Parents on here I need advice, my daughter is seeing a guy way older than her
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WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »PikaJoyJoy wrote: »WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »PikaJoyJoy wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »I feel terribly sorry for this poor young lady
Why do you say that I'm teaching her the ropes
What ropes? Daddy manages your sex life?
No of how guys his age trying to get with her is aiming for one thing
You are way too worried about your daughter's vagina. Stay out of her sex life please.
I have to say that there are enough easy women out there that if he was only interested in one thing he could probably find it easier somewhere else. If he's taking her out and enjoying time with her and it's consentual then stay out of it. Hell they might just be f buddies, still not your business.
Sounds like mom met him because maybe she's level headed and doesn't come off as an intimidating abusive jerk.
No mom met him because my house rule is everyone has to come in the house . And he's disrespecting the house by picking up my daughter and not coming in
What? He's not disrespecting the house at all.
Yes, that's traditionally disrespectful. Gentlemen don't sit outside and honk the horn. They come to the door to pick a woman up. Including when you live alone. That's pretty commonly universal. This guy was clearly raised wrong and sadly... his daughter isn't demanding respect, either. Running out to jump in his car? Ugh. That's sad.
Just because people don't date like you and the OP, doesn't automatically make him wrong, disrespectful or hiding something.
Actually a lot of people (these days) tend to do date and WHEN they feel like the relationship is actually serious and may be leading to more, THEN they'll do the whole "meet the parents."
Not like meeting parents and having a chat. Literally it's rude to not come up and knock, even if you both scuttle away. It's disrespectful to the woman who's doing the dating. As an adult woman, I'd definitely cancel a date with a guy who didn't come to my door properly. It's a sign of not thinking the woman is "worth" merely getting off your *kitten* and going to the door. It really has little to do with parents/no parents. It's just rude in general.
And what if she asked him not to come to the door? At this point, I'd say this is a real possibility. Especially if the first thing you get bombarded with is "What are your intentions."
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@lookat6
Anyway OP I'm on your side here. In theory.You're concerned about your daughter. That's totally normal. But running in front of cars, trying to "talk" to him, Facebook friending... that's not going to give you any useful information on what kind of person he is or what his intentions are. And it's going to alienate your daughter. Its also crazy. (Just being honest)
You have to go behind the scenes and check his history. Run checks. Write his plate number and car make down so that if he runs off with your daughter... you have something to give police. And for goodness sake, if you want to find out about him on Facebook, create a fake profile of an attractive, youngish woman to get added. And then merely browse his history, friends, and potential exes.
Stop confronting right away and start investigating this dude from a position of calm, logical information. You have to get control of your emotions and put them to good use. Asking and yelling will get you no answers. Actual INFORMATION will.
ETA:
**More importantly, you need to be teaching your daughter to do *all of the above* HERSELF. So that both you and she can feel confident in her ability to govern herself. She's NOT a delicate flower where the "man shoukd know better". She's an equal, capable woman and you need to be empowering HER. Not empowering FOR her. Explain to her HONESTLY why you've been behaving the way you have, and seek to move on as a "behind the scenes" support system who doesn't confront and get crazy. One who just gathers information and keep reasonable watch.Thats your REAL power position for not just her, but yourself.**
After info-seeking, you'll either find out he's an OK dude and decide to properly invite him to dinner and "start over" .... or you'll find out he's a heinous *kitten* and turn that evidence over to your daughter/the police and hope she makes the right choice to dismiss him.0 -
PikaJoyJoy wrote: »WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »PikaJoyJoy wrote: »WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »PikaJoyJoy wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »I feel terribly sorry for this poor young lady
Why do you say that I'm teaching her the ropes
What ropes? Daddy manages your sex life?
No of how guys his age trying to get with her is aiming for one thing
You are way too worried about your daughter's vagina. Stay out of her sex life please.
I have to say that there are enough easy women out there that if he was only interested in one thing he could probably find it easier somewhere else. If he's taking her out and enjoying time with her and it's consentual then stay out of it. Hell they might just be f buddies, still not your business.
Sounds like mom met him because maybe she's level headed and doesn't come off as an intimidating abusive jerk.
