whole thing is sad. I hope she arrives at some peace in her heart. She doesn't have to appease dad, and she doesn't have to appease society. She just had to take care of herself like neither of her parents did.

gsmithnp

The fact is, the author has a point--that obesity is not a something with an easy solution. Each person's experience is different, and we all have a unique relationship with food. Some of us view food as simple fuel, others as a means to socialize. Some of us see food as an enemy, others as their best friend.

I can understand where she is coming from. She was raised to try to be invisible as much as possible (to avoid her father's abuse). I've heard many overweight/obese people say that the fat is their shield--it makes them invisible to others. What I mean is that society sees an obese person as just that--fat. They don't see the gifted writer, the loyal friend, the artistic photographer, the loving parent, etc that people are. What better way to avoid high expectations than to be fat and therefore nobody expects much of you. Sometimes people would even rather be criticized for being obese rather than take the chance that their other qualities and efforts would be ridiculed.

Is this healthy? No, of course not. Is she shortchanging herself physically? Absolutely. But rather than bash her for her choices (as it seems the most important people in her life always have), how about accepting her as she is and, while not condoning what she does or does not do, be a friend.

There is more to each of us than our weight and the loss or gain thereof. That's what she's saying. She is a human being, with gifts to offer this world just like all of us, and should be recognized for those rather than judged for her appearance.

Being in the healthcare field myself, I have learned that people will take control of their health when they are damn good and ready and not a second sooner. If someone comes to me and wants to discuss losing weight, then we have a conversation about their current diet and exercise habits, and what they can realistically improve on. If they don't bring it up and they are obviously in need of it, I will mention it as it relates to other issues they have (joint pain, back pain, diabetes, cholesterol, blood pressure, etc.) but I would never try to force someone to lose weight as a condition of remaining their provider. That is a deeply personal choice.

crista_b

Ack I dont have time to read the rest of the comments (made it to page 5) but you folks who are blaming her docs for not "understanding" or looking deeper, sound like you want medical costs and wait times to skyrocket more than ever. Docs don't have to care about your motivation or about what you're thinking. They are there to cure what's wrong physically. If you want someone to understand, go to a therapist. Trust me, I just spent a year and half with a team of doctors (cancer), and many many times I wanted to talk about my feelings. Looking back, I'm glad they concentrated on saving my life. The feelings part is secondary. I could deal with that on my own.

I wouldn't want a doc just patting my head and saying she understands. I want a doc to say, "yeah but this is what you need to do for your health."

Having said that, I don't know that I would call the author's choice disgusting. It's sad. The whole thing is sad. I hope she arrives at some peace in her heart. She doesn't have to appease dad, and she doesn't have to appease society. She just had to take care of herself like neither of her parents did.

There's separate doctors for feelings and physical ailments?!!

But really though, she does need a therapist. She needs to treat her childhood scars. Her primary care doc isn't the one to do that. He/She can refer someone who is the right one for it.

curvyniki

Just want to point out that she is simply implying that she is done trying to fit in and be what people expect her to be. Instead, she will eat her grilled cheese and bacon when she pleases, and do as she enjoys. She states that she takes a mile long walk, and that she does have her healthy meals. Just that she isn't focused and fixated because she is truely happy with herself as she is. That's not disgusting.

Also, she notes that she is more worried about her test numbers (blood, bp, etc.) then the scale numbers. It is possible to have a higher weight AND maintain healthy blood results and all that. I have fantastic blood pressure, no medical problems what so ever. I plan to lose weight because I want to buy cuter clothes that I like and not spend 100s of dollars, but I'm not doing it for any one but me. She is choosing to be her because that makes her happy.

So, it's not disgusting. Disgusting is "I don't care what I eat, how I eat, when I eat, and I don't care if I become diabetic and have a heart attack."

Also, helps to consider that she has a lot of emotional scarring and ADMITS that she has emotional eatting problems that she has looked at. What she isn't wanting is someone to say "You can't be happy because you're fat." She clearly is happy, and ok with her the way she is. Honestly, I'd say that is more important than meeting anyones goal weight for you other than your own.

perfectly said. i'm glad i'm not the only one who read it that way.

^^^THIS^^^