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Is verbal harassment common at the gym? And do women or men catch more of it?

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Replies

  • jls1leather9497
    jls1leather9497 Posts: 90 Member
    tbright1965 wrote: »
    jls1leather9497 wrote: »
    I am seriously not good at apologizing for what I didnt personally do. I mean not good as in do not hold your breath.

    I read it as being unwilling to own a blanket complaint that applies to a minority of people.

    Yup.
    Maybe that girl had issues at the gym before I worked out there.
    Maybe she didnt.get the raise.
    Maybe her boyfriend and her brother are both insane.
    But I didnt do any of that so maybe just admit to herself that whatever her.problem is, I AM NOT THE CAUSE of it.
  • robertwroach1250
    robertwroach1250 Posts: 12 Member
    Never --- but of course, the only one following me around is the undertaker.
  • mom23mangos
    mom23mangos Posts: 3,069 Member
    janejellyroll wrote: »
    tbright1965 wrote: »
    magnusthenerd wrote: »
    jls1leather9497 wrote: »
    Oh, having read some of this thread, lemme just state

    Are some guys jerks? Prolly.
    Does it go on in various.locations? Sure.
    Do women AND.men sometimes take things differently than they were intended? Yup.

    That said, I'm a guy, but I am seriously not good at apologizing for what I didnt personally do. I mean not good as in do not hold your breath.

    I think your commitment to non-apology isn't about what you did or didn't do. It sounds like you refuse to apologize for things you didn't intend.

    If some didn't do something, they certainly didn't intend to do it, did they?

    I don't rape women. Should I apologize on behalf of others who do?

    Should I expect women to apologize because my ex-wife was an unfaithful..... Of course not. I mean just because my ex-wife couldn't help falling on another man's *kitten* doesn't mean I hold the entire sisterhood accountable for her betrayal.

    I think people are rightfully tired of painting with a broad brush.

    Are there men who are knuckleheads? Yes.

    Are men in general knuckleheads? No.

    Should non-knucklehead men apologize for the knuckleheads? Of course not. Likewise, women who are not knuckleheads should not be held responsible for what their knuckleheaded sisters do.

    I'm not reading this as being unwilling to own his *kitten*. I read it as being unwilling to own a blanket complaint that applies to a minority of people.

    I've only skimmed the thread, but where was an apology from all men asked for?

    There wasn't. @jls1leather9497 was just stating he wasn't going to apologize to the pissed off girl at his gym when he didn't do anything. At least that was my take on where that went.
  • jls1leather9497
    jls1leather9497 Posts: 90 Member
    mom23mangos wrote: »

    There wasn't. @jls1leather9497 was just stating he wasn't going to apologize to the pissed off girl at his gym when he didn't do anything. At least that was my take on where that went.

    Uh, yah, something like that. Not sure exactly how that got to here, just pointing out that sometimes there are legit offenses, other times ppl "create" offense where there was none.

    More to the original question, I have seen "stuff" in gyms (not this one). Most of it quite petty.
  • tbright1965
    tbright1965 Posts: 852 Member
    janejellyroll wrote: »
    mom23mangos wrote: »
    janejellyroll wrote: »
    tbright1965 wrote: »
    magnusthenerd wrote: »
    jls1leather9497 wrote: »
    Oh, having read some of this thread, lemme just state

    Are some guys jerks? Prolly.
    Does it go on in various.locations? Sure.
    Do women AND.men sometimes take things differently than they were intended? Yup.

    That said, I'm a guy, but I am seriously not good at apologizing for what I didnt personally do. I mean not good as in do not hold your breath.

    I think your commitment to non-apology isn't about what you did or didn't do. It sounds like you refuse to apologize for things you didn't intend.

    If some didn't do something, they certainly didn't intend to do it, did they?

    I don't rape women. Should I apologize on behalf of others who do?

    Should I expect women to apologize because my ex-wife was an unfaithful..... Of course not. I mean just because my ex-wife couldn't help falling on another man's *kitten* doesn't mean I hold the entire sisterhood accountable for her betrayal.

    I think people are rightfully tired of painting with a broad brush.

    Are there men who are knuckleheads? Yes.

    Are men in general knuckleheads? No.

    Should non-knucklehead men apologize for the knuckleheads? Of course not. Likewise, women who are not knuckleheads should not be held responsible for what their knuckleheaded sisters do.

    I'm not reading this as being unwilling to own his *kitten*. I read it as being unwilling to own a blanket complaint that applies to a minority of people.

    I've only skimmed the thread, but where was an apology from all men asked for?

    There wasn't. @jls1leather9497 was just stating he wasn't going to apologize to the pissed off girl at his gym when he didn't do anything. At least that was my take on where that went.

    Personally, if people around me get upset and I legitimately can't see what I did to upset them, then I conclude that it may not be about me at all. Most things aren't about me.

    Maybe she's just a cranky gym person. If you see someone twice and they have issues both times, they may just be someone with issues that don't involve you at all.


