How disgusting is this...
Replies
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Normally, I would agree with you, except that she specifically condemns people who celebrate their accomplishment of weight loss. The author seems to have a general disdain for any suggestion or implication that better health is a sensible reason to pursue weight loss. ...
Please reread the article. She said that their achievements of their lives shouldn't be just that one thing. Remember how she was talking to her adviser and all they talked about was her weight, not her academic achievements? yeah. That's the point.
I seriously doubt that the only conversation that she ever had with her academic advisor was about her weight. However, I am certain that is the only conversation that she retained because her weight is so heavily associated with deep-seeded pain from her childhood.
She said " I just wish that the entirety of their lives weren’t reduced to a single achievement." How is that condemning them?
The problem is that she justifies her logics with absolutes. I don't know a single person that loses weight and then decides that they have achieved all that they want in life. That is a false perception created by the author to justify the logic that she can hold onto her fat. The fat that makes her feel emotionally safe.
But the author isn't saying that the individuals who lost weight believe that they have achieved one thing. OTHER people think that. That whole paragraph is told from the perspective of an outsider who is observing the attitudes of society in general. So, she is saying that society (specifically, the shows that perpetuate the idea that a person's greatest achievement is weight loss, and the viewers who soak it up) are reducing these peoples' lives down to a single achievement. She doesn't agree with that assessment, though.0 -
The problem is that she justifies her logics with absolutes. I don't know a single person that loses weight and then decides that they have achieved all that they want in life. That is a false perception created by the author to justify the logic that she can hold onto her fat. The fat that makes her feel emotionally safe.
i lost my weight... time to drop out of the pa program or to better my life. i am at the top of the hill ma!
I agree with your logical perception of her reality. She wants zero human relationships to minimize the pain that these cause her. Her outside contact is her writing where she feels people will only judge her for its content. Her staying obese is her thinking process that she believes will cause others to not start any type of relationship with her. Thus she is safe.0 -
That is disgusting on many levels.Losing weight may be as simple as joining a walking after work Meetup or forgoing the homemade cupcakes a co-worker brings in on Monday, but I’m not interested in sacrifices.0 -
Normally, I would agree with you, except that she specifically condemns people who celebrate their accomplishment of weight loss. The author seems to have a general disdain for any suggestion or implication that better health is a sensible reason to pursue weight loss. ...
Please reread the article. She said that their achievements of their lives shouldn't be just that one thing. Remember how she was talking to her adviser and all they talked about was her weight, not her academic achievements? yeah. That's the point.
I seriously doubt that the only conversation that she ever had with her academic advisor was about her weight. However, I am certain that is the only conversation that she retained because her weight is so heavily associated with deep-seeded pain from her childhood.
She said " I just wish that the entirety of their lives weren’t reduced to a single achievement." How is that condemning them?
The problem is that she justifies her logics with absolutes. I don't know a single person that loses weight and then decides that they have achieved all that they want in life. That is a false perception created by the author to justify the logic that she can hold onto her fat. The fat that makes her feel emotionally safe.
She's not talking about them, she is talking about how the television shows present them.0 -
I mean, ****, I think that people should be more outraged about her father beating the **** out of her, but here people are more upset that she isn't going on some diet to lose weight.
SMH.
Our society is ****ed.
you should stop and smell the roses sometime.
You obviously didn't see the thread where I was talking about how much fun I had banging a raider's fan.
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I mean, ****, I think that people should be more outraged about her father beating the **** out of her, but here people are more upset that she isn't going on some diet to lose weight.
SMH.
Our society is ****ed.
Actually, I'm upset that she is refusing to address the mental and emotional scars that the abuse created. Being fat is what made her feel better. By choosing to stay fat, she is choosing not to find a more constructive coping mechanism.
I see what you are saying here. Like she has a bad coping mechanism and she is embracing that. That makes more sense to me than a lot of other people's comments here.
