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Is verbal harassment common at the gym? And do women or men catch more of it?
Replies
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I have observed that a lot of women in the gym carry themselves like they are expecting to be harassed. There is very little eye contact, no smiling, and an effort not to cross paths or be in the close vicinity of others (using a treadmill that is as far away as possible from the nearest male, for example). I'm sure there is a history of deflecting unwanted attention there.11
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So.. I'm only going to a public gym for the last two months, because the thought had been a little bit terrifying for a long time. But then I started going to a local one, near me. There's all sorts of people there. Not many female lifters, so the freeweights are mostly male kingdom. Most girls that do squats, do'em on the Smith...
But guys - so far, there has NEVER been any sign of harassment, not directed to me, not to others, male or female. People are so laid back, it's fantastic. And after my first deadlift I actually stroke up conversations. Like, friendly conversations. Me. I mean..
The poster above talks about lack of eye contact - that's daily on the street. Headphones, RBF and gaze ahead. I've had that for many years, even though probably my last taxi driver catcall was ages ago. In here I actually feel comfortable for eye contact and smiling. Oh and I do the nod and everything. It's become my happy place.15 -
Two weeks ago I noticed a new guy awkwardly meandering around and making passive aggressive statements to people. He didn't seem to be following any play other than finding someone on a machine, sitting next to them and making a comment on their form, if they had a towel with them, the placement of their water bottle, etc. It was as if he was looking for an opportunity to escalate something and he was just looking to be offended. Not really sure what the purpose of this was other than creating some false sense of superiority.
I was pumped up to finally get my son in the gym. He had just finished his mandatory training and we were doing some cable work. When awkward guy worked his way to us I cut him short and asked what his purpose was in asking these questions, because this process isn't very effective if his goal is to be helpful.
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I was terrified of going to the gym and I delayed it for months because I thought that there would be fit people looking down on my overweight *kitten* and being critical. This was not the case.
I did actually start going to the gym a month ago. No one is mean, on the contrary, people are quite friendly, everyone is minding their own business and you can literally see people with many different body types and different health and fitness goals, so it's a nice lesson in diversity too. I would recommend it to everyone who has been postponing it for fear that they might be judged.9 -
SabAteNine wrote: »So.. I'm only going to a public gym for the last two months, because the thought had been a little bit terrifying for a long time. But then I started going to a local one, near me. There's all sorts of people there. Not many female lifters, so the freeweights are mostly male kingdom. Most girls that do squats, do'em on the Smith...
But guys - so far, there has NEVER been any sign of harassment, not directed to me, not to others, male or female. People are so laid back, it's fantastic. And after my first deadlift I actually stroke up conversations. Like, friendly conversations. Me. I mean..
The poster above talks about lack of eye contact - that's daily on the street. Headphones, RBF and gaze ahead. I've had that for many years, even though probably my last taxi driver catcall was ages ago. In here I actually feel comfortable for eye contact and smiling. Oh and I do the nod and everything. It's become my happy place.
That's my experience, too. Well, not the part about only going to a gym (not quite sure what the "public" gym distinction means to you -- to me it would mean a Y or county/city rec center, but I'm sense you might outside your home?) in the last few months -- I've been going to all kinds of gyms for close to 40 years. But I think I described them up-thread (or maybe in a similar thread) as pretty much the safest place I have experienced to be a woman and not have men expecting that I'm there to smile for them or talk to them or bend over for them, etc.
But I know that my experience isn't every woman's experience. There are women who've had bad experiences in gyms. Apparently there are women who have gotten through life and never experienced cat calls, unwanted touching, being called a b***h because you don't want to have a conversation with a stranger on the street who thinks you should feel complimented by the fact that they think your body looks good. We all have different experiences.5 -
Bry_Fitness70 wrote: »I have observed that a lot of women in the gym carry themselves like they are expecting to be harassed. There is very little eye contact, no smiling, and an effort not to cross paths or be in the close vicinity of others (using a treadmill that is as far away as possible from the nearest male, for example). I'm sure there is a history of deflecting unwanted attention there.
