Are you over it?

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  • Corprina
    Corprina Posts: 215 Member
    edited October 2017
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    I've always felt invisible and being shy
    doesn't help. In our society, like it or not, if you're overweight, you're automatically seen as ugly and lazy. When I came to MFP on my first account, I gathered a lot of friends. As I lost the weight, I loved the attention/compliments simply because I never had that before not even from my husband. After I was here for a while, I started realising that I had become addicted to a daily need for those reinforcements. Always wanting and checking for responses to my posts (and there were a lot of them), my photos, my workouts, etc., I realised that my happiness was starting to be dependent on MFP and the validation, adulation and attention from anyone willing to give it, real or not. I left for a while and recently came back at the end of June ... But the most important thing I have realised and accepted is that I do not need anyone's validation - only my own!
  • Just_J_Now
    Just_J_Now Posts: 9,551 Member
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    beingmore1 wrote: »
    WorkerDrone83 wrote: »
    I hope I'd never judge someone for putting themselves out there, even if it's for validation. Everyone deserves a little 'pat on the back' to motivate them to keep at it. Especially if they're ballsy enough to post a pic.

    And let's face it....I don't think it hurts to tell someone they are looking good today.

    I completely agree that doesn't hurt at all. My issue is with the folks who get those compliments ALL THE TIME and still scream for them. Those that toot their own horns or get constant pats on the back from everyone else certainly don't need that from me.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,492 Member
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    weight loss?

    fitness?

    Dang, all this time I thought this was the Cat Fancy forum...... it's not?
  • browneyedgirl749
    browneyedgirl749 Posts: 4,984 Member
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    Just_J_Now wrote: »
    beingmore1 wrote: »
    WorkerDrone83 wrote: »
    I hope I'd never judge someone for putting themselves out there, even if it's for validation. Everyone deserves a little 'pat on the back' to motivate them to keep at it. Especially if they're ballsy enough to post a pic.

    And let's face it....I don't think it hurts to tell someone they are looking good today.

    I completely agree that doesn't hurt at all. My issue is with the folks who get those compliments ALL THE TIME and still scream for them. Those that toot their own horns or get constant pats on the back from everyone else certainly don't need that from me.

    ^^^^ this right here
  • SomebodyWakeUpHIcks
    SomebodyWakeUpHIcks Posts: 3,836 Member
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    @beingmore1 wrote: »
    I see on here a lot how people accuse others of needing a lot of self validation and attention. I can't speak for everyone, but I think a lot of us go through this phase in the weight loss/fitness/health journey. Did you go through it? Are you going through it now? Do you feel like you need to be seen and recognized in life and mfp helps you fulfill that need? Is it by posting a bunch of selfies? Getting quoted a lot? Having a lot of friends on your friends list? What fulfills your need for that self validation and attention? Why do you think you have this need at this point in your life?

    If you went through a period where you needed more self validation and attention in your life than you do now, what caused the change? Are you thinner now? Are you more fit? Did you just find a balance in your life that transferred over to your entire well-being? Did you gain confidence in yourself and now you just don't need that validation anymore? How do you feel about those who still seem to need the self validation more than others? Are you critical or understanding? Why? Discuss. Keep it nice.

    (remember it is possible that someone may disagree with you and your opinions. Disagreement is not a personal attack. Lets keep it real people.)

    TL/DR version...are you needy with the self validation and attention? were you at some point? what changed? are you critical or supportive of others who are still needy? why? Be respectful.

    That's a lot to read. What's the question in 10 words or less?
  • Lisa8823168
    Lisa8823168 Posts: 139 Member
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    Social media outlets like Facebook and this aspect of MFP has become a substitute for face-to-face, personal support systems. I suggest that it only feeds unhealthy concepts putting you into a vicious cycle of needing more affirmation. Food has always been a part of both happy and sad situations in life...time spent with family and friends historically involve food. When we are sad or lonely, many turn to food for comfort.

