WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR MARCH 2018
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MY brother was a hoarder but it was contained to the room he lived in with my mother years ago, I had the job of cleaning it out when he left, challenging.. I have a niece and a SIL that are both in that range of hoarding, I'm told it can be a part of OCD, I know it is very very difficult to deal with. My heart and strength goes out to anyone who has to deal with it personally without professional help.
NYKAREN5 -
Well i have tried to keep up with my goals for the month, haven’t managed them all, piano has taken a back seat, due time youngest granddaughter breaking her arm so I’m on grandma duties, and the arrival of 12 week old cockapoo pup, a present to make the arm better. (She has been pestering her mom for the last 12months ) but have managed to lose 6lb so must be doing something right, happy Easter to you all. Look at the chocolate eggs but don’t eat6
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We've been doing the opposite of hoarding this afternoon. We cleared out a cupboard full of stuff and DH 's bureau which had been moved from place to place without emptying. How many boxes of paper clips does a man need? We did 'sort through' some photos, so I got to see a lot of his ex partner and an old fiancée
I just wrote out labels for the sleeves so we know what's in them. Also sorted out a huge box of wrapping paper.
Loads of stuff for the dump. Loads for recycling and some for the charity shop.
This morning I got started on my blurb. A good start. Still haven't sent my letter to the boys.
My knee knows I've been decluttering.
Much love, Heather UK xxxxxxx7 -
DJ & Mary
Katie I really like that bathroom renovation.
Rori, Katie, Becca, Heather, Lisa Congrats on the new digs and renovations! Yay for good changes and moving on! Transitions...
Lisa Do you have an auctioneer? The private school my daughter-in-law works at has a very successfull annual drive with both live & silent auction of donated items. Some have become traditional (the "Wall of Wine") & some are unique (a ride home from school in a retired firetruck). Each class tries to outdo the other with their art contribution each year. The student artwork auctions off for big bucks (grandparents). One of the biggest items is champagne & chocolate-dipped strawberries for your entire table. They do a live auction for that one, and the bids get crazy high! It's very competitive. Once bidding for the champagne & strawberries is over, they ask the 2nd place bidder if they would like to match the winning bid so their table can have champagne & strawberries, too, and of course they always say "yes!". This school raises a ton of money. The items that are the most popular are the items that have little intrinsic value or a low cost basis (student artwork and the champagne & strawberries), because the tax write off is larger on those items. This year the theme was "New York, New York". I didn't go this year because my grandchildren are both in public school now.
Barbara Oregon I enjoy your posts. They make me laugh and sometimes cry a little ("Wendy you are that girl's angel, her mother's work, your hands.") You speak truth. I admire your perspective. My mother had a unique and thoughtful perspective on life, like you do.
Hoarding I am just shaking my head and smiling at this topic this morning. I have always had trouble deciding what to keep and what to let go. I think there is a hoarding part of my brain. Fortunately, other parts of my brain usually make the ultimate decision about whether to keep or get rid of something. One of the biggest problems areas for me is paper. I am, at this very moment in time, resolving that problem. I finally figured out what I really need to keep (stuff that affects taxes, resale of anything valuable, certificates of birth, death, marriage, divorce decrees, name changes, etc.) Some goes into a safety deposit box, some into files. The rest can go. I plan to scan the important stuff to save to an external hard drive, but will never get rid of all stored paper (hard drives can fail). It is satisfying to shred & recycle and watch the boxes and files full of paper disappear. I have switched to electronic documents wherever possible, so I can pick and choose what to print (very little). I can't believe how many moves (at least 4) I have hauled those old files and boxes of paper with me. No more!!!
(((Hugs))) for Kate, Machka, Felicia, (gently)Lanette, Evie(kitty), Sharon, & Kelly(tummy).
Karen in Virginia10 -
On hoarding my DH has OCD and ADD. He was/is a hoarder. When we downsized from a 2,000 sq house to a 28 ft RV, he had the worst time. Very stressful but determined to do it. We have a POD in CT that we haven’t been to in a year but are paying for. I want to give it up (sell contents) but he still wants to go through it. The RV have “stuff” he is collecting but aus not needed. He keeps saying ‘we’ have to downsize. I have gone down to minimal clothes and my electronics. He has yet to clear out his junk.
This is a big part of my depression/ anxiety problems. I love him dearly but....
RV Rita in sunny New Mexico11 -
Karen: I'm going t repeat your hugs. There can't be too many at times like this. (((Hugs))) for Kate, Machka, Felicia, (gently)Lanette, Evie(kitty), Sharon, & Kelly(tummy).
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Machka Thinking of you. Hoping for good news the next time we hear from you.
I’m off to see the dentist first thing tomorrow. This is one of the highest stress situations in my life because ever since I can remember my teeth hurt. Pain when I brush them, pain if the weather is too cold and I breath thru my mouth. Too cold and too hot drinks =pain unless I use a straw. Etc. so you can imagine my problem with dentists.
I was fired, actually, by one dentist “look, that shouldn’t hurt and you are too much trouble as a patient so find another dentist” - I had made the decision to never darken that dentist’s door ever again because I swear he was a sadistic brute - so it worked out, but I was so insulted.