On the other hand, I think this article is about social pressure on a woman to look a certain way and the woman choosing to prioritize other things in her life. I don't think the pressure on her to be thin is about her health. It's about our society's attitude towards "Fat chicks." It's the epitome of the "ugly chick." If I were an ugly chick, who shouldn't show my face (have you seen the movie "Grown ups"? There's the pretty girls and the ugly girl in there.), I might rather focus my attention on my academics and career, even if people keep telling me to get a make over. To me, that's more what is going on here. And what if I choose to stay "ugly"? Is that some horrible crime? Perhaps I value other things about myself more than that. This is how I read the article- a woman speaking out about the pressure and assumptions made on her about her physical appearance, who chooses to not conform. Yes, of course, she might be "healthier" if she were less heavy, but I don't think she is saying "f you" to her health (she mentioned blood work, etc.
I know folks who are bigger folks who are healthy and who pursue careers and are amazing and their size isn't on their agenda. I think that's ok.0 -
Normally, I would agree with you, except that she specifically condemns people who celebrate their accomplishment of weight loss. The author seems to have a general disdain for any suggestion or implication that better health is a sensible reason to pursue weight loss. ...
Please reread the article. She said that their achievements of their lives shouldn't be just that one thing. Remember how she was talking to her adviser and all they talked about was her weight, not her academic achievements? yeah. That's the point.
I seriously doubt that the only conversation that she ever had with her academic advisor was about her weight. However, I am certain that is the only conversation that she retained because her weight is so heavily associated with deep-seeded pain from her childhood.
She said " I just wish that the entirety of their lives weren’t reduced to a single achievement." How is that condemning them?
The problem is that she justifies her logics with absolutes. I don't know a single person that loses weight and then decides that they have achieved all that they want in life. That is a false perception created by the author to justify the logic that she can hold onto her fat. The fat that makes her feel emotionally safe.
She's not talking about them, she is talking about how the television shows present them.
THIS. Reading skills matter, folks. You can't attribute things to the author that she didn't actually say.0 -
Normally, I would agree with you, except that she specifically condemns people who celebrate their accomplishment of weight loss. The author seems to have a general disdain for any suggestion or implication that better health is a sensible reason to pursue weight loss. ...
Please reread the article. She said that their achievements of their lives shouldn't be just that one thing. Remember how she was talking to her adviser and all they talked about was her weight, not her academic achievements? yeah. That's the point.
I seriously doubt that the only conversation that she ever had with her academic advisor was about her weight. However, I am certain that is the only conversation that she retained because her weight is so heavily associated with deep-seeded pain from her childhood.
She said " I just wish that the entirety of their lives weren’t reduced to a single achievement." How is that condemning them?
The problem is that she justifies her logics with absolutes. I don't know a single person that loses weight and then decides that they have achieved all that they want in life. That is a false perception created by the author to justify the logic that she can hold onto her fat. The fat that makes her feel emotionally safe.
She's not talking about them, she is talking about how the television shows present them.
Okay. So we are back to its okay for to me keep my old coping mechanism (fat) because society says its bad and society sucks so I refuse to conform because it means I can keep my "suit of armor".
It's still NOT a good reason to neglect mental health.0 -
Normally, I would agree with you, except that she specifically condemns people who celebrate their accomplishment of weight loss. The author seems to have a general disdain for any suggestion or implication that better health is a sensible reason to pursue weight loss. ...
Please reread the article. She said that their achievements of their lives shouldn't be just that one thing. Remember how she was talking to her adviser and all they talked about was her weight, not her academic achievements? yeah. That's the point.
I seriously doubt that the only conversation that she ever had with her academic advisor was about her weight. However, I am certain that is the only conversation that she retained because her weight is so heavily associated with deep-seeded pain from her childhood.
She said " I just wish that the entirety of their lives weren’t reduced to a single achievement." How is that condemning them?