This is totally me. Not that anyone would hit on me at the gym because I'm 47 and I generally look pretty awful when I work out, but I still find myself not making eye contact with anyone, getting lost in my headphones and using equipment far away from people. Today at the gym a guy got onto the treadmill right next to me. And I got totally annoyed because then I felt really self-conscious. There are about 30 treadmills at my gym and most of them were empty and I was at the far end, so I thought it was odd. But on the other hand, some people I guess have a favorite treadmill?2 -
lynn_glenmont wrote: »SabAteNine wrote: »So.. I'm only going to a public gym for the last two months, because the thought had been a little bit terrifying for a long time. But then I started going to a local one, near me. There's all sorts of people there. Not many female lifters, so the freeweights are mostly male kingdom. Most girls that do squats, do'em on the Smith...
But guys - so far, there has NEVER been any sign of harassment, not directed to me, not to others, male or female. People are so laid back, it's fantastic. And after my first deadlift I actually stroke up conversations. Like, friendly conversations. Me. I mean..
The poster above talks about lack of eye contact - that's daily on the street. Headphones, RBF and gaze ahead. I've had that for many years, even though probably my last taxi driver catcall was ages ago. In here I actually feel comfortable for eye contact and smiling. Oh and I do the nod and everything. It's become my happy place.
That's my experience, too. Well, not the part about only going to a gym (not quite sure what the "public" gym distinction means to you -- to me it would mean a Y or county/city rec center, but I'm sense you might outside your home?) in the last few months -- I've been going to all kinds of gyms for close to 40 years. But I think I described them up-thread (or maybe in a similar thread) as pretty much the safest place I have experienced to be a woman and not have men expecting that I'm there to smile for them or talk to them or bend over for them, etc.
But I know that my experience isn't every woman's experience. There are women who've had bad experiences in gyms. Apparently there are women who have gotten through life and never experienced cat calls, unwanted touching, being called a b***h because you don't want to have a conversation with a stranger on the street who thinks you should feel complimented by the fact that they think your body looks good. We all have different experiences.
That would be me. Probably because I look like a 12yr old boy. Sometimes it's really hard to relate to people's stories of harassment because of that, but I'm not naive enough to think that it doesn't happen. And it saddens me that some women don't feel safe in a gym environment.3 -
lynn_glenmont wrote: »SabAteNine wrote: »So.. I'm only going to a public gym for the last two months, because the thought had been a little bit terrifying for a long time. But then I started going to a local one, near me. There's all sorts of people there. Not many female lifters, so the freeweights are mostly male kingdom. Most girls that do squats, do'em on the Smith...
But guys - so far, there has NEVER been any sign of harassment, not directed to me, not to others, male or female. People are so laid back, it's fantastic. And after my first deadlift I actually stroke up conversations. Like, friendly conversations. Me. I mean..
The poster above talks about lack of eye contact - that's daily on the street. Headphones, RBF and gaze ahead. I've had that for many years, even though probably my last taxi driver catcall was ages ago. In here I actually feel comfortable for eye contact and smiling. Oh and I do the nod and everything. It's become my happy place.
That's my experience, too. Well, not the part about only going to a gym (not quite sure what the "public" gym distinction means to you -- to me it would mean a Y or county/city rec center, but I'm sense you might outside your home?) in the last few months -- I've been going to all kinds of gyms for close to 40 years. But I think I described them up-thread (or maybe in a similar thread) as pretty much the safest place I have experienced to be a woman and not have men expecting that I'm there to smile for them or talk to them or bend over for them, etc.
But I know that my experience isn't every woman's experience. There are women who've had bad experiences in gyms. Apparently there are women who have gotten through life and never experienced cat calls, unwanted touching, being called a b***h because you don't want to have a conversation with a stranger on the street who thinks you should feel complimented by the fact that they think your body looks good. We all have different experiences.
ditto. The gym (it's a big corporate chain gym) is quite possibly the one place I do some sort of exercise activity where I don't think I've ever had to deal with idiotic male B***kitten*. No catcalls. No fake smiling/laughing to not upset/escalate some d*psh*t who thinks I owe him my attention. (although yeah-I am still wearing ear buds and making 0 eye contact except for a few select people).0 -
Bry_Fitness70 wrote: »I have observed that a lot of women in the gym carry themselves like they are expecting to be harassed. There is very little eye contact, no smiling, and an effort not to cross paths or be in the close vicinity of others (using a treadmill that is as far away as possible from the nearest male, for example). I'm sure there is a history of deflecting unwanted attention there.