    Let us put all those common concepts together into one big picture- struggling to remove food as the unhealthy vice in our life and seeking validation, comfort and acknowledgments from those who have like issues/struggles is a real need...we all want to know either we are better in some way than other people or that we are not the only one with issues. But, is that healthy or feeding your insecurity? Are you substituting excessive social media for the food addiction your trying to fight...trading one for another?

    What I learn from these blogs are the trends of societies thinking, behavior and tendencies. As an older adult, with friends and family of various ages, one thing is always clear...no amount of social media affirmation replaces a loving hug from a real person. No e·mo·ji can reflect the supportive/understanding eyes of a good friend. No social media can champion your personal cause of self improvement that is uniquely yours. Even the positive aspects of having a cat or dog is more effective in supporting your mental health than social media.

    If you put as much time into nurturing true interpersonal relationships, as many people spend in these online venues, your happiness and confidence will naturally come. Growing in a happy healthy way, mentally and physically is really the goal. You may always want/need MFP to track and control your diet...it is a wonderful tool helping to be pro-active with your health management...but mental emotional health, which feeds your physical health, should not depend on any social media. Use the internet to research and gain nutritional knowledge aiding your health goals but not for your mental health affirmations. I do practice what I preach, outside of required homework (which I monitor), my children are limited to one hour a day of internet access. I teach moderation by example and likewise limit myself to the same.

    Always remember, people only show you or represent what they want you to know...I could actually be a man in my twenties stalking you... I might pretend to be a certified health coach...I may really be praying on you with intent to hurt not help.

    You deserve to get your positive reinforcement from people who know and love you...the rest of us out here rally have no dog in your fight or investment in your well being. False affirmations are really not affirmations at all.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,492 Member
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    Renaissance_Turtle wrote: »
    I'm a live & let live sort of guy. It's none of my damn business who wants or needs validation, nor is it any of my business who gives it to them. I complement people because I enjoy giving complements out. I like getting them too as I think many people struggle with their self image/self worth issues like I do.
    I don't really give a rats *kitten* if anyone thinks they are fake forms of validation either. If it makes someone feel better, then it can't really be fake can it? I pay compliments, I mean them, because I know what a good complement does for me personally.
    If it's someone who is just attention seeking & I know that, I'll probably just keep scrolling because those folks that are habitual about it are pretty easy to figure out after a while. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that either, it's just part of their nature. If it annoys you, just ignore it. I try to not be a wanker about assuming why other people are doing things in general. If my balls are to small to step up and ask them directly, then I don't deserve to know anyhow.

    By the way, I think most of you are are pretty damn awesome & the rest of you, it's probably because I don't know you well enough or you might have given me reason enough not to.

    Why are you so needy?

    B)
  • Renaissance_Turtle
    Renaissance_Turtle Posts: 960 Member
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    Motorsheen wrote: »
    Renaissance_Turtle wrote: »
    I'm a live & let live sort of guy. It's none of my damn business who wants or needs validation, nor is it any of my business who gives it to them. I complement people because I enjoy giving complements out. I like getting them too as I think many people struggle with their self image/self worth issues like I do.
    I don't really give a rats *kitten* if anyone thinks they are fake forms of validation either. If it makes someone feel better, then it can't really be fake can it? I pay compliments, I mean them, because I know what a good complement does for me personally.
    If it's someone who is just attention seeking & I know that, I'll probably just keep scrolling because those folks that are habitual about it are pretty easy to figure out after a while. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that either, it's just part of their nature. If it annoys you, just ignore it. I try to not be a wanker about assuming why other people are doing things in general. If my balls are to small to step up and ask them directly, then I don't deserve to know anyhow.

    By the way, I think most of you are are pretty damn awesome & the rest of you, it's probably because I don't know you well enough or you might have given me reason enough not to.

    Why are you so needy?

    B)

    I like turtles...

    6ax12sltqms9.gif

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