How disgusting is this...

Rage_Phish

She was more concerned with me not doing heroin than with my weight. I was about 120 lbs when we met. Weight has never been an issue for her. And its not entirely about the weight number for me either. I just want to be able to get back to the things I enjoy. Hiking, camping, rowing, surfing. Things I did when i was younger and enjoyed a lot. If I could do them at my size now, 400 lbs wouldnt be an issue. But I can do to those things at my size. And again, since you didnt read, I have an account with plenty of money to cover any medical expenses if the need arise. In the passed 20 years, the need has not arisen. When I sprained my ankle last year, I did what any doctor would tell me to do. Rest it up, put on some ice and wear a brace. So I went and got a walking boot, iced a bunch and the ankle is 100 percent now. No trip to the doctor needed. You are throwing around a lot of assumptions without knowing anything about me based on your bias of fat people.

I don't have a bias against fat people - you are projecting this. Did you even read what I wrote? I work in public health, so I have a bias against people who don't take care of themselves. I only mention your weight because there are many chronic diseases that go along with obesity that can only be seen by visiting a doctor, such as high cholesterol that can lead to heart disease and high blood sugar that can lead to diabetes. Regular checkups are encouraged because they help people. Prevention saves lives and money.

you still arent reading. If I dont go to the doctor and could quite easily pay for any medical medical condition I feel needs attention, how am I a drain on anyone at any time? Your bias is that you think fat people take advantage of public services and are a drain. It shows quite clearly.

I highly doubt you can pay for ANY medical problem that requires attention.

I said any that I feel needs attention. Some stuff I wont bother spending money on as far as treatment such as heart surgery or cancer. My wife knew this about be before she married me and accepts it. Just the way it goes.

OK

AlsDonkBoxSquat

its the same as someone who is anorexic. its horrible what they are doing to themselves and its likely the result of some mental disorder.

we should look on these people with sadness and try to get them help.

I'm not saying that I'm judging her decision, I have great empathy and sympathy for people and the things they've gone through, I've been through a lot. However, I ask what kind of help she may need in this situation that someone hasn't already attempted to provide. In this case we are reading an article by a seriously broken person, whose perception on the world around her is as broken as she is on the inside. That is going to color how she views advice, she's sitting infront of a weight loss doctor and a team of nutritionists and trainers and runs out . . . after being recommended by her therapist . . . all who are, by her perception, all judging her. I wouldn't even argue the people use weight as armour, there are a lot of people who use weight and food as an outside expression of what they're feeling like on the inside . . . and thus put up a physical barrier between themselves and others. Sometimes you have to get past all the emotional **** you can deal with the rest, sometimes it's the other way around. It's not disgusting that she's using her weight as a crutch, but it is sad that she knows it and has actively decided to continue to do so instead of actually dealing with her emotional issues.

It's like this, I live in a walking neighborhood and I'll see people out there walking who are obviously struggling and I want to honk and give them a "woot woot" of encouragement as I drive by, what keeps me from doing it is the fear of getting flashed the finger because I've read so many times on here where someone is out walking and some *kitten* honked or shouted at the person and made them upset. The idea that someone might mistake my encouragement as sarcasm or ridicule stops me from being helpful. If I honked and woot wooted to this woman if she were out walking, what do you think her knee jerk reaction would be?

mandasalem

She can choose whatever she wants, as long as I'm not going to have to pay for it (health care costs, disablility payments, etc). But the likelihood of me having to pay for it ticks me off.

Out of curiosity, do you feel the same way when you see someone smoking? I'm not necessarily disagreeing with you-- at some point, it becomes irksome to pay for someone else's decisions-- but dissection uncovers a TON of choices people make that the rest of the world ends up paying for in some form or fashion.

Laces_0ut

its the same as someone who is anorexic. its horrible what they are doing to themselves and its likely the result of some mental disorder.

we should look on these people with sadness and try to get them help.

