What was your point of disgust?
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Mine wasn't really about physical appearance. About 6 years ago, I was diagnosed pre-diabetic. I lost 85 pounds and have kept it off.3
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hit 170. On my 40th birthday, two months ago, I had decided that my life was over and there was no reason to keep living. All the things I had done in the last couple years had made no changes to my life other than aesthetically and no matter how much I tried to fit in with the world around me I would never be accepted. The depression ran deep again with some serious considerations of just ending it all.
Please, please, please seek professional, medical help for your depression.7 -
I received word that my blood sugar was now in the Diabetes Type 2 range. A co-worker, who is very overweight and has horrible eating habits told me "I heard you're one of us now--welcome to the Diabetes Club." That was a turning point for me. I knew I'd have to shape up eventually but that was really the breaking point.
The fact that there is even a concept of 'the Diabetes Club' says all that needs to be said about the tragic state of things with many countries' food industries. That really should not be a thing, and also wasn't one quite recently (I'm in my 40s but that's not THAT old! I remember a time when hardly anyone had diabetes—and it'd be Type I, hardly anyone had asthma, peanut allergy, etc. WTF!?). But even worse than that this shift has happened is how quickly we've just internalised it as 'normal'. What on earth can be done to turn this ship around?
Ok I'm a little off-topic. I'll contribute my own story about deciding to lose weight another time.1 -
After living like that for another 8 months and several turn downs and dating site failures(not even one date in 4 years!) I decided it wasn't worth it anymore. I kept telling myself I would start working out again if I ever hit 170. I "ballooned" back up to 176 after a couple of months. On my 40th birthday, two months ago, I had decided that my life was over and there was no reason to keep living. All the things I had done in the last couple years had made no changes to my life other than aesthetically and no matter how much I tried to fit in with the world around me I would never be accepted. The depression ran deep again with some serious considerations of just ending it all. I really thought about what had changed during the last couple months and came to the conclusion that it is possible that my current diet of bad foods had affected my thinking. I read or heard once that sugars could affect the mindset dramatically. I lay on my bed once again looking down at my body and I decided to start my programs again. Either having my mind occupied with thoughts of working out and goals or the change in diet or a combination of both got me back on track and I got back to 155. I am thinking of making a run at 145 or less. I guess to actually answer the question of "point of disgust" it would have been each time I laid on my bed and looked down. I offer no advice other than if one can look at that themselves and be genuinely accepting and happy with the appearance then do nothing but if you see the slightest bit of darkness try to reconstruct it to your own standards.
I second the previous poster's concern for your emotional health and also think seeing a professional may be called for. However, for whatever it's worth, please do understand that the social troubles you have had are absolutely normal in this day in age. I realise saying that is not actually a solution to your problem; I'm not aiming for the 'misery loves company' defence, just hoping to at least make it clear that if you're lonely and lacking in simple human contact it's not because you've done anything wrong. We are, as a society, living through a terrible age of loneliness and disconnection. Not everybody realises that because everybody tries to put on a brave face when they're in front of others. It's little comfort, I'm sure.
Out of left field suggestion: if you can afford it what about some travel? I have specific parameters for what I mean by 'travel' in this context, but I speak from experience. Try to carve out a block of time—at least a month if it is in any way feasible for you (I realise we have jobs and responsibilities) but two weeks if not. And don't stay in traditional hotels OR Airbnbs (well most types of Airbnb that is): what you're looking for is something like a backpacker hostel, but you don't need to actually be properly backpacking, nor do you need to be super young (they also have single rooms if you're not into the dorm thing). All types stay at hostels: single travellers, business people, families, and yes hippies too; ages skew youngish but 40 is far from out of the question and I've met several in their 50s and 60s! The key is that you stay in accommodation that has common rooms, cafeterias, rooftop terraces, stuff like that where guests don't just sit in their own rooms but simply position themselves in one of the common rooms, buy a beer from the refrigerator next to the reception desk, meet each other, ask each other where they've been to and where they're going next, etc. In my experience, people who meet each other travelling tend to stay friends because everybody is at loose ends during the liminal experience of travel, everybody is open and actually desiring to meet new people, have adventures together, etc. And you keep in touch because you have a shared experience together that nobody else from their home lives understands. In my case, people I met backpacking in Europe on one trip turned into friends I went to visit and stay with (free accommodation!) on the next backpacking trip to Asia and Australia a few years later. Budget-wise, I once did a two-month trip around Europe (staying in dorms, riding Eurrail) and actually had more money in my bank account when I got home than when I left. Note: I'd accrued a month of leave so got paid half the time I was gone, but I was also working at a non-profit so my salary was not impressive. It's more doable than people think, and really kickstarted me at a time when I also felt incredibly isolated and lonely in my normal life.5 -
None of my clothes fit. At 31, my joints ached and I was exhausted. But the final straw was the day I sat down and felt my stomach resting on my thighs. I hated that feeling, and I hated being out of control.
