Judge and jury...first impressions
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@beingmore1 Well, I'm a shallow *kitten*. You don't want to work for this company anyway.
You're too hard on yourself.1 -
You can get a first impression and NOT judge someone.
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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WorkerDrone83 wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »The other night my wife asked me if, when we first met, she had better hair, a better job, a cooler personality, etc. but weighed 300lbs if I'd still hit that. I told her that her looks is why I dated her, but her personality is why I married her.
So that's a no?
My answer didn't seem to appease her, either.
ETA- fortunately, she doesn't have a leg to stand on when it comes to being shallow in the dating game.
Well, she asked if you'd hit that if she was 300 pounds, not would you marry her if she was 300 pounds. You basically answered her question as hell no.
Yeah, basically. I think I used a bit more tact.
Let's be honest, one's appearance is like their resume that scores them an interview. Of course you can take a chance and get to know them and really hit it off, and then what? You found a really good friend that you're still not attracted to to whom you're still not attracted. (Ended my sentence in a preposition. Sorry!)
However if you, took a chance & got to know your wife regardless of looks, you would've married her anyway; since you claim that you married her for her personality! So this comment, contradicts your previous 1!
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CaloricCountess wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »The other night my wife asked me if, when we first met, she had better hair, a better job, a cooler personality, etc. but weighed 300lbs if I'd still hit that. I told her that her looks is why I dated her, but her personality is why I married her.
So that's a no?
My answer didn't seem to appease her, either.
ETA- fortunately, she doesn't have a leg to stand on when it comes to being shallow in the dating game.
Well, she asked if you'd hit that if she was 300 pounds, not would you marry her if she was 300 pounds. You basically answered her question as hell no.
Yeah, basically. I think I used a bit more tact.
Let's be honest, one's appearance is like their resume that scores them an interview. Of course you can take a chance and get to know them and really hit it off, and then what? You found a really good friend that you're still not attracted to to whom you're still not attracted. (Ended my sentence in a preposition. Sorry!)
However if you, took a chance & got to know your wife regardless of looks, you would've married her anyway; since you claim that you married her for her personality! So this comment, contradicts your previous 1!
I don't think it necessarily contradicts the first statement. I've never entertained the possibility of marrying someone without dating them. We both still had to pass through the first gate: physical attraction, to even be considered for moving forward to the getting to know each other phase.1 -
WorkerDrone83 wrote: »CaloricCountess wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »The other night my wife asked me if, when we first met, she had better hair, a better job, a cooler personality, etc. but weighed 300lbs if I'd still hit that. I told her that her looks is why I dated her, but her personality is why I married her.
So that's a no?
My answer didn't seem to appease her, either.
ETA- fortunately, she doesn't have a leg to stand on when it comes to being shallow in the dating game.
Well, she asked if you'd hit that if she was 300 pounds, not would you marry her if she was 300 pounds. You basically answered her question as hell no.
Yeah, basically. I think I used a bit more tact.
Let's be honest, one's appearance is like their resume that scores them an interview. Of course you can take a chance and get to know them and really hit it off, and then what? You found a really good friend that you're still not attracted to to whom you're still not attracted. (Ended my sentence in a preposition. Sorry!)
However if you, took a chance & got to know your wife regardless of looks, you would've married her anyway; since you claim that you married her for her personality! So this comment, contradicts your previous 1!
I don't think it necessarily contradicts the first statement. I've never entertained the possibility of marrying someone without dating them. We both still had to pass through the first gate: physical attraction, to even be considered for moving forward to the getting to know each other phase.
I didn't indicate, an arranged marriage! I meant take a chance, to date!
So it's impossible, to get to know someone; without being physically attracted to them? I knew a guy at my grocery store, was interested in buying the same bread, I was because we both reached for it, yet I didn't see his face 1st; to know if I was attracted to him lol!
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CaloricCountess wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »CaloricCountess wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »The other night my wife asked me if, when we first met, she had better hair, a better job, a cooler personality, etc. but weighed 300lbs if I'd still hit that. I told her that her looks is why I dated her, but her personality is why I married her.
So that's a no?
My answer didn't seem to appease her, either.
ETA- fortunately, she doesn't have a leg to stand on when it comes to being shallow in the dating game.
Well, she asked if you'd hit that if she was 300 pounds, not would you marry her if she was 300 pounds. You basically answered her question as hell no.
Yeah, basically. I think I used a bit more tact.
Let's be honest, one's appearance is like their resume that scores them an interview. Of course you can take a chance and get to know them and really hit it off, and then what? You found a really good friend that you're still not attracted to to whom you're still not attracted. (Ended my sentence in a preposition. Sorry!)