The problem is that she justifies her logics with absolutes. I don't know a single person that loses weight and then decides that they have achieved all that they want in life. That is a false perception created by the author to justify the logic that she can hold onto her fat. The fat that makes her feel emotionally safe.
She's not talking about them, she is talking about how the television shows present them.
Okay. So we are back to its okay for to keep my old coping mechanism (fat) because society says its bad and society sucks so I refuse to conform because it means I can keep my "suit of armor".
It's still NOT a good reason to neglect mental health.
Right but internalizing society's expectation that she hate herself isn't going to help either.0 -
The problem is that she justifies her logics with absolutes. I don't know a single person that loses weight and then decides that they have achieved all that they want in life. That is a false perception created by the author to justify the logic that she can hold onto her fat. The fat that makes her feel emotionally safe.
She's not talking about them, she is talking about how the television shows present them.
Okay. So we are back to its okay for to keep my old coping mechanism (fat) because society says its bad and society sucks so I refuse to conform because it means I can keep my "suit of armor".
It's still NOT a good reason to neglect mental health.
She is seeing a therapist. How is she neglecting mental health? Also, how is it unhealthy to feel satisfied with how you look? Or to want to be seen by others as more than just a body?0 -
bump for later0
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The problem is that she justifies her logics with absolutes. I don't know a single person that loses weight and then decides that they have achieved all that they want in life. That is a false perception created by the author to justify the logic that she can hold onto her fat. The fat that makes her feel emotionally safe.
I agree with your logical perception of her reality. She wants zero human relationships to minimize the pain that these cause her. Her outside contact is her writing where she feels people will only judge her for its content. Her staying obese is her thinking process that she believes will cause others to not start any type of relationship with her. Thus she is safe.
This is probably the most rational thing I have read from you OP...Great job! :happy:0 -
I didn't find her story disgusting but I did find it sad--and I mean in the truest, absolutely-no-condescension-here way.
We've all got scars and we all deal with them differently, whether in a healthy manner or not.
She has a lot of pain and I can't in my heart find that disgusting.0 -
actually, I am rather disgusted at the op being disgusted!!!0
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I mean, ****, I think that people should be more outraged about her father beating the **** out of her, but here people are more upset that she isn't going on some diet to lose weight.
SMH.
Our society is ****ed.
Actually, I'm upset that she is refusing to address the mental and emotional scars that the abuse created. Being fat is what made her feel better. By choosing to stay fat, she is choosing not to find a more constructive coping mechanism.
I see what you are saying here. Like she has a bad coping mechanism and she is embracing that. That makes more sense to me than a lot of other people's comments here.
On the other hand, I think this article is about social pressure on a woman to look a certain way and the woman choosing to prioritize other things in her life. I don't think the pressure on her to be thin is about her health. It's about our society's attitude towards "Fat chicks." It's the epitome of the "ugly chick." If I were an ugly chick, who shouldn't show my face (have you seen the movie "Grown ups"? There's the pretty girls and the ugly girl in there.), I might rather focus my attention on my academics and career, even if people keep telling me to get a make over. To me, that's more what is going on here. And what if I choose to stay "ugly"? Is that some horrible crime? Perhaps I value other things about myself more than that. This is how I read the article- a woman speaking out about the pressure and assumptions made on her about her physical appearance, who chooses to not conform. Yes, of course, she might be "healthier" if she were less heavy, but I don't think she is saying "f you" to her health (she mentioned blood work, etc.
I know folks who are bigger folks who are healthy and who pursue careers and are amazing and their size isn't on their agenda. I think that's ok.
But she is using societal pressure as her excuse not to develop healthy coping mechanisms and she is doing it because she knows that people will rally that cause and support her, thus enabling her to neglect her mental health.0 -
Lol you are worried about the wrong things..much like those who want to 'ban abortions' - WHY ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE'S body and what they do to it? I don't think it's disgusting....people have all sorts of harmful things they do to themselves, if they're not doing it to you, don't worry about it. But then again.. You're entitled to that opinion that somehow this STRANGER'S point of view and way of dealing with HER BODY ...disgusts YOU. Lol0
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I didn't find her story disgusting but I did find it sad--and I mean in the truest, absolutely-no-condescension-here way.