One month down, and many to go, I feel better and daily discovering things I can wear and activities I can do that I couldn't a month ago.7 -
I appreciate the thoughts and concerns of those who replied to my post. Coincidentally the thing that started my depression was a therapist. I had gone to her for a work related issue stemming from out performing everyone but not being compensated the same, and pound for pound far less, which eventually led to me starting my own company. Anyway, she wanted to steer the conversations to my personal life which I was against but that's the way we went. I was content with my life, maybe not happy but at least content. She started suggesting all the changes I made insisting that it would make me feel better even though I felt fine and just wanted to know why I was treated different than my co-workers. To be very blunt about my life at that point, I had never been laid while I was a non-smoking, sober, in shape, short hair, free thinking, independent person. From the age of 18 to 24 I lived a relatively healthy lifestyle, worked out regularly, ate right, not much drinking and had a decent income. But when I was out with friends I always noticed at the end of the night I was always alone. For those 6 years I was in a forced celibacy by women. It wasn't until I started drinking heavy and not caring about myself that I finally started getting noticed by women. Coincidentally that is how I scored in high school. I didn't even get a first kiss until I started drinking sophomore year. I quit after graduating to focus on life I or so I thought. Trust me, I know they weren't the right ones but at that point at least it was better than being alone. I lived like that from 25 to 31. Eventually I grew out of that and just sunk into a routine(rut) where I would just work, drink, repeat. During that time I maintained a weight of 175 which I was okay with. Had a couple relationships that just didn't work, basically they had to move and I wasn't that invested into the relationship. Then the work/therapist thing happened at 36. She made me feel, right or wrong, that my life was worthless. She made me believe that everything I was doing had made my life terrible even if I felt happy about it. I had no feelings of depression. I liked that I could have a couple beers after work even it led to getting drunk more times than not. But I knew it wasn't healthy mentally or physically. I tried telling her repeatedly that her suggestions to me have already been done and it did nothing for me. But ever the optimist I said I would do it again. So I went back to being sober, quit smoking, exercising again, etc. In fact that's when I noticed I had actually gained weight. Sure I was exercising but I wasn't counting calories or actually paying attention to foods I was eating. I took out fast foods and restaurants and was making my own meals. But my meals were technically 2 servings or more. I had stopped seeing the therapist because she made me feel worse about myself. I mean if the best version of me couldn't meet someone what was the point of being around. Besides I went there for work and she did nothing for that and I quit that job anyway. I gave thought to some of the things she said though and agreed that I still wasn't at my best since I was technically overweight. Then I did what I said in the original post, cutting down to 155lbs and following the other goals more strictly. I had a list made of all my goals and I had conquered them all except two, meeting a woman and having a child. I decided that if I reach 40 and do not have a child then it will never happen. Some people will chime in with "lots of people have kids after 40", and that's great, I just decided for myself that I do not want to be 50 with kids still in school. I would rather be planning an early retirement and maybe doing that traveling that someone suggested instead. As for travelling now, I'm not much for doing things alone and since starting my company I haven't had the resources to do much yet.
So now I'm back to being a non-smoking, sober, in shape, short hair, free thinking, independent person in a forced celibacy once again for the last 3+ years. My original plan was to to go back to my old life style once I got to 170. I am growing my hair back. I throw several parties throughout the year for big sporting events and have refrained from drinking but really want to just for the heck of it. Funny analogy - you don't need shoes to run but it does make it more enjoyable. The only thing that stops me is I know I will start smoking once I start drinking and I really don't want to do that. But when I did all that stuff I actually got laid so there is that.
Not really looking to make this about me just letting those who commented know that I'm fine. I'm in a good place as of now while I chase down 145. My most recent party was last weekend after I checked in at 155 and I had a ton of leftovers that I finally finished so I'm actually back in the low 160's but that'll be gone in no time. I'm a pretty loyal and dedicated to myself. I told myself I couldn't have a drink until I made 170 then changed it to 155 then changed it to 145 so I'm pretty sure I will change it again because 135 is still a possibility and physically I can handle it. But I also can handle double chocolate thins from chips ahoy so 135 is going to have to wait until those things go off the market.5 -
I remember it vividly.