However if you, took a chance & got to know your wife regardless of looks, you would've married her anyway; since you claim that you married her for her personality! So this comment, contradicts your previous 1!
I don't think it necessarily contradicts the first statement. I've never entertained the possibility of marrying someone without dating them. We both still had to pass through the first gate: physical attraction, to even be considered for moving forward to the getting to know each other phase.
I didn't indicate, an arranged marriage! I meant take a chance, to date!
So it's impossible, to get to know someone; without being physically attracted to them? I knew a guy at my grocery store, was interested in buying the same bread, I was because we both reached for it, yet I didn't see his face 1st; to know if I was attracted to him lol!
No, it's absolutely possible to get to know someone without being attracted to them. I call those people friends. I think what I'm trying to say is that if you want to marry a prince/princess you can start kissing frogs and hope for the best or you can find people with crowns (and hope for the best).
So did you marry the bread guy?0 -
WorkerDrone83 wrote: »CaloricCountess wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »CaloricCountess wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »The other night my wife asked me if, when we first met, she had better hair, a better job, a cooler personality, etc. but weighed 300lbs if I'd still hit that. I told her that her looks is why I dated her, but her personality is why I married her.
So that's a no?
My answer didn't seem to appease her, either.
ETA- fortunately, she doesn't have a leg to stand on when it comes to being shallow in the dating game.
Well, she asked if you'd hit that if she was 300 pounds, not would you marry her if she was 300 pounds. You basically answered her question as hell no.
Yeah, basically. I think I used a bit more tact.
Let's be honest, one's appearance is like their resume that scores them an interview. Of course you can take a chance and get to know them and really hit it off, and then what? You found a really good friend that you're still not attracted to to whom you're still not attracted. (Ended my sentence in a preposition. Sorry!)
However if you, took a chance & got to know your wife regardless of looks, you would've married her anyway; since you claim that you married her for her personality! So this comment, contradicts your previous 1!
I don't think it necessarily contradicts the first statement. I've never entertained the possibility of marrying someone without dating them. We both still had to pass through the first gate: physical attraction, to even be considered for moving forward to the getting to know each other phase.
I didn't indicate, an arranged marriage! I meant take a chance, to date!
So it's impossible, to get to know someone; without being physically attracted to them? I knew a guy at my grocery store, was interested in buying the same bread, I was because we both reached for it, yet I didn't see his face 1st; to know if I was attracted to him lol!
No, it's absolutely possible to get to know someone without being attracted to them. I call those people friends. I think what I'm trying to say is that if you want to marry a prince/princess you can start kissing frogs and hope for the best or you can find people with crowns (and hope for the best).
So did you marry the bread guy?
It's also possible, to date friends!
No I am a literal slave to my bus schedule, I even have my grocery list in order as to where everything is; so that I don't have to backtrack & potentially miss my bus! There's no time to mingle, when I'm in public!1 -
I do "judge" people I guess, even tho I don't like the sound of that.
First impressions are so interesting because I find myself so often wrong...and changing my opinion if I get a chance to know them better.
I wonder how I am "judged"...I guess it doesn't matter, if other people's judgements are like my own, they are probably wrong.2 -
To a point. For example, depending on how you're raised, you either see a uniformed police officer as help or a threat.beingmore1 wrote: »You can get a first impression and NOT judge someone.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
So first impressions are more like pre-judgments? The first impression is a quick gathering of observations about someone's appearance, actions, behaviors etc. Your brain assembles the observations into a temporary understandable conclusion about that person...for survival instinct. Is that person a threat. Its biology.
Or businessman as smart and successful or a total bag knowing what he may have done to achieve success. POV will differ from person to person.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I do "judge" people I guess, even tho I don't like the sound of that.
First impressions are so interesting because I find myself so often wrong...and changing my opinion if I get a chance to know them better.
I wonder how I am "judged"...I guess it doesn't matter, if other people's judgements are like my own, they are probably wrong.
I need to start saving all of your profile pics so I can piece together a complete face and judge it3 -
TeacupsAndToning wrote: »I wouldn't have been angry with that comment.
I know that my husband started speaking to me because he was attracted to me and the same goes for why I started speaking to him in return. So we both judged each other physically and liked what we saw. That's just how it goes.
Unfortunately I've seen this situation, go horribly wrong often because many mistake being in lust, with being in love; especially if they've been together for years! No matter how much time passes, lust doesn't always develop into love! (Hot girl gets hot guy, hot girl becomes pregnant but even though she maintains a healthy weight & tries to reduce stretch marks, wears a brace, etc., it isn't enough to regain the figure she had prior to keep hot guy; so hot guy leaves her to seek a new version of what she use to be to him!)
