Men: Dating

245

Replies

  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

    That was so refreshing to read!

    Thanks for asking these questions op, as I wonder about this often. I also wonder if it's an age thing, as in, are older men more likely to accept a woman with a child than a younger man? A few of the men that I know who are around my age would date someone, while most say hell no because they don't want to deal with the baby's father.

    I would tell the guy on day one that I have a son. If they like it good, if not, that's good too. I'd know that particular person wasn't for me, and move on. Simple as that. I don't have time to be getting emotionally invested in someone who has a problem with my son.
    It's not an age thing, in my experience. It's a maturity thing for some and a values thing for others. These can vary amongst men of any ages.
  • Ben2118
    Ben2118 Posts: 571 Member
    From the outset, this is important on a number of levels. 1 if the guy doesn't want kids, he can call it off before it gets serious, let's face it, in my opinion kids are never an issue in a relationship, I don't have any myself but I have dated girls who have but not everyone is the same, so you owe him that just so he knows. If anything before you go on your 1st date you should tell the other person, in my opinion anyway

    2nd, if I were him and you kept that from me for a while, I'd be thinking what else hasn't she told me that she thinks I might not want to hear and he may lose a little trust in you.

    Don't ever think having kids will stop you from meeting someone amazing, just be honest from the outset and see where it goes :)
  • AverageUkDude
    AverageUkDude Posts: 371 Member
    It should be one of the first things he should find out about you.

    It's not such a big deal really, I have recently dated someone with a child, it didn't work out but that was for other reasons.

    Any guy who is worth your time and attention won't be bothered by the fact that you have a child.
  • jdm_taco
    jdm_taco Posts: 999 Member
    You should mention on first date. I don't mind 1 or 2, but no thanks on more than that. Your response will vary greatly depending on age of man you date. Most guys 25 and under will turn and run, but older than that and many men are not only more mature about it but are understanding that it is more likely women will have children.

    Do not ever settle for a guy that cannot accept that child comes first and foremost and be very explicit with this fact right off the bat. If they do not agree don't waste a second of your time.
  • Juliejustsaying
    Juliejustsaying Posts: 2,332 Member
    Why would you go out with someone you haven't talked to before? And why would you not tell him about your child if you've been talking to him. I'm so confused...no man is more important than my children, no man would ever be more important. Maybe when they are adults and have their own families, but now..no way.
  • exile40
    exile40 Posts: 161 Member
    Straight away
    Be honest and upfront from the start
  • Juliejustsaying
    Juliejustsaying Posts: 2,332 Member
    Single parent here. Anyone I go out with knows I have a son long before we have a first date. My most important role is also my proudest - as it should be for every parent!

    Edit: That doesn't mean they meet my son. I don't believe in creating the relationship revolving door, so unless it starts to get serious, the two don't communicate. Stability for the kiddo first.
    ^this, oh this x 1million. I've been divorced for 8 years, only started dating a year and a half ago, I've been dating the same man for a year, and he has not spent time with my kids. It just isn't time...we'll know it when and if that time comes, I'm rushing nothing.
  • exile40
    exile40 Posts: 161 Member
    Single parent here. Anyone I go out with knows I have a son long before we have a first date. My most important role is also my proudest - as it should be for every parent!

    Edit: That doesn't mean they meet my son. I don't believe in creating the relationship revolving door, so unless it starts to get serious, the two don't communicate. Stability for the kiddo first.

    My fav response .

    Good work bro .
  • LiftBigtoGetFit
    LiftBigtoGetFit Posts: 3,399 Member
    letting them know you have a child should happen right away. letting them meet your child should come later when you are both comfortable with that step.
  • SRB8710
    SRB8710 Posts: 90
    I am a single parent and I let them know right away that I can't go on dates if you call me 5 min before. I have a kid and I have to plan accordingly. Now it is a whole different story for when they are going to meet the kid! :)
  • pudadough
    pudadough Posts: 1,271 Member
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

    Um, no. A guy is not a "flake" because he doesn't want to date a woman with kids. I'm a woman who would prefer to date a guy with no kids. Because I don't have any myself. And I've heard too many horror stories about baby mama drama (and the reverse with dads.)

    So yeah, that's nonsense.

    That said, tell the guy right away, because he may not personally have an issue with it. Never know unless you try, right?
  • sub10orbust
    sub10orbust Posts: 706 Member
    tell them before the date
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    You should tell him immediately. There is no good excuse for not being upfront about the fact that you have children. I don't want to hear that "it's not any of their business until things get more serious." Bull****. If you don't want a guy to meet your kids, fine. Totally understandable. Neglecting to mention that you have kids? Unacceptable.

    And stop with the "he's a flake/he doesn't deserve you if he can't deal with the fact that you have kids" stuff, too. I don't care how much you like kids, dating someone who has kids with another person is a big freaking deal on a number of levels. You can't just wave it off like it's not a major thing and act like only a horrible person would think twice about it.
  • avalonms
    avalonms Posts: 2,468 Member
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

    Um, no. A guy is not a "flake" because he doesn't want to date a woman with kids. I'm a woman who would prefer to date a guy with no kids. Because I don't have any myself. And I've heard too many horror stories about baby mama drama (and the reverse with dads.)

