Men: Dating

135

Replies

  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Immediately. Otherwise you are being deceptive.

    As I am getting older, I realize that any expectation of finding a girl who has no children and has never been married is laughable.
  • michellemybelll
    michellemybelll Posts: 2,228 Member
    Immediately. Otherwise you are being deceptive.

    As I am getting older, I realize that any expectation of finding a girl who has no children and has never been married is laughable.

    not so much. this is me. and i plan on keeping it that way. :flowerforyou:
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Immediately. Otherwise you are being deceptive.

    As I am getting older, I realize that any expectation of finding a girl who has no children and has never been married is laughable.

    not so much. this is me. and i plan on keeping it that way. :flowerforyou:

    Not so much what? Sorry, confused.
  • TeamDale
    TeamDale Posts: 383 Member
    As soon as you can. Better to honest up front instead of making him think otherwise and then dropping it on him.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
    Immediately. Otherwise you are being deceptive.

    As I am getting older, I realize that any expectation of finding a girl who has no children and has never been married is laughable.

    not so much. this is me. and i plan on keeping it that way. :flowerforyou:

    Not so much what? Sorry, confused.

    The idea is not so laughable because she fits that description. In other words she proves those people are out there.
  • EricJonrosh
    EricJonrosh Posts: 823 Member
    I would know before the first date, and it's never a deal breaker. The more the merrier.
  • emaren
    emaren Posts: 934 Member
    Sorry, but there are a ton of reasons why the 'flake' comment is absolutely pathetic.

    Perhaps someone can explain why no wanting to raise another persons' child would make me a flake ?

    My daughter's dad is still very involved in her life. I don't need another man to raise her. It doesn't make a man a flake necessarily if he doesn't want to, But he may be passing up a great relationship because of that hangup. IMO

    - Not Raising ?
    I've been there, I was father in everything except the biological sense. Sure the child still had contact with their biological father, but, I was the one that was there for them. I provided a roof and food and clothes and then school costs, tech, first car, driving lessons, you name it. I think that in every sense of the word, I raised that child.

    Hang-up ?
    I'm sorry, but it is choice. Some guys simply do not like the idea of an instant family. Perhaps we have these crazy dreams of romantic years, planning, building, then having children as we see fit. The instant family thing sort of messes with that.

    Oh and you might think that this is wrong, but you know, I've been there (twice actually) . There is no way I would go there again.

    Not ever, not under any circumstances.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I was always very upfront about it. No man ever walked away over it, either.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Immediately. Otherwise you are being deceptive.

    As I am getting older, I realize that any expectation of finding a girl who has no children and has never been married is laughable.

    not so much. this is me. and i plan on keeping it that way. :flowerforyou:

    Not so much what? Sorry, confused.

    The idea is not so laughable because she fits that description. In other words she proves those people are out there.

    They are out there, but very few and far between in my experience. And if you try to limit yourself to those people you are decreasing the odds of finding someone that you're compatible with by a great deal.
  • michellemybelll
    michellemybelll Posts: 2,228 Member
    Immediately. Otherwise you are being deceptive.

    As I am getting older, I realize that any expectation of finding a girl who has no children and has never been married is laughable.

    not so much. this is me. and i plan on keeping it that way. :flowerforyou:

    Not so much what? Sorry, confused.

    The idea is not so laughable because she fits that description. In other words she proves those people are out there.

    ^^ you got it dude. thanks :flowerforyou:
  • EricMurano
    EricMurano Posts: 825 Member
    Have it on front street! Your child is part of who you are. You having a child shouldn't be something you need to reveal. Talk about your child when you meet people just as a conversation element. Don't talk about him/her too much, just enough for people to know what he/she is an aspect of your life and that you're not ashamed.

    Don't look at you having a child as something to hide and to apologise for. Don't be afraid of people rejecting you because you have a child. You're assuming everyone has a problem with it. Single fathers, infertile men or just guys who don't care either way are out there. Don't assume :)

    Some guys won't want to date someone with a child. That's fine. They're not bad people, they're just not for you. Why waste your time and theirs? Don't keep it a secret, it's not a bad thing.
  • healthy_momof3
    healthy_momof3 Posts: 18
    Tell him from the beginning! And expect the same from him. One of my close friends started dating a guy who said he had one kid...however he actually had three and she didn't find out until there were a lot of feelings and emotions involved.
  • Lacey_Cakes
    Lacey_Cakes Posts: 223 Member
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.
    Agreed. 10000%
  • Lacey_Cakes
    Lacey_Cakes Posts: 223 Member
    Don't tell him and then watch him think the house is haunted woman in black style as he hears little feet running about upstairs ,and kids laughing :smile:

    This is quite possibly the best advice ever. You. I like you.
  • wwwdotcr
    wwwdotcr Posts: 128 Member
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

    This guy must be trolling.

