Do you ever wish someone had "called you out" over your weight?
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callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »it wouldnt have made a difference.
just like quitting any bad habit or addiction, YOU have to want to make the changes necessary.
I quit smoking when *I* was ready
I lost weight when *I* was ready
Someone bitching to me about it would have only made me resentful.
When people (friends, family) tell me what to do I just take longer to do it LOL. I'll do it when I'm damn good and ready.4 -
I've always been larger since my younger years. People and family have called me names and bullied me about my weight since school. So, no, I don't need anyone else calling my out on my weight. I am very aware of my size.2
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No, I wouldn't want anyone calling me out on my weight. I am quite aware when I have gained weight and don't need the unsolicited comments.
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I was always well aware that I had issues with my weight because my mother never let me forget it. Neither did her sister who lived with us for a good stretch of time.
What she did was not helpful in any way and didn't foster a healthy relationship with food or with controlling my weight.
FTR, I started packing on pounds in puberty. It always sort of gives me a little thrill to remember back to my eight grade school weigh in an know that I weigh less now, 42 years later, than I did then.
I had a lot of issues to unpack in order to be successful with weight loss, and some of those issues involved the unhelpful "tapes" of my mother's voice in my head.5 -
Nah. My mum used to suggest to me that I was tubby/overweight/ate too much, and I developed an eating disorder. She told my little sister, too, who was overweight until recently - guess who has anorexia now? Even if you're trying to help, it can have really devastating consequences. That said, I do feel that parents have a responsibility to their children, but other than that...just butt out of discussing other peoples' bodies. It should simply be between you and your doctor, imo.0
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If anyone cares to answer, did those of you who developed eating disorders or just a disordered relationship with food, ever have a conversation with your parents about it? Or those who didn't develop a disorder but had parents call them fat when they weren't?
I'm just curious as to whether some parents ever acknowledged their role in weight issues with their children?1 -
If anyone cares to answer, did those of you who developed eating disorders or just a disordered relationship with food, ever have a conversation with your parents about it? Or those who didn't develop a disorder but had parents call them fat when they weren't?
I'm just curious as to whether some parents ever acknowledged their role in weight issues with their children?
no, I never addressed it. they knew I had an ED (and other MI issues) for...obvious reasons, but eating disorders make you very secretive and introverted in my experience, so it wasn't something that was up for discussion. There are other various issues as well (like my mum's own MI) that make it hard to talk about, as well. It's hard seeing my little sister (14) go through what I did, though - I wish I could help, but I can't get too close to the situation without endangering my own health.2 -
I was a fat kid, I will make no bones about it. It seems to have started when I was 8-9 – previous photos showed a normal, even kinda-skinny little girl. There is no trauma in my background, I was never molested, my parents were more-than-less happily married. But, I liked to eat and I just got fat.
I only recall one instance where my weight was an issue with peers, when, in 5th grade, we were illustrating poems we had written about our recent field trip to a water park. I drew myself going down a slide and a desk mate remarked, “you didn’t look like that, you’re bigger”. So…I redrew myself to reflect a bigger size. But, I didn’t feel any shame over it, it was almost constructive criticism.
Middle school was miserable for me, and I was bullied, but not for my weight– which was rapidly escalating out of control. I distinctly remember being weighed in gym class and the scale reading 160. I was 11 years old. But again– I was not bullied because of my weight. It was more due to my shyness, awful, AWFUL haircut, 1970s librarian glasses, and general bookishness.
High school was amazing. Loved every minute aside from math and chem classes (hey, I’m into history, art and English lit). Had great friends, made decent grades, got along with everyone– jocks, cheerleaders, nerds and stoners and Goths. And all the while, I was creeping further and further up the scale. I have no idea how much I weighed at this time because I never checked, but I had to have been around 180 at 5’6".
I did not take my weight seriously until I passed out on the stoop of my NYC apt and woke up on the sidewalk with a cluster of strangers surrounding me telling me it’s okay, they’ve called an ambulance, just hold still. Hospital weighs me at 202. Blood pressure is crazy, cholesterol is worrying, I’m 24 years old and they’re discussing long-term medication.
I’m 32 now. In those intervening years I’d gotten down to 157, am currently at 170 (I lost my mother recently and stress-ate like an SOB) and I’ll be damned if I get to 202, or even over 170 again.
Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if someone had brought my weight to my attention earlier. As I spent my tween/adolescence in LA– the most image-conscious city in the world– it seems almost crazy this WASN’T something I was picked on for. But, it was never mentioned. While obviously bullying and fat-shaming for the sake of being a prick is wrong…nobody– not parents, teachers, etc ever brought it up to me that I was overweight.
What I wish is that I had been aware of my weight at an earlier age so I could have fixed it sooner. I knew I couldn’t keep up with the other kids at PE, I wheezed after a short jog, but I didn’t know WHY. I had no concept of calories or portion sizes and my weight wasn’t made a big deal of either with family or peers. In many ways I’m glad– there are so many horror stories of kids being bullied for their weight. But at the same time…I wish someone would have told me, because I honestly never knewvegaslounge wrote: »Hello–
Wow, didn't expect so many responses, and sorry I haven't been back (I try and limit my internet time, successfully or not...)
