Treated differently after weightloss

GOT_Obsessed

Part of it may be the confidence that comes to a lot of people after losing weight. I know I walk a little straighter and smile a little more now. If we look more approachable people are more apt to treat us better. Often people are unaware if they walk around with a scowl on their face.

JaydedMiss

I get asked for very dirty things indeed by men alot more now lol.

I also get treated like a fragile little flower now, Even tho im way stronger and much less breakable now hah

SnazzIT

Ghostofachance wrote: »

I found that family members can sometimes be the worst - they needle you to lose weight and develop healthy habits, then criticize you for focusing too much on diet and exercise once you've begun seeing positive changes. And heaven forbid if you gain some/most of it back!

This time around I've not let anyone except my wife know I am trying to bet in better shape. Not providing them with any sort of declaration has made it easier for me to focus on what I need to do for myself.

As for other people, I'd say that when I am lighter women are more apt to flirt with me at the store or strike up a conversation - it's a definite confidence booster. I haven't noticed much difference from men outside of not getting looked at with disdain when boarding a plane and looking for an available seat - airplanes in general are much easier to navigate when you're smaller.

Exactly!!! mine is my mum...

elisa123gal

perhaps you only feel worse because you pinned hopes on weight loss fixing everything in your life. It doesn't..and the realization makes you feel worse.

PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »

LynnBBQ72 wrote: »

I had this discussion with someone the other day. Yes - absolutely - strangers treat "normal" sized people differently in everyday situations vs. obese people. Meeting you in the eyes, striking up a random conversation in the store aisle (not flirting at all), holding doors open, etc. Quite a few people say that the formerly obese who are now "normal" sized get treated differently because they have more self confidence. I disagree. I used to weigh 245 at my highest, and am now 180 - still overweight but much more average size. I feel fatter now at 180 than I did at 245, and don't feel any more confident. If I feel WORSE at 180 than 245, but strangers treat me better, there is no other explanation. It is all about the weight and nothing else.

I feel you. Never could have predicted how lousy I'd feel after losing a lot of weight. I know it's a good thing I did for myself, but my head is so screwed up about the whole thing.

elisa123gal

This is an interesting thread...just to read all the different takes. My thoughts after reading a lot here...is does the world owe mankind a uniform friendly accepting interaction whenever they meet someone of any shape or size? Sort of ridiculous really. When i've been overweight... i'd notice i would seem invisible to people. i figured it was becasue i wasnt as eyecatching and attractive because i gained weight. My face and eyes are much more attractive when i am not overweight. They were just being human. i find it funny almost. now that i've lost weight.. i notice strangers talking to me for no reason. heck..my husband is being nicer to me.haha. It is simply human nature.

Oma827

My husband made a joke, “you’re not going to run off on me now, are you?” I was startled and a little upset. I don’t have my eye on someone else. This is for health, so we can be together longer.

mojonah

Lizzypb88 wrote: »

I have had a bit of a different response...
I think- her own insecurities came out.......say I'm just losing weight for attention... that just IRKS me!!

Sad, but I got the same reaction from my own spouse. We both started MFP the same time. She gave up after 2 weeks and I continued. To date I’ve lost about 40lbs and she came up with same comments.

SalinitySally

lacrosby03 wrote: »

I truly believe that the way we are viewed and treated has a direct correlation to the way we view ourselves. When we don't like who we are on the inside or on the outside others are able to perceive this. If you are confident in who you are, no matter your size, than shame on those who are judging you. It is unfortunate that we live in a society where looks matter more than anything else. How you treat yourself is how you will also be treated. Whether you are overweight underweight or somewhere in between, we all struggle with something. The unfortunate thing about dealing with excess weight is that others see our weight and view it as a conditional or psychological problem. Oftentimes we believe that if we lose weight all of those problems will go away. Unfortunately it is how we are feeling on the inside that matters. No amount of weight loss can help us from our eyes looking outward at oirselves. We all must learn to love ourselves for who we are, no matter what our size or our weight. Sure we should all work towards bettering ourselves health wise, but not just so we can please others and fit in to a societal view of what is appropriate. Go forth with confidence and a positive view of who you are and others will see you in the same light.