I'm not saying that I'm judging her decision, I have great empathy and sympathy for people and the things they've gone through, I've been through a lot. However, I ask what kind of help she may need in this situation that someone hasn't already attempted to provide. In this case we are reading an article by a seriously broken person, whose perception on the world around her is as broken as she is on the inside. That is going to color how she views advice, she's sitting infront of a weight loss doctor and a team of nutritionists and trainers and runs out . . . after being recommended by her therapist . . . all who are, by her perception, all judging her. I wouldn't even argue the people use weight as armour, there are a lot of people who use weight and food as an outside expression of what they're feeling like on the inside . . . and thus put up a physical barrier between themselves and others. Sometimes you have to get past all the emotional **** you can deal with the rest, sometimes it's the other way around. It's not disgusting that she's using her weight as a crutch, but it is sad that she knows it and has actively decided to continue to do so instead of actually dealing with her emotional issues.

It's like this, I live in a walking neighborhood and I'll see people out there walking who are obviously struggling and I want to honk and give them a "woot woot" of encouragement as I drive by, what keeps me from doing it is the fear of getting flashed the finger because I've read so many times on here where someone is out walking and some *kitten* honked or shouted at the person and made them upset. The idea that someone might mistake my encouragement as sarcasm or ridicule stops me from being helpful. If I honked and woot wooted to this woman if she were out walking, what do you think her knee jerk reaction would be?

you are right in that some are just too far gone...like some drug addicts. so while attempts to help her may fail id like to think we could spot people like her at an earlier point in their decline where help would be successful.

Naturebeckles

As for the OP, I have to say and I mean this in the most respectful way possible, but I would not respond positively to you were you my healthcare provider. I have had physicians and nurses in the past who I knew were disgusted by me. They didn't have to outright say it but it was evident in the manner in which they provided care. All it did was make me more resentful and determined to rebel. Some people may respond positively to that sort of treatment but I do not. I don't want anyone making excuses for me or to even letme make excuses for myself . But I can appreciate and receive constructive feedback delivered without judgement. That is why I get along much better with my nurse than my nutritionist. And just because I've lost almost 100 lbs I don't feel that gives me license to to look down on other people who are at a different point in their journey or have yet to start. Just something to consider as you will most likely have patients who cover a wide spectrum in the level of care they need and respond to.

yes... cause posting on a forum = how one gives quality of pt care.

But posting on a forum giving your true feelings towards someone in her situation does give light into your attitude towards patient care. If this is how you truly feel about people in her situation, then you have no business trying to help them.

I've been largely silent in this outside of my one post, but I will say this: She was severely damaged as a child and some people in their lives never get over their damage. Then their damage effects their loved ones around them and they don't even know it. She's in therapy - and we don't know the quality of therapy she's getting or where she even is now in the journey towards loving herself better so that she can some day realize what so many people on MFP already have. All of the "disgusting" things a previous poster listed about her blaming everyone else around her instead of realizing she can change herself is not something of disgust. It's something to feel sad about. She LEARNED to blame everyone around her BECAUSE of her damage. She's not going to wake up one morning and realize not to do that anymore. It takes time and lots of mental healing. Our business here is to be supportive and loving WHEREVER THEY ARE and when they FINALLY have that light bulb go off, hug the hell out of them and be proud of what they realized for themselves.

bunchesonothing

I think this is incredibly sad.

And people are focusing on where people made her feel lesser, because they have probably felt the same. But there were moments where people tried to bolster and be supportive, but her current(at the time) world view turned it into something negative.

I hope she has been able to get out of cognitive rut(not a great word, just the only one I could think of) she was in.

AnninStPaul

She can choose whatever she wants, as long as I'm not going to have to pay for it (health care costs, disablility payments, etc). But the likelihood of me having to pay for it ticks me off.

Out of curiosity, do you feel the same way when you see someone smoking? I'm not necessarily disagreeing with you-- at some point, it becomes irksome to pay for someone else's decisions-- but dissection uncovers a TON of choices people make that the rest of the world ends up paying for in some form or fashion.

Yes, I do feel the same way when I see someone smoking.

Laces_0ut

She can choose whatever she wants, as long as I'm not going to have to pay for it (health care costs, disablility payments, etc). But the likelihood of me having to pay for it ticks me off.

Out of curiosity, do you feel the same way when you see someone smoking? I'm not necessarily disagreeing with you-- at some point, it becomes irksome to pay for someone else's decisions-- but dissection uncovers a TON of choices people make that the rest of the world ends up paying for in some form or fashion.

was about to say the same thing. i just dont think it would be wise to prevent someone like her from getting care for a bad choice. that way of thinking could be applied to lots of different things that could affect us all.

we need to spot people like this earlier and get them help while its still useful.