"Calling out" was probably the wrong terminology and I apologize. I should have probably written "made you aware" but to be honest it didn't cross my mind that the former implied that much negativity. Mea culpa.
In response to "what would I personally have done had I been aware?"– it's difficult to answer. At the younger end of my weight gain (9-13 or so), probably not much. In my teens, something. What, I'm not certain but it wasn't the dark ages, the Internet existed and I've always been rabid for research so it is entirely within the realm of possibility that I would have figured something out. By my early 20s, of course, I had no excuse other than not stepping on the scale and realizing how far out of control things had become. Hitting 202 on the doctor's scale was a bucket of ice water. I actually woke up and realized why my joints were hurting and I was getting out of breath climbing up stairs, even though I was only 23.
I suppose it makes a big difference on whether you were actually aware you were overweight or not. As I said, I didn't really know. Aside from an anorexic grandmother, the majority of my family were or are overweight. My mother tried every popular diet in the book and pretty much made the family go along with her, so I was yo-yo dieting by proxy for about 15 years. I was aware of calories and nutrition from a very young age, but I figured it was a grown-up thing and I'd deal with it when I got to Mom's age. That's why I wish I had known sooner, so I wouldn't have to be figuring this out at Mom's age.
I'd like to thank everyone for their responses, it's been a really fascinating read.
~VL
So I re-read your original post and would like to offer that you did have awareness of your size but did not feel it was a big enough problem in relation to things you wanted to do. I think most people don't get serious until they want something bad enough... even if they are called fat by everyone.
You also say in your first post that you had no awareness of calories but in your second post you say you were aware of calories and nutrition and experienced diets from a young age. Being in denial is easy.
You might have as easily admitted you were overweight but told yourself I'm just big boned, I'm going through a chubby phase or it is impossible to lose weight and keep it off without starving so why bother.
You did something about it when you felt like it. Maybe you wish you had cared sooner.
As an adult I have been overweight for 15+ years. Sometimes I cared and sometimes I didn't. I got very serious about managing my weight when it became a big enough problem keeping me from living the way I wanted. Too bad I didn't feel that way sooner when maybe it would have been easier. Most of those years I felt fairly okay though. It is the way it is.
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If anyone cares to answer, did those of you who developed eating disorders or just a disordered relationship with food, ever have a conversation with your parents about it? Or those who didn't develop a disorder but had parents call them fat when they weren't?
I'm just curious as to whether some parents ever acknowledged their role in weight issues with their children?
No, I never discussed it with my mother, and I can't with my father; as he is already dead.
I wouldn't cause my mother added stress by even mentioning the fact that I know in many instances she loved me (read: all of the kids) with food because often, she had nothing else to offer. We live and love through food, and I'd hate to have her feel guilty because of it.
Ultimately, as an adult, its my choice, and it has BEEN my choice for years. I just repeated the problem. Even after my medical education, and knowing better...I still made poor choices. I have to own that too. Everything can't and won't be put on my mothers shoulders.2 -
GothicsDarkAngel wrote: »If anyone cares to answer, did those of you who developed eating disorders or just a disordered relationship with food, ever have a conversation with your parents about it? Or those who didn't develop a disorder but had parents call them fat when they weren't?
I'm just curious as to whether some parents ever acknowledged their role in weight issues with their children?
No, I never discussed it with my mother, and I can't with my father; as he is already dead.
I wouldn't cause my mother added stress by even mentioning the fact that I know in many instances she loved me (read: all of the kids) with food because often, she had nothing else to offer. We live and love through food, and I'd hate to have her feel guilty because of it.
Ultimately, as an adult, its my choice, and it has BEEN my choice for years. I just repeated the problem. Even after my medical education, and knowing better...I still made poor choices. I have to own that too. Everything can't and won't be put on my mothers shoulders.
I didn't mean to imply that weight issues are solely parents' fault, which is why I said "role" in weight issues.
I'm particularly interested in those whose parents called them fat when they weren't.0 -
If anyone cares to answer, did those of you who developed eating disorders or just a disordered relationship with food, ever have a conversation with your parents about it? Or those who didn't develop a disorder but had parents call them fat when they weren't?
I'm just curious as to whether some parents ever acknowledged their role in weight issues with their children?
No. My mother developed her own weight problem as the years went by and we also grew further apart as I aged. She passed away from cancer before I came to grips with my weight and we were pretty much estranged.
It was sad, because when I was a young adult, we were very close, but as I grew older, my ideologies shifted and my mother wasn't the type to handle people thinking differently than her with any kind of grace. She took it personally. That's what caused the rift.
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KrazyKrissyy wrote: »I was called out when I was obese. Mainly by my mother and my sister. "Stop being a pig." "Your legs are getting fat." "You've put on a lot of weight." Etc. Am actually grateful (In a weird way). Sugarcoating isn't always the answer. Tough love works lol.
This post exemplifies the issue with this type of "tough love." And, to be frank, so do the other threads you have created on the forum.
