wtf am I wrong?
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My bf is always there if I need him, but he is a very clear thinker with a wonderful temperament. If something happens and he sees I'm upset, he would most definitely defend me. He's big, so words are enough. But if something happens and he sees me angry, he hugs me and kisses my head and half laughs, because he knows someone just got an elbow to the belly or got a kick to the shin. That's very rare, and only happens when I'm grabbed.
It's both, usually the girl can defend herself. I certainly can, I'm short but I don't take kindly to men suggesting certain suggestions. Then, sometimes, a big neanderthal will only go away if a man tells him to.
It's important for a girl to be clear. You can still be polite and make it clear you are not interested, but there's a fine line between being polite and being flattered and accidentally flirting. You gotta be careful you aren't sending the wrong signals too. Everytime I've seen one of my friends get into a fight over their gf, I've been with the girl when the whole thing started, and they were acting cute and smiling with a bent head, making cute talk. Then they're all confused when things turn sour.
I'm completely not saying this is like you OP, because yours sounds like some big brute with a mental problem invaded your space and is definitely the guy who'd have a bruised rib or shin if he tried it on me. I'm just throwing out my experience for both sides. n your case, it was your problem to solve, and you solved it. The guy was annoyed, but you still told him how it was. If he's staring at your boyfriend, that's his problem. He should turn his back to him and have a good time with you, the ****head would soon stop staring then. It's not a big enough problem to get violent over0 -
If someone hits on her the only way to deal with it in my book is for her to politely say she's taken and reject the guy before it gets out of hand.
In a pig's ear!
Why should she say she is taken - TAKEN!!!!
Last time that happened to me I just told him to keep his hands to himself - I said it loudly and stared at him, he backed off.
My husband (and our friends) were highly amused and spent quite some time discussing the mental acuity of any man who would grab a woman at a bar. Their general consensus was that any man doing it would deserve whatever he got - and that this idiot had got off lightly.
This was because I broke the little finger of a man who tried to stroke my breast - he thought that the crush of the queue we were all in would hide his actions, I just grabbed his little finger and bent it backwards. The bouncer who came to get him told him that if he had just taken his hand away rather than resisting his finger would not have got broken - tough.
Having said all of that, I am so glad I am too old for all of that. But still - short of hitting or grabbing and dragging, no outside assistance should be necessary. Women can and should cope with such crassness0 -
Alright, I started writing this story out but then it was becoming epic and no one wants to read that. Basically my question is to the boys: if your gf gets seriously hit on at a bar, she shuts the guy down, but then you think he's staring you down the rest of the night, did she emasculate you or otherwise worsen the situation by not letting you step in and "handle" it?
my husband would find it amusing. he would stand up for me if needed, but wouldn't consider it being "emasculated" if I stand up for myself. More likely he'd be proud of me being feisty and able to stand up for myself....
note: my husband has female powerlifters and MMA fighters on his laptop background/screensaver... he likes feisty women. In my experience of life, I find that strong men are attracted to strong women, and are not intimidated by them. Men who are intimidated by strong women, it's usually because they feel weak. because they feel weak, they want a woman who's weaker than they feel they are, so they can feel strong. So maybe that was this guys problem.... his girlfriend standing up for herself made him feel weak, and he didn't like that.0 -
see there's a difference
1.being hit on, verbal
it's an everyday situation for some women so they have to handle it and as such must show their bf this is how and what they do when the bf is not around - handle it
2. being groped non verbal while your bf is present.
which is to an alpha male is really testing his manhood .
Also depends if the other person knows your bf is there or not while they take step 1 or 2 .
if 2... i.e. man grabbing me without my permission - I would fight back to get him away from me (and I know quite a bit of martial arts), and my husband probably would step in to beat the crap out of him as well. I'm not going to stand around and wait for my husband to rescue me when I can do a pretty good job of defending myself.
and I'm not talking out of my backside either, I have actually flattened a guy in a bar using martial arts in the past because he wouldn't take no for an answer, then I got the largest of the male friends I was with at the time to walk me back to the nearest tube station, in case he followed me.
why do some men think women are public property to be groped at will???? - and re "I'm taken" - you don't need to be "taken" for that kind of behaviour to be inappropriate. If a woman doesn't want that kind of attention from a man, she doesn't want it and shouldn't have to put up with it. Single or taken, no means no, and no means "I don't want this" not "I'm my boyfriend's property and he's going to be mad if you do this" !!!0 -
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Hj0
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You need to watch "When keeping it real goes wrong"I would be amused at the guys attempts to hit on her.
And disregard the guy.
Because -I- don't need to prove my manhood.
Date better quality men.
What if *SHE* needs you to prove your manhood to HER?
hmmm?
No games, but ALL women are going to stand up for themselves. Period. But it would be nice to have a man stand up and say.. "Look, lay off... shes with ME!"
What is WRONG with letting a man stand up for his woman? NOTHING. Just like there is nothing wrong with a woman standing up for her man. If you see a trifling hoe up on your man, SAY SOMETHING. If she was raised right, she will back up off your man. Period. Its all about the woman code.. you dont get up on someone elses man. Period.
And what i find funny is... a man is MORE willing to do this with a stranger. Why not do this with someone you KNOW? Its like my husband wil tell off a stranger in a minute! But if its someone we KNOW, and i tell him this person has made remarks to me & its made me uncomfortable.. hes just like.. "Eh, its okay. He doesnt mean anything by it." When the guy obviously DOES! And it pisses me off! Get it together guys! TELL THE MAN THE **** OFF IF YOUR WOMAN TELLS YOU SHE ISNT COMFORTABLE. PERIOD!0 -
These things wouldn't happen if she just stayed in the kitchen.0
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i won't if she punched him back and can bench press her body weight.Otherwise i am gonna wreck that dude.Yea i am immature like that
Guys who get on the internet and say they wreck dudes........don't wreck ANYONE0 -
i won't if she punched him back and can bench press her body weight.Otherwise i am gonna wreck that dude.Yea i am immature like that
Guys who get on the internet and say they wreck dudes........don't wreck ANYONE
And usually get dumped when their current 'possession' recognises them as being the one who posted it!0 -
Right?! Isn't that disgusting, being talked about as "taken", like a seat on a bus?!And usually get dumped when their current 'possession' recognises them as being the one who posted it!0 -
No.