    So yeah, that's nonsense.

    That said, tell the guy right away, because he may not personally have an issue with it. Never know unless you try, right?
    This.
  • emaren
    emaren Posts: 934 Member
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

    Um, no. A guy is not a "flake" because he doesn't want to date a woman with kids. I'm a woman who would prefer to date a guy with no kids. Because I don't have any myself. And I've heard too many horror stories about baby mama drama (and the reverse with dads.)

    I am at a point in my life where there is no way that I would consider a long term relationship with a woman who had young (non adult) children.

    You can call me selfish all you like, I am selfish. But I have been there, I have lived through the 'raise your step child as if they are your own' years and honestly it was very tough on me and on 'us' as a couple. Needless to say, the relationship eventually imploded mostly due to the issues involved with an over-protective mother and a child that had an ability to get into trouble despite mom considering them to be perfect and almost angelic. In that relationship I could never disagree with the (now adult) child without mom taking their side too - so I was constantly out-numbered (You are not my dad). It was not a great deal of fun....

    Honestly tell the guy(s) early on - but be prepared, many men may not initially think it is an issue, but when they really start to think about it, the situation may scare some off.....
  • UrbanLotus
    UrbanLotus Posts: 1,163 Member
    You should tell him immediately. There is no good excuse for not being upfront about the fact that you have children. I don't want to hear that "it's not any of their business until things get more serious." Bull****. If you don't want a guy to meet your kids, fine. Totally understandable. Neglecting to mention that you have kids? Unacceptable.

    And stop with the "he's a flake/he doesn't deserve you if he can't deal with the fact that you have kids" stuff, too. I don't care how much you like kids, dating someone who has kids with another person is a big freaking deal on a number of levels. You can't just wave it off like it's not a major thing and act like only a horrible person would think twice about it.

    Yup. People are allowed to have preferences - having a kid has a HUGE impact on one's lifestyle etc. If people can have preferences about height, hair color etc, they sue can have preferences about this. Tell them *before* the date.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
    You should tell him immediately. There is no good excuse for not being upfront about the fact that you have children. I don't want to hear that "it's not any of their business until things get more serious." Bull****. If you don't want a guy to meet your kids, fine. Totally understandable. Neglecting to mention that you have kids? Unacceptable.

    And stop with the "he's a flake/he doesn't deserve you if he can't deal with the fact that you have kids" stuff, too. I don't care how much you like kids, dating someone who has kids with another person is a big freaking deal on a number of levels. You can't just wave it off like it's not a major thing and act like only a horrible person would think twice about it.

    Thank you.
  • rosemaryhon
    rosemaryhon Posts: 507 Member
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.


    This ^^, nicely said.
  • Hexahedra
    Hexahedra Posts: 894 Member
    Tell him immediately, If he can't deal with it there's no point in wasting your time and his.

    If I ever become single again, I'm not gonna waste my time with any woman who can't accept my having a child. It doesn't necessarily mean she's shallow or anything, it's just that I can have no future with such woman.
  • emaren
    emaren Posts: 934 Member
    Sorry, but there are a ton of reasons why the 'flake' comment is absolutely pathetic.

    Perhaps someone can explain why no wanting to raise another persons' child would make me a flake ?
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
    on your wedding day.
  • What316
    What316 Posts: 563
    Don't tell him and then watch him think the house is haunted woman in black style as he hears little feet running about upstairs ,and kids laughing :smile:
  • eric_sg61
    eric_sg61 Posts: 2,925 Member
    If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake.
    And a white knight appears........in the 2nd post LOL
  • GnosisGnosis
    GnosisGnosis Posts: 148
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

    This, but for way different reasons. First sentence, please, so I can run away. Otherwise I'll run away, never call again, and be slightly annoyed to boot.
  • BarbellApprentice
    BarbellApprentice Posts: 486 Member
    Wait until the honeymoon to tell him.
  • polar135
    polar135 Posts: 319 Member
    THIS!!!!!
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.
  • gonnamakeanewaccount
    gonnamakeanewaccount Posts: 642 Member
    I honestly feel that's it's important that you be completely open and honest. You really should tell him on the first date.
  • Stump_Likker
    Stump_Likker Posts: 2,059 Member
    Sorry, but there are a ton of reasons why the 'flake' comment is absolutely pathetic.

    Perhaps someone can explain why no wanting to raise another persons' child would make me a flake ?

    My daughter's dad is still very involved in her life. I don't need another man to raise her. It doesn't make a man a flake necessarily if he doesn't want to, But he may be passing up a great relationship because of that hangup. IMO
  • DS4725
    DS4725 Posts: 5
    I would let a guy know before agreeing to the date. They can make the decision at that point whether or not to proceed with the date. I understand why some guys wouldn't want to date some women with kids. I've seen some pretty bad situations with friends. It doesn't mean the guy's bad if he chooses not to and you shouldn't take it personal.
  • Slendermike
    Slendermike Posts: 1,776 Member
    be up front and honest. I am a single guy and when I meet a woman, I tell her right then. Honesty is the best policy :)

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