By the way, "stop being a pig" is not what I would consider "tough love." It's closer to verbal abuse.5 -
NextRightThing714 wrote: »KrazyKrissyy wrote: »I was called out when I was obese. Mainly by my mother and my sister. "Stop being a pig." "Your legs are getting fat." "You've put on a lot of weight." Etc. Am actually grateful (In a weird way). Sugarcoating isn't always the answer. Tough love works lol.
This post exemplifies the issue with this type of "tough love." And, to be frank, so do the other threads you have created on the forum.
By the way, "stop being a pig" is not what I would consider "tough love." It's closer to verbal abuse.
My mother used to be a model. She knows her stuff and won't hesitate to be blunt.4 -
KrazyKrissyy wrote: »NextRightThing714 wrote: »KrazyKrissyy wrote: »I was called out when I was obese. Mainly by my mother and my sister. "Stop being a pig." "Your legs are getting fat." "You've put on a lot of weight." Etc. Am actually grateful (In a weird way). Sugarcoating isn't always the answer. Tough love works lol.
This post exemplifies the issue with this type of "tough love." And, to be frank, so do the other threads you have created on the forum.
By the way, "stop being a pig" is not what I would consider "tough love." It's closer to verbal abuse.
My mother used to be a model. She knows her stuff and won't hesitate to be blunt.
Great. My point stands.
ETA: I'm being a bit blunt. I just felt the need to note that verbal abuse does not aid weight loss or positive self image. Your initial post on this thread implies otherwise.6 -
No, I don't.
I was a fat baby, a fat kid and a fat everything. Now I've lost a significant amount and fall more under the 'curvy' label.
I was bullied about my weight as a child and in middle school. I was already aware of my extra fat, but the combination led to jojo-dieting, 'water days', compulsive eating disorder and totally damaged my self esteem and body image.
If anything, I only wish kids were not so mean and someone had taught me to make healthier eating habits. The rest was my own poor choices/not feeling like I have a choice other than to go on some 500kcal/day diet.2 -
I guess I'd say no. In a perfect world, maybe someone I loved who UNDERSTOOD children AND nutrition could have helped me, but not everyone has that?
I was a fat kid. I had fat parents. I was surrounded by people who had little knowledge on how to maintain a healthy weight. Power is in knowledge and education. In my situation, it would not have helped.1 -
I think it’s shocking that no one told you or at the very least made fun of you. Do you think you may have been oblivious to jokes being made?
I’m not saying that to be rude, simply that anyone who looks the slightest bit different gets made fun of in middle school or high school. I developed an eating disorder after being made fun of repeatedly for my weight (and I wasn’t even fat, I just developed early). My eating disorder was “cured” by a doctor who told me to not think about it, and so I gained a bunch of weight during another emotional time because I was bingeing.
I can’t help but wonder if you are a man or a woman. Your post doesn’t appear to give any indications. It seems like women get comments relating to their bodies more than men do.
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Plenty have called me out about my weight when I was a teen and it was completely useless if not outright damageful. The problem is they always called out but no one ever showed me the way, even I wanted to lose weight but I was stuck between a doctor who could only say "eat less" and a quite crazy calorie counting mother. She first would do a scene just because she had to count calories for me. Then she'd restrict, restrict and restrict. No wonder I got to grow up with an idea that dieting was a nightmare.
Later on in life, after I lost that weight in my own terms, in my own way, that was neither my mother's nor that doctor's way...yes.
Sometimes I wish my coaches would say something about my weight when it creeps up too high. I understand they are in a dangerous position, athletes, eating disorders, myself I'm probably not the healthiest out there...but neither of them does any comment, ever. At most I can hear silence (agreement) if I say I have gained too much in the off season. Personally I'd prefer both to say something now, because I'm grown up and know how to lose it but I may just lose focus and let too much creep on me before I do anything.0 -
If anyone cares to answer, did those of you who developed eating disorders or just a disordered relationship with food, ever have a conversation with your parents about it? Or those who didn't develop a disorder but had parents call them fat when they weren't?
I'm just curious as to whether some parents ever acknowledged their role in weight issues with their children?
If a child is overweight it is the fault of the parent/caregiver regardless of comments made. Children are children and it is up to the parent to control and guide their young lives. That's what parents are for.4 -
The only time in my life I have ever not been overweight was at birth. I was a fat infant, a fat toddler, a fat kid and grew up to be a fat adult. I got that fact thrown in my face every day of my life. By my parents (who are also overweight, my mom being obese), my brother, my schoolmates, strangers on the street, strangers on the internet, and so forth. I had a verbally abusive childhood, and that made turn to food more than it made me turn away from it. Being called out for my weight issues never fixed them, and I think a different approach might have. Someone teaching me how to eat better, exercising with me so I wasn't so embarrassed about it, someone telling me that me being fat wasn't the worst thing I could ever be. But I got none of that, instead I got being called nasty names and being told I'd never amount to anything and I'd be alone my entire life. I have hated myself for as long as I can remember.
It was only when I decided for myself my weight had to go, while I've been in a loving relationship with a man who never once made me feel less than adequate or less than human because of my weight that I learned to love myself enough to get healthier, for myself. Self-resentment is a hell of a thing.3
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