MissTattoo

could someone answer my question as to why pro anorexic posts are banned here but pro obesity posts are not? both are extremely unhealthy.

we shouldnt attack either group and should strive to help them but if one isnt allowed then neither should be.

The correlation to anorexia would not be obesity; it would be pro-feeder threads or pro-compulsive/continued binging threads.

^So true. No one is saying "Go you! Eat 10 cheeseburgers tonight!"

Laces_0ut

could someone answer my question as to why pro anorexic posts are banned here but pro obesity posts are not? both are extremely unhealthy.

we shouldnt attack either group and should strive to help them but if one isnt allowed then neither should be.

The correlation to anorexia would not be obesity; it would be pro-feeder threads or pro-compulsive/continued binging threads.

^So true. No one is saying "Go you! Eat 10 cheeseburgers tonight!"

sorry i wasnt clear...i just meant that if 1 unhealthy habit isnt allowed to be promoted...then others shouldnt be either. anorexia, obesity, steroids whatever..


if it was up to me i would allow everythign that isnt illegal and let adults decide.

crista_b

could someone answer my question as to why pro anorexic posts are banned here but pro obesity posts are not? both are extremely unhealthy.

we shouldnt attack either group and should strive to help them but if one isnt allowed then neither should be.

The correlation to anorexia would not be obesity; it would be pro-feeder threads or pro-compulsive/continued binging threads.

^So true. No one is saying "Go you! Eat 10 cheeseburgers tonight!"

sorry i wasnt clear...i just meant that if 1 unhealthy habit isnt allowed to be promoted...then others shouldnt be either. anorexia, obesity, steroids whatever..


if it was up to me i would allow everythign that isnt illegal and let adults decide.

That's how I feel about the "no swearing" rules on here considering we're all adults, but some people are oversensitive. I do understand not allowing pro-ana stuff though.

branflakes1980

You're right, it's disgusting. Her experience that is.

As for the folks decrying her being a burden on you due to a socialized medical system, sounds to me like the system is the problem, not the woman.

As for the article, I'm not a fan of her style. She switches between multiple voices, never making it clear exactly which one she is using:
-Despair
-Sarcasm
-Social criticism
-Defiance
-Factual history

I ended with no clear idea of who she is.

That's because she doesn't know who she is. But she firmly believes that she shouldn't lose weight to conform to the ideals of society. Which she shouldn't. She should lose weight because that's what she needs to do to maintain a healthy body.

^^^^ THIS ^^^^ :drinker: :drinker: :drinker:

tlmcint

I think that she really means is that her weight doesn't define her as a person but everyone chooses to see her as a person who needs to lose weight period.

And even though I don't think that remaining obese is the best way to stick it up to the Man, I kinda get that.
I've never been really fat, just 10-20lbs overweight. That's all my family could see.
Last year I lost 20lbs in a little less than 3.5months, and that's all I could hear about. Nothing about the internship I got as a Law student or being a straight-A student or anything about my other accomplishments. It is and always was about weight and it's painful and maddening. It feels like one's persona doesn't really matter as long as they go along with everyone else's expectation.

But I must insist, remaining obese is certainly not the way to prove your point. But I kinda understand her.

This!! Your accomplishments in other areas of your life were completely overshadowed simply because of some extra weight. Our society is very out of whack. While we all talk a good game about acceptance and tolerance, every overweight person knows the deep pain of rejection and being judged harshly.

I can understand this woman too, her weight is one thing she completely controls. I do think in a few years she'll change her mind, but unfortunately right now, that is her power. Hopefully someone will enter her life and show her enough love to help her to look at things without using a filter of pain and self righteous anger. She has some valid points though, our society really does still place too much value on looks when we judge people, and she is valuable and worth respect for who she is, regardless of her weight.

julesassid

I don't find this distgusting. I find it empowering that she is finding a way to define herself in a way that makes sense to her. I do not agree with the way she is going about it, over-eating food for emotional satisfaction and being obese or over-weight for that reason is not healthy and is going to continually lead down a road of hardship when it comes to health for her. However like all women she will come to an impasse and possibly change her own mind and choose a different way to live. Personally I hope she ends up being healthy and happy regardless, I wish that for anyone.

Interesting read as well, thank you.

