Tattoo: Would you tell your S/O?

Donald_Dozier_50 · July 2013

She actually is still married to sweet loving me.

ewarlow · July 2013

A few months back I got a tattoo.. on my wrist.

Hubby and I had discussed it multiple times and while he seemed a bit whishy washy on it he ultimately told me to get it if that was what I wanted.

I did and he LOST it. Told me if I had it when we met we would never have been together ect ect.

Anyway - I wouldn't have been able to deal with it (the fighting and *****ing) if we hadnt talked before hand. I think its the best way to approach any major permanent decision in ones life.

amluvstld · July 2013

Wow. Sucks to be her.

OP, just talk to him about it. My hubs isn't a fan of them, either. But I have a desire to get a huge piece that goes from my upper back, shoulder, and slightly down my arm. He may not like them, but he respects that it's my body.

Enkibean · July 2013

Bottom line, if you want a tattoo, then go get a damned tattoo.

That being said...

How upset would you be if your husband went out and did something that he was perfectly free to do, but you had told him that you really didn't want him to do?

alliemarie77 · July 2013

I went through something some what similar. For my Birthday one year I wanted my tounge pierced. I had mentioned it to DH, but his response was not supportive in the matter. He said if I got it done that he would not kiss me anymore. After arguing about it, I let him sit on it for a few months. I then brought it up again, and still he had said he would be upset, and that he would not kiss me.
I then had explained my reasons for wanting it, and that it was not to be rude, or disrespectful to him in anyway. I again gave him a few days to think about it.
On my Birthday, I told him that I had an appointment to get it done. He seemed upset, and started trying to talk me out of it again. I simply told him that there was no way he was going to talk me out of it. It wasn't something I had decided to do over night, and I was not asking his permission. He could either come with me to get it done, or I would go with my friend.
He went with me, my friend, and her husband. He waited outside with my friends husband, and he paid for it when it was over with. He only with held his kisses for a few weeks, and then he decided he liked it. (-;

I would definitely talk to him about it, and then go from there. Good luck, and enjoy your new tattoo.

crimsontech · July 2013

I thought it was funny, too. I'm sure he said it in a half-joking tone of voice and I'm sure that after 34 years, they have the kind of relationship where jokes like that are acceptable and commonplace. My fiance and I (together almost 11 years) can joke about one of us "leaving" or "kicking out" the other person and neither of us think it's serious business.

PBsMommy · July 2013

I would have replied with " I will visit your grave every Saturday. I am sure my tattoo will look beautiful from six feet under."

Cause if the "d" word comes out in my marriage, I bring out the other "d" word. :bigsmile:

Pixi_Rex · July 2013

I didn't read all the replys so if this was said/asked I apologize.

Is the money that you will be using to pay for said tattoo out of a joint account or his money (as in he is the one that works and you are the SAH partner)? If it is than you might want to tell him out of repsect, I would be pissed if someone used money out of a joint account for a tattoo that I didn't agree with.

Is there a reason he believes they are trashy? Is it a placement thing? or is he just old school in his thinking?

Talk to him, seriously you don't need his permission but communication is key in any relationship.

AllanMisner · July 2013

Yeah, that would be a kicker!

Anyway, if this is something you care so deeply about, maybe you should sit down with him and tell him your decision. Show him what you want and explain why you want it. Start the conversation with a demand that he sit and listen until you're done and then he can put forward his points. If he says he thinks its trashy, tell him you disagree. If he has other valid arguments, listen to them and talk through them.

If you run off and do something you want behind his back, he's going to wonder what other things you hide from him. Trust is not something to mess with (regardless of how long you're been together).

He might not like the idea, but at least you were upfront with him.

Calliope610 · July 2013

After reading the responses from one particular poster here makes me appreciate my DH so much. He has NEVER told me what I couldn't do, nor threatened me if I didn't acquiesce to him.

Saucy_lil_Minx · July 2013

Amen! My husband is not keen on me getting one either. However, If I so choose to get one I will. However, I would respect him. No matter his **** and whining, he is your husband, and you should discuss this with him prior to doing it. He may have some valid opinions that may change your view on it. However, I am my own person, and If I weigh all my options, and still choose to get the tattoo, my husband would respect my decision.