I was used to adults asking me when I was due. I always chalked it up people being rude. We had a small church thanksgiving last November (2016) and my friend who was pregnant was talking to a five year old about how she would have a baby soon. The five year old then asked me when my baby was coming. It hurt so bad because I knew it was innocent. It hit me that the adults weren't just being rude, I really did look pregnant.
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A horrible photo.1
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I am turning 30 in a few months. I hate the way I look and I have for months now. I began taking a medication to help with some hormonal issues I was having and gained 10 pounds in 2 months! That certainly didn't help my insecurity. My husband is so supportive and says that he loves the way I look, but I am so uncomfortable. They say when you turn 30, your body changes. I don't want to be stuck like this forever! My health genes are TERRIBLE and I want to avoid any medical issues for as long as possible! I've lost a little and it's given me some motivation, but at this point I'm still searching for energy to exercise.
I've still been eating what I want as far as dinner with my family, just less of it. I know that when I start making healthier choices and exercise, I'll see more results!
Good luck to you all
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when i started having issues with reaching my feet to cut nails, or to tie shoelaces. wasnt disgusted, but i decided that i need to lose weight for the first time in my life.0
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Mine was I had to commute to college which meant taking trains walking a lot walking up stairs ect I litterally couldn't do it anymore... something had to be done0
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I didn't realize I was even fat people were only complimentary to me until I stepped on the scale at 218lb I was horrified.
Now at 132lb I'm not 'disgusted' more disappointed with my body my goal is about getting the last few stubborn lbs off.
I find it difficult to have motivation because after moving to the US nearly everyone is overweight in this city I find it quite depressing.2 -
I started my journey 2 days ago, because the universe has made it pretty clear that it's time. I'm feeling really positive now, but I was pretty upset last week. In the past couple of weeks, I have:
- realised that I recoil whenever my hubby tries to spoon me because I'm so uncomfortable about my belly and cannot stand to have it touched
- broken a plastic chair (honestly not sure if it was because of my fat behind or just bad luck, but it was extremely humiliating)
- wheezed when I tied my shoe
- had a kid at my work congratulate me on being pregnant (I'm not)
- had to do a most unglamorous dance, just to fit into my swimsuit, and it did not look at all flattering
- been busted hiding fast food wrappers by the husband
- had to stand on the train because I didn't fit into the space a nice man made for me (Granted, he was not slim himself and the 2-seater seats on our trains are not generous, but that's beside the point).
- Just today I was at a restaurant, and my butt was sticking into the metal poles at the side. I was unimpressed, but if that wasn't motivation, I don't know what is!
- Oh! And that to the awful time at the water park when the guy questioned if I would be too heavy for the slide that looped.
The weird thing is, I've been this weight (give or take 2 kilos) for a while, so I'm not sure why it's all come to a head now. I'll take it as a sign. The past month has been horrendous for weight-related embarrassments, and I'm just done with fat-lady problems. I'll take my problems with a side of skinny, thanks.
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I got on the scale at a doctor's appointment and realized I'd gained 10 lbs since my last visit...which had previously been my highest weight ever. I figured if I didn't take charge, I was just going to keep gaining. Downloaded MFP that afternoon and lost those 10 lbs in about 6 weeks. Not much more to go!0
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Feeling depressed, energyless, and dislike of my body are all reasons why M.F.P, eating right, and getting enough sleep has become a crucial part of my life. I realized that waking up at a late time, not eating breakfast, laying around, and eating bad choices were not going to change the detriment that I was putting myself into. So, I am slowly but surely bringing myself to a positive outcome.0
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Bad photo from holidays and a change in job. I can access a gym near where I work now so I'm delighted0
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Not able to keep up with my little boy who is only two and have another one on the way, always been heavy but it never really held me back. Getting older I can start to feel it affecting my joints so need to do something about it now.0
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I was sitting in the bed.. relaxing...just flipping channels. I noticed that with every breath I took, literally my whole body was moving while I was breathing. I said to myself... you're not supposed to be able to see people breathe...are you??? I was 235 lbs...and not pregnant...I had to change something!0
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Last October a few things happened. I went hiking and I physically couldn't do it, I was nauseated from exertion. Something clicked because my weight was starting to affect my freedom, my mobility, my enjoyment of life. I started trying to get back in shape, but I couldn't walk 15 minutes without lower back pain. Then my uncle died. He had some sort of heart surgery, but he stopped seeing doctors, gave up on life, died of a heart attack. That WILL NOT be me if I have a say in it. And now that I'm 60lbs down, improved a lot about my health, and hike 6 miles weekly, might as well keep going... lol. Getting started felt like the hard part. I have so much sympathy for anyone just starting out.0
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sparklyyeah wrote: »Im tired of letting life pass me by.
