Men: Dating

124

Replies

  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    I don't tell guys straight away, because there are a lot of creepy pedo types out there who are extra interested in women with kids. it has nothing to do with whether or not i'm proud of them and everything to do ith their privacy and safety.

    I don't let a guy meet my kids anyway. at least, not until I know him well enough to trust him and know he'll be around for a while, and even then they're never alone with my kids.

    it's their home as much as mine and I don't have the right to inflict a succession of lovers/boyfriends on them.

    I keep my love life and my kids apart. why? because my mother didn't.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    When I was 22, I was a divorcee with a toddler. I let any man who asked me out know I had a child. I actually talked openly about my son. there was nothing to hide as far as I was concerned. When I met my (now) husband when I was 23, I told him I was a package deal; I had a toddler, a dog and 3 cats.

    I think it's only fair to let the other person decide if they are willing to deal with a child. I dated a couple of males who weren't willing to, an that's okay.
  • Chadomaniac
    Chadomaniac Posts: 1,785 Member
    Tell the dude straight away

    Me being a younger male in my early 20s , last thing I want to do is have to look after kids and have a responsibility like that when dating a girl. So IMHO I wouldn't and don't date females with kids . At the moment.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    http://www.mamamia.com.au/news/news-single-mum-grooming/

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2006/nov/17/children.ukcrime

    for those who think women should be open about having kids, consider that the kid's safety should come ahead of a potential date's convenience. it's a known tactic, to deliberately seek relationships with single mothers, so it really does pay not to advertise their presence. if it's enough of an issue for the police to issue warnings, enough of an issue for governments to change the rules on disclosure, then you shouldn't just assume it could never happen to you.
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
    http://www.mamamia.com.au/news/news-single-mum-grooming/

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2006/nov/17/children.ukcrime

    for those who think women should be open about having kids, consider that the kid's safety should come ahead of a potential date's convenience. it's a known tactic, to deliberately seek relationships with single mothers, so it really does pay not to advertise their presence. if it's enough of an issue for the police to issue warnings, enough of an issue for governments to change the rules on disclosure, then you shouldn't just assume it could never happen to you.

    How do you suppose you could tell in a few dates if you've been targeted because you have a child?
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    http://www.mamamia.com.au/news/news-single-mum-grooming/

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2006/nov/17/children.ukcrime

    for those who think women should be open about having kids, consider that the kid's safety should come ahead of a potential date's convenience. it's a known tactic, to deliberately seek relationships with single mothers, so it really does pay not to advertise their presence. if it's enough of an issue for the police to issue warnings, enough of an issue for governments to change the rules on disclosure, then you shouldn't just assume it could never happen to you.

    How do you suppose you could tell in a few dates if you've been targeted because you have a child?
    if they don't know you have a child and still persist in a few dates, it becomes somewhat unlikely.
    ...and I still wouldn't introduce them. they're dating me, not my kid. unless they're in my life long term, my kids are none of their business.
  • funforsports
    funforsports Posts: 2,656 Member
    Tell them on the first date. You don't have to dwell on the fact that you have children or a child but make sure that he is aware of the fact.
  • timeforanewme69
    timeforanewme69 Posts: 9
    before the first date, the child should be more important to you than any date with anyone. Put the child before any man!
  • _Tink_
    _Tink_ Posts: 3,845 Member
    I told my (now) husband that I have a child before I even consented to giving him my phone number. It's not something I felt should be kept a secret because she's a large part of my life.
  • admegamo
    admegamo Posts: 175 Member
    Don't have a child, and I never really dated, but my dad was a single father (my mother died) and when I asked him about dating with a kid, he said 2nd or 3rd date. He said that on a first date, he would focus on if he even liked the person and just start to get to know them. And, if they went out again, on the 2nd or 3rd say something about "his daughter" as an ice breaker for the subject. He said it's better to let them know early on since it was a deal breaker for some women. I don't know if it's the same with men, but I would think it's somewhat similar.

    This.