Agreed. This is a great thread, it really has me thinking. The writter is obviously intelligent, but still very young and defiant. I hope that she will make certain changes in her life that fullfill her and keep her blood work showing healthy numbers. Things do catch up to us as we age. Bad knees, high cholesterol, high blood pressure - things that 20 somethings don't usually see right away.

bunchesonothing

I will say, I understand what her therapist was driving at, with getting her to work on her weight loss, but going for gusto before the patient is ready dooms therapy to disaster. The treatment plan has to be something the patient approves and is willing to work with.

totalsham

its the same as someone who is anorexic. its horrible what they are doing to themselves and its likely the result of some mental disorder.

we should look on these people with sadness and try to get them help.

I'm not saying that I'm judging her decision, I have great empathy and sympathy for people and the things they've gone through, I've been through a lot. However, I ask what kind of help she may need in this situation that someone hasn't already attempted to provide. In this case we are reading an article by a seriously broken person, whose perception on the world around her is as broken as she is on the inside. That is going to color how she views advice, she's sitting infront of a weight loss doctor and a team of nutritionists and trainers and runs out . . . after being recommended by her therapist . . . all who are, by her perception, all judging her. I wouldn't even argue the people use weight as armour, there are a lot of people who use weight and food as an outside expression of what they're feeling like on the inside . . . and thus put up a physical barrier between themselves and others. Sometimes you have to get past all the emotional **** you can deal with the rest, sometimes it's the other way around. It's not disgusting that she's using her weight as a crutch, but it is sad that she knows it and has actively decided to continue to do so instead of actually dealing with her emotional issues.

It's like this, I live in a walking neighborhood and I'll see people out there walking who are obviously struggling and I want to honk and give them a "woot woot" of encouragement as I drive by, what keeps me from doing it is the fear of getting flashed the finger because I've read so many times on here where someone is out walking and some *kitten* honked or shouted at the person and made them upset. The idea that someone might mistake my encouragement as sarcasm or ridicule stops me from being helpful. If I honked and woot wooted to this woman if she were out walking, what do you think her knee jerk reaction would be?

truth!

Jlopez201

this article is the best thing i've read all day. thanks!

(and to answer your question: not disgusting at all.)

I think the word disgusting was pretty harsh.. I don't find it disgusting.

I did find it odd tough. Not sure why anyone would find it okay to outwardly glorify or make excuses for obesity.
I am all for loving yourself no matter what size you are.. but I am NOT okay with promoting unhealthy habits. Yes you can be a little overweight and still be somewhat healthy.. but that is not the message I was getting from the article.

Correct me if I have missed something?

Also, I am wondering if she would she raise her children to be the same..

totalsham

Its amazing how many in this thread are blaming the medical teams that she had at her disposal for her condition. How their uncaring and hurtful words have led this poor woman down a path of ruin.


is a joke...

Mgregory723

I feel for this person (this little girl that is still fighting) who had to go through a life none of us will understand unless we lived it. From what I gathered, she had to eat what was around to just to stay alive as a child, and it may not have been the healthiest of choices but as a kid; who cares?

We, as human's, are bound to ridicule those who do not follow "the norm". We call people names, look down on them or just look plain look away. We offer up what we think is necessary for them to survive in the world we live in; stop being gay, lose weight, gain weight, and whatever else scares us. That to me is disgusting.

As far as the "I'm pissed cause I have to pay her medical bills" Sounds to me like she is paying for her own bills. I never heard one thing about her NOT paying for them.

In addition, she was not making fun of those who choose to make their lives better according to what they want, so why are people making fun what she wants to do? Empathy, understanding, and compassion is what was needed here.......

There will be no hope for humanity if we keep going down this road, and what do I know, maybe it's lost already.

totalsham

this article is the best thing i've read all day. thanks!

(and to answer your question: not disgusting at all.)

I think the word disgusting was pretty harsh.. I don't find it disgusting.

I did find it odd tough. Not sure why anyone would find it okay to outwardly glorify or make excuses for obesity.
I am all for loving yourself no matter what size you are.. but I am NOT okay with promoting unhealthy habits. Yes you can be a little overweight and still be somewhat healthy.. but that is not the message I was getting from the article.

Correct me if I have missed something?

Also, I am wondering if she would she raise her children to be the same..

you are on point. you didnt miss anything. all here are bashing me for 1 word and supporting someone (author) terrible life choices while making every excuse for the behavior.