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Judge and jury...first impressions
Replies
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I love sitting in a café and watching people - wondering what sort of person they are by the what they wear and how they interact, what their life is like etc. I'm often told that I come across hard and unfriendly when in fact I'm the opposite. When I first met my personal trainer I thought he was friendly, knowledgeable and supportive - what he often gets told is that people think he's an a-hole because he's a bodybuilder and has tattoos which people find intimidating (whereas I thought those attributes were a bonus).
I know we shouldn't judge but we do.2 -
MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »TeacupsAndToning wrote: »MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »meganpettigrew86 wrote: »
I used to work in a bar, so I always tip really well no matter what I order. Even if it's a water.
I'm so glad people in new zealand are not expected to tip. It is actually weird for someone to tip. When I went to the states I found the tipping confusing and expensive, puts you off going anywhere that has service as the true cost is a lot more than what is displayed as you have to tip no matter the service.
What really shocked me was all the bathroom attendants in Germany you're supposed to tip. Even the grocery store restroom had bathroom attendants
I'd hate that. I don't like people hearing me use the restroom.
I'd have tipped them if they promised to leave.
It was the epitome of awkward situations for me. The one woman was eating her lunch in the bathroom. So like, do I still tip? Is she on her lunch break?
ETA: Also wtf is a euro and is that a good tip idk
It's not a lot but how much should you really tip someone to listen to you pee? There are no guidelines for this.0 -
SEAHORSES4EVER wrote: »MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »TeacupsAndToning wrote: »MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »meganpettigrew86 wrote: »
I used to work in a bar, so I always tip really well no matter what I order. Even if it's a water.
I'm so glad people in new zealand are not expected to tip. It is actually weird for someone to tip. When I went to the states I found the tipping confusing and expensive, puts you off going anywhere that has service as the true cost is a lot more than what is displayed as you have to tip no matter the service.
What really shocked me was all the bathroom attendants in Germany you're supposed to tip. Even the grocery store restroom had bathroom attendants
I'd hate that. I don't like people hearing me use the restroom.
I'd have tipped them if they promised to leave.
It was the epitome of awkward situations for me. The one woman was eating her lunch in the bathroom. So like, do I still tip? Is she on her lunch break?
ETA: Also wtf is a euro and is that a good tip idk
It's not a lot but how much should you really tip someone to listen to you pee? There are no guidelines for this.
I usually pay top dollar to listen...oh you meant...never mind0 -
The other night my wife asked me if, when we first met, she had better hair, a better job, a cooler personality, etc. but weighed 300lbs if I'd still hit that. I told her that her looks is why I dated her, but her personality is why I married her.2
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WorkerDrone83 wrote: »The other night my wife asked me if, when we first met, she had better hair, a better job, a cooler personality, etc. but weighed 300lbs if I'd still hit that. I told her that her looks is why I dated her, but her personality is why I married her.
So that's a no?1 -
WorkerDrone83 wrote: »The other night my wife asked me if, when we first met, she had better hair, a better job, a cooler personality, etc. but weighed 300lbs if I'd still hit that. I told her that her looks is why I dated her, but her personality is why I married her.
So that's a no?
My answer didn't seem to appease her, either.
ETA- fortunately, she doesn't have a leg to stand on when it comes to being shallow in the dating game.0 -
WorkerDrone83 wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »The other night my wife asked me if, when we first met, she had better hair, a better job, a cooler personality, etc. but weighed 300lbs if I'd still hit that. I told her that her looks is why I dated her, but her personality is why I married her.
So that's a no?
My answer didn't seem to appease her, either.
ETA- fortunately, she doesn't have a leg to stand on when it comes to being shallow in the dating game.
Well, she asked if you'd hit that if she was 300 pounds, not would you marry her if she was 300 pounds. You basically answered her question as hell no.0 -
WorkerDrone83 wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »The other night my wife asked me if, when we first met, she had better hair, a better job, a cooler personality, etc. but weighed 300lbs if I'd still hit that. I told her that her looks is why I dated her, but her personality is why I married her.
So that's a no?
My answer didn't seem to appease her, either.
ETA- fortunately, she doesn't have a leg to stand on when it comes to being shallow in the dating game.
Well, she asked if you'd hit that if she was 300 pounds, not would you marry her if she was 300 pounds. You basically answered her question as hell no.
Yeah, basically. I think I used a bit more tact.
Let's be honest, one's appearance is like their resume that scores them an interview. Of course you can take a chance and get to know them and really hit it off, and then what? You found a really good friend that you're still not attracted to to whom you're still not attracted. (Ended my sentence in a preposition. Sorry!)1 -
@beingmore1 Well, I'm a shallow *kitten*. You don't want to work for this company anyway.
You're too hard on yourself.1 -
You can get a first impression and NOT judge someone.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
2 -
WorkerDrone83 wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »The other night my wife asked me if, when we first met, she had better hair, a better job, a cooler personality, etc. but weighed 300lbs if I'd still hit that. I told her that her looks is why I dated her, but her personality is why I married her.
So that's a no?
My answer didn't seem to appease her, either.
