wtf am I wrong?

MinMin97

So that means that you answer cannot be questioned or debated? :huh:

No.

Thanks for clearing that up. No, it can't? Or no, that's not what it means?

I was just answering the question, lol!! If I had meant "No, that's not what it means", then I would have qualified the no.

KelleyGirl74

Chivalry is not dead. At least I don't think it is.

Fullsterkur_woman

I'm a big girl. I can tell a guy off without being "rescued" by another guy.

Thanks! That's what the voices of sanity are crying in here. The OP's boyfriend's feelings about the situation, one way or the other, are irrelevant to whether or not she can handle the situation herself. They are also his problem to deal with, not the OP's.

whierd

Let your man protect you.

This statement requires a premise that I do not agree to. :huh:

What would that be?

That you need/want a man to protect you. That it is wrong for a guy to find you attractive and approach you. Really, take your pick.

Aaaaactually, I meant that it presumes that one "has a man". What about lesbians? Happily celibate people? All those people are capable of enforcing their own boundaries... Why does adding a penis into the equation change anything?

Again I say, I was answering the question.

So that means that you answer cannot be questioned or debated? :huh:

whierd.....are you an INTJ? Because you think like one. :flowerforyou:

Hahaha, actually I am!

Fullsterkur_woman

So that means that you answer cannot be questioned or debated? :huh:

No.

Thanks for clearing that up. No, it can't? Or no, that's not what it means?

I was just answering the question, lol!! If I had meant "No, that's not what it means", then I would have qualified the no.

But do you not see that the way you answered his question was ambiguous? And could be seen as intentionally so?

Either way, thank you for clarifying. So, it can't be questioned or debated. Duly noted. :huh:

dvisser1

I would be amused at the guys attempts to hit on her.
And disregard the guy.

Because -I- don't need to prove my manhood.

^This

Any guy who feels threatened because his girlfriend gets hit on and shuts the other guy down has some serious personal insecurities and jealousy issues. Everyone feels jealous every now and then, even the most secure, but to the point of feeling emasculated and threatened....?? Move on.

saschka7

Let your man protect you.

This statement requires a premise that I do not agree to. :huh:

What would that be?

That you need/want a man to protect you. That it is wrong for a guy to find you attractive and approach you. Really, take your pick.

Aaaaactually, I meant that it presumes that one "has a man". What about lesbians? Happily celibate people? All those people are capable of enforcing their own boundaries... Why does adding a penis into the equation change anything?

Again I say, I was answering the question.

So that means that you answer cannot be questioned or debated? :huh:

whierd.....are you an INTJ? Because you think like one. :flowerforyou:

Hahaha, actually I am!

Ha! I thought I recognized a fellow INTJ by that line of logic...:drinker:

vtmoon

I wish I was with you... no one ever messed with me, or my woman, or friends in Blacksburg, but probably it had to do with me wearing my holster and a smile.

fatfrost

Alright, I started writing this story out but then it was becoming epic and no one wants to read that. Basically my question is to the boys: if your gf gets seriously hit on at a bar, she shuts the guy down, but then you think he's staring you down the rest of the night, did she emasculate you or otherwise worsen the situation by not letting you step in and "handle" it?

I remember when this kind of **** was important. O to be in my 20's again.

Here's a hint. If a man is *truly* masculine, there is nothing that his g/f (or anyone else for that matter) can do to emasculate him. Have you ever seen "To Wong Fu"?

Your fella's problem isn't that you didn't give him a chance to "step in;" rather I think the other fella intimidated him a bit and since he cannot now stand up to him, he's taking it out on you. BTW, this isn't a knock on him--he's a kid learning to be a man--it takes time. Good luck with everything.

vtmoon

Also, to answer the question. I don't see the issue if you handled it. I don't understand why your man kept looking back at the dude to notice he was staring him down? He emasculated himself by not acting on the hostile staring afterwards, if I was in his place I would've been blowing the guy kisses if I noticed him staring at me.

AlongCame_Molly

No way. I'd only step in if she was clearly uncomfortable with shutting the guy down herself.