I have a very big specific problem with one tooth and I imagine it will be coming out. But for now, ooowww.
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Hoarding Like Karen in Virginia I struggle with paper. I know in my head I don’t need 2006 phone, credit card and cable bills, and I know in my head that I couldn’t find them if I DID want them... and have been feeling pretty shameful about the state of my office (boxes and boxes of paper) when reading all of you industrious ladies cleaning out and simplifying.
So: resolved: in April I will eliminate 4 boxes of paper from my office. No shame or guilt, just get rid of four boxes worth of old paid bills and stuff. I might need Pip’s boot for this tho.
But at least the stuff is decently stored in boxes, not piles. So I will take two boxes an empty (to be discarded box) and a full move everything into the discard pile box that I can. I foresee a lot of shredding, so I’ll move the shredder to the garage to minimize dust and dirt.
I love and admire the empty and uncluttered looks that I have seen in some of your pictures but I do know that the best my DH and I can achieve is chaotic and cluttered, but comfey and cozy at the same time.
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Kidd Kirby is under the weather still, I just don’t know what is wrong, but I can tell. Worries me. We found a new cat grooming comb, tho, and all three boys are practically begging us to groom them with it. Unexpected but very calming and satisfying. So Kidd might not be feeling well, but he is getting lots of love.
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The neighbors next door are getting a new roof. One of those heavy tile terra cotta wavy roofs. They have this huge equipment to lift these heavy tiles up to the second story roof. Well today at 5:30 that damned heavy machinery was being backed down The neighbor driveway (beep beep beep) right next to our bedroom. LOUD beep beep beep. And my tooth problem had me not sleeping well. And I’m up every hour or so from the ever present hot flashes. —— I’m so tired today.
Tired or not, the hula hoop calls.
Off now, hope y’all have better start to today than I did!
Rye11 -
Well, the yogurt seems to be what my gut was needing! I had my greek yogurt and strawberry smoothie (that's all that is in it) this morning, after five days of not having any yogurt and three days of tummy pain. Tummy pain/knot was not present at noon! I have been eating a cup of greek yogurt daily for about two years; in smoothie form M-F, then added to meals in place of sour cream or cream on the weekend. I thought that cottage cheese for breakfast would be an interchangeable option (same amount of protein), but obviously my gut needs that bacteria that is present in yogurt. Interesting.9
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LisaInNCNow wrote: »
Felicia – I struggle with dealing with any kind of mess at that level, as well—and the filth that seems to inevitably accompany it is stomach-turning. Add in that it is for someone that is hard to regard positively, and it is an extremely rough situation. I too would have been sitting in the car.
Exactly. She hasn't had a dog in three years, and yet there was loose dog food pieces on the floor in one of the bedrooms.
Thank you all for understanding and not judging me too harshly. I will help him with it -- and he has adult children who will also help. I just wasn't ready to deal with any of it this weekend. And because he tends toward hoarding himself, I didn't want him to think that any part of that house is in the range of normality. It is a mental illness. And we need to start taking care of his crap too.
I'm the opposite of a hoarder -- I don't like to keep very many things. So we basically drive each other crazy with our opposing views of materialism/stuff. 
Becca -- I am so excited that you are going to move! You already live in such a beautiful place, but Whidbey Island will be even nicer!
JanetR -- beautiful baby!!!
Ginger -- what a blessing that your bil had such a lovely funeral.
Machka -- continuously praying for you and your hubby. What a difficult and scary situation.
I weighed this morning, and I am holding steady at what I weighed in December, BUT my clothes are fitting better. I was so resistant to weight lifting, and now I love it, and I see results! I'm not going to be overly concerned about these last 10 pounds. It's about how we look and feel, right? Not the number on the scale? (Repeat often to self!) I'm reading Strong Women Stay Young right now -- and it is confirming a lot of what I am experiencing.
For those of you who are praying sorts (I'll take good wishes, too!) please keep my oldest son in mind. As those of you who have been around may have observed, mental illness runs in my family, and my 22 year old is really suffering right now. He is on medication and is trying to get into a therapist. He quit his job (then was fired) -- school this past semester was pretty much a disaster -- so he's feeling very at sea right now. He is out trying to find another job, but I worry. He is currently living with us, which puts stress on all of us. He is not my husband's son, so he has less patience for him than he might normally have.
Welcome to the new women, and much love to everyone.
Felicia
Willamette Valley, Oregon7 -
margaretturk wrote: »Felicia My brother hoarded my mom's house. So I feel your pain. It cost about $5000 to hire College Hunks to clear it, but it was worth every penny. The money did come out of my mom's estate. It makes it harder when the person did not leave the funds for the clean up. I have a friend who is trying with her family to clean out her mom's/now deceased brothers hoarded house. I suggest get out what you want if anything can be saved. Then it might be possible to contact the fire department to have the have the house for a practice burn. The city could also condemn it and tear it down. The city might do it because a hoarded home is not a safe home.
Yes, Margaret. I do think that will be what eventually happens. My husband is trying to save the house, but I don't think it is salvageable.