ETA- fortunately, she doesn't have a leg to stand on when it comes to being shallow in the dating game.
Well, she asked if you'd hit that if she was 300 pounds, not would you marry her if she was 300 pounds. You basically answered her question as hell no.
Yeah, basically. I think I used a bit more tact.
Let's be honest, one's appearance is like their resume that scores them an interview. Of course you can take a chance and get to know them and really hit it off, and then what? You found a really good friend that you're still not attracted to to whom you're still not attracted. (Ended my sentence in a preposition. Sorry!)
However if you, took a chance & got to know your wife regardless of looks, you would've married her anyway; since you claim that you married her for her personality! So this comment, contradicts your previous 1!
0 -
CaloricCountess wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »The other night my wife asked me if, when we first met, she had better hair, a better job, a cooler personality, etc. but weighed 300lbs if I'd still hit that. I told her that her looks is why I dated her, but her personality is why I married her.
So that's a no?
My answer didn't seem to appease her, either.
ETA- fortunately, she doesn't have a leg to stand on when it comes to being shallow in the dating game.
Well, she asked if you'd hit that if she was 300 pounds, not would you marry her if she was 300 pounds. You basically answered her question as hell no.
Yeah, basically. I think I used a bit more tact.
Let's be honest, one's appearance is like their resume that scores them an interview. Of course you can take a chance and get to know them and really hit it off, and then what? You found a really good friend that you're still not attracted to to whom you're still not attracted. (Ended my sentence in a preposition. Sorry!)
However if you, took a chance & got to know your wife regardless of looks, you would've married her anyway; since you claim that you married her for her personality! So this comment, contradicts your previous 1!
I don't think it necessarily contradicts the first statement. I've never entertained the possibility of marrying someone without dating them. We both still had to pass through the first gate: physical attraction, to even be considered for moving forward to the getting to know each other phase.1 -
WorkerDrone83 wrote: »CaloricCountess wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »The other night my wife asked me if, when we first met, she had better hair, a better job, a cooler personality, etc. but weighed 300lbs if I'd still hit that. I told her that her looks is why I dated her, but her personality is why I married her.
So that's a no?
My answer didn't seem to appease her, either.
ETA- fortunately, she doesn't have a leg to stand on when it comes to being shallow in the dating game.
Well, she asked if you'd hit that if she was 300 pounds, not would you marry her if she was 300 pounds. You basically answered her question as hell no.
Yeah, basically. I think I used a bit more tact.
Let's be honest, one's appearance is like their resume that scores them an interview. Of course you can take a chance and get to know them and really hit it off, and then what? You found a really good friend that you're still not attracted to to whom you're still not attracted. (Ended my sentence in a preposition. Sorry!)
However if you, took a chance & got to know your wife regardless of looks, you would've married her anyway; since you claim that you married her for her personality! So this comment, contradicts your previous 1!
I don't think it necessarily contradicts the first statement. I've never entertained the possibility of marrying someone without dating them. We both still had to pass through the first gate: physical attraction, to even be considered for moving forward to the getting to know each other phase.
I didn't indicate, an arranged marriage! I meant take a chance, to date!
So it's impossible, to get to know someone; without being physically attracted to them? I knew a guy at my grocery store, was interested in buying the same bread, I was because we both reached for it, yet I didn't see his face 1st; to know if I was attracted to him lol!
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CaloricCountess wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »CaloricCountess wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »The other night my wife asked me if, when we first met, she had better hair, a better job, a cooler personality, etc. but weighed 300lbs if I'd still hit that. I told her that her looks is why I dated her, but her personality is why I married her.
So that's a no?
My answer didn't seem to appease her, either.
ETA- fortunately, she doesn't have a leg to stand on when it comes to being shallow in the dating game.
Well, she asked if you'd hit that if she was 300 pounds, not would you marry her if she was 300 pounds. You basically answered her question as hell no.
Yeah, basically. I think I used a bit more tact.
Let's be honest, one's appearance is like their resume that scores them an interview. Of course you can take a chance and get to know them and really hit it off, and then what? You found a really good friend that you're still not attracted to to whom you're still not attracted. (Ended my sentence in a preposition. Sorry!)
However if you, took a chance & got to know your wife regardless of looks, you would've married her anyway; since you claim that you married her for her personality! So this comment, contradicts your previous 1!
I don't think it necessarily contradicts the first statement. I've never entertained the possibility of marrying someone without dating them. We both still had to pass through the first gate: physical attraction, to even be considered for moving forward to the getting to know each other phase.
I didn't indicate, an arranged marriage! I meant take a chance, to date!
So it's impossible, to get to know someone; without being physically attracted to them? I knew a guy at my grocery store, was interested in buying the same bread, I was because we both reached for it, yet I didn't see his face 1st; to know if I was attracted to him lol!
No, it's absolutely possible to get to know someone without being attracted to them. I call those people friends. I think what I'm trying to say is that if you want to marry a prince/princess you can start kissing frogs and hope for the best or you can find people with crowns (and hope for the best).
