Less Alcohol- May 2018- One Day at a Time

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  • ElC_76
    ElC_76 Posts: 3,054 Member
    erikNJ wrote: »
    I need this group right now. I am spiraling back to my pre-January ways :(
    Last week I had a bad weekend and I was determined to get on track, and Monday I did. Then I lost it again. I ate very unhealthy Tuesday through Sunday. Tue and Wed I had just two drinks each night, but that is two more than someone who is planning on only Saturday drinking should have. Thur, Fri and Sun I got completely trashed each night. Ironically Saturday is the only day I didnt drink ...
    In the first four months this year I have handled not drinking at work events very well. But this weekend there were two events and I got really out of control.

    I have become very uncharacteristic of the new me I’ve become so proud of. And honestly I feel like I’ve behaved even worse than I used to in my old ways ...

    Here is to hoping all of your inspirational stories can get me back on the right path

    I suggest u need a holiday. Somewhere u can get away and refocus for a few days until u can get string again .. just a suggestion.. hope u feel better soon..!(=
  • kittybenn
    kittybenn Posts: 444 Member
    @jecky74 - Wow, that is a fantastic accomplishment. You should be so proud of yourself! I managed a dry January, and it's an amazing feeling. You have a lot more confidence that alcohol is something you have control over.
  • kittybenn
    kittybenn Posts: 444 Member
    @erikNJ - very sorry you're struggling. Many hugs to you. I cannot do any better than the great thoughts @JulieAL1969 has passed on, but thinking of you. I think we have all gone through these dark, out-of-control periods and it's no fun. You've gotten control of this before and you will do it again.
  • Trinkwasser
    Trinkwasser Posts: 19 Member
    Also I agree with all the comments here, it’s a complicated journey. We need to reach out for support, whether it be this community or individual therapy and groups-but yes sometimes You just have to hibernate for a while in the beginning to get through the initial tough part. And ultimately the relationship we have with ourselves will be our strength or our downfall. I have been such a home body, I went out for the first time in almost 2 months a few days ago. I was terrified, but it went well. I will slowly ease back into social interactions I feel are safe for me. I want to invite anyone on here to friend me and message me any time, even if you’re not sober, or you feel like you failed in some way..I’m here to talk to. It helps me as well. Sending strength and hugs to all of you today!
  • Trinkwasser
    Trinkwasser Posts: 19 Member
    JulieAL1969 wrote: »
    Went to the therapist yesterday just for a mental tune up. What is amazing about seeing a therapist is she never gives your advice or answers. But as you talk , you start to formulate your own solutions to problems. I also told her how proud I am about my AF lifestyle. I said if I was talking to you six months ago, I would have saying how much of a problem I have moderating. Fast forward to today, i was able to tell her about this wonderful thread and how we are all people working together and learning from each other.
    If any of you have thought about going to therapy, I recommend it. But you may have to look around for the right one.
    My last therapist scared me; she was like my mother. And so I decided to stop going to her, because I was nervous everytime I went.
    This new one was a younger lady and she seem non-judgemental and calm.
    Bottom line: it's so nice to be able to speak your deepest thoughts to someone impartial. This thread is like that. We dont judge. And I find it so liberating to hear your stories and grow from your experiences.
    JulieAL1969 wrote: »
    Went to the therapist yesterday just for a mental tune up. What is amazing about seeing a therapist is she never gives your advice or answers. But as you talk , you start to formulate your own solutions to problems. I also told her how proud I am about my AF lifestyle. I said if I was talking to you six months ago, I would have saying how much of a problem I have moderating. Fast forward to today, i was able to tell her about this wonderful thread and how we are all people working together and learning from each other.
    If any of you have thought about going to therapy, I recommend it. But you may have to look around for the right one.
    My last therapist scared me; she was like my mother. And so I decided to stop going to her, because I was nervous everytime I went.
    This new one was a younger lady and she seem non-judgemental and calm.
    Bottom line: it's so nice to be able to speak your deepest thoughts to someone impartial. This thread is like that. We dont judge. And I find it so liberating to hear your stories and grow from your experiences.
    JulieAL1969 wrote: »
    Went to the therapist yesterday just for a mental tune up. What is amazing about seeing a therapist is she never gives your advice or answers. But as you talk , you start to formulate your own solutions to problems. I also told her how proud I am about my AF lifestyle. I said if I was talking to you six months ago, I would have saying how much of a problem I have moderating. Fast forward to today, i was able to tell her about this wonderful thread and how we are all people working together and learning from each other.
    If any of you have thought about going to therapy, I recommend it. But you may have to look around for the right one.
    My last therapist scared me; she was like my mother. And so I decided to stop going to her, because I was nervous everytime I went.
    This new one was a younger lady and she seem non-judgemental and calm.
    Bottom line: it's so nice to be able to speak your deepest thoughts to someone impartial. This thread is like that. We dont judge. And I find it so liberating to hear your stories and grow from your experiences.