That's how I am at the gym. It only took one time catching a creeper filming me doing squats on his phone and rubbing his junk through his shorts (I reported it immediately, and was told the guy was "socially awkward, but had been going there for years without incident". After that I started going at a different time and made my demeanor as unapproachable as possible. Lots of RBF.3 -
midlomel1971 wrote: »Bry_Fitness70 wrote: »I have observed that a lot of women in the gym carry themselves like they are expecting to be harassed. There is very little eye contact, no smiling, and an effort not to cross paths or be in the close vicinity of others (using a treadmill that is as far away as possible from the nearest male, for example). I'm sure there is a history of deflecting unwanted attention there.
This is totally me. Not that anyone would hit on me at the gym because I'm 47 and I generally look pretty awful when I work out, but I still find myself not making eye contact with anyone, getting lost in my headphones and using equipment far away from people. Today at the gym a guy got onto the treadmill right next to me. And I got totally annoyed because then I felt really self-conscious. There are about 30 treadmills at my gym and most of them were empty and I was at the far end, so I thought it was odd. But on the other hand, some people I guess have a favorite treadmill?
He was probably hoping to make small talk with you. Not everyone is an introvert. Some people are social butterflies and just like to meet new people no matter where they are.0 -
I've been sexually harassed and groped many times at the gym and just general life as well.
I've witnessed it here and there towards others as well.
Its pretty pathetic when woman and men have little self control.
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Today actually, some guy comes over and starts hanging in the squat rack I was using. He ignored me when I calmly asked him to use the other free bar. He jumped down, went back up.
If I was a 250lb guy he wouldn't have dared do that but as an older 43 year old woman he had the right to do as he liked.
I reported him and he said that I gave him an obnoxious attitude. It made me cry for an hour on and off, squatting with tears.
I am not invisible 💪14 -
Silkysausage wrote: »Today actually, some guy comes over and starts hanging in the squat rack I was using. He ignored me when I calmly asked him to use the other free bar. He jumped down, went back up.
If I was a 250lb guy he wouldn't have dared do that but as an older 43 year old woman he had the right to do as he liked.
I reported him and he said that I gave him an obnoxious attitude. It made me cry for an hour on and off, squatting with tears.
I am not invisible 💪
If you "gave him an obnoxious attitude", he f'n earned it. He had no "right", no matter what he may think: Far from it.
A guy who'd do this to anyone is a jerk. A guy who'd do this to someone smaller and female is a bully. Good for you, for standing up for yourself (and implicitly, for the rest of us). Hugs!13 -
Silkysausage wrote: »Today actually, some guy comes over and starts hanging in the squat rack I was using. He ignored me when I calmly asked him to use the other free bar. He jumped down, went back up.
If I was a 250lb guy he wouldn't have dared do that but as an older 43 year old woman he had the right to do as he liked.
I reported him and he said that I gave him an obnoxious attitude. It made me cry for an hour on and off, squatting with tears.
I am not invisible 💪
What an *kitten*! I think you're probably right that if you were a 250lb guy, he wouldn't have done it. I think bullies avoid potentially dangerous confrontation, but will rush towards any confrontation that they don't think is dangerous and which makes them feel big.
I'm glad you reported him. I hope they keep a closer eye on him now and he doesn't get away with this type of stuff, particularly now that he has a strike against him.7 -
Not so much now but I'd often get women groping my arms on a night out a few times at the gym, if I did that I would be arrested 😂3
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I mentioned on here that I have never been harassed at the gym. But last week I caught some very serious attitude from an older woman. I accidentally got on a machine she had apparently claimed with her eyes so she yelled at me, and I politely said, “my bad” and moved. She has been mad at me ever since! Today we crossed paths in a 4 foot hallway and she refused to share the space ( more than enough for two people) squared up and smacked me with her shoulder while i pressed against the wall. Then she did the same thing with my husband but kicked him in the ankle. I’m pretty easy going so i just waited till she was passed and laughed it off. But I wondered if she is always abrasive or just afraid of being hassled it she acts less hard at the gym.4
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Silkysausage wrote: »Today actually, some guy comes over and starts hanging in the squat rack I was using. He ignored me when I calmly asked him to use the other free bar. He jumped down, went back up.