So did you marry the bread guy?0 -
WorkerDrone83 wrote: »CaloricCountess wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »CaloricCountess wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »The other night my wife asked me if, when we first met, she had better hair, a better job, a cooler personality, etc. but weighed 300lbs if I'd still hit that. I told her that her looks is why I dated her, but her personality is why I married her.
So that's a no?
My answer didn't seem to appease her, either.
ETA- fortunately, she doesn't have a leg to stand on when it comes to being shallow in the dating game.
Well, she asked if you'd hit that if she was 300 pounds, not would you marry her if she was 300 pounds. You basically answered her question as hell no.
Yeah, basically. I think I used a bit more tact.
Let's be honest, one's appearance is like their resume that scores them an interview. Of course you can take a chance and get to know them and really hit it off, and then what? You found a really good friend that you're still not attracted to to whom you're still not attracted. (Ended my sentence in a preposition. Sorry!)
However if you, took a chance & got to know your wife regardless of looks, you would've married her anyway; since you claim that you married her for her personality! So this comment, contradicts your previous 1!
I don't think it necessarily contradicts the first statement. I've never entertained the possibility of marrying someone without dating them. We both still had to pass through the first gate: physical attraction, to even be considered for moving forward to the getting to know each other phase.
I didn't indicate, an arranged marriage! I meant take a chance, to date!
So it's impossible, to get to know someone; without being physically attracted to them? I knew a guy at my grocery store, was interested in buying the same bread, I was because we both reached for it, yet I didn't see his face 1st; to know if I was attracted to him lol!
No, it's absolutely possible to get to know someone without being attracted to them. I call those people friends. I think what I'm trying to say is that if you want to marry a prince/princess you can start kissing frogs and hope for the best or you can find people with crowns (and hope for the best).
So did you marry the bread guy?
It's also possible, to date friends!
No I am a literal slave to my bus schedule, I even have my grocery list in order as to where everything is; so that I don't have to backtrack & potentially miss my bus! There's no time to mingle, when I'm in public!1 -
I do "judge" people I guess, even tho I don't like the sound of that.
First impressions are so interesting because I find myself so often wrong...and changing my opinion if I get a chance to know them better.
I wonder how I am "judged"...I guess it doesn't matter, if other people's judgements are like my own, they are probably wrong.2 -
To a point. For example, depending on how you're raised, you either see a uniformed police officer as help or a threat.beingmore1 wrote: »You can get a first impression and NOT judge someone.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
So first impressions are more like pre-judgments? The first impression is a quick gathering of observations about someone's appearance, actions, behaviors etc. Your brain assembles the observations into a temporary understandable conclusion about that person...for survival instinct. Is that person a threat. Its biology.
Or businessman as smart and successful or a total bag knowing what he may have done to achieve success. POV will differ from person to person.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
1 -
I do "judge" people I guess, even tho I don't like the sound of that.
First impressions are so interesting because I find myself so often wrong...and changing my opinion if I get a chance to know them better.
I wonder how I am "judged"...I guess it doesn't matter, if other people's judgements are like my own, they are probably wrong.
I need to start saving all of your profile pics so I can piece together a complete face and judge it3 -
TeacupsAndToning wrote: »I wouldn't have been angry with that comment.
I know that my husband started speaking to me because he was attracted to me and the same goes for why I started speaking to him in return. So we both judged each other physically and liked what we saw. That's just how it goes.
Unfortunately I've seen this situation, go horribly wrong often because many mistake being in lust, with being in love; especially if they've been together for years! No matter how much time passes, lust doesn't always develop into love! (Hot girl gets hot guy, hot girl becomes pregnant but even though she maintains a healthy weight & tries to reduce stretch marks, wears a brace, etc., it isn't enough to regain the figure she had prior to keep hot guy; so hot guy leaves her to seek a new version of what she use to be to him!)
This' why physical attraction should be a bonus, not a necessity because it's the most difficult, to maintain. So if I see an average guy give a homeless person money, while the hot guy just pretends that they don't exist, it isn't the hot guy that I am going to be attracted to!2 -
CaloricCountess wrote: »TeacupsAndToning wrote: »I wouldn't have been angry with that comment.
I know that my husband started speaking to me because he was attracted to me and the same goes for why I started speaking to him in return. So we both judged each other physically and liked what we saw. That's just how it goes.
Unfortunately I've seen this situation, go horribly wrong often because many mistake being in lust, with being in love; especially if they've been together for years! No matter how much time passes, lust doesn't always develop into love! (Hot girl gets hot guy, hot girl becomes pregnant but even though she maintains a healthy weight & tries to reduce stretch marks, wears a brace, etc., it isn't enough to regain the figure she had prior to keep hot guy; so hot guy leaves her to seek a new version of what she use to be to him!)
This' why physical attraction should be a bonus, not a necessity because it's the most difficult, to maintain. So if I see an average guy give a homeless person money, while the hot guy just pretends that they don't exist, it isn't the hot guy that I am going to be attracted to!
I've also seen relationships go awry because one party isn't attracted to the other anymore and wanders. I don't think it's too much to ask that we get to have our cake and eat it, too.2
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