Men: Dating

chadderack

http://www.mamamia.com.au/news/news-single-mum-grooming/

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2006/nov/17/children.ukcrime

for those who think women should be open about having kids, consider that the kid's safety should come ahead of a potential date's convenience. it's a known tactic, to deliberately seek relationships with single mothers, so it really does pay not to advertise their presence. if it's enough of an issue for the police to issue warnings, enough of an issue for governments to change the rules on disclosure, then you shouldn't just assume it could never happen to you.

I agree with you, women with kids should never date again for the safety of the kids.

+1

Slendermike

Question:

How long should I wait to tell someone I'm dating that I have a child?

How many guys here wouldn't date a woman if she told them she has a child? And why?

I'm pretty nervous, considering this will be my first date since my divorce

Tell them right away. He should accept you for who you are and what you bring to the table

jesusHchris

If you're on a dating site, it should be listed on your profile.

If it's someone you randomly met in public, I think it's fine to work it in somewhere on the first date. Or even the second, if the first is just a casual drink or coffee or something and it never comes up.

I would date a single mom. I know how hard they work and have respect for the level of responsibility that takes.

/just my opinion.

lilunsure

Ideally prior to the 1st date, but definitely on the 1st date if not discussed prior. This goes for men too. At my age I have no plans to have any additional biological children so I prefer to date men who have their own children and preferable older children. I am extremely hesitant of dating men who do not have children or have very young children.

glovepuppet

If you're on a dating site, it should be listed on your profile.
If it's someone you randomly met in public, I think it's fine to work it in somewhere on the first date. Or even the second, if the first is just a casual drink or coffee or something and it never comes up.

I would date a single mom. I know how hard they work and have respect for the level of responsibility that takes.

/just my opinion.

dumbest suggestion so far and contrary to police advice.

you may as well put PEDOS APPLY WITHIN on your profile.

alibabs65

I think you should tell them immediately, why would you want to delay as your kids are a huge part of your life. I was always up front about my kids though mines were in their late teens when I got divorced so they were more or less off doing their own thing.

MelsAuntie

Tell him right away. If you're looking for a permanent relationship and a father for your kid, you need to do this up front. For some people ( certainly for me, who didn't want any children of my own and would certainly not want somebody else's child) this is a deal breaker. Better not to waste your time or his, unless you just want casual sex and company with no intention of taking it further.

jesusHchris

If you're on a dating site, it should be listed on your profile.
If it's someone you randomly met in public, I think it's fine to work it in somewhere on the first date. Or even the second, if the first is just a casual drink or coffee or something and it never comes up.

I would date a single mom. I know how hard they work and have respect for the level of responsibility that takes.

/just my opinion.

dumbest suggestion so far and contrary to police advice.

you may as well put PEDOS APPLY WITHIN on your profile.

If you are not comfortable telling the truth on a dating site, you should not be on a dating site. If your opinion is that they are unsafe, stay away from them. These sites ask specifically if you have children, and lying is never the best way to start a relationship.

You might as well not go out in public with your children. According to your logic, that is like carrying a banner that says "PEDOS COME RAPE".

m16shane

Within the first few minutes. Don't hold anything back especially something that is important to you. Plus you don't want to be with someone that doesn't want the sames things you do or have.

rml_16

If you're on a dating site, it should be listed on your profile.
If it's someone you randomly met in public, I think it's fine to work it in somewhere on the first date. Or even the second, if the first is just a casual drink or coffee or something and it never comes up.

I would date a single mom. I know how hard they work and have respect for the level of responsibility that takes.

/just my opinion.

dumbest suggestion so far and contrary to police advice.

you may as well put PEDOS APPLY WITHIN on your profile.

Here's the thing: You don't introduce your children to the person you're dating until you've dated a long time and feel that he or she is a good person. And THEN, you do not leave your children alone with him or her for a long time and you pay attention to the interaction and how your children feel about the person.

glovepuppet

If you're on a dating site, it should be listed on your profile.
If it's someone you randomly met in public, I think it's fine to work it in somewhere on the first date. Or even the second, if the first is just a casual drink or coffee or something and it never comes up.

I would date a single mom. I know how hard they work and have respect for the level of responsibility that takes.

/just my opinion.

dumbest suggestion so far and contrary to police advice.

you may as well put PEDOS APPLY WITHIN on your profile.

If you are not comfortable telling the truth on a dating site, you should not be on a dating site. If your opinion is that they are unsafe, stay away from them. These sites ask specifically if you have children, and lying is never the best way to start a relationship.

