WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR MARCH 2018

KetoneKaren

for MargaretTurk - LOL!!!!! - this was taken a minute ago:



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Happy First Full Day of Spring!

ryenday

Embracing the CAN’Ts.

Long and probably uninteresting ramblings about learning to work with, not against one’s disabilities in spoiler below

So much of my sense of who I am for 30+ years has revolved around hiding and being shameful over my inability to do what to most people are simple things: drive a car, catch an object tossed at them, pour liquid from a carton or container larger than 2 cup size without spilling, sew a button on, cut on a straight line, wrap a package like an adult, not messy like a child - an endless list of so many more things like that.

Only in the past few years did I learn that the early 1970’s vague diagnosis of motor coordination learning disability actually breaks down into specific disabilities I have (dyspraxia & proprioceptive disabilities).

Although I have always been legally blind in the one eye, I am still learning how that brings (and has brought me) unique challenges. (Just this year I learned that my extremely poor night vision is largely just the lack of depth perception and peripheral vision which accompanies the fact only one of my eyes works.)

A couple of years ago, in shocking coincidences within weeks I learned of dyspraxia and proprioceptive disorders and realized that was me. There are a whole host of things people take for granted that I simply CAN’T do.

Lately, I’ve been trying to learn to embrace the CAN’Ts, not to hide them, not to feel ashamed of them, but to accept and learn from them.

For instance I CAN’T safely ride a bicycle. I know how, and can unsafely ride it, but no amount of practice will give me the balance, sight, and motor-coordination required to safely do that. Yes, that’s a bummer. But now that I can embrace that I can decide if the experience is worth it to investigate other ways to have a similar experience. (Is there a non embarrassing adult tricycle for instance? Or other alternative that would be safe for me? I don’t know- but now I know I need to answer that question)

Pouring liquid! Only in the last 6 months did I realize that no amount of being careful, pouring slowly, or practice will help me. If I have to pour (a full 1/2 gallon of milk for instance) I WILL spill (90% chance). Hot Soup in a big container? I’m going to spill and probably scald myself. Embrace this (no amount of being careful will help me) and the alternatives become obvious. Pour only over the sink. Never pour hot liquids from pots, always use a ladle.

Sorry this seems so random, it’s related to my BB42 project and very relevant to my pursuit of fitness so it has been front and center on my mind. My disabilities have meant a lot of dead ends as I try to find fitness activities I like and that I CAN do.

I freely admit, sometimes I just want to cry about it, because simple things are so difficult and time consuming for me. I’m working very hard to turn that around.

Being able to unashamedly say I can’t do X so what can I do to get to my goal (- instead of beating my head against the wall of ‘just practice enough and anyone can do it’) has been truly life changing.

Life is too short for the futile ‘practice its’ and shame when I don’t succeed.

Today I feel like shouting at the world “Hello, my name is Rye and I CAN’T do a lot of the things you people can. Why don’t you help me figure out other ways?

I’ll backslide - shame and guilt are powerful habits, particularly for one brought up in the Irish Catholic traditions. I guess if I backslide, I can ask Pip to give me the boot.

Kidd Kirby my sick cat is doing some better, but still isolated and the bladder problems are not over. Did I tell y’all he bewitched all the techs, receptionists and the vet at the Emergency animal hospital? He has always been friendly (unlike my other two cats who run and hide in the bedroom when the doorbell rings) but he turned it up a notch and was the most affectionate snuggle bunny I’ve ever seen in feline form. His purrs probably sounded like a hovering helicopter to the neighbors!

Thanks for all your suggestions, concerns and well wishes for Kidd’s Health. I do appreciate each one!

Rye

ydailey

Happy World Poetry Day!

In honor of the day, here is one of my favorite poems - "Autobiography in Five Short Chapters" by Portia Nelson:

I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place
but, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V

I walk down another street.


Katla - My best guess on the flooring is that is was installed in the late 50s or early 60s. There is some evidence that at one time, all of the woodwork in that bathroom was painted a bright rose pink too. Glad your husband had a good appointment with the doctor - hope he came away with some options.