No mom met him because my house rule is everyone has to come in the house . And he's disrespecting the house by picking up my daughter and not coming in
What? He's not disrespecting the house at all.
Yes, that's traditionally disrespectful. Gentlemen don't sit outside and honk the horn. They come to the door to pick a woman up. Including when you live alone. That's pretty commonly universal. This guy was clearly raised wrong and sadly... his daughter isn't demanding respect, either. Running out to jump in his car? Ugh. That's sad.
Just because people don't date like you and the OP, doesn't automatically make him wrong, disrespectful or hiding something.
Actually a lot of people (these days) tend to do date and WHEN they feel like the relationship is actually serious and may be leading to more, THEN they'll do the whole "meet the parents."
Not like meeting parents and having a chat. Literally it's rude to not come up and knock, even if you both scuttle away. It's disrespectful to the woman who's doing the dating. As an adult woman, I'd definitely cancel a date with a guy who didn't come to my door properly. It's a sign of not thinking the woman is "worth" merely getting off your *kitten* and going to the door. It really has little to do with parents/no parents. It's just rude in general.
And what if she asked him not to come to the door? At this point, I'd say this is a real possibility. Especially if the first thing you get bombarded with is "What are your intentions."
I don't care if she did it's not her option it's mine
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I can already see the ending of this story...
Guess who's moving in with her boyfriend!
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Still trying to decide if I should bookmark this thread to link back to in the inevitable "my daughter wont talk to me anymore, cant figure out why" thread to come in a few months or year or so.5
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TeacupsAndToning wrote: »WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »PikaJoyJoy wrote: »WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »PikaJoyJoy wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »I feel terribly sorry for this poor young lady
Why do you say that I'm teaching her the ropes
What ropes? Daddy manages your sex life?
No of how guys his age trying to get with her is aiming for one thing
You are way too worried about your daughter's vagina. Stay out of her sex life please.
I have to say that there are enough easy women out there that if he was only interested in one thing he could probably find it easier somewhere else. If he's taking her out and enjoying time with her and it's consentual then stay out of it. Hell they might just be f buddies, still not your business.
Sounds like mom met him because maybe she's level headed and doesn't come off as an intimidating abusive jerk.
No mom met him because my house rule is everyone has to come in the house . And he's disrespecting the house by picking up my daughter and not coming in
What? He's not disrespecting the house at all.
Yes, that's traditionally disrespectful. Gentlemen don't sit outside and honk the horn. They come to the door to pick a woman up. Including when you live alone. That's pretty commonly universal. This guy was clearly raised wrong and sadly... his daughter isn't demanding respect, either. Running out to jump in his car? Ugh. That's sad.
Just because people don't date like you and the OP, doesn't automatically make him wrong, disrespectful or hiding something.
Actually a lot of people (these days) tend to do date and WHEN they feel like the relationship is actually serious and may be leading to more, THEN they'll do the whole "meet the parents."
Not like meeting parents and having a chat. Literally it's rude to not come up and knock, even if you both scuttle away. It's disrespectful to the woman who's doing the dating. As an adult woman, I'd definitely cancel a date with a guy who didn't come to my door properly. It's a sign of not thinking the woman is "worth" merely getting off your *kitten* and going to the door. It really has little to do with parents/no parents. It's just rude in general.
If you picked a man up would you get out of the car and go to his door?
Of course. I was raised properly. It's rude as hell to sit somewhere and honk or wave out the window. Are you serious with this? It's like holding the door. You hold it for anyone and everyone. It's common politeness. We're not animals. And my son already holds doors for women, children, and the elderly and open my car door when he and I go to dinner. He's 13 and does dumb teen stuff like they all do. But he's been raised to be a gentleman, at the end of the day. It's about civility. Not gender specifically.0 -
Poisonedpawn78 wrote: »Still trying to decide if I should bookmark this thread to link back to in the inevitable "my daughter wont talk to me anymore, cant figure out why" thread to come in a few months or year or so.
Not all prisons, allow their inmates; to've internet access!2 -
WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »TeacupsAndToning wrote: »WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »PikaJoyJoy wrote: »WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »PikaJoyJoy wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »I feel terribly sorry for this poor young lady
Why do you say that I'm teaching her the ropes
What ropes? Daddy manages your sex life?