Women don't need men to stand up for them when they can handle a situation on their own. If the guy had persisted in hitting on you, then maybe it would have been best for him to step in but that didn't happen and luckily the situation didn't escalate.
He needs to get over himself.0 -
If I was handling my own situation on my own, and my husband or boyfriend stepped in and interrupted me so that he could take over and do it for me and handle the situation himself...I'd be royally pissed and probably wouldn't talk to him for the rest of the night. And maybe the whole next day as well. Come stand beside me, sure, maybe. But don't imply that I'm helpless.0
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Right?! Isn't that disgusting, being talked about as "taken", like a seat on a bus?!
Or a s**t.0 -
i won't if she punched him back and can bench press her body weight.Otherwise i am gonna wreck that dude.Yea i am immature like that
Guys who get on the internet and say they wreck dudes........don't wreck ANYONE
said by someone who calls himself tigerblood on the said internet0 -
see there's a difference
1.being hit on, verbal
it's an everyday situation for some women so they have to handle it and as such must show their bf this is how and what they do when the bf is not around - handle it
2. being groped non verbal while your bf is present.
which is to an alpha male is really testing his manhood .
Also depends if the other person knows your bf is there or not while they take step 1 or 2 .
1 is easy to handle. One flash of a wedding ring and they usually get the picture.
2 is easy to handle as well. A swift kick to the balls usually does the trick. Let's see him alpha out of that situation.
But then again I am a very strong, very forward, and very blunt woman. Those who date me must feel very secure in their masculinity because I am not "soft".0 -
Thoughtful and insightful answers, and you guys actually gave me some things to think about. Kinda wished I had tried the pinky breaking trick ; )
And now for a delightful and topical saturday morning gif
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Sooo I went on a 1st date with this guy the other night. He's kind of...small in stature. Maybe 5'6" or 5'7" but just...small. So this huge guy comes in from behind us and literally puts his hand on my shoulder and says "How are you doing Miss?" I turned around and said "Seriously?" but he had already kept walking. He didn't LOOK hammered drunk, but you never know. Maybe he did it because he saw that he could intimidate my date off the bat. I don't know. Nothing came of it, but the guy I was with said "He totally could have taken you home with him if he wanted to" jokingly and somewhat laughing, meaning that he wouldn't have done anything because the guy was so much bigger than him. At first it was kind of a turn off (at this point in time, no talk of a second date :laugh: . Some guys have the guts, no matter the difference in size, to at least say something....but on second thought I really don't blame him. If a girl much taller than me who looked like she could throw down did the same thing, I'm not sure that I would try to start a physical fight. I MIGHT say something. I guess I'd have to be in the situation. But then again I'm a girl. It might be sexist but I'm looking for the kind of strong alpha male who would say something if there was actual touching. I think it depends on the situation. is the other guy alone or surrounded by a biker gang? If the guy touches your *kitten*...TOTALLY different story. If the other guy is just looking? Ideally my guy would give some physical clues that I was his...pull me in closer or put his arm around me or something.0
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No. Handling my own problems has nothing to do with my boyfriend.0
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Thread winner.:drinker:No. Handling my own problems has nothing to do with my boyfriend.0 -
Yeah, you like drama.
I don't, and I handle those situations just fine on my own. My husband likes that about me.0 -
Alright, I started writing this story out but then it was becoming epic and no one wants to read that. Basically my question is to the boys: if your gf gets seriously hit on at a bar, she shuts the guy down, but then you think he's staring you down the rest of the night, did she emasculate you or otherwise worsen the situation by not letting you step in and "handle" it?
I'm glad she handled it. I'd preferred she had set up a fake date and sent the *kitten* on a wild goose chase.0 -
No way. I'd only step in if she was clearly uncomfortable with shutting the guy down herself.
Exactly! Why risk a fight or some other kind of ugly confrontation, and why undermine your girlfriend's independence by treating her as if she can't handle her own problems? It's one thing if the guy is inappropriately touching her or won't back off when told to. But going around "proving" your manhood in public is a sure way to signal to everyone in the room that you're not much of a man at all!0 -
Let your man protect you.0
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I would be amused at the guys attempts to hit on her.
And disregard the guy.
Because -I- don't need to prove my manhood.
Date better quality men.
Perfect answer.0 -
She cares about you and she doesn't want to see you get beat up or humiliated.0
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I would be amused at the guys attempts to hit on her.
And disregard the guy.
Because -I- don't need to prove my manhood.
Date better quality men.
Yeah, I can't imagine my husband getting all worked up over something like that.
It shows a serious lack of maturity.0 -
No way. I'd only step in if she was clearly uncomfortable with shutting the guy down herself.
Exactly. There is no need to cause a ruckus for no reason at all.
^^this exactly is how i like to roll. The less drama the better.0 -
your boyfriend sounds young and immature.0
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I wouldn't want my bf stepping in because I can handle it on my own. Now, if he kept going to the point where I felt very uncomfortable then I would understand him stepping in. I hate when people see strangers flirting with their SO and confront the stranger with "back off he/she is MINE!" I mean, they're strangers... they don't know. Whenever men hit on me I politely say "thank you but I have a boyfriend" and that usually makes them back off haha.0
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