Of not doing things because of my weight.
I'm not confident as a big woman - I want my mojo back!
That. Right there. Pretty much much sums it up!!2 -
Someone asked me if I was having twins.....yikes!0
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I am turning 30 in a few months. I hate the way I look and I have for months now. I began taking a medication to help with some hormonal issues I was having and gained 10 pounds in 2 months! That certainly didn't help my insecurity. My husband is so supportive and says that he loves the way I look, but I am so uncomfortable. They say when you turn 30, your body changes. I don't want to be stuck like this forever! My health genes are TERRIBLE and I want to avoid any medical issues for as long as possible! I've lost a little and it's given me some motivation, but at this point I'm still searching for energy to exercise.
I've still been eating what I want as far as dinner with my family, just less of it. I know that when I start making healthier choices and exercise, I'll see more results!
Good luck to you all
Whoever "they" are don't know what they're talking about. I'm 30, and I'm in a lot better shape now than I was in my 20's. I know a 63 year old woman who is a foot shorter, 50 pounds lighter and could kick my *kitten*! She's a 2nd degree black belt. Don't let getting old be a barrier, it's in your head and only in your head.
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My moment was when I went to the doctor for knee pain and he said "You've got to get this load off your knees!" I knew the extra weight was not doing my knees any favors, but to actually hear it from a doctor in such a forthright way straightened me right up. He said if I could get down below 160, my knees would feel better and I probably wouldn't need surgery. He also said that doing surgery when I was too heavy would be a bad idea because there wouldn't be a good result.
I've loved walking all my life, and have always wanted to do more traveling and hiking once my kids were grown. I'm not ready to give up that dream. In the past 9 months, I've lost 65 pounds and now weigh 175. My knees have continually improved, but the knee pain still prevents me from walking even one mile. I'm determined to get all the way down to 130 and live the active life I want to live.3 -
Not disgusted. More like despair. My lightbulb moment was that after a life time of struggle, I'm still doing the same thing. I went to look for clothes for summer, and bought a tshirt without trying it on. When I put it on at home, of course it was too small!
What's wrong with the manufacturers, I thought? All the clothes in the shops must be for tiny people.
Then I realised it was me who was LARGE. AGAIN. I am keeping the tshirt as a reminder to myself that I WILL fit into it soon, as I'm determined to do this finally, and join the tiny brigade. Well, I won't ever be tiny, but a bit smaller would be nice!0 -
It takes me longer to recover from going up the stairs then actually going up the stairs...4
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When suddenly the clothes I used to wear were fitting uncomfortably- particularly my jeans which at one point I had to stop wearing. At this time I also started to notice that I looked different in pictures. I was noticeably bigger and when I started getting the urge to "alter" (photoshop) the pictures, that's when I realized I had a problem. That was my breaking point. I need to own that I let myself go and this is my opportunity to fix it. I want to look at pictures and see someone who is strong, heathy, and happy.0
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When I stopped doing my hair or putting on make up before I went to work because "it was going to make a difference anyway".1
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I was always comfortable with who I was and the size I was, until we went on vacation back home to visit my parents.
They fed us so much while we were there, by the end of the trip I couldn't get my pants closed (they were a 23W). After the 6 hour plane ride back to reality, we stopped for supper at Wendy's. I hadn't eaten anything all day, but I still felt soooo sick and bloated.
I remember looking down at my chili cheese fries, and whispering to myself, the fries and my husband..."...I can't do this anymore.....I just...I just can't..."
And I never looked back. I've lost 160lb since then. I've re-joined MFP to help with the last 20lbs 9 -
lots of times:
- when i saw myself in a full length mirror recently
- when i could no longer fit in any of my jeans and they're are already size 18
- when my doctor said i had High Blood Pressure (due to weight)
- when i started getting signs of sleep apnea
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I realised that if I got pregnant, I wouldn't need to worry about hiding it for the 1st 12 weeks because my pot belly would disguise it.
Not being able to tell if I'm pregnant or fat is my biggest worry, so I'm committing to get back to a UK size 10/12 before we start trying next year.0
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