Less Alcohol- May 2018- One Day at a Time
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Happy Mother's day to all of you beautiful women! I'm still babysitting (grin) and so have been sticking to, or under my limit. I went over twice but wasn't on duty. Sorry I'm not posting often, I'll try to more often.4
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Beautiful evening here in GA. Got up early and drove 45 miles to make my mama breakfast. Love that lady! It's been since June of 2016 that the Lord took my dad. We had a good talk about him and I blurted out that I have been feeling resentful that she had given all the grandchildren and my brothers a personal item that had belonged to my dad, but she hadn't given her daughters anything. I felt ashamed after I did it. I don't need physical items to hold him in my heart, but it was still the truth. It was a good talk. She still hurts too. My eyes are leaking as I type this. If you are reading this, i don't know you, but thank you for reading it.
I feel like I should change my profile name as this is my email address as well...11 -
Beautiful evening here in GA. Got up early and drove 45 miles to make my mama breakfast. Love that lady! It's been since June of 2016 that the Lord took my dad. We had a good talk about him and I blurted out that I have been feeling resentful that she had given all the grandchildren and my brothers a personal item that had belonged to my dad, but she hadn't given her daughters anything. I felt ashamed after I did it. I don't need physical items to hold him in my heart, but it was still the truth. It was a good talk. She still hurts too. My eyes are leaking as I type this. If you are reading this, i don't know you, but thank you for reading it.
I feel like I should change my profile name as this is my email address as well...
You know it was probably the right thing to say to mom. Otherwise it stays all pent up inside you. And I think she probably didnt realize she left out the daughters. What did I she say after you told her? A momento of Dad would be nice. Maybe there's something left that she can give you. My mom said she donated all of her dad's belongings but kept his glasses. I thought that was sweet. Hopefully you can still find something that you treasure. Xoxo4 -
@JulieAL1969, I’m on the same page as far as finding worthwhile fun things like museum visits. I can walk from my house to a crystal clear cold river that is amazing to swim in, but I haven’t done that in a couple of years. Definitely doing that often in June and July. The 72-degree water keeps me comfy in the Texas heat for a whole day after a swim.
I Googled “self care routines” and got the idea to make a list of things like this and also things that might not be a thrill but contribute to wellness and satisfaction (flossing, organizing closets).
I realized that in many cases drinking has allowed me to be complacent or just lazy and sometimes depressed. Staying on this less or no alcohol journey is probably #1 on my self-care list.
@Leeg5656, if you change your name please remind us it’s you!5 -
Beautiful evening here in GA. Got up early and drove 45 miles to make my mama breakfast. Love that lady! It's been since June of 2016 that the Lord took my dad. We had a good talk about him and I blurted out that I have been feeling resentful that she had given all the grandchildren and my brothers a personal item that had belonged to my dad, but she hadn't given her daughters anything. I felt ashamed after I did it. I don't need physical items to hold him in my heart, but it was still the truth. It was a good talk. She still hurts too. My eyes are leaking as I type this. If you are reading this, i don't know you, but thank you for reading it.
I feel like I should change my profile name as this is my email address as well...
I am not one to judge. I am extremely protective of personal items from "lost" loved ones. I may not absolutely need one but for me it is beneficial.3 -
Lee5656 I don't blame you for wanting a personal item. My mother didn't offer but she did not object when I chose a ring that my father used to wear and before him, his father. I never ever take it off. I am glad there was not a brother who perhaps would have been a more natural choice. I have 2 sisters who chose other things. When I look at it it makes me think of him and how I want to live the kind of life he would be proud of. This does not include being a lush. I can't moderate and I have a new determination. There is an unopened bottle of wine in my fridge leftover from a party yesterday. It is going to a friend's house tomorrow. It is not tempting me NOW but I don't want it in the house.3
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Had two glasses of wine with lunch today. Will start fresh tomorrow. Xo
Good night, friends.5 -
I did not treat my body well the past few days, and immediatly after losing some more weight to bring my total to down 22.5 lbs.
Thursday was a good friend at works going away party. I only had a few light beers but ate fried bar food.
Friday I honestly just used a terrible week at work as a reason to over drink. And then of course ate unhealthy food.
Saturday we took my mother-in law out for dinner. And again I made an unhealthy decision. And for no reason at all had some drinks before bed.