You might as well not go out in public with your children. According to your logic, that is like carrying a banner that says "PEDOS COME RAPE".

and the logic of the police and various other 'experts'.

glovepuppet

If you're on a dating site, it should be listed on your profile.
If it's someone you randomly met in public, I think it's fine to work it in somewhere on the first date. Or even the second, if the first is just a casual drink or coffee or something and it never comes up.

I would date a single mom. I know how hard they work and have respect for the level of responsibility that takes.

/just my opinion.

dumbest suggestion so far and contrary to police advice.

you may as well put PEDOS APPLY WITHIN on your profile.

Here's the thing: You don't introduce your children to the person you're dating until you've dated a long time and feel that he or she is a good person. And THEN, you do not leave your children alone with him or her for a long time and you pay attention to the interaction and how your children feel about the person.

absolutely. and that's pretty much exactly what I posted earlier in the thread.

but some predators play the long game and it's an easy way to reduce the risk. don't list kids on your profile and those who are specifically targeting parents won't reply to your ad. I've explained that logic to guys afterwards and they've all understood. if they hadn't understood why a mother would want to be cautious then they wouldn't be the sort of guys i'd be interested in.

BobMcCloskey

Question:

How long should I wait to tell someone I'm dating that I have a child?

How many guys here wouldn't date a woman if she told them she has a child? And why?

I'm pretty nervous, considering this will be my first date since my divorce

I had to deal with this situation when I first started dating again after my wife passed away. At the time, my son was 3-1/2 when I started dating again. Be up front when with the person you are dating, once you are dating them. Tell them that you have a child when it feels right to do so. My experience was that there were a lot of first dates, and not too many second dates because the chemistry didn't feel right to me. You don't need to tell someone on the first date, but by the third of fourth date, it seems to be going someplace, you should definitely tell them. Do NOT let the person you are dating meet your child until at least four to six months. Above all else, you are a parent and you should shield your child from forming attachments to someone who may not be around them very long. My child's step mother didn't meet him until I was fairly certain that we had a strong relationship that was growing. She also had a young child by the way.

If you are using a dating site, you should specify that you have a child as part of your profile, however you should NEVER, EVER, under any circumstances, post a picture of you and your child on your profile! There are predators every where. (Quite frankly, I am surprised by the number of MFP users who have open profiles that include pictures of their small children, along with the town and state where they live.) When you include that you have a child in your profile, don't even specify the age of your child.

The reason why you should include in your profile that you do have a child, is because that some men may be opposed to dating someone who already has children. Best to eliminate them right up front, rather than date for a few months, begin to feel an emotional connection, and then disclose the information and have them bail on you.

Long before the person you are dating meets your child, you and him should have a very frank and detailed discussion on what his values are regarding children, especially if he has children as well. You will want to know what his parenting style is, and if so, does it conflict with your own.

My final advice on this topic is that you when you do get to the point where you introduce your child to your dating partner, pay very close attention to the way the individual interacts with your child, and how he talks to your child and above all his temperament toward your child if your child acts up, (and they all do).


In summary, your are a parent first, and your primary role is to protect your child. Be very, VERY picky about who you date.

jesusHchris

but some predators play the long game and it's an easy way to reduce the risk. don't list kids on your profile and those who are specifically targeting parents won't reply to your ad. I've explained that logic to guys afterwards and they've all understood. if they hadn't understood why a mother would want to be cautious then they wouldn't be the sort of guys i'd be interested in.

That makes a lot more sense than comparing it to a "PEDOS APPLY WITHIN" sign. I see your point of it being a risk reduction as opposed to a "the sky is falling" response.

I realize that I also have a vastly different perspective on this - mainly, the fact that I don't have children and have no idea what that is like. Secondly, I'm a male and have never worried about safety issues with online dating. So my viewpoints are purely from the stance of someone messaging said lady.

TheRoadDog

Question:

How long should I wait to tell someone I'm dating that I have a child?

How many guys here wouldn't date a woman if she told them she has a child? And why?

I'm pretty nervous, considering this will be my first date since my divorce

You should tell him you have a child before the first date.

Yes. I would date a woman with children. When I met my wife, her daughters were 6 and 4. I married her. Those daughters are now 31 and 29 and have been two of the best things that ever happened to me. The other two are my wife and the daughter we had together.

SmoothRiko

I'd def say, as soon as possible. Forget what the other person thinks. YOU don't want to waste your time.