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Is verbal harassment common at the gym? And do women or men catch more of it?
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Okay so this isn’t really harassment but I’m curious....does anybody else have a really hard time dealing with people who have headphones in and sing out loud to whatever song they’re listening to? Like the gym I go to is so small, it’s impossible for me not to get totally distracted by this guy who sings just the chorus to whatever song is in his earbuds.
Haven't had a problem with this, but there is one guy who has a blue-tooth speaker that he uses while working out (and blasts it load enough that I can hear it over the music on my earbuds).3 -
Okay so this isn’t really harassment but I’m curious....does anybody else have a really hard time dealing with people who have headphones in and sing out loud to whatever song they’re listening to? Like the gym I go to is so small, it’s impossible for me not to get totally distracted by this guy who sings just the chorus to whatever song is in his earbuds.
Haven't had a problem with this, but there is one guy who has a blue-tooth speaker that he uses while working out (and blasts it load enough that I can hear it over the music on my earbuds).
I have had this happen a couple of times. Last week a guy was doing that. I don't workout with headphones on, so it was doubly annoying. You already have the gym music, then his trying to overpower that. He walked away for a bit and I just unplugged it and turned it off.3 -
Okay so this isn’t really harassment but I’m curious....does anybody else have a really hard time dealing with people who have headphones in and sing out loud to whatever song they’re listening to? Like the gym I go to is so small, it’s impossible for me not to get totally distracted by this guy who sings just the chorus to whatever song is in his earbuds.
No I train with my own headphones in.
I have my own in also but I’m usually listening to podcasts so can’t quite drown out all noise. It irks me quite a bit!1 -
mom23mangos wrote: »Okay so this isn’t really harassment but I’m curious....does anybody else have a really hard time dealing with people who have headphones in and sing out loud to whatever song they’re listening to? Like the gym I go to is so small, it’s impossible for me not to get totally distracted by this guy who sings just the chorus to whatever song is in his earbuds.
Haven't had a problem with this, but there is one guy who has a blue-tooth speaker that he uses while working out (and blasts it load enough that I can hear it over the music on my earbuds).
I have had this happen a couple of times. Last week a guy was doing that. I don't workout with headphones on, so it was doubly annoying. You already have the gym music, then his trying to overpower that. He walked away for a bit and I just unplugged it and turned it off.
Lol good for you! Yes, I have that also in this gym. It’s usually someone’s phone they have the volume way up. I feel like it’s super rude but maybe I’m not hip anymore.
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Haven't really dealt with any of that. Mostly friendly folk around here.
There are some rules at the gym, but I'm not the owner or the enforcer.
Only incident ever was one girl when I was new.to the gym. She was using one side of a cable machine so between sets I asked if she knew where the attachment straps were kept. She made a face I thought was unnecessary for something so simple - which I noticed but wasn't overly concerned about.
Must have been a few days or a week later we ended up at the same cable stack again. I said 'hey' and told her you go first, which I thought was pretty polite. But apparently, waiting.your turn is offensive these days. She.spent the set AND a little extra time looking offended, though I dont.know for what exactly. Maybe I was supposed to turn around, cover my eyes, and donate some money in her name?@! 🤪
Not sure.just what she was thinking, but if I see you all of twice and you got issues both times, remember when I said I'm not the enforcer.. you have a right to be as bitter as you like, you just gonna hafta do it without me.
I like girls. A lot. 👌 but the only girl gets to influence what I do is Mom, and Mom aint here.3 -
Oh, having read some of this thread, lemme just state
Are some guys jerks? Prolly.
Does it go on in various.locations? Sure.
Do women AND.men sometimes take things differently than they were intended? Yup.
That said, I'm a guy, but I am seriously not good at apologizing for what I didnt personally do. I mean not good as in do not hold your breath.0 -
Okay so this isn’t really harassment but I’m curious....does anybody else have a really hard time dealing with people who have headphones in and sing out loud to whatever song they’re listening to? Like the gym I go to is so small, it’s impossible for me not to get totally distracted by this guy who sings just the chorus to whatever song is in his earbuds.
Haven't had a problem with this, but there is one guy who has a blue-tooth speaker that he uses while working out (and blasts it load enough that I can hear it over the music on my earbuds).
Yes, these are issues at my gym as well, though I'm probably the one singing and dancing in-between sets, but to be fair, its usually when I have the area to myself. I recently upgraded to some high-end headphones, drowns out almost all outside noise, except for the idiot guy who puts 400lbs on the leg press and slams it down with each rep.0 -
jls1leather9497 wrote: »Haven't really dealt with any of that. Mostly friendly folk around here.
