Are you over it?
beingmore1
Posts: 3,131 Member
I see on here a lot how people accuse others of needing a lot of self validation and attention. I can't speak for everyone, but I think a lot of us go through this phase in the weight loss/fitness/health journey. Did you go through it? Are you going through it now? Do you feel like you need to be seen and recognized in life and mfp helps you fulfill that need? Is it by posting a bunch of selfies? Getting quoted a lot? Having a lot of friends on your friends list? What fulfills your need for that self validation and attention? Why do you think you have this need at this point in your life?
If you went through a period where you needed more self validation and attention in your life than you do now, what caused the change? Are you thinner now? Are you more fit? Did you just find a balance in your life that transferred over to your entire well-being? Did you gain confidence in yourself and now you just don't need that validation anymore? How do you feel about those who still seem to need the self validation more than others? Are you critical or understanding? Why? Discuss. Keep it nice.
(remember it is possible that someone may disagree with you and your opinions. Disagreement is not a personal attack. Lets keep it real people.)
TL/DR version...are you needy with the self validation and attention? were you at some point? what changed? are you critical or supportive of others who are still needy? why? Be respectful.
If you went through a period where you needed more self validation and attention in your life than you do now, what caused the change? Are you thinner now? Are you more fit? Did you just find a balance in your life that transferred over to your entire well-being? Did you gain confidence in yourself and now you just don't need that validation anymore? How do you feel about those who still seem to need the self validation more than others? Are you critical or understanding? Why? Discuss. Keep it nice.
(remember it is possible that someone may disagree with you and your opinions. Disagreement is not a personal attack. Lets keep it real people.)
TL/DR version...are you needy with the self validation and attention? were you at some point? what changed? are you critical or supportive of others who are still needy? why? Be respectful.
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Everybody is needy in some way.. full stop
Thats life..10 -
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My story,
In the beginning of this journey I saw how much attention I was getting when I finally started to see the weight drop. I liked it. I never felt like I was good enough, pretty enough, let alone being told I was pretty, sexy & smart and I had strangers telling me otherwise. I started to like the attention. Eventually, as the years passed by I realize 90% of those are empty compliments and most of the men that said those things wanted more out of me.
Me now,
I still get compliments once in awhile but I don't hold on to them like I used to. I keep a quote in mind " the woman who doesn't require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet" It took me so long to accept myself, to see that I am pretty, to see that I do have a lot to offer and those are all self taught. Tbh from time to time I find myself wanting to be validated. Who doesn't like being told you're amazing and beautiful? It's part of human nature, to feel wanted. I can see why some woman can get wrapped up in all the attention here. I don't judge them because that was me once. Eventually they will see how awesome they are all on their own.15 -
definitely still firmly in the needy camp as much as it pains me to admit it. Whilst I am at my target now and happy and confident about the way I look I just can't seem to shift the need for validation from strangers online.
maybe its turning 40 this year, or the fact that my children are beginning to fly the nest as well as the significant weight loss that's messing with my head. I seriously never used to be this needy.
reading your post has been really helpful and I'm glad to hear you've come out the other side so to speak4 -
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guess I just have to hope for life to stop giving me lemons then
edited to add : or learn to get over myself lol0 -
I have days where I am filled with confidence and then I have days that I am extremely emotionally needy. It happens.
I think, for me, it's caused by the fact that I got loads of validation while I was losing weight because because could see the amount of change. Now that I'm sort of in maintenance all that is over and I get very little validation/encouragement and I sometimes miss that.
@BabyJane771 you look damn good. I dont know what your before pics look like but well done on how you look now.0 -
I go through phases of it. I don't think it's wrong, but after losing over 100 lbs, and going through a painful AF surgery to remove loose skin, I found myself seeking it more than usual. Mine manifested itself by taking jabs at the imperfections I have left in an effort to have people reassure me that they were fine. I drove a lot of my friends IRL crazy with it so I think there's a fine line you can cross where it becomes unhealthy and grating. I try to be more mindful of this now.