No of how guys his age trying to get with her is aiming for one thing
You are way too worried about your daughter's vagina. Stay out of her sex life please.
I have to say that there are enough easy women out there that if he was only interested in one thing he could probably find it easier somewhere else. If he's taking her out and enjoying time with her and it's consentual then stay out of it. Hell they might just be f buddies, still not your business.
Sounds like mom met him because maybe she's level headed and doesn't come off as an intimidating abusive jerk.
No mom met him because my house rule is everyone has to come in the house . And he's disrespecting the house by picking up my daughter and not coming in
What? He's not disrespecting the house at all.
Yes, that's traditionally disrespectful. Gentlemen don't sit outside and honk the horn. They come to the door to pick a woman up. Including when you live alone. That's pretty commonly universal. This guy was clearly raised wrong and sadly... his daughter isn't demanding respect, either. Running out to jump in his car? Ugh. That's sad.
Just because people don't date like you and the OP, doesn't automatically make him wrong, disrespectful or hiding something.
Actually a lot of people (these days) tend to do date and WHEN they feel like the relationship is actually serious and may be leading to more, THEN they'll do the whole "meet the parents."
Not like meeting parents and having a chat. Literally it's rude to not come up and knock, even if you both scuttle away. It's disrespectful to the woman who's doing the dating. As an adult woman, I'd definitely cancel a date with a guy who didn't come to my door properly. It's a sign of not thinking the woman is "worth" merely getting off your *kitten* and going to the door. It really has little to do with parents/no parents. It's just rude in general.
If you picked a man up would you get out of the car and go to his door?
Of course. I was raised properly. It's rude as hell to sit somewhere and honk or wave out the window. Are you serious with this? It's like holding the door. You hold it for anyone and everyone. It's common politeness. We're not animals. And my son already holds doors for women, children, and the elderly and open my car door when he and I go to dinner. He's 13 and does dumb teen stuff like they all do. But he's been raised to be a gentleman, at the end of the day. It's about civility. Not gender specifically.
I open doors for everyone. I let people with less items than me cut in front of me at the grocery store. I don't agree with horn honking but will call someone to let them know I'm outside waiting for them if I pick them up. I treat others with respect, I don't litter, and am always willing to go the extra mile for a friend.
Does this mean my parents raised me wrong because I prefer not to go to someone's door to knock on it if I have other options (like a cell phone) to let them know I've arrived?1 -
Don't be ridiculous.WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »You're daughter is a full blown adult. End of story.
That doesn't make a mom stop worrying like every mom does and should. And the other poster is right. If it's under her roof, it's 100% her business. I had to stay with my parents for a brief stint of 6 months between houses and even though I was 28 and a mom with a kid... I followed their rules, their curfew, and paid them rent.
This situation would fully concern me as well. Did you miss the part where her daughter is a VIRGIN at 22 years old?
Did you miss the part where 22 means adult and just because it his business doesn't mean there is anything he can do about it? Concern is one thing, asserting some sort of dominance over his adult daughters life is another. What else?
No, it's that any parent who claims they "stop parenting" at the magical age of legal adulthood are liars. A 22 year old is mentally a baby.
And rent or no rent, she's in his home and he has 100% right to parent her. If she doesn't want to be directly patented, she can get her "adult" self an apartment.
And I already said the Dad should be background and criminal checking this dude out. Rather than talking about meeting up (to fight? talk? I dunno, that's unclear). Talking to him is useless if he's an accomplished liar and criminal. Which is what he should be looking into and then calmly urging his daughter to understand that a man much older seeking a 22 year old, virginal girlfriend is likely a sicko/pervert.
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I blocked his car in last month and asked him what his intentions were and when was he going to come and see me He hasn't came like a real man to talk
Please pass this on to your daughter:
It's time to move out from home. Your father's controlling who you see to this extant is not normal. It is time for you to get your own apartment or one with roommates. I'd also suggest counseling to help you figure out what is appropriate behavior among adults since your father clearly doesn't know.
You may outgrow the 31 year old who dates a 22 year old who still is controlled by her parents. I outgrew at 20 the 34 year old professor who dated me.