There are some rules at the gym, but I'm not the owner or the enforcer.
Only incident ever was one girl when I was new.to the gym. She was using one side of a cable machine so between sets I asked if she knew where the attachment straps were kept. She made a face I thought was unnecessary for something so simple - which I noticed but wasn't overly concerned about.
That said, I'm a guy, but I am seriously not good at apologizing for what I didnt personally do. I mean not good as in do not hold your breath.
.
Some people don't want to have any interactions at the gym. Most of those people tend to be attractive women. Don't know why
I'm older and a larger person, 53 5'6 179, and I have had interactions at the gym that have made me uncomfortable. Mostly because the guys were awkward not that I would call it sexual harassment. Like someone walking up and sitting on a machine to watch me do weighted hip thrusts and say hi though that does have a bit of a creeper vibe. Or a guy jump out of the pool, run onto the floor and ask if I would join his baseball team. Just weird awkward stuff. Though at the time of both instances I weighed about 250 and benched 150.
I don't think that anyone wants or is waiting for an apology since you were not the person involved. And it's not just men who can give off a creeper vibe.
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I'm not one who likes or pursues any forms of confrontation but something like this is where if I was witnessing it I would absolutely say something. I will never understand people who build their self worth by putting down others'.0
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jls1leather9497 wrote: »Oh, having read some of this thread, lemme just state
Are some guys jerks? Prolly.
Does it go on in various.locations? Sure.
Do women AND.men sometimes take things differently than they were intended? Yup.
That said, I'm a guy, but I am seriously not good at apologizing for what I didnt personally do. I mean not good as in do not hold your breath.
I think your commitment to non-apology isn't about what you did or didn't do. It sounds like you refuse to apologize for things you didn't intend.7 -
magnusthenerd wrote: »jls1leather9497 wrote: »Oh, having read some of this thread, lemme just state
Are some guys jerks? Prolly.
Does it go on in various.locations? Sure.
Do women AND.men sometimes take things differently than they were intended? Yup.
That said, I'm a guy, but I am seriously not good at apologizing for what I didnt personally do. I mean not good as in do not hold your breath.
I think your commitment to non-apology isn't about what you did or didn't do. It sounds like you refuse to apologize for things you didn't intend.
If some didn't do something, they certainly didn't intend to do it, did they?
I don't rape women. Should I apologize on behalf of others who do?
Should I expect women to apologize because my ex-wife was an unfaithful..... Of course not. I mean just because my ex-wife couldn't help falling on another man's *kitten* doesn't mean I hold the entire sisterhood accountable for her betrayal.
I think people are rightfully tired of painting with a broad brush.
Are there men who are knuckleheads? Yes.
Are men in general knuckleheads? No.
Should non-knucklehead men apologize for the knuckleheads? Of course not. Likewise, women who are not knuckleheads should not be held responsible for what their knuckleheaded sisters do.
I'm not reading this as being unwilling to own his *kitten*. I read it as being unwilling to own a blanket complaint that applies to a minority of people.
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tbright1965 wrote: »jls1leather9497 wrote: »I am seriously not good at apologizing for what I didnt personally do. I mean not good as in do not hold your breath.
I read it as being unwilling to own a blanket complaint that applies to a minority of people.
Yup.
Maybe that girl had issues at the gym before I worked out there.
Maybe she didnt.get the raise.
Maybe her boyfriend and her brother are both insane.
But I didnt do any of that so maybe just admit to herself that whatever her.problem is, I AM NOT THE CAUSE of it.0 -
Never --- but of course, the only one following me around is the undertaker.1
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tbright1965 wrote: »magnusthenerd wrote: »jls1leather9497 wrote: »Oh, having read some of this thread, lemme just state
Are some guys jerks? Prolly.
Does it go on in various.locations? Sure.
Do women AND.men sometimes take things differently than they were intended? Yup.
That said, I'm a guy, but I am seriously not good at apologizing for what I didnt personally do. I mean not good as in do not hold your breath.
I think your commitment to non-apology isn't about what you did or didn't do. It sounds like you refuse to apologize for things you didn't intend.
If some didn't do something, they certainly didn't intend to do it, did they?
I don't rape women. Should I apologize on behalf of others who do?
Should I expect women to apologize because my ex-wife was an unfaithful..... Of course not. I mean just because my ex-wife couldn't help falling on another man's *kitten* doesn't mean I hold the entire sisterhood accountable for her betrayal.
I think people are rightfully tired of painting with a broad brush.