On the flipside, I've never shown off any skin in my profile picture until recently and when I posted it, I couldn't shake off the shameful feeling that I needed validation. I was worried that my old friends on here were going to perceive me differently. Even calling attention to it here makes me feel obnoxious but I wanted to post it because I finally got to a place where I felt mostly content with how I look. I realized I didn't care whether anyone would make a comment about it or not because I just wanted to own it even if owning it means showing it off on MFP.
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The only people I need validation from are my family that I'm doing good as a man. Besides that everyone has their own version of what is good and right in this world and that subjectivity doesn't validate anyone if they don't care about that opinion. For me, strangers and acquaintances don't fuel me as much as those that I love and their opinions do.6
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Thanks youI have days where I am filled with confidence and then I have days that I am extremely emotionally needy. It happens.
I think, for me, it's caused by the fact that I got loads of validation while I was losing weight because because could see the amount of change. Now that I'm sort of in maintenance all that is over and I get very little validation/encouragement and I sometimes miss that.
@BabyJane771 you look damn good. I dont know what your before pics look like but well done on how you look now.
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BabyJane771 wrote: »
Thanks youI have days where I am filled with confidence and then I have days that I am extremely emotionally needy. It happens.
I think, for me, it's caused by the fact that I got loads of validation while I was losing weight because because could see the amount of change. Now that I'm sort of in maintenance all that is over and I get very little validation/encouragement and I sometimes miss that.
@BabyJane771 you look damn good. I dont know what your before pics look like but well done on how you look now. YOU did amazingly Well done. You should be very proud of what you have achieved and how you look. 0 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »I get my validation from my wife.
When I compliment my wife her reaction is usually "Your just saying that cause it's in your job description" lol
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »I get my validation from my wife.
When I compliment my wife her reaction is usually "Your just saying that cause it's in your job description" lol
I say that a lot too, guess us women are impossible to please1 -
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I post selfies when I'm having a good hair day, which is sometimes rare when you have naturally curly hair and it calls for photo documentation.
And hell yes sometimes I need to be validated. You think people in real life at work or on the street are going to blow smoke up my *kitten* and tell me my eyeliner is on point?
But I don't live and die by the opinion of internet friends' opinion of me. I do me for me.6 -
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beingmore1 wrote: »Avocado_AS5 wrote: »I post selfies when I'm having a good hair day, which is sometimes rare when you have naturally curly hair and it calls for photo documentation.
And hell yes sometimes I need to be validated. You think people in real life at work or on the street are going to blow smoke up my *kitten* and tell me my eyeliner is on point?
But I don't live and die by the opinion of internet friends' opinion of me. I do me for me.
YES!! Were you always this way though? Was there ever a point when mfp WAS the live and die by kind of thing?
Nah. I mean at first the attention was confusing and overwhelming, but it was easy to see most of that wasn't genuine. I don't generally do well with much attention though so that was something new for me.1 -
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As someone who is very overweight, when people notice I've lost weight, I like it when they say something. I have medical issues that make losing weight hard, so when people notice the work I've put into losing weight, it makes me feel accomplished. Do I constantly post selfies because I want people to give me all this attention? No, never been that person, never will be that person. I don't even post in the selfie thread here. Never go in it anymore. When I want to see stories where people lost weight or did some major toning , I'll go to a different part of the forums.4
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Will_Run_4_Food wrote: »I'm needy AF and it comes and goes.
I know that feeling and usually with me only 2 things help. Compliments or chocolate lol Preferably both.0 -
I don’t consider myself needy. In fact I have to watch myself because I’m very critical of people that scream for attention and I know it’s not fair of me to judge. Everyone has their own reasons for doing stuff and I can definitely be more sensitive. On very rare occasion, I’ll post in the selfie thread because I’m extremely critical of myself. I pick on my every single flaw and rip myself apart on a daily. I rather hide behind the scenes and not draw attention to myself.3
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Having friends like you guys makes me feel less lonely and if that's a validation thing then sure!6
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Will_Run_4_Food wrote: »Will_Run_4_Food wrote: »I'm needy AF and it comes and goes.
I know that feeling and usually with me only 2 things help. Compliments or chocolate lol Preferably both.
Yeah, well I'm all out of chocolate, so tell me I'm pretty.
I have chocolate and am willing to share
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This discussion has been closed.
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