This' why physical attraction should be a bonus, not a necessity because it's the most difficult, to maintain. So if I see an average guy give a homeless person money, while the hot guy just pretends that they don't exist, it isn't the hot guy that I am going to be attracted to!2 -
CaloricCountess wrote: »TeacupsAndToning wrote: »I wouldn't have been angry with that comment.
I know that my husband started speaking to me because he was attracted to me and the same goes for why I started speaking to him in return. So we both judged each other physically and liked what we saw. That's just how it goes.
Unfortunately I've seen this situation, go horribly wrong often because many mistake being in lust, with being in love; especially if they've been together for years! No matter how much time passes, lust doesn't always develop into love! (Hot girl gets hot guy, hot girl becomes pregnant but even though she maintains a healthy weight & tries to reduce stretch marks, wears a brace, etc., it isn't enough to regain the figure she had prior to keep hot guy; so hot guy leaves her to seek a new version of what she use to be to him!)
This' why physical attraction should be a bonus, not a necessity because it's the most difficult, to maintain. So if I see an average guy give a homeless person money, while the hot guy just pretends that they don't exist, it isn't the hot guy that I am going to be attracted to!
I've also seen relationships go awry because one party isn't attracted to the other anymore and wanders. I don't think it's too much to ask that we get to have our cake and eat it, too.2 -
TeacupsAndToning wrote: »CaloricCountess wrote: »TeacupsAndToning wrote: »I wouldn't have been angry with that comment.
I know that my husband started speaking to me because he was attracted to me and the same goes for why I started speaking to him in return. So we both judged each other physically and liked what we saw. That's just how it goes.
Unfortunately I've seen this situation, go horribly wrong often because many mistake being in lust, with being in love; especially if they've been together for years! No matter how much time passes, lust doesn't always develop into love! (Hot girl gets hot guy, hot girl becomes pregnant but even though she maintains a healthy weight & tries to reduce stretch marks, wears a brace, etc., it isn't enough to regain the figure she had prior to keep hot guy; so hot guy leaves her to seek a new version of what she use to be to him!)
This' why physical attraction should be a bonus, not a necessity because it's the most difficult, to maintain. So if I see an average guy give a homeless person money, while the hot guy just pretends that they don't exist, it isn't the hot guy that I am going to be attracted to!
Ok great, but we're not talking about how it should go, we're talking about a time when you judged someone. What you're talking about is a different conversation.
I'm not going to lie and say that "oh yeah, I definitely started talking to my husband because I could SEE his personality." That came after I got to know him, and I got to know him because I liked the way he looked.
That doesn't make me a bad person and he wasn't a bad person for wanting to speak to me in return because he thought I was good looking.
I'm pretty sure you should live in one person's ideal world and not reality.
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WorkerDrone83 wrote: »CaloricCountess wrote: »TeacupsAndToning wrote: »I wouldn't have been angry with that comment.
I know that my husband started speaking to me because he was attracted to me and the same goes for why I started speaking to him in return. So we both judged each other physically and liked what we saw. That's just how it goes.
Unfortunately I've seen this situation, go horribly wrong often because many mistake being in lust, with being in love; especially if they've been together for years! No matter how much time passes, lust doesn't always develop into love! (Hot girl gets hot guy, hot girl becomes pregnant but even though she maintains a healthy weight & tries to reduce stretch marks, wears a brace, etc., it isn't enough to regain the figure she had prior to keep hot guy; so hot guy leaves her to seek a new version of what she use to be to him!)
This' why physical attraction should be a bonus, not a necessity because it's the most difficult, to maintain. So if I see an average guy give a homeless person money, while the hot guy just pretends that they don't exist, it isn't the hot guy that I am going to be attracted to!
I've also seen relationships go awry because one party isn't attracted to the other anymore and wanders. I don't think it's too much to ask that we get to have our cake and eat it, too.
So it's perfectly fine to leave someone because their body got stretch marks & lose skin via a pregnancy, that the other person; created with them?1 -
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CaloricCountess wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »CaloricCountess wrote: »TeacupsAndToning wrote: »I wouldn't have been angry with that comment.
I know that my husband started speaking to me because he was attracted to me and the same goes for why I started speaking to him in return. So we both judged each other physically and liked what we saw. That's just how it goes.