We've all got scars and we all deal with them differently, whether in a healthy manner or not.
She has a lot of pain and I can't in my heart find that disgusting.
^^^This^^^ I don't have to agree with her method of coping.. Sometimes when you have been a victim, it is about control.
This is one area of her life that she knows she can control. Healthy or unhealthy.. It is truly sad.0 -
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But she is using societal pressure as her excuse not to develop healthy coping mechanisms and she is doing it because she knows that people will rally that cause and support her, thus enabling her to neglect her mental health.
I think this is where we disagree. I don't think she is using it as an excuse to not develop healthy coping mechanisms. I think she is refusing to hate herself even more because of society and is choosing to accept her body as it is. She is in therapy. I think that if she works through her issues in therapy, she will be in a better place down the road to revisit the body weight issue. I think to make it out like she's not doing anything for herself because she isn't trying to diet oversimplifies things.
also, she has a history of self-starvation. Perhaps it's wise for her to not focus on her weight at this point in time.
I just don't see how it's horrible the choice she made. I think it's logical and mentally healthy.0 -
The problem is that she justifies her logics with absolutes. I don't know a single person that loses weight and then decides that they have achieved all that they want in life. That is a false perception created by the author to justify the logic that she can hold onto her fat. The fat that makes her feel emotionally safe.
She's not talking about them, she is talking about how the television shows present them.
Okay. So we are back to its okay for to keep my old coping mechanism (fat) because society says its bad and society sucks so I refuse to conform because it means I can keep my "suit of armor".
It's still NOT a good reason to neglect mental health.
She is seeing a therapist. How is she neglecting mental health? Also, how is it unhealthy to feel satisfied with how you look? Or to want to be seen by others as more than just a body?
She said that she is rejecting her therapist advice because she felt the therapist was judging her. Why didn't she just go see another therapist?
I've said all I have had to say on the subject. If you want to believe that her choice is a positive action, then that is your choice, but I see it as dangerous and destructive and I am disgusted that she would publish these views for the world to see so that others like her can claim that societal pressure is a good reason not to cope with an eating disorder.
It was sort of pointed out earlier, but not really effectively expressed, but an anarexic can easily make the same justification.0 -
The problem is that she justifies her logics with absolutes. I don't know a single person that loses weight and then decides that they have achieved all that they want in life. That is a false perception created by the author to justify the logic that she can hold onto her fat. The fat that makes her feel emotionally safe.
She's not talking about them, she is talking about how the television shows present them.
Okay. So we are back to its okay for to keep my old coping mechanism (fat) because society says its bad and society sucks so I refuse to conform because it means I can keep my "suit of armor".
It's still NOT a good reason to neglect mental health.
She is seeing a therapist. How is she neglecting mental health? Also, how is it unhealthy to feel satisfied with how you look? Or to want to be seen by others as more than just a body?
She said that she is rejecting her therapist advice because she felt the therapist was judging her. Why didn't she just go see another therapist?
I've said all I have had to say on the subject. If you want to believe that her choice is a positive action, then that is your choice, but I see it as dangerous and destructive and I am disgusted that she would publish these views for the world to see so that others like her can claim that societal pressure is a good reason not to cope with an eating disorder.
It was sort of pointed out earlier, but not really effectively expressed, but an anarexic can easily make the same justification.
She IS seeing another therapist. Reread the article.
ETA that I find it amazing that you're making these arguments without even understanding the article. She is seeing another therapist, and is currently in therapy. End of story. That's not "neglecting mental health."0 -
OP, you're training to be a PA? I feel sorry for your patients. Empathy is an important quality in a health care professional.
first off... stop.
secondly. i just went from 231 to 186 pounds since feb. I know what it is to be obese. so take your protest sign elsewhere.