Today we saw my side of the family for mothers day and my brother made more unhealthy food. But at least no drink today.
All of this and i didnt go to the gym one of these days either.
I can’t wait to wake up tomorrow and make ALL healthy food decisions and go to the gym after work. Time to get back on track.
Thanks for letting me vent. I was laying in bed feeling bad about my decisions. And I knew telling the truth to my supportive friends would make me feel better. I hope you all did waaaaaay better than I did this weekend.9 -
Aww @ErikNJ, we have all SO been there! You’ll do great this week. As you suggested, this group is so great to have so we don’t just beat ourselves up with no where to turn. I’m glad you knew we’d have your back. Go you!!
@JulieAL1969, you seem to be finding the rhythm that works for you without blowing it all up. That’s my goal. Thanks for sharing your journey.3 -
Well im feeling this.. we arnt perfect; While reading thes last posts im reminded of my experiences.. its learning lessons of life. Sometimes we have to be shown more than once b4 something clicks..
Now it is the getting over, its abt detox. That in itself is unpleasant.
There's anxiety, mood swings, tiredness, which leads to no excercise thay makes anxiety worse.. we say... why did we do it.. but at the time we don't think.., but think it'll b ok. Its a vicious circle.
I hope this make sense. Wishing everyone a speedy recovery.
Even though ive had many fails, i feel i can say from being here, i have reduced drastically from what i was drinking, and my relationship with alcohol isnt the same. Thanks to all the help !!
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Counting numbers of drinks was kind of wearing on me, so I gave myself a break this weekend. I stayed in a good place and didn't use it as an excuse to drink whatever. I was still moderating, just without a strict limit. Looking forward to seeing what this week has in store.6
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I have been still riding the 'high' of me vs last year me so this weekend was smooth sailing.
Expanding on it... over the last day or so I have been working on me vs drinking me. I have been specifically thinking about all the things I haven't trusted drinking me (henceforth 'DM') to do for a long time. Driving, of course, is number one but that has never been a temptation as I have had a 2 wine/beer, 1 hard liquor limit since my very first sip while I was still underage.
In the examples below DM has already had enough to be buzzed.
Eating. DM often makes horrible food choices so if I prepare a meal all DM has to do is heat it up. This also prevents DM from using knives or ovens. Sometimes DM will still go and find things he wasn't supposed to eat though.
Interacting with others. DM needs to just sit there and keep his pie-hole closed and his fingers off the interwebz. I am glad he is the happy sort not the angry sort but still... shut up.
Outside after dark chores. DM has a nasty habit of falling while walking through the grass.
Watching things on the DVR. Sometimes DM will doze off and then when he wakes up at the end of a show he deletes it. It is super annoying.
I will be the first one in line to laugh at myself and, yes, a few of these are kind of funny but I wonder when it became so easy to accept being a clownish version of myself on a regular basis.
I don't know if this is helping me or not.6 -
So my kids know I am giving up drinking for now. My son wanted to go to a restaurant on Mother’s Day and told me they had half price margaritas on Mother’s day (not sure why he knew that). I told him I was not drinking and he told me I could cheat. Instead I went to a different location of the same restaurant that does not have a liquor license. We had a nice day but at the end I was a bit beat and my other son was hungry even though we ate at the restaurant at 4 (after having lunch already). I ended up at the grocery store tired and irritated at my son which would have been the perfect reason for wine especially since my son was encouraging me to cheat. I did not even think about it until today. Today is day 18 AF. Feeling better than I have in a long time.8
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Beautiful evening here in GA. Got up early and drove 45 miles to make my mama breakfast. Love that lady! It's been since June of 2016 that the Lord took my dad. We had a good talk about him and I blurted out that I have been feeling resentful that she had given all the grandchildren and my brothers a personal item that had belonged to my dad, but she hadn't given her daughters anything. I felt ashamed after I did it. I don't need physical items to hold him in my heart, but it was still the truth. It was a good talk. She still hurts too. My eyes are leaking as I type this. If you are reading this, i don't know you, but thank you for reading it.
I feel like I should change my profile name as this is my email address as well...