Exactly. There is no need to cause a ruckus for no reason at all.

This. If my husband were to step in, he would only make himself out to be an insecure possessive douche, and possibly get himself punched in the face. A real man will respect his woman to make the right call on her own, and a real woman doesn't need her man to start drama just to prove a point.

therunninghippie

My boyfriend would be proud of my for sticking up for myself! I've always been a bit of a pushover and have a hard time shooting guys down so he is always happy to see me say "no" when I need to!

MinMin97

So that means that you answer cannot be questioned or debated? :huh:

No.

Thanks for clearing that up. No, it can't? Or no, that's not what it means?

I was just answering the question, lol!! If I had meant "No, that's not what it means", then I would have qualified the no.

But do you not see that the way you answered his question was ambiguous? And could be seen as intentionally so?

Either way, thank you for clarifying. So, it can't be questioned or debated. Duly noted. :huh:

Of course!:happy: These are the forums. You're welcome!:flowerforyou:

MinMin97

Also, to answer the question. I don't see the issue if you handled it. I don't understand why your man kept looking back at the dude to notice he was staring him down? He emasculated himself by not acting on the hostile staring afterwards, if I was in his place I would've been blowing the guy kisses if I noticed him staring at me.

There are some in this thread who are very adverse to the idea of him "proving" his masculinity.

Fullsterkur_woman

There are some in this thread who are very adverse to the idea of him "proving" his masculinity.

Imagine.

Some of us on this thread are trying to point out that the situation described actually had nothing to do with the boyfriend and so his getting butthurt over it is his own problem to deal with.

JskC1893

You like drama, don't you.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

AmyZ46

Sooo I went on a 1st date with this guy the other night. He's kind of...small in stature. Maybe 5'6" or 5'7" but just...small. So this huge guy comes in from behind us and literally puts his hand on my shoulder and says "How are you doing Miss?" I turned around and said "Seriously?" but he had already kept walking. He didn't LOOK hammered drunk, but you never know. Maybe he did it because he saw that he could intimidate my date off the bat. I don't know. Nothing came of it, but the guy I was with said "He totally could have taken you home with him if he wanted to" jokingly and somewhat laughing, meaning that he wouldn't have done anything because the guy was so much bigger than him. At first it was kind of a turn off (at this point in time, no talk of a second date :laugh: . Some guys have the guts, no matter the difference in size, to at least say something....but on second thought I really don't blame him. If a girl much taller than me who looked like she could throw down did the same thing, I'm not sure that I would try to start a physical fight. I MIGHT say something. I guess I'd have to be in the situation. But then again I'm a girl. It might be sexist but I'm looking for the kind of strong alpha male who would say something if there was actual touching. I think it depends on the situation. is the other guy alone or surrounded by a biker gang? If the guy touches your *kitten*...TOTALLY different story. If the other guy is just looking? Ideally my guy would give some physical clues that I was his...pull me in closer or put his arm around me or something.

I think your date was making quite a funny joke there! Hahahaha , what a sense of humer he has. He made light of the situation ,with out ignoring it . I bet he would not have let it get out of control either.
Too bad if you didn't go on a second date with him

vtmoon

Also, to answer the question. I don't see the issue if you handled it. I don't understand why your man kept looking back at the dude to notice he was staring him down? He emasculated himself by not acting on the hostile staring afterwards, if I was in his place I would've been blowing the guy kisses if I noticed him staring at me.

There are some in this thread who are very adverse to the idea of him "proving" his masculinity.

They were mainly were against it proven in the manner of him standing up for her. But after the initial situation was over, he could've addressed the new situation of being stared at, no one had issue with him addressing someone staring him down in a threatening manner.

Some_Watery_Tart

What on earth does your enforcement of your personal boundaries have to do with his masculinity?! You are not a tool by which he proves his manhood. If he were my boyfriend I'd tell him to grow up or get out.

the_dude00

No way. I'd only step in if she was clearly uncomfortable with shutting the guy down herself.

