Men: Dating

Options
12357

Replies

  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
    Options
    After having children I never went on a date with anyone who didn't know I had a child. It's not like it's a dirty little secret. And I've never really had a problem getting a date. If you are worried that you will no longer be able to have a love life now that you are a single mother, you are wrong. You will be fine. Any man who wouldn't date you because you have a child is one less person you have to look at before you find someone who will truly make you happy.
  • StarChanger
    StarChanger Posts: 605 Member
    Options
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

    Um, no. A guy is not a "flake" because he doesn't want to date a woman with kids. I'm a woman who would prefer to date a guy with no kids. Because I don't have any myself. And I've heard too many horror stories about baby mama drama (and the reverse with dads.)

    So yeah, that's nonsense.

    That said, tell the guy right away, because he may not personally have an issue with it. Never know unless you try, right?

    +1. I'm married with NO kids. If I ended up divorced and dating, I would be looking for a guy with no kids or grown kids (who are also OUT of the house).

    Some of us choose a different route, intentionally. It doesn't make us "flakes".
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
    Options
    Even if he doesn't bring it up, I would definitely mention it on the 1st date. If someone doesn't want to date you because you have a child, that's absolutely fine. I don't know how old you are, but if you're in your 20's it's probably going to be tougher than if you were in your 30's. I totally get the wanting to start your own family thing and I'm sure it's not easy to know there will ALWAYS be 3 people in the relationship (and i"m not talking about the kid) If I were single without kids I would definitely prefer to date someone who doesn't have kids too, that doesn't make you a flake.
  • RGFit412
    RGFit412 Posts: 177
    Options
    I would put it out in the open immediately, that way you can weed out the goofs, However, there are some things to consider when finding some one on a serious long term level, Does the person want children or more children, Is there any drama/conflict/issues with the past divorcee. Does the child have special needs that could limit the relationship or dating schedules. All these thing should taken into consideration. As for casual dating there shouldn't be an issue.
  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
    Options
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.

    :huh: :flowerforyou: :heart:
  • goalss4nika
    goalss4nika Posts: 529 Member
    Options
    The first sentence. Your child is your pride and joy. If a guy can't deal with that, he's a flake. This isn't 1956. Please - don't ever think of your baby doll as a hindrance to anything in life. They are nothing but an asset.


    YES!
  • xox_jen_1991_xox
    xox_jen_1991_xox Posts: 49
    Options
    Tell him straight away :)!

    Tons of guys will love the fact you have kids :)

    Personally it would be a definite deal breaker for me and I'd feel annoyed if someone didn't bother telling me for ages :)

    Good luck :D xxxx
  • goalss4nika
    goalss4nika Posts: 529 Member
    Options
    I wouldn't bring it up, but if it happens to come up then of course honesty.
    Yes I would date a women with children.


    Why would she hide her child??? :noway: If he can't accept her child, then she doesn't need him. PERIOD! There are guys out here who will love that child as their own. Girl, tell him RIGHT AWAY. Your child need you more than anything in this world.
  • Zomoniac
    Zomoniac Posts: 1,169 Member
    Options
    Straight away. Why waste time on someone who will have a problem with it? And irrespective of their views on the matter, if you neglect to mention it for several weeks they're likely to think you're deliberately hiding things from them. Just be open and up front.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    Options

    And stop with the "he's a flake/he doesn't deserve you if he can't deal with the fact that you have kids" stuff, too. I don't care how much you like kids, dating someone who has kids with another person is a big freaking deal on a number of levels. You can't just wave it off like it's not a major thing and act like only a horrible person would think twice about it.

    As I was reading through this thread, I decided that this was the point I was going to make. But you made it for me. So...

    34188866.jpg
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    Options
    I don't tell guys straight away, because there are a lot of creepy pedo types out there who are extra interested in women with kids. it has nothing to do with whether or not i'm proud of them and everything to do ith their privacy and safety.