Unfortunately I've seen this situation, go horribly wrong often because many mistake being in lust, with being in love; especially if they've been together for years! No matter how much time passes, lust doesn't always develop into love! (Hot girl gets hot guy, hot girl becomes pregnant but even though she maintains a healthy weight & tries to reduce stretch marks, wears a brace, etc., it isn't enough to regain the figure she had prior to keep hot guy; so hot guy leaves her to seek a new version of what she use to be to him!)
This' why physical attraction should be a bonus, not a necessity because it's the most difficult, to maintain. So if I see an average guy give a homeless person money, while the hot guy just pretends that they don't exist, it isn't the hot guy that I am going to be attracted to!
I've also seen relationships go awry because one party isn't attracted to the other anymore and wanders. I don't think it's too much to ask that we get to have our cake and eat it, too.
So it's perfectly fine to leave someone because their body got stretch marks & lose skin via a pregnancy, that the other person; created with them?
Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. As soon as I get my wife pregnant and she gains weight, I'm going to leave her for a 20-something.
But in all seriousness, of course I'm not advocating that. I'm not saying if someone lets themselves go, it's fine to find someone better. I do think it's both people's responsibility to maintain an acceptable level of attractiveness, both physical and emotional. Same thing if the guy became abusive after the first year. The point is nobody likes a 'bait-and-switch.'3 -
TeacupsAndToning wrote: »CaloricCountess wrote: »TeacupsAndToning wrote: »I wouldn't have been angry with that comment.
I know that my husband started speaking to me because he was attracted to me and the same goes for why I started speaking to him in return. So we both judged each other physically and liked what we saw. That's just how it goes.
Unfortunately I've seen this situation, go horribly wrong often because many mistake being in lust, with being in love; especially if they've been together for years! No matter how much time passes, lust doesn't always develop into love! (Hot girl gets hot guy, hot girl becomes pregnant but even though she maintains a healthy weight & tries to reduce stretch marks, wears a brace, etc., it isn't enough to regain the figure she had prior to keep hot guy; so hot guy leaves her to seek a new version of what she use to be to him!)
This' why physical attraction should be a bonus, not a necessity because it's the most difficult, to maintain. So if I see an average guy give a homeless person money, while the hot guy just pretends that they don't exist, it isn't the hot guy that I am going to be attracted to!
Ok great, but we're not talking about how it should go, we're talking about a time when you judged someone. What you're talking about is a different conversation.
I'm not going to lie and say that "oh yeah, I definitely started talking to my husband because I could SEE his personality." That came after I got to know him, and I got to know him because I liked the way he looked.
That doesn't make me a bad person and he wasn't a bad person for wanting to speak to me in return because he thought I was good looking.
I doubt that personality matters, when relationships begin like this because even just friends, form this way & it makes me wonder, if you're just friends; why do they've to be attractive?1 -
WorkerDrone83 wrote: »CaloricCountess wrote: »WorkerDrone83 wrote: »CaloricCountess wrote: »TeacupsAndToning wrote: »I wouldn't have been angry with that comment.
I know that my husband started speaking to me because he was attracted to me and the same goes for why I started speaking to him in return. So we both judged each other physically and liked what we saw. That's just how it goes.
Unfortunately I've seen this situation, go horribly wrong often because many mistake being in lust, with being in love; especially if they've been together for years! No matter how much time passes, lust doesn't always develop into love! (Hot girl gets hot guy, hot girl becomes pregnant but even though she maintains a healthy weight & tries to reduce stretch marks, wears a brace, etc., it isn't enough to regain the figure she had prior to keep hot guy; so hot guy leaves her to seek a new version of what she use to be to him!)
This' why physical attraction should be a bonus, not a necessity because it's the most difficult, to maintain. So if I see an average guy give a homeless person money, while the hot guy just pretends that they don't exist, it isn't the hot guy that I am going to be attracted to!
I've also seen relationships go awry because one party isn't attracted to the other anymore and wanders. I don't think it's too much to ask that we get to have our cake and eat it, too.
So it's perfectly fine to leave someone because their body got stretch marks & lose skin via a pregnancy, that the other person; created with them?
Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. As soon as I get my wife pregnant and she gains weight, I'm going to leave her for a 20-something.
But in all seriousness, of course I'm not advocating that. I'm not saying if someone lets themselves go, it's fine to find someone better. I do think it's both people's responsibility to maintain an acceptable level of attractiveness, both physical and emotional. Same thing if the guy became abusive after the first year. The point is nobody likes a 'bait-and-switch.'
My comment was exactly:CaloricCountess wrote: »even though she maintains a healthy weight & tries to reduce stretch marks, wears a brace, etc.
So clearly I wasn't indicating someone, that doesn't continue to take care; of themselves!0
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