Men: Dating

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  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,026 Member
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    Immediately. Otherwise you are being deceptive.

    As I am getting older, I realize that any expectation of finding a girl who has no children and has never been married is laughable.
  • michellemybelll
    michellemybelll Posts: 2,228 Member
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    Immediately. Otherwise you are being deceptive.

    As I am getting older, I realize that any expectation of finding a girl who has no children and has never been married is laughable.

    not so much. this is me. and i plan on keeping it that way. :flowerforyou:
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,026 Member
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    Immediately. Otherwise you are being deceptive.

    As I am getting older, I realize that any expectation of finding a girl who has no children and has never been married is laughable.

    not so much. this is me. and i plan on keeping it that way. :flowerforyou:

    Not so much what? Sorry, confused.
  • TeamDale
    TeamDale Posts: 383 Member
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    As soon as you can. Better to honest up front instead of making him think otherwise and then dropping it on him.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
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    Immediately. Otherwise you are being deceptive.

    As I am getting older, I realize that any expectation of finding a girl who has no children and has never been married is laughable.

    not so much. this is me. and i plan on keeping it that way. :flowerforyou:

    Not so much what? Sorry, confused.

    The idea is not so laughable because she fits that description. In other words she proves those people are out there.
  • EricJonrosh
    EricJonrosh Posts: 823 Member
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    I would know before the first date, and it's never a deal breaker. The more the merrier.
  • emaren
    emaren Posts: 934 Member
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    Sorry, but there are a ton of reasons why the 'flake' comment is absolutely pathetic.

    Perhaps someone can explain why no wanting to raise another persons' child would make me a flake ?

    My daughter's dad is still very involved in her life. I don't need another man to raise her. It doesn't make a man a flake necessarily if he doesn't want to, But he may be passing up a great relationship because of that hangup. IMO

    - Not Raising ?
    I've been there, I was father in everything except the biological sense. Sure the child still had contact with their biological father, but, I was the one that was there for them. I provided a roof and food and clothes and then school costs, tech, first car, driving lessons, you name it. I think that in every sense of the word, I raised that child.

    Hang-up ?
    I'm sorry, but it is choice. Some guys simply do not like the idea of an instant family. Perhaps we have these crazy dreams of romantic years, planning, building, then having children as we see fit. The instant family thing sort of messes with that.

    Oh and you might think that this is wrong, but you know, I've been there (twice actually) . There is no way I would go there again.

    Not ever, not under any circumstances.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I was always very upfront about it. No man ever walked away over it, either.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,026 Member
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    Immediately. Otherwise you are being deceptive.

    As I am getting older, I realize that any expectation of finding a girl who has no children and has never been married is laughable.

    not so much. this is me. and i plan on keeping it that way. :flowerforyou:

    Not so much what? Sorry, confused.

    The idea is not so laughable because she fits that description. In other words she proves those people are out there.

    They are out there, but very few and far between in my experience. And if you try to limit yourself to those people you are decreasing the odds of finding someone that you're compatible with by a great deal.
  • michellemybelll
    michellemybelll Posts: 2,228 Member
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    Immediately. Otherwise you are being deceptive.

    As I am getting older, I realize that any expectation of finding a girl who has no children and has never been married is laughable.

    not so much. this is me. and i plan on keeping it that way. :flowerforyou:

    Not so much what? Sorry, confused.

    The idea is not so laughable because she fits that description. In other words she proves those people are out there.

    ^^ you got it dude. thanks :flowerforyou:
  • EricMurano
    EricMurano Posts: 825 Member
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    Have it on front street! Your child is part of who you are. You having a child shouldn't be something you need to reveal. Talk about your child when you meet people just as a conversation element. Don't talk about him/her too much, just enough for people to know what he/she is an aspect of your life and that you're not ashamed.

    Don't look at you having a child as something to hide and to apologise for. Don't be afraid of people rejecting you because you have a child. You're assuming everyone has a problem with it. Single fathers, infertile men or just guys who don't care either way are out there. Don't assume :)

    Some guys won't want to date someone with a child. That's fine. They're not bad people, they're just not for you. Why waste your time and theirs? Don't keep it a secret, it's not a bad thing.
  • healthy_momof3
    healthy_momof3 Posts: 18
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    Tell him from the beginning! And expect the same from him. One of my close friends started dating a guy who said he had one kid...however he actually had three and she didn't find out until there were a lot of feelings and emotions involved.
  • Lacey_Cakes
    Lacey_Cakes Posts: 223 Member
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    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.
    Agreed. 10000%
  • Lacey_Cakes
    Lacey_Cakes Posts: 223 Member
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    Don't tell him and then watch him think the house is haunted woman in black style as he hears little feet running about upstairs ,and kids laughing :smile:

    This is quite possibly the best advice ever. You. I like you.
  • wwwdotcr
    wwwdotcr Posts: 128 Member
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    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

    This guy must be trolling.

    Immediately. I am young, I am not ready for kids. Like most young professionals, we live near downtown to avoid them and suburbia. In fact, whining, crying kids are one of the top things to get me real ticked.
  • needtoloseafewpounds
    needtoloseafewpounds Posts: 161 Member
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    It will cause a lot of problems for the both of you if you tell him too late. I'm speaking without experience, though since I have no child. As many others have already said, a man who doesn't want you because of your sweet baby doesn't deserve you anyway.
  • BluejayNY
    BluejayNY Posts: 301 Member
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    I am such an honest and open person that if I were in your shoes I would inform him the second he asked me out on a date. I can see that some people would rather not have step children.

    Now that I am going through I divorce, I hadn't even thought about whether I would be ok dating a man with children. I know I would have no problem if the mother was not in their lives at all. I am perfectly capable of loving a child that is not my blood. However, I do worry about dealing with the mother who if we got married would be in our lives a very long time. I would say it is not an instant no so if I felt something might be there I would try. However, I would prefer to find a man who does not have children like me and wants to have a child with me.
  • angelams1019
    angelams1019 Posts: 1,102 Member
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    You having a child shouldn't be some big reveal. I would think mentioning it should be as casual as mentioning the weather outside. You have a child. He will either be accepting of that or not. If he's not, keep it moving. Regardless of how "perfect" he may be otherwise...I would think him not being cool with you having a kid would be an instant turn-off....Right? lol If I dated someone and he told me he doesn't like dogs, I'd never see him again lol

    As far as somebody being a "flake" because they don't want to date somebody with kids, well thats just silly talk.
  • ElBence
    ElBence Posts: 291 Member
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    Right at the beginning. Many guys will have a problem with this. They are not worth keeping around because the right guy will love you for all of who you are. A child should be an integral part of who a mother is. I married a woman with a child, and I love him as my own. We've never looked back.
  • dagolifts
    dagolifts Posts: 42
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    I wouldn't bring it up, but if it happens to come up then of course honesty.
    Yes I would date a women with children.

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