If I was a 250lb guy he wouldn't have dared do that but as an older 43 year old woman he had the right to do as he liked.
I reported him and he said that I gave him an obnoxious attitude. It made me cry for an hour on and off, squatting with tears.
I am not invisible 💪
One of these days, this guy might run into someone's dumbbell side lateral raises... Hugs!5 -
Silkysausage wrote: »Today actually, some guy comes over and starts hanging in the squat rack I was using. He ignored me when I calmly asked him to use the other free bar. He jumped down, went back up.
If I was a 250lb guy he wouldn't have dared do that but as an older 43 year old woman he had the right to do as he liked.
I reported him and he said that I gave him an obnoxious attitude. It made me cry for an hour on and off, squatting with tears.
I am not invisible 💪
One of these days, this guy might run into someone's dumbbell side lateral raises... Hugs!
😏
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Okay so this isn’t really harassment but I’m curious....does anybody else have a really hard time dealing with people who have headphones in and sing out loud to whatever song they’re listening to? Like the gym I go to is so small, it’s impossible for me not to get totally distracted by this guy who sings just the chorus to whatever song is in his earbuds.2
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Okay so this isn’t really harassment but I’m curious....does anybody else have a really hard time dealing with people who have headphones in and sing out loud to whatever song they’re listening to? Like the gym I go to is so small, it’s impossible for me not to get totally distracted by this guy who sings just the chorus to whatever song is in his earbuds.
No I train with my own headphones in.1 -
Okay so this isn’t really harassment but I’m curious....does anybody else have a really hard time dealing with people who have headphones in and sing out loud to whatever song they’re listening to? Like the gym I go to is so small, it’s impossible for me not to get totally distracted by this guy who sings just the chorus to whatever song is in his earbuds.
Haven't had a problem with this, but there is one guy who has a blue-tooth speaker that he uses while working out (and blasts it load enough that I can hear it over the music on my earbuds).3 -
Okay so this isn’t really harassment but I’m curious....does anybody else have a really hard time dealing with people who have headphones in and sing out loud to whatever song they’re listening to? Like the gym I go to is so small, it’s impossible for me not to get totally distracted by this guy who sings just the chorus to whatever song is in his earbuds.
Haven't had a problem with this, but there is one guy who has a blue-tooth speaker that he uses while working out (and blasts it load enough that I can hear it over the music on my earbuds).
I have had this happen a couple of times. Last week a guy was doing that. I don't workout with headphones on, so it was doubly annoying. You already have the gym music, then his trying to overpower that. He walked away for a bit and I just unplugged it and turned it off.3 -
Okay so this isn’t really harassment but I’m curious....does anybody else have a really hard time dealing with people who have headphones in and sing out loud to whatever song they’re listening to? Like the gym I go to is so small, it’s impossible for me not to get totally distracted by this guy who sings just the chorus to whatever song is in his earbuds.
No I train with my own headphones in.
I have my own in also but I’m usually listening to podcasts so can’t quite drown out all noise. It irks me quite a bit!1 -
mom23mangos wrote: »Okay so this isn’t really harassment but I’m curious....does anybody else have a really hard time dealing with people who have headphones in and sing out loud to whatever song they’re listening to? Like the gym I go to is so small, it’s impossible for me not to get totally distracted by this guy who sings just the chorus to whatever song is in his earbuds.
Haven't had a problem with this, but there is one guy who has a blue-tooth speaker that he uses while working out (and blasts it load enough that I can hear it over the music on my earbuds).
I have had this happen a couple of times. Last week a guy was doing that. I don't workout with headphones on, so it was doubly annoying. You already have the gym music, then his trying to overpower that. He walked away for a bit and I just unplugged it and turned it off.