    I think depending on how you meet the guy, not telling on the first date shouldn't be a big deal because you're not even sure if you like each other yet. However, if you do happen to hit it off then I would think that at the end of the date while you're both planning to see each other again should be fine too. Because at least it's out there and you know that you're not just wasting your breath.
  • Capt_Inzane
    Capt_Inzane Posts: 733 Member
    As soon as possible. It doesn't have to be the first sentence out of your mouth but casually mentioning you have a daughter/son is fine. I'm a divorced father of 2 children which I only see 1 regularly but I mention them as they're important parts of my life.
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
    Um, no. A guy is not a "flake" because he doesn't want to date a woman with kids. I'm a woman who would prefer to date a guy with no kids. Because I don't have any myself. And I've heard too many horror stories about baby mama drama (and the reverse with dads.)

    So yeah, that's nonsense.

    That said, tell the guy right away, because he may not personally have an issue with it. Never know unless you try, right?

    Exactly this.

    Everyone has their dealbreakers, including OP, and kids are a big one, since few other things affect one's life as young children. It's sort of like dating someone in the military, who might be gone for months or years on end.

    You really want to fall in love with someone and then have them say "Oh, by the way, I'm going to Kuwait for 9 months! Bye! I'll be back for 3 weeks a year. Love ya!"

    That said, I think anyone who has immediate dealbreakers without considering the whole person, are only really sabotaging themselves. But it's their right to.

    OP should consider her own major deal breakers, then ask when her dates should admit to her... and then apply that number to herself.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    Um, no. A guy is not a "flake" because he doesn't want to date a woman with kids. I'm a woman who would prefer to date a guy with no kids. Because I don't have any myself. And I've heard too many horror stories about baby mama drama (and the reverse with dads.)

    So yeah, that's nonsense.

    That said, tell the guy right away, because he may not personally have an issue with it. Never know unless you try, right?

    Exactly this.

    Everyone has their dealbreakers, including OP, and kids are a big one, since few other things affect one's life as young children. It's sort of like dating someone in the military, who might be gone for months or years on end.

    You really want to fall in love with someone and then have them say "Oh, by the way, I'm going to Kuwait for 9 months! Bye! I'll be back for 3 weeks a year. Love ya!"

    That said, I think anyone who has immediate dealbreakers without considering the whole person, are only really sabotaging themselves. But it's their right to.

    OP should consider her own major deal breakers, then ask when her dates should admit to her... and then apply that number to herself.

    some people even have height requirements.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    not a guy, but I am a mom who dates... I say the sooner, the better. The child(ren) are a big part of who you are.
  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,173 Member
    Why wouldn't you tell him right away? I mean, if it's a deal breaker for him, at least you haven't wasted your time (or his). Then you know & you're free to move on and hopefully find someone who adores you AND your munchkins :flowerforyou:
  • KissMeImShtFaced
    KissMeImShtFaced Posts: 85
    How long would you want him to wait to tell you if he had kids? There's your answer.
  • ILoveTheBrowns
    ILoveTheBrowns Posts: 661 Member
    id say wait until your married...then SURPRISE!!!!!!
  • mattschwartz01
    mattschwartz01 Posts: 566 Member
    I'm totally open to dating a woman that has children!
  • justal313
    justal313 Posts: 1,375 Member
    It is the most important thing about you. My daughter figures in to every decision I make or at least the ones more important than "one lump or two"

    How you date, who you date, where you date and when you date will be affected by your being a parent with a child.

    It needs to be known from the get go. I wouldn't want to date a woman who didn't feel a need to tell me she had a child before even the first date its a fundamental part of who they are and really she should WANT to know that I'm not going to be put off by her kid(s).
  • babyj0
    babyj0 Posts: 531 Member
    I would tell him right away. No reason to hide your child.
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
    id say wait until your married...then SURPRISE!!!!!!

    lol
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    I'm gonna be honest. I am 23 and I also wanna have my own kids. I don't think i would mind a woman with a child but at this point I couldn't afford to help her with expenses as I don't earn enough for everything I need to pay LOL...

    I think you have a good head on your shoulders, even if it's not visible.

    Now that is funny right there. :laugh:
  • theepervette
    theepervette Posts: 638 Member
    I wouldn't bring it up, but if it happens to come up then of course honesty.
    Yes I would date a women with children.