Are there men who are knuckleheads? Yes.
Are men in general knuckleheads? No.
Should non-knucklehead men apologize for the knuckleheads? Of course not. Likewise, women who are not knuckleheads should not be held responsible for what their knuckleheaded sisters do.
I'm not reading this as being unwilling to own his *kitten*. I read it as being unwilling to own a blanket complaint that applies to a minority of people.
I've only skimmed the thread, but where was an apology from all men asked for?7 -
janejellyroll wrote: »tbright1965 wrote: »magnusthenerd wrote: »jls1leather9497 wrote: »Oh, having read some of this thread, lemme just state
Are some guys jerks? Prolly.
Does it go on in various.locations? Sure.
Do women AND.men sometimes take things differently than they were intended? Yup.
That said, I'm a guy, but I am seriously not good at apologizing for what I didnt personally do. I mean not good as in do not hold your breath.
I think your commitment to non-apology isn't about what you did or didn't do. It sounds like you refuse to apologize for things you didn't intend.
If some didn't do something, they certainly didn't intend to do it, did they?
I don't rape women. Should I apologize on behalf of others who do?
Should I expect women to apologize because my ex-wife was an unfaithful..... Of course not. I mean just because my ex-wife couldn't help falling on another man's *kitten* doesn't mean I hold the entire sisterhood accountable for her betrayal.
I think people are rightfully tired of painting with a broad brush.
Are there men who are knuckleheads? Yes.
Are men in general knuckleheads? No.
Should non-knucklehead men apologize for the knuckleheads? Of course not. Likewise, women who are not knuckleheads should not be held responsible for what their knuckleheaded sisters do.
I'm not reading this as being unwilling to own his *kitten*. I read it as being unwilling to own a blanket complaint that applies to a minority of people.
I've only skimmed the thread, but where was an apology from all men asked for?
There wasn't. @jls1leather9497 was just stating he wasn't going to apologize to the pissed off girl at his gym when he didn't do anything. At least that was my take on where that went.1 -
What? I think you need to work through the logic of that statement. You're implying that a person could never have an intent they never acted on, which would be to say every intent becomes fulfilled.tbright1965 wrote: »magnusthenerd wrote: »jls1leather9497 wrote: »Oh, having read some of this thread, lemme just state
Are some guys jerks? Prolly.
Does it go on in various.locations? Sure.
Do women AND.men sometimes take things differently than they were intended? Yup.
That said, I'm a guy, but I am seriously not good at apologizing for what I didnt personally do. I mean not good as in do not hold your breath.
I think your commitment to non-apology isn't about what you did or didn't do. It sounds like you refuse to apologize for things you didn't intend.
If some didn't do something, they certainly didn't intend to do it, did they?
I don't rape women. Should I apologize on behalf of others who do?
Should I expect women to apologize because my ex-wife was an unfaithful..... Of course not. I mean just because my ex-wife couldn't help falling on another man's *kitten* doesn't mean I hold the entire sisterhood accountable for her betrayal.
I think people are rightfully tired of painting with a broad brush.
Are there men who are knuckleheads? Yes.
Are men in general knuckleheads? No.
Should non-knucklehead men apologize for the knuckleheads? Of course not. Likewise, women who are not knuckleheads should not be held responsible for what their knuckleheaded sisters do.
I'm not reading this as being unwilling to own his *kitten*. I read it as being unwilling to own a blanket complaint that applies to a minority of people.
More importantly, and the relevance of what I'm stating is, one can not intend things and still have reasons to apologize. We tend to have this word called accident, socially responsible people do in fact, apologize for accidents.
Say I don't intend to rape a woman, but I do get too close to one in a private space. Do I apologize if she tells me she's feeling uncomfortable, or do I tell her about how even though other men are rapists, I'm not, so of course she's just being an irrational woman for thinking I'm going to rape her and she should stop her worry? Me, I lean to the side of apologizing and removing myself from the situation.
So in your own example, if you find yourself in a relationship with a woman, and she is pressing on your trust, and you tell her that she's doing things that make you feel suspicious, I wouldn't find it unreasonable for her to apologize, to express regret for giving you those feelings. Most likely, she wouldn't be intending to give you those impressions, because if she did intend to cause those impressions, she's probably not someone you want a relationship with, right? In this case, it is actually not intending something that gives some a reason though perhaps not a necessity to apologize.11 -
mom23mangos wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »tbright1965 wrote: »magnusthenerd wrote: »jls1leather9497 wrote: »Oh, having read some of this thread, lemme just state
Are some guys jerks? Prolly.