Lol good for you! Yes, I have that also in this gym. It’s usually someone’s phone they have the volume way up. I feel like it’s super rude but maybe I’m not hip anymore.
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Haven't really dealt with any of that. Mostly friendly folk around here.
There are some rules at the gym, but I'm not the owner or the enforcer.
Only incident ever was one girl when I was new.to the gym. She was using one side of a cable machine so between sets I asked if she knew where the attachment straps were kept. She made a face I thought was unnecessary for something so simple - which I noticed but wasn't overly concerned about.
Must have been a few days or a week later we ended up at the same cable stack again. I said 'hey' and told her you go first, which I thought was pretty polite. But apparently, waiting.your turn is offensive these days. She.spent the set AND a little extra time looking offended, though I dont.know for what exactly. Maybe I was supposed to turn around, cover my eyes, and donate some money in her name?@! 🤪
Not sure.just what she was thinking, but if I see you all of twice and you got issues both times, remember when I said I'm not the enforcer.. you have a right to be as bitter as you like, you just gonna hafta do it without me.
I like girls. A lot. 👌 but the only girl gets to influence what I do is Mom, and Mom aint here.3 -
Oh, having read some of this thread, lemme just state
Are some guys jerks? Prolly.
Does it go on in various.locations? Sure.
Do women AND.men sometimes take things differently than they were intended? Yup.
That said, I'm a guy, but I am seriously not good at apologizing for what I didnt personally do. I mean not good as in do not hold your breath.0 -
Okay so this isn’t really harassment but I’m curious....does anybody else have a really hard time dealing with people who have headphones in and sing out loud to whatever song they’re listening to? Like the gym I go to is so small, it’s impossible for me not to get totally distracted by this guy who sings just the chorus to whatever song is in his earbuds.
Haven't had a problem with this, but there is one guy who has a blue-tooth speaker that he uses while working out (and blasts it load enough that I can hear it over the music on my earbuds).
Yes, these are issues at my gym as well, though I'm probably the one singing and dancing in-between sets, but to be fair, its usually when I have the area to myself. I recently upgraded to some high-end headphones, drowns out almost all outside noise, except for the idiot guy who puts 400lbs on the leg press and slams it down with each rep.0 -
jls1leather9497 wrote: »Haven't really dealt with any of that. Mostly friendly folk around here.
There are some rules at the gym, but I'm not the owner or the enforcer.
Only incident ever was one girl when I was new.to the gym. She was using one side of a cable machine so between sets I asked if she knew where the attachment straps were kept. She made a face I thought was unnecessary for something so simple - which I noticed but wasn't overly concerned about.
That said, I'm a guy, but I am seriously not good at apologizing for what I didnt personally do. I mean not good as in do not hold your breath.
.
Some people don't want to have any interactions at the gym. Most of those people tend to be attractive women. Don't know why
I'm older and a larger person, 53 5'6 179, and I have had interactions at the gym that have made me uncomfortable. Mostly because the guys were awkward not that I would call it sexual harassment. Like someone walking up and sitting on a machine to watch me do weighted hip thrusts and say hi though that does have a bit of a creeper vibe. Or a guy jump out of the pool, run onto the floor and ask if I would join his baseball team. Just weird awkward stuff. Though at the time of both instances I weighed about 250 and benched 150.
I don't think that anyone wants or is waiting for an apology since you were not the person involved. And it's not just men who can give off a creeper vibe.
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I'm not one who likes or pursues any forms of confrontation but something like this is where if I was witnessing it I would absolutely say something. I will never understand people who build their self worth by putting down others'.0
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jls1leather9497 wrote: »Oh, having read some of this thread, lemme just state
Are some guys jerks? Prolly.
Does it go on in various.locations? Sure.
Do women AND.men sometimes take things differently than they were intended? Yup.
That said, I'm a guy, but I am seriously not good at apologizing for what I didnt personally do. I mean not good as in do not hold your breath.
I think your commitment to non-apology isn't about what you did or didn't do. It sounds like you refuse to apologize for things you didn't intend.7
This discussion has been closed.
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