OK that's harsh...
Read it again and think about what she is really saying.0 -
What is going on in here?0
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What is going on in here?
This.
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What is going on in here?
This.
Got it. Thanks.0 -
I would agree and call her strong but I'm just not seeing it. Here are several quotes from her article.
"My therapist is a petite woman with opinions as sharp as her suits..."
"I am 23 years old and sitting in front of a doctor who is more interested in my chart than in resuming eye contact..."
"He says something to me, but I don’t hear him over the bloodrush thumping between my ears..."
" ....a gynecologist as tiny and wizened as..."
"Back at the new doctor’s office, five of his cohorts crowd the doorway:"
"It distills my experiences into an inescapable truth — that I am not my accomplishments. I am a problem to be solved...."
"but I will never begrudge that little girl anything she had to do to survive."
No need to quote the rest as she had just went into full blown judgement mode.
The message of her article is that people should judge her based on her accomplishments and not her weight yet all she has done is pass judgement on others based on their weight. It pretty much ruins her argument when the first opinion she has of a person is how thin or petite they are. The doctor doesn't want to look her in the eye. Oh please. I know that tactic well. It's a way to look for anything about a person to automatically judge them wrong and unfit to listen to. It doesn't shock me at all that the next sentence is how she tuned him out. She seemed to have villainize the doctors as cohorts keeping her from leaving. Then she uses a time when she used
unhealthy means to lose weight(purging and pill popping) then go on to say "It didn't make me happy" Seriously? Ya think?
It took a long time for me to break away from that idea that everyone is looking at me and judging me wrong because of my weight. Sure, I know some people are but not the entire world. You have to filter out the idiots and accept the positives. I've decided a long time ago
not to give two craps about what morons have to say about my weight. I'm not losing for anyone but myself and my health (Although my doc says I'm totally healthy). I used to be a fat chick crying in the shower like her when someone had said something about my weight, now I'm the fat chick who will accept comments I know mean me no harm and will hurt the feelings of any motherf*cker who seeks to hurt me. lol!
Anyway, The most telling quote from her IMO,is the last one I posted about her not begrudging that little girl anything. IMO, she is still feeding that little girl from her past which says to me that she hasn't gotten over what happened to her one bit. She is still that kid eating to feel alive. Anyone who tries to take that away is a villain making her feel small again. I'm all for people being proud of their figure and even if she stays overweight, so be it. But she does still have problems that she needs to resolve about herself and her past. That little girl with the callus wounds needs to be put to rest and not used as this grown woman's armor. But that's how I see it. Glad she is still getting mental help.0 -
Glad she is still getting mental help.
I am glad that other readers actually picked up on this. She's still a work in progress, and she's getting help for her issues. One of the benefits of getting help is being happy with yourself. It's kind of amazing that we're tearing her down for that.0 -
Whats disgusting is how this woman has been treated her entire life and maybe if someone in her life had given her praise for the person she is she wouldnt feel the need to be so defiant. Maybe she just wants to be seen as herself and not that obese woman who possibly is going to die because she eats whatever she wants, maybe if everyone in her life had looked at her for accomplishments weightloss would be one more accomplishment she would want to add to that list.
This is disgusting, in the sense thats she is pouring her heart out and all you see is "ew shes choosing to be fat."0 -
Another thought sometimes you cant move forward until you learn to accept yourself. If you are caught in an abusive self destructive behavior until you learn to say you know what I'm a loving person, I am bright, I love to laugh, I love my family...I am enough just the way I am that is when you want to be healthy, that's when you want to learn to like yourself and when the abuse no longer holds power.
Think about this from someone's life maybe in that cycle of abuse and self destruction.
Oh there's so much I want to say! GRRRRR but you cant teach empathy.0 -
I suggest you head to the library or book store and pick up a copy of She's Come Undone.Why do you think it is disgusting? its her choice.
You're kidding... right?
I've read this book. It was good.0
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