Aww you should have said something. I lost my dad a few years ago and those thing mean alot.4 -
I had a good weekend although I wasn’t quite as mindful on Friday night as I meant to be... I went back up to the bar for just “one more drink” which should have been water but instead I asked for a half glass of wine, my nod to mindfulness I suppose. But that was after three other glasses and a beer so it was more than I have drank in an evening since January. I didn’t feel miserable Saturday but I didn’t feel great.
Saturday we did our wine walk which is moderate because they spread the stops out so I probably had two glasses of wine total in 4 hours and 15,000 steps! Not a big deal. My kids made me dinner and poured me a glass of wine with it, followed by a second, which was also fine.
Sunday we had a family picnic and nothing tasted good, I tried and discarded a spiked Arnold Palmer, a summer shandy and a glass of wine. I did finish the bottle from the previous night once I got home, stayed up late working and packing for a business trip this week.
So I still feel pretty good about my May - I’m feeling less of a desire to keep my running tally of drinks, I don’t think it’s contributing to my decisions as I know I’m able to moderate mostly and then abstain pretty regularly and effortlessly when I choose to. I am a creature of habit though so I think I will keep tracking it in my nightstand and then revisit the routine in June.
Off to Germany- the beer garden will be visited but I’m facilitating the meetings so I need to be on point all week, hopefully not a lot of temptation to over do it. Happy Belated Mother’s Day! Have a good week!4 -
@WinoGelato, you get to go fun places for business! Have a great trip.
@NovusDies, I like your DM concept. I may try it out, too.
In her blog today Kate at Sober School mentioned “hangziety.” I’d never heard that term but I certainly understood it. Super bad anxiety hits me when I’ve had too much to drink the previous night. I hate it, and I simply will not be able to power through it in my upcoming new teaching job like I could when working by myself at home. The prospect of the job is giving me a welcome dose of extra motivation.2 -
@donimfp Please be careful with your expectations. I have always believed if you want greener grass you have to bring your own fertilizer when you jump to the other side of the fence. I thought a recent new situation would help me and it has but not as much as I would have hoped. I am not trying to be negative at all I just don't want it sneaking up on you at some point... if you know what I mean.2
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@WinoGelato, you get to go fun places for business! Have a great trip.
@NovusDies, I like your DM concept. I may try it out, too.
In her blog today Kate at Sober School mentioned “hangziety.” I’d never heard that term but I certainly understood it. Super bad anxiety hits me when I’ve had too much to drink the previous night. I hate it, and I simply will not be able to power through it in my upcoming new teaching job like I could when working by myself at home. The prospect of the job is giving me a welcome dose of extra motivation.
"Hangziety" - this is something I have experienced for sure.1 -
@NovusDies, thanks for the advice and concern. I’m not nearly as sanguine about my new job as I’m sure I have come across. Im taking a significant but acceptable pay cut and going to work in a prison where my own liberties will be sharply limited during the 8 hours I’m there each day. Also trading zero commute to 40 miles each way. But I’m focusing on the amazing fact that at 62, I’ve walked into a job that pays well, has great benefits, returns me to teaching at-risk students which I love, and where my age is considered a plus since my students will pretty much be the age of my kids. As a cute young teacher I would have felt much shakier with them. And I do think the structure of going to work and getting out of my bunny slippers will help me in many ways, including sobriety.
But I do understand your caution and seriously appreciate it.
The writer in me hopes my time in the big house will be fodder for a sit-com!6 -
^
Thanks.. it was helpful1 -
Nothing new for me today. Went for two walks and relaxed this evening. Didn't have energy to make tea but drank a lot of water.
I've had "hangziety" for sure!
@WinoGelato Sounds like you've got things under control. Mindfulness is the key. Good weekend for you!3 -
trishfit2014 wrote: »So my kids know I am giving up drinking for now. My son wanted to go to a restaurant on Mother’s Day and told me they had half price margaritas on Mother’s day (not sure why he knew that). I told him I was not drinking and he told me I could cheat. Instead I went to a different location of the same restaurant that does not have a liquor license. We had a nice day but at the end I was a bit beat and my other son was hungry even though we ate at the restaurant at 4 (after having lunch already). I ended up at the grocery store tired and irritated at my son which would have been the perfect reason for wine especially since my son was encouraging me to cheat. I did not even think about it until today. Today is day 18 AF. Feeling better than I have in a long time.