    Unless I read it wrong, someone suggested that he do something wrong, just unintentionally.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,508 Member
    Verbal harassment at the gym ?

    I don't think I've ever seen it.

    Although there is a serial offender at our gym (of not racking his weights) & I once told him: "Hey, do us all a solid and rack that dumbbell before someone trips over it, okay?" (other folks were ready to take this guy to task, so I stepped in with a polite request.)

    That's not harassment; that's keeping the space dialed-in and safe, right?

    That being said, I'm there to do what I need to do and try not to be distracted by much of anything.
    Focusing on the training can only help the workout, right?


    Has anyone tried to intimidate me at the gym?

    I don't think so, and even if they tried, I wouldn't allow it to happen; they don't have my permission to intimidate me.

    *shrug

  • jls1leather9497
    jls1leather9497 Posts: 90 Member
    clicketykeys wrote: »

    Do other people not check? If someone around me appears upset, and I can't think of what I may have done to upset them, I generally ask, "is everything all right?"

    That alone would have been an issue for this girl.
    I was brand new at the gym. There are two cable machines side by side, with bars and handles on a rack to the side.
    This girl was using.one.of the cable stacks. I was looking at what was available so I could create a rational exercise program.
    I didnt see any wrist/ankle straps, so when she finished her set i asked her if they have those here, or maybe they were somewhere else?
    She made a face, clearly looking put out by somebody asking a simple question. Now, I didnt worry too much, cuz who cares, right? Some girl I dont know doesnt want anybody talking to her - HOW WILL I ever sleep at night@! 🤔
    I've only seen her 2 or 3 times since. She didnt say 'hi', neither did I. Whatever. But dont be telling yer friends you were "harrassed" at the gym ...
  • PapillonNoire
    PapillonNoire Posts: 76 Member
    SusieBanyon wrote: »
    jls1leather9497 wrote: »
    clicketykeys wrote: »

    Do other people not check? If someone around me appears upset, and I can't think of what I may have done to upset them, I generally ask, "is everything all right?"

    That alone would have been an issue for this girl.
    I was brand new at the gym. There are two cable machines side by side, with bars and handles on a rack to the side.
    This girl was using.one.of the cable stacks. I was looking at what was available so I could create a rational exercise program.
    I didnt see any wrist/ankle straps, so when she finished her set i asked her if they have those here, or maybe they were somewhere else?
    She made a face, clearly looking put out by somebody asking a simple question. Now, I didnt worry too much, cuz who cares, right? Some girl I dont know doesnt want anybody talking to her - HOW WILL I ever sleep at night@! 🤔
    I've only seen her 2 or 3 times since. She didnt say 'hi', neither did I. Whatever. But dont be telling yer friends you were "harrassed" at the gym ...

    I can understand her not saying hi - maybe she doesn't want to give the wrong impression, maybe she has a family at home/a significant other on her mind and doesn't want to get too friendly with dudes at the gym. Sure, a simple hello isn't an immediate invite to a romp, but it's a well known fact that it could open doors and invite things she isn't interested in.

    Her face might have been just to let you know not to get the wrong idea, not actually offended. Or maybe she was in deep thought. Maybe she has legal/family problems and isn't in the right frame of mind to socialize. Maybe she has RBF (a real thing) and is a sweetheart.

    This was my thought as well. I most definitely have RBF. I've had many people throughout my life come up and ask me what's wrong or tell me I look miserable/upset/angry. And I have to explain that all is well, that's just my face.
  • clicketykeys
    clicketykeys Posts: 6,589 Member
    PapillonNoire wrote: »
    SusieBanyon wrote: »
    jls1leather9497 wrote: »
    clicketykeys wrote: »

    Do other people not check? If someone around me appears upset, and I can't think of what I may have done to upset them, I generally ask, "is everything all right?"

    That alone would have been an issue for this girl.
    I was brand new at the gym. There are two cable machines side by side, with bars and handles on a rack to the side.
    This girl was using.one.of the cable stacks. I was looking at what was available so I could create a rational exercise program.
    I didnt see any wrist/ankle straps, so when she finished her set i asked her if they have those here, or maybe they were somewhere else?
    She made a face, clearly looking put out by somebody asking a simple question. Now, I didnt worry too much, cuz who cares, right? Some girl I dont know doesnt want anybody talking to her - HOW WILL I ever sleep at night@! 🤔
    I've only seen her 2 or 3 times since. She didnt say 'hi', neither did I. Whatever. But dont be telling yer friends you were "harrassed" at the gym ...

    I can understand her not saying hi - maybe she doesn't want to give the wrong impression, maybe she has a family at home/a significant other on her mind and doesn't want to get too friendly with dudes at the gym. Sure, a simple hello isn't an immediate invite to a romp, but it's a well known fact that it could open doors and invite things she isn't interested in.