Wendy - Do you buy the beetroot burgers ready-made or are you making your own? If the former, what brand is good? I'd like to try that. Also, Luna says she'd like a beach, please!

Moira - Welcome to the neighborhood! That is kind of what this group feels like to me, a bunch of nice neighbors chatting over the fence. The bakery trip sounds like a delicious temptation! I'm loooking forward to hearing about your tiny house plans.

Becca - So glad your Lee is healing well! And sorry your sister is so thoughtless. You are right, with everything you had going on, losing weight during the hospital stay is a huge accomplishment!

Machka - Yes, the original floor is wood. Not as high a grade as the wood floors in the rest of the house, but still really pretty even with the "character" added by the remnants of adhesive I couldn't get off. Think I'll just give it a light sanding and then seal it with marine-grade polyurethane. I love the idea of Harmony Day... we need that badly over here right now.

CharlieAnn - I'm with you on the tracking thing. It's nice to know that you can still choose a guilty pleasure now and then and still keep on track with your goals. I also find that it makes me more mindful about those choices. I don't drink sodas, but I do have a weakness for ice cream. When I have to stare the calories right in the face, it makes me pause and think about whether that's a trade-off I want to make right now. Same thing with alcohol - do I want this craft beer enough to need extra time on the stationary bike to make up for it?

deedunbar1 - Welcome. Nice work on the carbs!

Barbie - I think my dad was the last cemetery visitor in the family. He used to visit my mom and the rest of family out there at Forest Park pretty often. It makes me sad to think of nobody cleaning the head and foot stones anymore, but none of us siblings are much into those kinds of visits. Mom and Dad and the rest are not there. Which reminds me, I need to remember to talk to the siblings about a footstone for Dad.

Kylia - LOL! Your husband sounds like a hoot.

Lenora - No, food poisoning is most definitely not a fun way to lose weight. Hope you and your husband are on the mend.

Sharon - You and Larry are adorable!

Penny - Oh, I adore those things! Ever since we went to visit my brother in Norway I've been scheming to get people to bring Kvikklunsj back for me. My brother came home with a t-shirt that translates to "Norway was not made for sitting on your butt," and we really enjoyed that part of the culture there. This summer his former neighbors from Bergen are visiting Texas... I guess nobody told them "Texas was not made for visiting in July!"

Karen - Oh my gosh, the purple flowers are amazing! What are they? They look almost like passion flowers but I can see they're not on a vine.

Kobi - Welcome! Congratulations on your wedding plans! May you have a joyful wedding and celebrate many happy anniversaries!


About the Austin bomber - I'm glad he's out of the picture, but these are the names I'd like to see in the news: Anthony Stephan House (39) and Draylen Mason (17) were killed, and Esperanza Herrera (75), two young men on a hiking trail (22 and 23), and numerous other victims were injured. I feel for the loved ones of that disturbed young man. Our entire region was fearful, and it appears he had every intention of expanding his activities to surrounding communities.

Oops, between the poem and everything else I've written an essay. Sorry about that! I'll stop here and wish you all a beautiful day.

-Yvonne in TX

ryenday

A still sick, but hopefully getting better Kidd Kirby chillin on my lap this morning. He is truly not on my side when it comes to exercise, lol!

ryenday

YvonneTexas was not made for visiting on July! — ain’t that the truth! What is a foot stone?

I told my husband, if I die before he does, he should have or not have any type of party, service, memorial etc that would make HIM feel better. I’ll be dead, so anything would be about the living, not me. He did not return the favor and has very specific wishes if I lose him. lol.

Rye (who needs to get off the internet, take the kitty off her lap and pick up that hula hoop!) in TX

klanders30

karen I’m not laughing.

klanders30

And that’s just the start. The snow is supposed to pile up later today. I need some green in my life and spinach salad is all I’ve got!!!!!
NYKAREN

KetoneKaren

Rye Not that long and not boring. The amazing thing to me is how the plasticity of our minds & bodies can adapt to disabilities & compensate for deficits. Your post is all about this - if I want to, how can I figure out to safely ride a bicycle or something similar? If I need to safely get hot soup into a container, how can I do it other than pouring it? (use a ladle).