  • Trinkwasser
    Trinkwasser Posts: 19 Member
    @JulieAL1969 I can totally relate to this! I actually look forward to seeing my psychotherapist. It’s the best.
  • erikNJ
    erikNJ Posts: 1,009 Member
    Is anyone here involved in any other good MFP groups? The whole reason I stumbled on you awesome people was cause I was looking for motivation on the forums. I really struck out the first couple times until I found you all.
    I still really need this group as I know my alcohol intake leads to bad food decisions, and those two combined lead to my weight issues. Just wondering if anyone can suggest a great supportive group that has a main focus of weight loss.

    Thanks in advance!
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 4,347 Member
    @erikNJ I'm part of a group called Workout Warriors and Flab U Less - these are little groups under a bigger umbrella. Where you weigh in each week and get to know the others. All positive people like our thread. Message me and I'll give you the names of the moderators. I would have to look into it more to give you exact way to get into the group. I know it's a closed group that opens each month.
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 4,347 Member
    @Trinkwasser Love reading all of your comments and insights! Xo
  • Trinkwasser
    Trinkwasser Posts: 19 Member
    salleewins wrote: »
    4 months AF in about 10 minutes!!!!!

    That’s amazing!!!! Congrats be proud! Look how far you’ve come!
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    Wow! 8 months worth of AF milestones on one page. Very Nice. Congrats!
  • WinoGelato
    WinoGelato Posts: 13,454 Member
    This came up on my Facebook feed and thought it was relevant, this is exactly how I felt in Jan when I first stumbled onto this group.

    http://www.scarymommy.com/questioning-drinking-habits/

  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    edited May 2018
    I have been doing some exploring of my past trying to remember the truth of what I considered positive drinking experiences. Here is one that I usually and conveniently forget the second part...

    I was in my early 20's. College was in the rearview mirror and I was doing my time on the corporate scene. I was a bit of an ambitious bulldozer and it didn't take long to be given my first team. This was noticed by upper management and I was invited out for a Sunday afternoon boat trip. This included drinking of course. At this stage in my life drinking was not a regular thing and I have always been a bit of a lightweight in the afternoon so I got buzzed pretty fast which led to being drunk. It didn't matter because everyone was drinking quite a bit and jokes, daredevil nonsense, and general bonding ensued. The wheels were greased and I went on to further outings and further promotions.

    The next day after the boat trip however I suffered one of the worst hangovers of my life. My head was in a vice and, of course, I had to go to work. To make matters worse the sunscreen I took in my bag never made it on my skin (thank you drinking) and I was fairly burnt. I was miserable on top of miserable and by the end of the day my team was furious with me because I was in such a foul mood. The ones that needed more hand-holding because they were new to the project really caught my lack of patience. Most accepted that it wasn't a normal situation and let it go. One employee never really did forgive me and I had to eventually terminate her. To be fair she was a very weak link but still it would have been nice to at least have the opportunity to turn it around.

    Selective memory is just another tool that I use against myself when I want to drink.
  • WinoGelato
    WinoGelato Posts: 13,454 Member
    Went off my weeknight AF plan last night but I’m ok with it. My brother in law is in town and staying with us as we are dealing with some health issues with an aging family member. My husband and his siblings all went out to dinner and I stayed home with the kids. After dinner they came back and I had just finished preparing my own dinner after getting the kids to bed (usually my time to drink in the past).