    Why would she hide her child??? :noway: If he can't accept her child, then she doesn't need him. PERIOD! There are guys out here who will love that child as their own. Girl, tell him RIGHT AWAY. Your child need you more than anything in this world.

    Uhm, where exactly did he say hide your children? He didn't. I took it as don't jump right into it like hey so i have kids! 5 of them! can you deal? .. No more like let it come out naturally.. what do you for a living? any children? oh yes matter of fact I have one, blah blah blah.
  • littlelaura
    littlelaura Posts: 1,028 Member
    I cant speak for anyone else but for me when my daughter was younger it would of been a package deal type of thing, they would of needed to make room in their life for her and treat her as their own. Even now that she is grown up, she is still the biggest part of my life and comes first. I still would expect anyone I would ever meet or be with to understand how important she is to me and to include her in their life as much as I would their children. Your child is forever even when they become your adult child, anyone who is half a parent will understand this and accept it, if not kick them to the curb stat!
  • Happy_10yr
    Happy_10yr Posts: 287 Member
    I would tell the guy on the first date.

    You don't want confuse him. He needs to understand , in the near term, where your priorites are. If he cannot accept that, his loss.

    I have dated and had long term relationships with women with children. Good honest communication made them work.

    Children and divorce are a facts of life these days.

    I don't know of many people who got married so they could end up divorced. For many reasons, things just don't work out.

    You had a life before you met him. You will have a life with or without him.

    Dating can be a challenge. The key is clear, objective, upfront communication.

    All the best.
  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
    Be upfront. Kids are nothing to be ashamed of. If a guy doesn't want to date you because of your child, why would you want to be with him?
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    http://www.mamamia.com.au/news/news-single-mum-grooming/

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2006/nov/17/children.ukcrime

    for those who think women should be open about having kids, consider that the kid's safety should come ahead of a potential date's convenience. it's a known tactic, to deliberately seek relationships with single mothers, so it really does pay not to advertise their presence. if it's enough of an issue for the police to issue warnings, enough of an issue for governments to change the rules on disclosure, then you shouldn't just assume it could never happen to you.

    I agree with you, women with kids should never date again for the safety of the kids.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    http://www.mamamia.com.au/news/news-single-mum-grooming/

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2006/nov/17/children.ukcrime

    for those who think women should be open about having kids, consider that the kid's safety should come ahead of a potential date's convenience. it's a known tactic, to deliberately seek relationships with single mothers, so it really does pay not to advertise their presence. if it's enough of an issue for the police to issue warnings, enough of an issue for governments to change the rules on disclosure, then you shouldn't just assume it could never happen to you.

    I agree with you, women with kids should never date again for the safety of the kids.
    or, I don't know, they could just use common sense and caution.
    I know it's a crazy, radical idea but I thought i'd throw it out there.

    also, anyone with a dating site profile who ticks the 'has kids' box is a fool.

    judgy? in this situation, hell yeah!
  • chadraeder3
    chadraeder3 Posts: 279 Member
    Question:

    How long should I wait to tell someone I'm dating that I have a child?

    How many guys here wouldn't date a woman if she told them she has a child? And why?

    I'm pretty nervous, considering this will be my first date since my divorce :/

    I believe as a guy you should at least try and get that tidbit of information in the first date, because if you didn't mention it until the 3rd or 4th I would then be wondering what else has she conveniently forgot to bring up like she just escaped from a looney bin or she is a dude (god those were horrible girl/guyfirends).

    Would I date a lady that had a child? As I get older the child baggage does not phase me but some guys have that as a deal breaker and you can't do anything about that people have their own criteria. I personally have a problem when the lady has 3, 4, or 5+ children by a bunch of different guys, that is a sign that she makes poor decisions and does not learn from those poor decisions.
  • OfficiallySexyVal
    OfficiallySexyVal Posts: 492 Member
    I am a single mom who has gotten quite familiar with the dating scene this past year. My advice is to tell him right off the bat.
    I have never held out on anyone that I have a son and most of them had thanked me for that. Now I must admit it does make dating trickier but the right man will come along that will not only love you but love your child as well.
    Good luck and I say let him know.

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