My partner and I figured out a system so we can take large heavy loads of yard waste to the landfill (if we want to do the work ourselves). We put 2 tarps, one on top of the other, on our trailer. As we gather yard waste, it goes onto the top tarp. When we think it's as heavy as we can handle, we put 2 more tarps on top of that load, and keep adding yard waste. Then one more tarp over the top of the load (which is large by now), and tether everything down. Head to the landfill. Back the trailer up to the pile, remove the top tarp, slide the upper load out by grabbing the tarp it's sitting on. It slides on out because of the other tarp directly under it, which reduces friction. After it's out of the trailer, we both get on the same side and sort of roll the load off the tarp. Repeat. Fold up the tarps. Elapsed time at the landfill: about 5 minutes. Slack-jawed stares from people who will be out there for another hour unloading their yard debris one branch at a time. We call it the 2 tarp method. If we were brawny types, we would have had little reason to figure this out.

I know this is not comparable to the adjustments you have had to make, I only include it because your post reminded me that where there's a will, there's a way, even for something as mundane as dealing with yard waste. Even without disability, physical limitations can be a catalyst for positive change.

Glad your sweet kitty is on the mend. xoxo

Karen in Virginia

langman22

Lanette, I love acting silly with my DH. I’ve been known to flash him in the window while he is shoveling. He just shakes his head.

KobiHensley, welcome. Tell what you would like to be called and where you are from. That helps keep people straight. Pop in anytime. We are a chatty group but full of info, encouragement and support both for weight and life in general. I too got married later after a first, not so good, marriage. I swore I wouldn’t get married again either. But we decided after 10 years and owning a home together to make it legal. You have such wonderful plans and just know you will make your goal.

Betty, congratulations for the weight loss. Glad you DH is improving.

Evelyn, down .8! YEAH!

Rye, thank you for opening up and sharing your “can’ts”. I admire all that you do and are. We all could take a lesson from you and focus on our “cans”. I believe everyone has cans and can’ts and we all figure out our own way of dealing.

Yvonne, loved the poem. I shared it with my DD.

NYKaren, I feel for you. I hope you don’t get hammered as predicted. Stay safe.

Karen in VA, you both are so cleaver.

Just came back from getting my hair cut and picking up my orthotic. $375 for the orthotic! I put it on my flexible spending account card as they wouldn’t bill my insurance. Once I get the paperwork from them, I’m going to submit it to the insurance. I’m almost positive they will pay for it. Dr. is recommending another shoe. Guess I’ll have to look into them, but they are ugly as sin. But if it helps the pain, I’m going to try it.

Here is me after finally getting my hair cut.

langman22

langman22

Boy, my hair is getting so thin!

Terry

KetoneKaren

NYKAREN Awwwww, I wish I could whisk you down here for a cup of hot tea. The snow isn't sticking to the roads or sidewalks, just the trees and lawns, so it's pretty, but not paralyzing. Sorry the Mandevilla picture wasn't enough to cheer you.

Yvonne The purple flowers are Hellebores (winter rose, Christmas rose or Lenten rose).
https://www.dallasnews.com/life/gardening/2016/01/27/hellebores-hardy-and-easy-to-grow

Terry I like your haircut. But then I'm biased. It's almost exactly the same haircut I have...

Karen in Virginia

Katla49

Lenora: Feel better soon. :flowerforyou:

Barbara: I found this about weight bearing exercise online: "The best exercise for your bones is the weight-bearing kind, which forces you to work against gravity. Some examples of weight-bearing exercises include weight training, walking, hiking, jogging, climbing stairs, tennis, and dancing. Examples of exercises that are not weight-bearing include swimming and bicycling.May 1, 2015" https://www.bones.nih.gov/health-info/bone/bone.../exercise/exercise-your-bone-health

Kylia: Thanks for your good wishes for DH. The doctor was quite helpful. CICO stands for Calories In & Calories Out. :bigsmile:

Okie: I agree with you that moving your muscles counts, whether you are running in place in front of your TV, running a marathon, swimming, bicycling, horseback riding, rollerskating or a zillion other active things.