    I offered my brother in law a beer or some wine, and he first declined and I thought “whew! I got out of this temptation pretty easily” and then he said “you know I think I will take a glass of wine if you have a bottle open.” I said “I don’t but I can open one (good host)” and sent my husband down for a bottle from my wine fridge. He came back up and said “you know you have almost no wine down there? I wasn’t sure what bottle to pick because I think some of them are your special occasion wines”. I went down and sure enough, since I haven’t purchased wine since joining this group I had like two bottles of every day wine left - normally I would be stocked full on a week to week basis!

    So he opened the wine and poured one for my BIL and asked if i wanted one, I said no, and husband said “sure? Bobby always drives you to drink!” (Long history of spirited arguments with my BIL). I said no again. Felt good. Thought to myself... “you know, I would like a glass of wine, not because I’m stressed (I was) or think I need it to deal with family and work and all that... but because I can have a glass of wine with a meal and end it there”. It wasn’t really an internal debate like I’ve had before with my drinking brain and abstinence brain - just a quick, rational decision. So that’s what I did. I poured a glass, ate my dinner, talked with my husband and BIL, no one refilled anything, and I just went to bed as if I had ended my night with tea instead of wine - feeling good and no issues of regret!

    I also had noticed on my tally sheet that the nights I allow myself to drink - whether it’s the weekend plan or a work trip or a night out with friends, I’m usually at 3 glasses/night on those nights. I was happy to make a tally of one drink last night and end it there. I know it could sound like I’m making excuses for going off my plan but I actually feel really good about the way it turned out.
  • ErynVee
    ErynVee Posts: 187 Member
    Thank you all for the warm welcome and kind words.

    I think my goal for now is to REALLY try to moderate my drinking and try to keep it to only a few a week. This would be a huge improvement, as I normally have a few drinks just about every day. Eventually, I may try to do a sober month. I think that'd be good for me!

    Happy Wednesday all. Hope you have a great day!
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    ErynVee wrote: »
    Thank you all for the warm welcome and kind words.

    I think my goal for now is to REALLY try to moderate my drinking and try to keep it to only a few a week. This would be a huge improvement, as I normally have a few drinks just about every day. Eventually, I may try to do a sober month. I think that'd be good for me!

    Happy Wednesday all. Hope you have a great day!

    Seems like a good plan. If you need anything we will try to help.

  • kpsyche
    kpsyche Posts: 345 Member
    ErynVee wrote: »
    Thank you all for the warm welcome and kind words.

    I think my goal for now is to REALLY try to moderate my drinking and try to keep it to only a few a week. This would be a huge improvement, as I normally have a few drinks just about every day. Eventually, I may try to do a sober month. I think that'd be good for me!

    Happy Wednesday all. Hope you have a great day!

    Whatever works for you :) For me it's actually easier to abstain completely but everyone's different. Good luck
  • WinoGelato
    WinoGelato Posts: 13,454 Member
    ErynVee wrote: »
    Thank you all for the warm welcome and kind words.

    I think my goal for now is to REALLY try to moderate my drinking and try to keep it to only a few a week. This would be a huge improvement, as I normally have a few drinks just about every day. Eventually, I may try to do a sober month. I think that'd be good for me!

    Happy Wednesday all. Hope you have a great day!

    Welcome! I’ve been practicing what I call “mindful moderation” since about January with really good success. I too was a daily drinker and found it really easy once I started to just mindlessly keep refilling my glass. So what I do is look at the week ahead, sometimes the month ahead, and decide what days I may want to drink and what the reasons would be. A special occasion, a night out with friends, etc. I also try be AF during the week unless it is one of those occasions and limit my drinking to the weekends. I also try to think about each drink before I pour it to make sure I really want it and I’m not just mindlessly reaching for the bottle.

    It’s worked really well for me, I still drink and in some months I’ve drank more than I originally intended but since January I’ve never felt out of control, unsure of what I did the night before, regretful, or felt physically ill from drinking.

    Good luck!
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    kpsyche wrote: »
    Whatever works for you :) For me it's actually easier to abstain completely but everyone's different. Good luck

    Not me. At least not when I wasn't really ready. I have done 30 days in the past and then completely reverted to daily drinking so it wasn't really progress. I am starting to think that regular self-evaluation and plan adaptation are the keys to whatever I will eventually consider success to be.
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    Vice should have been vise in my story up there. I hate when the edit window is over and I catch something.

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