    Her face might have been just to let you know not to get the wrong idea, not actually offended. Or maybe she was in deep thought. Maybe she has legal/family problems and isn't in the right frame of mind to socialize. Maybe she has RBF (a real thing) and is a sweetheart.

    This was my thought as well. I most definitely have RBF. I've had many people throughout my life come up and ask me what's wrong or tell me I look miserable/upset/angry. And I have to explain that all is well, that's just my face.

    Yeah, I've had people say something to me, and when I say everything's fine, they're sometimes very apologetic. But honestly (and I do try to let them know this) I'd much rather someone ask me about it, for several reasons - first, obviously, I'd prefer not to have them assume I'm just a jerk or that I'm mad at them "for no reason," and second, I appreciate when someone cares enough to ask. Because some days I *am* having a crappy day. And finally, if there IS some kind of problem, them asking me makes it a little easier for me to discuss it, since I don't have to bring it up myself.

    Of course, how someone approaches me also may affect this; if someone came up and asked if I was okay they'd likely get a different response from someone asking "what's wrong with you?" ;D
  • jls1leather9497
    jls1leather9497 Posts: 90 Member
    edited March 2019
    If rbf means you.look p'd off all the time, then that may be 🤗

    But this is exactly what I was referring to in the last few posts. I doubt I was "attributing" something to her. She could have just said "I dont.know". Shoot, I'm easy to get along with - she could even have.said 'nun yer flippin business" or "find.it yourself" without bothering me much at all. She's not my wife, girlfriend, sister, cousin .. so her opinion isnt particularly valuable.
    But bottom line is - I dont care. Maybe she's CRAZY. Maybe I took it wrong and she meant no offense at all. Whatever 😒

    But somebody who thinks "hi" is "flirting" ... wow, what to even think about that?@! That guy at the post office I held the door open for must REALLY be worried 😂
    Honestly, I didnt take this as a 'man vs woman' thing, but I dont know what girls think they have that warrants that of attention.
  • jls1leather9497
    jls1leather9497 Posts: 90 Member
    Actually, somebody asked a question for this thread, and I mentioned the ONLY thing that ever was not NORMAL at the gym, and that I have NOT seen any harassment.

    That said I'm gonna go on about business, ignore this just like I do that girl if I see her.

    Truth is, I dont.even.KNOW it's a girl. And it doesnt matter. I think I'm the only one NOT making this about gender. If some DUDE had looked all ignorant about a.simple question I would have thought and said.the.same thing

    As for what girls have "in.demand", big deal. Theres 7 BILLION people on the planet- 100,000 just in this town, and 52% female if you believe the census. For every girl dont talk to me, theres 5 who will, so I dont stress too much.
  • amandamhand
    amandamhand Posts: 1 Member
    I have worked out in gyms for 15 years, and have only been harassed 2 times. While 2 times is unacceptable, considering what I deal with going to grocery stores, lowe's & home depot, or pumping gas... I'd say I'm happy that the gym is somewhere I can feel safe from the bs. Both cases happened when I was around 16/17 and 22. When I was 16, I had just gotten into lifting and it was around that time that a specific older dude (30's?) wouldn't leave me alone. When I was 22 a guy kept making comments about my chest when I was doing a hiit workout on the treadmill, and then told me not to work off too much of my curves because that was how a real woman should look. I reported him, and when nothing happened, I was released from my contract with that gym and went elsewhere. Since then, I have never had an issue.
  • magnusthenerd
    magnusthenerd Posts: 1,207 Member
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    I can understand why that "false report" thought might occur to a guy, what with everything that's going on in the world these days, news and "movements" and such.

    Honestly, I don't understand. Most false reports are against minority men, but that isn't who I usually see worried about it.
  • jls1leather9497
    jls1leather9497 Posts: 90 Member
    edited March 2019
    magnusthenerd wrote: »
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    I can understand why that "false report" thought might occur to a guy, what with everything that's going on in the world these days, news and "movements" and such.

    Honestly, I don't understand. Most false reports are against minority men, but that isn't who I usually see worried about it.

    Who do you see worried about it? In fact, back up. Who said anything about that?
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,557 Member
    magnusthenerd wrote: »
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    I can understand why that "false report" thought might occur to a guy, what with everything that's going on in the world these days, news and "movements" and such.

    Honestly, I don't understand. Most false reports are against minority men, but that isn't who I usually see worried about it.

    Mostly, I think, not being a man, that it would be arrogant of me to say whether they are/aren't, should/shouldn't be worried about false reports. I've known (non-minority) men who (I'm confident accurately report that they) did something completely friendly and innocent, and were misinterpreted. I know one (non-minority) who was formally accused (complicated school employee situation), who I think probably was innocent (don't know for sure). So, a bit of concern by a man, in the current news cycle situation, doesn't strike me as a completely irrational thought, in the abstract.

    Thanks for your (male ;) ) perspective, which is more experientially informed than mine.
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