Does it go on in various.locations? Sure.
Do women AND.men sometimes take things differently than they were intended? Yup.
That said, I'm a guy, but I am seriously not good at apologizing for what I didnt personally do. I mean not good as in do not hold your breath.
I think your commitment to non-apology isn't about what you did or didn't do. It sounds like you refuse to apologize for things you didn't intend.
If some didn't do something, they certainly didn't intend to do it, did they?
I don't rape women. Should I apologize on behalf of others who do?
Should I expect women to apologize because my ex-wife was an unfaithful..... Of course not. I mean just because my ex-wife couldn't help falling on another man's *kitten* doesn't mean I hold the entire sisterhood accountable for her betrayal.
I think people are rightfully tired of painting with a broad brush.
Are there men who are knuckleheads? Yes.
Are men in general knuckleheads? No.
Should non-knucklehead men apologize for the knuckleheads? Of course not. Likewise, women who are not knuckleheads should not be held responsible for what their knuckleheaded sisters do.
I'm not reading this as being unwilling to own his *kitten*. I read it as being unwilling to own a blanket complaint that applies to a minority of people.
I've only skimmed the thread, but where was an apology from all men asked for?
There wasn't. @jls1leather9497 was just stating he wasn't going to apologize to the pissed off girl at his gym when he didn't do anything. At least that was my take on where that went.
Personally, if people around me get upset and I legitimately can't see what I did to upset them, then I conclude that it may not be about me at all. Most things aren't about me.
Maybe she's just a cranky gym person. If you see someone twice and they have issues both times, they may just be someone with issues that don't involve you at all.7 -
mom23mangos wrote: »
There wasn't. @jls1leather9497 was just stating he wasn't going to apologize to the pissed off girl at his gym when he didn't do anything. At least that was my take on where that went.
Uh, yah, something like that. Not sure exactly how that got to here, just pointing out that sometimes there are legit offenses, other times ppl "create" offense where there was none.
More to the original question, I have seen "stuff" in gyms (not this one). Most of it quite petty.1 -
janejellyroll wrote: »mom23mangos wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »tbright1965 wrote: »magnusthenerd wrote: »jls1leather9497 wrote: »Oh, having read some of this thread, lemme just state
Are some guys jerks? Prolly.
Does it go on in various.locations? Sure.
Do women AND.men sometimes take things differently than they were intended? Yup.
That said, I'm a guy, but I am seriously not good at apologizing for what I didnt personally do. I mean not good as in do not hold your breath.
I think your commitment to non-apology isn't about what you did or didn't do. It sounds like you refuse to apologize for things you didn't intend.
If some didn't do something, they certainly didn't intend to do it, did they?
I don't rape women. Should I apologize on behalf of others who do?
Should I expect women to apologize because my ex-wife was an unfaithful..... Of course not. I mean just because my ex-wife couldn't help falling on another man's *kitten* doesn't mean I hold the entire sisterhood accountable for her betrayal.
I think people are rightfully tired of painting with a broad brush.
Are there men who are knuckleheads? Yes.
Are men in general knuckleheads? No.
Should non-knucklehead men apologize for the knuckleheads? Of course not. Likewise, women who are not knuckleheads should not be held responsible for what their knuckleheaded sisters do.
I'm not reading this as being unwilling to own his *kitten*. I read it as being unwilling to own a blanket complaint that applies to a minority of people.
I've only skimmed the thread, but where was an apology from all men asked for?
There wasn't. @jls1leather9497 was just stating he wasn't going to apologize to the pissed off girl at his gym when he didn't do anything. At least that was my take on where that went.
Personally, if people around me get upset and I legitimately can't see what I did to upset them, then I conclude that it may not be about me at all. Most things aren't about me.
Maybe she's just a cranky gym person. If you see someone twice and they have issues both times, they may just be someone with issues that don't involve you at all.
Unless I read it wrong, someone suggested that he do something wrong, just unintentionally.
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Verbal harassment at the gym ?
I don't think I've ever seen it.
Although there is a serial offender at our gym (of not racking his weights) & I once told him: "Hey, do us all a solid and rack that dumbbell before someone trips over it, okay?" (other folks were ready to take this guy to task, so I stepped in with a polite request.)
That's not harassment; that's keeping the space dialed-in and safe, right?
That being said, I'm there to do what I need to do and try not to be distracted by much of anything.
Focusing on the training can only help the workout, right?
Has anyone tried to intimidate me at the gym?
I don't think so, and even if they tried, I wouldn't allow it to happen; they don't have my permission to intimidate me.
*shrug
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