Yvonne: DH came away from the doctor visit with instructions to stop eating certain things and stop some medications. He also has information about healthy eating. He seems to feel a bit better already. :flowerforyou:


I spent a couple of hours at the DMV this morning because we forgot to send in the money for our car registration. It is now taken care of. Yay!!!

Katla in beautiful NW Oregon

"You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending." CS Lewis

pipcd34

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wildhorsewendy

Hi Sisters, you make me laugh and you inspire me, every day. Thanks!

Karen, do you live in Narnia? Those pics are magic! And your smart tarp idea rocks!

Terry, flashing at the window-Naughty! (I do it too)

Yvonne, thanks for the poem, I shared it with my DD who suffers from cycles of depression. I buy my beetroot burgers in the vegan section of the supermarket, but I am going to try making them from scratch when I get time. The brand I have available here is Bean Supreme Cafe Range. Yummy.

Penny, I heard about that skiing tradition from a girl I met while hiking the Abel Tasman Trail. She described it exactly as you did and I just pretended it was cold and snowy and imagined the whole thing as we hiked uphill with big packs on a very hot day. LOL. I've never forgotten that. And she was a tall, strong blonde Amazon girl.

Lanette, I can just imagine you doing the Popeye walk in Walmart. LOL

Sharon, loved your pics. I used to make those feather bands to go on Western hats. They were all the rage!

Rye, I'm in love long distance with Kidd Kirby. Get well soon Darling.

It's early days yet, but I am being optimistic and hopeful that my sugar addiction might have finally been conquered at last. I have had No Cravings since starting this new vegan diet. There was a big bowl of my favourite chocolate easter eggs at work yesterday and I wasn't even slightly tempted. I just munched on my trail mix and ate my rice and lentil veggies for lunch. It is wonderful to feel in control of my appetite!
Wendy

Peach1948

coastalgosgal

I do feel lighter in spirit, now that I have deleted my sister from Messenger, and Facebook. We have a phone, so I will leave it to her for any future contact. I stressed to my step sister to send back my photo album pages, and to not give them to my sister. All I stated was that my sister wouldn't be getting out to the coast before we move to Whidbey island. Which is the truth. Also to expect my sister to drive 2 and a half hours to drop off some album pages is just another expectation that will leave me disappointed.
I have a wise older sister! After our talk yesterday I have resolved many feelings. My desire to orchestrate what I want to happen in life is unrealistic. When I text to my middle sister I have agendas and expectations, and that is not fair to me, or my sister. The action of not expecting anything from my sister seems sound. I have a support system in life, and focusing on what I'm not getting instead of celebrating the connections of people I do get, is tedious, and nonproductive. So I am embracing what I have.
My husband has made reservations at the Navy Lodge for the end of next month. Our tax refund will help us pay for that! Spending a week up there if necessary, so we should find a place.
Yep I'm excited too!!
Becca
Oregon

cityjaneLondon

The woman who came to pick up the high chair and travel cot was delightful. She said she was a child minder and had a new 6 month old arriving soon. I thought of KJ! A couple of her own kids were in the car. I gave her one of the picture books I had written. Nice when your stuff goes to a good home.

Did my run this afternoon, despite having a slightly clicky knee. It was fine while I was jogging, but I know it's there.

I'm now reading my 13th running book. Fat man to Green Man. Good.

I'm in a bit of a quandary about my memoir. DDIL is 'gatekeeping' DYS as she doesn't think he is ready at the moment. I should really go and visit DOS up in Nottingham before it comes out and talk to him. I was awake for quite a while in the night worrying about it. It certainly is taking some of the pleasure away from having written it. I feel I am 'bearing witness for the child' , but have to find a way of dealing with my own children's reactions. I feel it is just another example of the long shadow an abuser causes and how a lot of people don't want to know.

Thanks for listening.

Love Heather UK xxxxxxx

langman22

Heather, have you goggled how to talk to adult children about your own abuse as a child? They may have some pointers.

pipcd34

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