    I don't let a guy meet my kids anyway. at least, not until I know him well enough to trust him and know he'll be around for a while, and even then they're never alone with my kids.

    it's their home as much as mine and I don't have the right to inflict a succession of lovers/boyfriends on them.

    I keep my love life and my kids apart. why? because my mother didn't.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    Options
    When I was 22, I was a divorcee with a toddler. I let any man who asked me out know I had a child. I actually talked openly about my son. there was nothing to hide as far as I was concerned. When I met my (now) husband when I was 23, I told him I was a package deal; I had a toddler, a dog and 3 cats.

    I think it's only fair to let the other person decide if they are willing to deal with a child. I dated a couple of males who weren't willing to, an that's okay.
  • Chadomaniac
    Chadomaniac Posts: 1,785 Member
    Options
    Tell the dude straight away

    Me being a younger male in my early 20s , last thing I want to do is have to look after kids and have a responsibility like that when dating a girl. So IMHO I wouldn't and don't date females with kids . At the moment.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    Options
    http://www.mamamia.com.au/news/news-single-mum-grooming/

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2006/nov/17/children.ukcrime

    for those who think women should be open about having kids, consider that the kid's safety should come ahead of a potential date's convenience. it's a known tactic, to deliberately seek relationships with single mothers, so it really does pay not to advertise their presence. if it's enough of an issue for the police to issue warnings, enough of an issue for governments to change the rules on disclosure, then you shouldn't just assume it could never happen to you.
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
    Options
    http://www.mamamia.com.au/news/news-single-mum-grooming/

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2006/nov/17/children.ukcrime

    for those who think women should be open about having kids, consider that the kid's safety should come ahead of a potential date's convenience. it's a known tactic, to deliberately seek relationships with single mothers, so it really does pay not to advertise their presence. if it's enough of an issue for the police to issue warnings, enough of an issue for governments to change the rules on disclosure, then you shouldn't just assume it could never happen to you.

    How do you suppose you could tell in a few dates if you've been targeted because you have a child?
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    Options
    http://www.mamamia.com.au/news/news-single-mum-grooming/

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2006/nov/17/children.ukcrime

    for those who think women should be open about having kids, consider that the kid's safety should come ahead of a potential date's convenience. it's a known tactic, to deliberately seek relationships with single mothers, so it really does pay not to advertise their presence. if it's enough of an issue for the police to issue warnings, enough of an issue for governments to change the rules on disclosure, then you shouldn't just assume it could never happen to you.

    How do you suppose you could tell in a few dates if you've been targeted because you have a child?
    if they don't know you have a child and still persist in a few dates, it becomes somewhat unlikely.
    ...and I still wouldn't introduce them. they're dating me, not my kid. unless they're in my life long term, my kids are none of their business.
  • funforsports
    funforsports Posts: 2,656 Member
    Options
    Tell them on the first date. You don't have to dwell on the fact that you have children or a child but make sure that he is aware of the fact.
  • timeforanewme69
    timeforanewme69 Posts: 9
    Options
    before the first date, the child should be more important to you than any date with anyone. Put the child before any man!
  • _Tink_
    _Tink_ Posts: 3,845 Member
    Options
    I told my (now) husband that I have a child before I even consented to giving him my phone number. It's not something I felt should be kept a secret because she's a large part of my life.
  • admegamo
    admegamo Posts: 175 Member
    Options
    Don't have a child, and I never really dated, but my dad was a single father (my mother died) and when I asked him about dating with a kid, he said 2nd or 3rd date. He said that on a first date, he would focus on if he even liked the person and just start to get to know them. And, if they went out again, on the 2nd or 3rd say something about "his daughter" as an ice breaker for the subject. He said it's better to let them know early on since it was a deal breaker for some women. I don't know if it's the same with men, but I would think it's somewhat similar.

    This.

    I think depending on how you meet the guy, not telling on the first date shouldn't be a big deal because you're not even sure if you like each other yet. However, if you do happen to hit it off then I would think that at the end of the date while you're both planning to see each other again should be fine too. Because at least it's out there and you know that you're not just wasting your breath.

Categories