Exactly. There is no need to cause a ruckus for no reason at all.

This. If my husband were to step in, he would only make himself out to be an insecure possessive douche, and possibly get himself punched in the face. A real man will respect his woman to make the right call on her own, and a real woman doesn't need her man to start drama just to prove a point.

Completely agree.

I think its completely irresponsible & downright disrespectful for a woman to make her boyfriend/husband have to step in in situations like that. I mean, if things get out of hand and a fight were to break out, do you want you Husband/Boyfriend to have his Career likely tarnished by an arrest record....

debbash68

I would like to handle this myself, and would be really offended if a guy tried to do this for me. I would get out my tape measure, see who had the biggest arm circumference and declare them the man winner and go home with them

fatfudgery

There are some in this thread who are very adverse to the idea of him "proving" his masculinity.

That presumes that confronting a guy for hitting on his GF somehow proves he's a man. I mean, it proves he's a possessive, insecure man, sure – but not that he's a man.

jaggerhawks

That's ridiculous. If she wanted to handle it herself and was able to, I'd step back. Only insecure men need to feel threatened and emasculated in a situation like that.

No point in stepping into something already taken care of in order to "prove" manliness. Why create a scene when there's no need for one?

MsEndomorph

There are some in this thread who are very adverse to the idea of him "proving" his masculinity.

That presumes that confronting a guy for hitting on his GF somehow proves he's a man. I mean, it proves he's a possessive, insecure man, sure – but not that he's a man.

What if he flashed his "manhood" at the guy?
Would that be asserting his masculinity?

fatfudgery

What if he flashed his "manhood" at the guy?
Would that be asserting his masculinity?

LOL! Nothing more masculine than showing your junk to another dude!

TribeHokie

To sum up this thread and my feelings about it:

- I enjoyed all the responses. Even the back-and-forths about different points/opinions

- I pretty much agree 100% with what lq022 had to say (not that other people didn't also have valid points. Just that this is what I was thinking at the time)

- vtmoon, how are you and I not friends already?

- to clarify since these seemed to be points of debate: bf was about 20 feet away playing golden tee, so he was not paying attention when it was actually happening. I told the guy to back off and pointed out said bf. He disregarded this warning so I shut him down with a final statement and walked away (was only there long enough for it to become an incident because I was closing my tab). The whole conversation/whatever took about 5 minutes.

- I am amused at the fact that this thread has gone on much longer than the actual issue. bf texted me when he got up the next morning with "Wow I turned into an angry drunk...my bad" and it was done. I do still appreciate some of the insight I've gotten from everyone though.

Edit: forgot to mention that I loved the To Wong Foo reference ; )

neandermagnon

There are some in this thread who are very adverse to the idea of him "proving" his masculinity.

My husband doesn't need to prove his masculinity. I know he's a man, he knows he's a man (I've been married to him for 13 years, I would have noticed by now if he wasn't). I know he's strong, he knows I'm strong.... what the heck is there to prove?

Additionally, if he ever has to defend me (or our kids for that matter, or anyone else that needs defending) I know he'll be doing it because he's a decent human being who cares about the welfare of others, especially of his wife and kids. He wouldn't be doing it to prove he's a man.... that would be silly.

Velum_cado

I couldn't be in a relationship with the kind of meathead d-bag who finds it emasculating that his girlfriend stands up for herself. Seriously, wtf.

sunglasses_and_ocean_waves

Alright, I started writing this story out but then it was becoming epic and no one wants to read that. Basically my question is to the boys: if your gf gets seriously hit on at a bar, she shuts the guy down, but then you think he's staring you down the rest of the night, did she emasculate you or otherwise worsen the situation by not letting you step in and "handle" it?

Your boyfriend is pathetic if he believes he was emasculated. Dump this loser.

laurenz2501

I think your date was making quite a funny joke there! Hahahaha , what a sense of humer he has. He made light of the situation ,with out ignoring it . I bet he would not have let it get out of control either.
Too bad if you didn't go on a second date with him

Oh yeah I realized he was making a joke of it. And it was funny!