Not true for me. I’ve always been very outgoing and confident and aware of my worth (and educated and competent) but when I’m heavier SOME other people treat me like they need me to acknowledge my lesser (fatty) worth by piping down. Or I’ve been treated like I’m invisible. When I’m closer to goal weight, I get more respect and acceptance.

ek0513

utahjulia wrote: »

lacrosby03 wrote: »

I truly believe that the way we are viewed and treated has a direct correlation to the way we view ourselves. When we don't like who we are on the inside or on the outside others are able to perceive this. If you are confident in who you are, no matter your size, than shame on those who are judging you. It is unfortunate that we live in a society where looks matter more than anything else. How you treat yourself is how you will also be treated. Whether you are overweight underweight or somewhere in between, we all struggle with something. The unfortunate thing about dealing with excess weight is that others see our weight and view it as a conditional or psychological problem. Oftentimes we believe that if we lose weight all of those problems will go away. Unfortunately it is how we are feeling on the inside that matters. No amount of weight loss can help us from our eyes looking outward at oirselves. We all must learn to love ourselves for who we are, no matter what our size or our weight. Sure we should all work towards bettering ourselves health wise, but not just so we can please others and fit in to a societal view of what is appropriate. Go forth with confidence and a positive view of who you are and others will see you in the same light.

Not true for me. I’ve always been very outgoing and confident and aware of my worth (and educated and competent) but when I’m heavier SOME other people treat me like they need me to acknowledge my lesser (fatty) worth by piping down. Or I’ve been treated like I’m invisible. When I’m closer to goal weight, I get more respect and acceptance.

I’m with you as well. I feel like my personality has been the same throughout this whole process, but people use to just never give me the chance to get to know me because I wasn’t their idea of attractive. I feel like I’m being treated as if my presence is a lot more accepted and desired now that I lost weight.

dsboohead

ek0513 wrote: »

utahjulia wrote: »

lacrosby03 wrote: »

I truly believe that the way we are viewed and treated has a direct correlation to the way we view ourselves. When we don't like who we are on the inside or on the outside others are able to perceive this. If you are confident in who you are, no matter your size, than shame on those who are judging you. It is unfortunate that we live in a society where looks matter more than anything else. How you treat yourself is how you will also be treated. Whether you are overweight underweight or somewhere in between, we all struggle with something. The unfortunate thing about dealing with excess weight is that others see our weight and view it as a conditional or psychological problem. Oftentimes we believe that if we lose weight all of those problems will go away. Unfortunately it is how we are feeling on the inside that matters. No amount of weight loss can help us from our eyes looking outward at oirselves. We all must learn to love ourselves for who we are, no matter what our size or our weight. Sure we should all work towards bettering ourselves health wise, but not just so we can please others and fit in to a societal view of what is appropriate. Go forth with confidence and a positive view of who you are and others will see you in the same light.

Not true for me. I’ve always been very outgoing and confident and aware of my worth (and educated and competent) but when I’m heavier SOME other people treat me like they need me to acknowledge my lesser (fatty) worth by piping down. Or I’ve been treated like I’m invisible. When I’m closer to goal weight, I get more respect and acceptance.

I’m with you as well. I feel like my personality has been the same throughout this whole process, but people use to just never give me the chance to get to know me because I wasn’t their idea of attractive. I feel like I’m being treated as if my presence is a lot more accepted and desired now that I lost weight.

It sounds like human nature is kinda lousy

yweight2020

Men definitely treat me different when I'm bigger than a size 16 and not in A good way, even though a few men were interested in me at my biggest size 20 Not many and for the wrong reasons, like thinking big women love to cook and want to feed them or were insecure because of oir size so we'll except any treatment.