    Immediately. I am young, I am not ready for kids. Like most young professionals, we live near downtown to avoid them and suburbia. In fact, whining, crying kids are one of the top things to get me real ticked.
  • needtoloseafewpounds
    needtoloseafewpounds Posts: 161 Member
    It will cause a lot of problems for the both of you if you tell him too late. I'm speaking without experience, though since I have no child. As many others have already said, a man who doesn't want you because of your sweet baby doesn't deserve you anyway.
  • BluejayNY
    BluejayNY Posts: 301 Member
    I am such an honest and open person that if I were in your shoes I would inform him the second he asked me out on a date. I can see that some people would rather not have step children.

    Now that I am going through I divorce, I hadn't even thought about whether I would be ok dating a man with children. I know I would have no problem if the mother was not in their lives at all. I am perfectly capable of loving a child that is not my blood. However, I do worry about dealing with the mother who if we got married would be in our lives a very long time. I would say it is not an instant no so if I felt something might be there I would try. However, I would prefer to find a man who does not have children like me and wants to have a child with me.
  • angelams1019
    angelams1019 Posts: 1,102 Member
    You having a child shouldn't be some big reveal. I would think mentioning it should be as casual as mentioning the weather outside. You have a child. He will either be accepting of that or not. If he's not, keep it moving. Regardless of how "perfect" he may be otherwise...I would think him not being cool with you having a kid would be an instant turn-off....Right? lol If I dated someone and he told me he doesn't like dogs, I'd never see him again lol

    As far as somebody being a "flake" because they don't want to date somebody with kids, well thats just silly talk.
  • ElBence
    ElBence Posts: 291 Member
    Right at the beginning. Many guys will have a problem with this. They are not worth keeping around because the right guy will love you for all of who you are. A child should be an integral part of who a mother is. I married a woman with a child, and I love him as my own. We've never looked back.
  • dagolifts
    dagolifts Posts: 42
    I wouldn't bring it up, but if it happens to come up then of course honesty.
    Yes I would date a women with children.
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
    After having children I never went on a date with anyone who didn't know I had a child. It's not like it's a dirty little secret. And I've never really had a problem getting a date. If you are worried that you will no longer be able to have a love life now that you are a single mother, you are wrong. You will be fine. Any man who wouldn't date you because you have a child is one less person you have to look at before you find someone who will truly make you happy.
  • StarChanger
    StarChanger Posts: 605 Member
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

    Um, no. A guy is not a "flake" because he doesn't want to date a woman with kids. I'm a woman who would prefer to date a guy with no kids. Because I don't have any myself. And I've heard too many horror stories about baby mama drama (and the reverse with dads.)

    So yeah, that's nonsense.

    That said, tell the guy right away, because he may not personally have an issue with it. Never know unless you try, right?

    +1. I'm married with NO kids. If I ended up divorced and dating, I would be looking for a guy with no kids or grown kids (who are also OUT of the house).

    Some of us choose a different route, intentionally. It doesn't make us "flakes".
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
    Even if he doesn't bring it up, I would definitely mention it on the 1st date. If someone doesn't want to date you because you have a child, that's absolutely fine. I don't know how old you are, but if you're in your 20's it's probably going to be tougher than if you were in your 30's. I totally get the wanting to start your own family thing and I'm sure it's not easy to know there will ALWAYS be 3 people in the relationship (and i"m not talking about the kid) If I were single without kids I would definitely prefer to date someone who doesn't have kids too, that doesn't make you a flake.
  • RGFit412
    RGFit412 Posts: 177
    I would put it out in the open immediately, that way you can weed out the goofs, However, there are some things to consider when finding some one on a serious long term level, Does the person want children or more children, Is there any drama/conflict/issues with the past divorcee. Does the child have special needs that could limit the relationship or dating schedules. All these thing should taken into consideration. As for casual dating there shouldn't be an issue.
  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

    :huh: :flowerforyou: :heart:
  • goalss4nika
    goalss4nika Posts: 529 Member
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.


    YES!
  • xox_jen_1991_xox
    xox_jen_1991_xox Posts: 49
    Tell him straight away :)!

    Tons of guys will love the fact you have kids :)

    Personally it would be a definite deal breaker for me and I'd feel annoyed if someone didn't bother telling me for ages :)

    Good luck :D xxxx
  • goalss4nika
    goalss4nika Posts: 529 Member
    I wouldn't bring it up, but if it happens to come up then of course honesty.
    Yes I would date a women with children.


    Why would she hide her child??? :noway: If he can't accept her child, then she doesn't need him. PERIOD! There are guys out here who will love that child as their own. Girl, tell him RIGHT AWAY. Your child need you more than anything in this world.
  • Zomoniac
    Zomoniac Posts: 1,169 Member
    Straight away. Why waste time on someone who will have a problem with it? And irrespective of their views on the matter, if you neglect to mention it for several weeks they're likely to think you're deliberately hiding things from them. Just be open and up front.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member

    And stop with the "he's a flake/he doesn't deserve you if he can't deal with the fact that you have kids" stuff, too. I don't care how much you like kids, dating someone who has kids with another person is a big freaking deal on a number of levels. You can't just wave it off like it's not a major thing and act like only a horrible person would think twice about it.

    As I was reading through this thread, I decided that this was the point I was going to make. But you made it for me. So...

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