Wonderful! You really stuck to it. 18 days and counting. I'm sure your brain is clearer and less mood swings. Do you feel you handle stress better being AF?
Happy the margaritas didn't lure you in. Xoxo1 -
Happy Mother's Day! With your new baby around, that must have been a really special day. XoI've been cutting back for a few weeks now and am committed to keeping it up through May. We have a new baby at home and it's a bit more stressful than I imagined it would be...the drink tallys were definitely trending higher.
Since I quit smoking about 5 months ago I found that my body regularly craves something starting around 6PM. Before I quit smoking, I would just have a cigarette and call it done. Now that I don't smoke, I found that this craving can be satisfied with either food or drinks. It's very weird.
Either way, my main mechanism to reduce alcohol has been to not let myself have a drink until after dinner. Whereas I really feel like I want a drink before I eat (or while I'm preparing dinner), that desire tends to go away after I've eaten. I'm not sure I understand it, but I'm sure it has something to do with 'depriving' myself on multiple fronts at the same time (smoking, food, and alcohol). My goal is to continue to limit drinks to 2 nights a week and even then to keep those nights at a reasonable 2 drinks or so.
Best of luck everyone.
How are you doing with your goals?
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I'm just rereading older posts. I can relate to you. The several glasses of wine and then secret vodka shots... you're not alone. Hope your doing well in May! Xoxojillanne1897 wrote: »My goal is moderation. It probably should be total abstinence but I just don't feel ready yet. I've progressed from only socially drinking, to a couple beers most nights, to at least a bottle of wine a night, to a bottle of wine plus several shots of vodka in secret. It took 15 years to get to this point. Always craving that unattainable "buzzed, happy, calm" feeling only occasional drinkers can get after a drink or two. Most mornings I have try to remember what unhealthy foods I binged on before going to bed. Last night was half a bag of cool ranch doritos and peanut butter straight from the jar.5 -
Well, gang, I have a super positive to report! Since January 20th, when I began stringing AF weeks together, I have lost 15 pounds! I have followed a mostly keto diet for the last 10+ years and I knew the wine was the issue, I just didn't have the desire to leave it behind. SO! Another thank you to @JulieAL1969 for this amazing thread!8
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realize that I am a little late, but in for May. really like all the kindness, wisdom and insight here. I'm going to a yoga/meditation retreat this weekend, no alcohol allowed! i will do a lot of reflection there, and decide whether I want to be abstinent or just more mindfully moderate.9
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islandbeez wrote: »Well, gang, I have a super positive to report! Since January 20th, when I began stringing AF weeks together, I have lost 15 pounds! I have followed a mostly keto diet for the last 10+ years and I knew the wine was the issue, I just didn't have the desire to leave it behind. SO! Another thank you to @JulieAL1969 for this amazing thread!
That's awesome! I am so happy to be on this journey with you and the others. xoxo4 -
There's something that I've been wanting to share with you all for the last 4 days. Friday night, I saw the Alcohol Devil. Yes, I did. Sure as anything.
After our long stressful week at work, we (co-workers) went for a late lunch at 4 pm. To call it a day. Most had alcohol. I did too. 3 low cal/alc beers which I'm ok with. Some people ate and drank and then left in a reasonable amount of time. There were several guys that were still hanging out deciding on having another. I was finishing up and asking for my check, so I still had enough time to witness everything. We were all talking and laughing. The young man across from me at the beginning of the night was saying how he needed to get home to his wife as they were going away for the weekend (he was adamant at that point). The guys finished their drinks and then they were deciding if they needed/wanted another. The young man was the other two guys' ride. "Do you want another?" "It's up to you, you're our ride." ... and back and forth. This is where it gets freaky. I almost saw the A.D. lean his arm around the young man's shoulders and whisper into his ear. I could see the internal struggle on the young man's face. And then his whole body did a slump of resign, and he said, "yeah, let's have another", quietly.
I couldn't watch anymore. I had to go. I felt like the A.D. had claimed another. And the self realization part was, how many times had that been me when I was younger? And maybe not in a bar, but more recently?
This thread has helped me to open my eyes. I feel like a veil has lifted and I can see things more clearly. I may not always be able to control them, but I am definitely more aware.7
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