And women well to many of us arent nice to each other especially when we're dealing with smaller or pretty women .I've been much smaller perceived as a threat not many nice or be friendingg. As long as I'm big women are nice, befriending its really sad and ashamed behavior because my insides are the same regardless to my size.

ricomincia

Sometimes I think there is an element of self perception / projection here too... when you achieve your targets and you feel more positive about yourself you present a different version of yourself to the world around you... more energetic, vibrant and postitive - so mainly (speaking from experience) its more a change of your outlook on life and this shines through and people generally respond to this.....

SalinitySally

ek0513 wrote: »

utahjulia wrote: »

lacrosby03 wrote: »

I truly believe that the way we are viewed and treated has a direct correlation to the way we view ourselves. When we don't like who we are on the inside or on the outside others are able to perceive this. If you are confident in who you are, no matter your size, than shame on those who are judging you. It is unfortunate that we live in a society where looks matter more than anything else. How you treat yourself is how you will also be treated. Whether you are overweight underweight or somewhere in between, we all struggle with something. The unfortunate thing about dealing with excess weight is that others see our weight and view it as a conditional or psychological problem. Oftentimes we believe that if we lose weight all of those problems will go away. Unfortunately it is how we are feeling on the inside that matters. No amount of weight loss can help us from our eyes looking outward at oirselves. We all must learn to love ourselves for who we are, no matter what our size or our weight. Sure we should all work towards bettering ourselves health wise, but not just so we can please others and fit in to a societal view of what is appropriate. Go forth with confidence and a positive view of who you are and others will see you in the same light.

Not true for me. I’ve always been very outgoing and confident and aware of my worth (and educated and competent) but when I’m heavier SOME other people treat me like they need me to acknowledge my lesser (fatty) worth by piping down. Or I’ve been treated like I’m invisible. When I’m closer to goal weight, I get more respect and acceptance.

I’m with you as well. I feel like my personality has been the same throughout this whole process, but people use to just never give me the chance to get to know me because I wasn’t their idea of attractive. I feel like I’m being treated as if my presence is a lot more accepted and desired now that I lost weight.

Exactly what I meant, but more succinctly stated.

jjalbertt

Since gaining weight from being fit I know I'm treated differently in the dating department. People aren't as interested than before.
I'm working on it though and clearly those people aren't worth it!

sugarnspice0613

Hungry_Shopgirl wrote: »

One thing I found painful was when I mentioned a person to someone and they asked: "Who? The fat one?" No one would have ever said something like that to me when I was also overweight, but now that I'm the "normal" club people aren't as careful anymore I guess. The reason it hurt was because "the fat one" is an awesome person, a great human being, being singled out by this one feature. And it makes me wonder how many times people in the past have referred to me as 'the fat one'?

I also had a similar situation. After I lost a significant amount of weight (I believe 50 lbs at this time), people started paying more attention to me, and I developed a friendship with a married couple who lived in an apartment across from me. I saw them all the time and talked with them frequently, but we never hung out. After losing weight, they started inviting me to go out with them which I did...I always had a blast so we hung out most nights of the week.

And then one day, we were at Sonic sitting at one of the tables outside, and the husband started making fun of a fat person and said he should suck on a peppermint and then stick it on the person’s chair as they were sitting down so we could laugh once the person stood back up with candy stuck to their butt. I had always viewed the wife as one of the sweetest people I had met, but she just laughed at the thought of being cruel to someone simply because of their weight. I was shocked.

I immediately just started bawling because in that moment, I realized why we never became friends sooner. I realized they hated fat people, and I realized that was how they had viewed me until my weight loss...as if I was less of a person because of the extra weight. Our “friendship” ended that night.



As far as how everyone else treated me, I didn’t really notice a huge change in how women responded to me except that they would come up to me and tell me how much I inspired them with my weight loss journey (around 70lbs lost total). That made me feel amazing, but I didn’t feel they treated me differently as a person. I definitely had more men striking up random conversations, and it wasn’t due to having more confidence from losing weight. My confidence came from the attention I was receiving, not the other way around.