I suggested paying someone to come in and clear it out. He was terribly offended and flat out said he would never do that.
She has started cluttering her room in assisted living, and the staff are getting after her. When she was telling us about it, she just laughed and said, "Well I'm not cleaning it up. That's just the way I am." The thing is that it literally is a safety hazard. She ended up where she is because she kept falling. One reason is what SWSY and Younger Next Year talk about -- her muscles have atrophied and can't support her. But it is also because there is so much crap everywhere. It just makes me so sad and upset.
Beth -- she had outdated food storage, as well. She was hoarding that as well with the reasoning that during the apocalypse she would be able to trade food for services. So much nonsense to her thinking.
Felicia
Willamette Valley, Oregon6 -
On hoarding
This is a big part of my depression/ anxiety problems. I love him dearly but....
RV Rita in sunny New Mexico
I hear you! I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night in full on panic mode because I know there are piles of paper/mail/junk on the counter in the kitchen. I get that he needs to keep things, but just keep it out of the public spaces. I tolerate our bedroom being a mess on his side of the bed because that is his space, but keep the crap out of my living room, kitchen, and family room please!!! (Said with the greatest amount of love and kindness possible.)
{{{{Rita}}}}
Felicia
Willamette Valley, Oregon
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Ryenday- We had cats and dogs for a long time, and it worked out fine. We had the cat first, and when we got the dog, we put the cats in the bedroom before we brought in the dog, and put her in her crate. Then we let the cat come greet her. They were never friends, but left each other alone. I think it depends on the personality of the pet. If you get a baby puppy, the cat might be more welcoming. We had our dog and got a kitten, and Kiki snuggled with the cat, they were buddies. Good luck.4
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I'm lucky that my DH and I are pretty similar in the tidyness stakes. He wants me to rationalise my writings, but that is hard. Currently it is all out of the loft and clogging up my study/bedroom, but I have yet to tackle it. I live with the fantasy that one day Harvard will want my archive! :laugh: There are many boxes, despite all the scanning I paid for last year.
My weakness is photos and writings. I am learning to get rid of books at last.
Other than that we have far too much kitchen stuff. We combined two households when we got married and moved into a large house. The new potential house does not have an attic
, but does have a brick garage. A garage is not the place to store paper . :noway:
I am pleased with our progress so far though.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxx8 -
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Like usual I am chasing you Ladies. On pg 91 now.
Machka - Sending hugs, prayers, and strength
Kylia - No carpet except one room. My allergies are so much better now.
A Massage sounds wonderful. I better book while I still have benefits.
Pat - Sending prayers for your son-in-law. It is a lot to go through.
Heather - I laughed about the self improvement books as I have quite a collection. I would really like to give some to certain people and say read this.
KJ - The kids look so happy at your "Beach"
Allie - Doing the Happy Dance for you. It will work out.
Betty - Sending prayers for you.
Going to have some food, take some pain killers and a nap. I hope that will work. I know I spent too much time at this desk yesterday. I might have to take Keira for dance so need to be all good by then. I have a dumb headache on top of everything else. Ugh.
-Sharon in Lethbridge hoping to be better in a few hours.7 -
Kidd Kirby says ‘thank you for grooming me. I’m done now.’
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well it is 2:40 pm here in connecticut,
I didnt do a whole heck of alot.. went and fed DFIL and walked the dogs, then picked DGD up and took her to the Orthodontist...brought her back to school, then went up to the bank to open an estate account for dads bills, only to find out the woman who helps us was out today, so stopped at dads and picked up a small table to put in my hallway.. and took his old scripts to the police dept and they have a disposal for those, stopped to get a bottle of wine for tomorrow ,going to a friends with Alfie, and have lunch and watch the rescue dog show. and while I was there the bloodmobile was there so I donated blood,, I am home and relaxing..still kind of yucky out but did hang my lovely healing windchime.8 -
Hoarding - It's so very sad. my dear MIL became a hoarder in the years before she died in an auto accident. The day after she died - I went in her house for a few minutes then had to go to the car. It was bad. Very bad. Infested with rats. My husband brought in a dumpster and most of it went into the dumpster. He saved her papers, photos and jewelry. He also saved 2 of his childhood mementos - a baseball trophy and a coin bank. He had already retrieved his comic book collection before the hoarding got bad.
We already knew it had gotten bad. We lived about 50 miles from her and she always came to visit us. We didn't go to her house. But... my husband discovered it one day when she was out of town. He always had a key and went by one day to see her when he was in town and she wasn't home. He came home just beside himself and insisted we go the next day and do some clean-up. I tried to talk him out of it. Told him it was a very bad idea. I stayed in the kitchen and worked there. She was livid! Banned us from her house, but she still came to see us. Just a very sad situation. My husband and his one niece - were the heirs. She had a will naming my husband executor. We probated her estate. The niece got the house. (Fortunately, the neighbor next door really wanted to buy it for his daughter.)
The old family photo albums are in our garage. We put them in a plastic garbage bag with fabric softener sheets. We've forgotten about them. I need to go see if any are salvageable. They were his grandmother's photo albums. She was born in Wales - large family. Another project.
--Ginger in Texas9
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