MeowSkull · July 2013

Bingo.

My husband and I have quite a few each so I can't say you shouldn't... but you are in a partnership and you both need to respect each others wishes.

Perhaps there is a compromise, maybe if he has some input into what you get and where.

Either way, your Life, your choice. Whatever happens, just make sure it's worth it.

UnderCoverShyGirl · July 2013

i think it could go both ways, but i tend to agree that on the principle of respect, this is too big a deal to do without his "consent" whether he is grumpy about it or not....i mean, would you want him to do something you were absolutely against?

I personally think that successful relationships involve the following decision making process (most of the time anyway), decide to do something based on:

#1 how strongly each person cares about the issue and why. If it's simply personal preference for him and you feel that you so strongly want a tattoo because it means XX to you....i would hope he would consent....and likewise, if you just want one cause they are cute and he has a major aversion due to some bad experience, etc...perhaps you should wait, or see if there is a placement or design that isn't so objectionable to him

#2 for the relationship - sometimes it isn't easy to identify to whom an issue matters more...in which case you decide for the relationship - will it continue to cause friction, will the other feel betrayed, uncared about etc...perhaps then you make a decision just to keep the peace. This can't work in all issues of course, but it does work oftentimes and down the road of course, things may change....

That said....tell your husband. Even though i love tattoos and have a few, it is a permanent decision. I would be ticked if my non-tattooed spouse went out and got one...heck i'd be hurt not only because it was against my wishes (in your case i mean) but also because if my spouse were really really really gonna do it, i would want to be included in the decision making process....

I kinda feel the same about cheating...you don't do it first and then confess...you be a strong enough person that if you are feeling the inclination you talk to your spouse about it beforehand....uncomfortable yes...but respectful and the decent thing to do when a decision affects both people, etc...

highervibes · July 2013

I'm not enturely sure why he sees them as trashy, I've just heard him say it before. I think it's because of his old school judgmental Italian upbringing to be honest.

JustJennie1 · July 2013

People are just so quick to jump in chests puffed out and righteous swords drawn when someone makes an offhanded comment like that. My husband and I are the same way. It's kind of nice to have a fun relationship where joking is permitted.

toothpastechica · July 2013

My husband dislikes tattoo's. I don't currently have any, mostly because I just never had the money...was always paying for something that seemed more important at the time. There are 3 that I want that I have wanted since I was a teenager, and will get at some point. I would def tell my hubby when I go to get the first one, but as someone mentioned, what he does with that info is up to him, it won't change my mind. We have talked about it and he says he prefers I don't, but that he will still love me if I do. So out of that mutual respect I wouldn't try and hide from him until its too late, that seems like a pretty drama queen way to start a fight, I will tell him "hey next week I am going to get it done" and end the conversation as quick as possible.

PBsMommy · July 2013

Or throw divorce in your face if you don't comply... :drinker: Cheers to amazing hubbies!

kristirlk · July 2013

I have tattoos (all where I can cover them). If my husband was against it, I probably would have thought more about it. He has one. Too many tattoos are not pleasing to the eye. My husband and I are equal. We discuss what we like and dislike. I think it would cause more issues if you did it without telling him. Of course, only you know what the outcome will probably be!

LorinaLynn · July 2013

I'd try to reach a compromise. Maybe a less obvious tattoo in a less visible place.

My husband likes them and I have four and want more. But I wouldn't get one without talking it over with him. We discuss the designs. He makes suggestions and I draw them.

calibriintx · July 2013

Just break up. You shouldn't keep secrets from your spouse. And if your spouse expresses that they don't want you to do something, you don't go and do it behind their back. That takes it from being an argument over a tattoo to an argument over judgement, respect and trust.

I don't care if he is being unreasonable - put on your big girl panties and tell him you want a tattoo. Talk, argue, whatever, then decide whether or not you'll do it and tell him.

Tattoo: Would you tell your S/O?

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