I've been there. No one mourned when my father died, especially not his daughters.
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My husband is 12 years older than me. Works for me!1
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FabulousFantasticFifty wrote: »My daughter is 22 she has been seeing a 31 year old male at her job in a warehouse for five months he is always coming over here and stopping by to see her and he takes her out about once a week every week for the past few months and I want to know what he sees in my daughter to want to take her out. My daughter is 22 and she still lives at home and my daughter doesn't have much guy experience either.
She works but that's about it. This guy from her job that takes her out has bought her a gift from bath and body works and he takes her out to eat and buys her food but, honestly I think he's using her my daughter eleven though she looks happy when she goes out with him and she talks about him a lot but I'm not sure. I'm weary because 9 times out of 10 when the age gap is this big I'm pretty sure he's after one thing and I wanna protect my daughter. I try to tell my daughter that she is being gullible and that he doesn't want her like she wants him. I feel like my daughter is desperate and putting herself on him. I rather her date someone who is at the most five years older.
I don't think his intentions are genuine and I'm pretty sure he can't find someone his age that's why he wants my daughter. I don't mind her dating but not a guy this older. I honestly think she is either being used or potentially going to get her feelings really her with this guy. She is emotionally immature and isn't ready for him. He is way far along in life than she is and I told my daughter to not lose her virginity to this old man!
I try to teach my daughter to not be impressed by the little things guys do but it seems like she fell for him and I have a bad feeling about this.
It sounds like he may genuinely be fond of your daughter and it might not be too fair of you to assume that his intentions are bad. I understand your discomfort in the age gap, but it really isn't a big deal, it's not like he's a 50 year old trying to date a teenager! Your Daughter is an adult, and you need to let her grow up and make and learn from her own decisions. Unless you have seen ill will or any actions that would be harmful to her, you really need to let her experience that which makes her happy without feeling like her parents are running her life and making decisions for her. We all take chances in relationships and an age gap rarely is the reason that they fail! This Man may or may not be your Daughter's Soul Mate, but only she can make that determination and needs to have the right to make That judgement on her own!
I really can relate and have four children of my own who are now all adults. I don't and haven't always agreed with every decision that they make in their lives, and its really hard to see them fall, but I have witnessed them all pick themselves up and become the happy, responsible People that they are today!
The Best of Wishes!
I wanted to add: Maybe if you all went to dinner together or something you might get a chance to get a better feel for him and get to know him better. This may ease your mind or confirm your worries.
P.S. I married at 16 to a 21 year old! While dating he always had respect and never expected anything else from me.0 -
On the other side of the coin I'm 35 and if I was single and dating it would be very difficult for me to take somebody who's 10 years younger than me very seriously, I think I'm most likely would end up seeing it as just a bit of fun to be honest with you because there is a maturity Gap in most cases when you're talking about distances in age like that.
I believe in most cases anyhow people in their early twenties still have a bit of growing to do and in my 30s I would feel that I'm honestly just too old to deal with that kind of maturity Gap but not to say that there aren't exceptions
I'm sure there are plenty of people in their early Twenties that are more mature than people in their thirties so don't just jump all over me all you early twenties people LOL0 -
This is too funny. I do love trolls.
if for a moment i pretended you are genuine and serious about this... just for fun...
1. Why would she respect your rules when you are disrespectingher choices (remembering that she can drink, own a gun, drive, chose a religon, vote, etc etc). My rule is everyone is welcome until they abuse that hospitality... clearly yours is conditional.
2. assuming your daughters virginity is gone... its not your choice who she gives it too.
3. do you know how many children are scarred by the effects of controlling and overbearing parents... you will only push her away with your judgemental behavior... let her learn her own life lessons and be there to support her when she needs her mum.7 -
I told her imagine getting married and your husband says "I wish I was your first" he will be disappointed so she needs to think about who she's having sex with
The whole "I wish I was your first," thing is super, ultra creepy. Virginity is not some prize to be awarded... and neither is your daughter. YOU are being super, ultra creepy. This is why the guy is trying not to come face to face with you: you're beating your chest like a silverback with all your talk of A REAL MAN and threats of violence and treating your daughter like a prized show horse you'll only breed with the right stallion.16
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