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Is verbal harassment common at the gym? And do women or men catch more of it?
Replies
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Last week a man who was old enough to be my grandfather watched me doing hip thrusts and said in a really creepy way.
"Well done girl. Are you feeling the burn?"
I almost threw up a bit!
did you say anything back to him what did you do?
I wonder if you could report these men to the managers or something and if they are able to actually do anything.0 -
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Last week a man who was old enough to be my grandfather watched me doing hip thrusts and said in a really creepy way.
"Well done girl. Are you feeling the burn?"
I almost threw up a bit!
did you say anything back to him what did you do?
I wonder if you could report these men to the managers or something and if they are able to actually do anything.
I didn't because I'm a non-confrontational person. I just pretended not to hear him over my music. Unfortunately I think I have been socialised to accept this type of behaviour but if I see him again and something similar happened I would definitely report it.4 -
I’ve seen far more people offer sincere advise (which can be not helpful, but almost always with perceivably positive intent) than any other thing for talking to a stranger in the gym.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a confrontation other than meatheads dropping/throwing weights down or people hogging equipment.0 -
I’ve seen far more people offer sincere advise (which can be not helpful, but almost always with perceivably positive intent) than any other thing for talking to a stranger in the gym.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a confrontation other than meatheads dropping/throwing weights down or people hogging equipment.
Meatheads?2 -
I have been hassled by another woman at the gym, at least until I called management. She would get in my face in the locker room, every time we were there at the same time and were alone ( I go really early in the AM), and flip out over crazy stuff like me "needing to learn to share space" when we were the only 2 there, as well as making nasty comments about me being middle aged. Or she would accuse me of bizarre stuff like smearing makeup around. The manager apparently spoke to her about it, because it abruptly stopped; however, she still does things like come up and stand/put her stuff really close to me with music blaring from her phone, etc. I did tell her and the manager that if she got aggressive I had no problem calling the police, but aside from her childish antics, she's backed way down, and I'm good with that. This middle aged woman doesn't have time for middle school locker room bullying...7
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I have had people hit on me. I’m good with that. I have in the past either flirted back when single and interested or shut it down when not single and not interested. It has never bothered me for people to make their move, then I can make the choice to either be flattered and say thanks or roll my eyes and say no thanks. I do think I must be oblivious most of the time because I have never felt publicly harassed. I have heard stories of guys refusing to take no thanks as an answer but I’ve been pretty lucky obviously.2
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I haven't noticed it in any gym I have frequented. In fact, the only place that I would say nurtures a somewhat hostile atmosphere is Planet Fitness (e.g. banning large water containers, lunk alarm, etc.), but I understand that's their way of enticing new gym-goers.0
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Personally I have a workout partner and talk with them between sets or I have earphones in and keep to myself. After 26 years I've never had a problem aside from the odd guy (a few times ever) who may seem a little impatient when I asked how many sets he has left on a piece of equipment.
I would say that younger fit girls in the free weight section appear to be the celebrities of the gym. If you watch the eyes of most males they are usually staring directly or indirectly through a mirror but I've yet to see anything dramatic come of it.
Overall, I get that there can be an intimidation factor but as a lot of other posts said it isn't much different than any other new place. Most people are just doing their own thing and worried about their own progress. To each their own. We all start somewhere. It would be unfortunate to not go for it and change one's life for the better.2 -
FitFamilyGuy wrote: »Personally I have a workout partner and talk with them between sets or I have earphones in and keep to myself. After 26 years I've never had a problem aside from the odd guy (a few times ever) who may seem a little impatient when I asked how many sets he has left on a piece of equipment.
I would say that younger fit girls in the free weight section appear to be the celebrities of the gym. If you watch the eyes of most males they are usually staring directly or indirectly through a mirror but I've yet to see anything dramatic come of it.
Overall, I get that there can be an intimidation factor but as a lot of other posts said it isn't much different than any other new place. Most people are just doing their own thing and worried about their own progress. To each their own. We all start somewhere. It would be unfortunate to not go for it and change one's life for the better.
^All of this...
I have experienced several debates/(proverbial)backstabbing/arguments, but in the end, it turned out, that the participants all knew each other outside the gym, some for many years. They just ran into each other (literally) inside the gym.
Not sure how they do in the cardio section at the gym, as I never use any of the machines. We have some competitive bodybuilders in the weight room, though, and we tend to cut them some slack, when they get close to a competition. No brain can reasonably function on this much testosterone, and SO FEW carbs... But we like them, and they usually do better after competition and the first pizza...
As for bullies trying to get into someone's face...pointing out that there is a 20 lbs dumbbell hovering above their toes, should make them back up fairly quickly... The beauty of lifting and strengthening the back: It also helps strengthening the back bone, IMO.
Happy lifting!
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Yes. I started gyms when 16 and anot older male made comments about whether I might be wearing a g string. Luckily I wasn't permanently intimidated I just ignored all males after that.
More recently in a large gym that offers very cheap no cancellation memberships, a guy felt up his own package as I was walking past , looking at me , making what I guess was supposed to be an orgasm face and groaning 'yea baby' , but looked like a disability face, no offence to disability I have one myself. I was on a trial and didn't go back.2 -
Yes. I started gyms when 16 and anot older male made comments about whether I might be wearing a g string. Luckily I wasn't permanently intimidated I just ignored all males after that.
More recently in a large gym that offers very cheap no cancellation memberships, a guy felt up his own package as I was walking past , looking at me , making what I guess was supposed to be an orgasm face and groaning 'yea baby' , but looked like a disability face, no offence to disability I have one myself. I was on a trial and didn't go back.
Sorry you had to go through that. Hopefully that dude gets put in his place.0 -
Yes. I started gyms when 16 and anot older male made comments about whether I might be wearing a g string. Luckily I wasn't permanently intimidated I just ignored all males after that.
More recently in a large gym that offers very cheap no cancellation memberships, a guy felt up his own package as I was walking past , looking at me , making what I guess was supposed to be an orgasm face and groaning 'yea baby' , but looked like a disability face, no offence to disability I have one myself. I was on a trial and didn't go back.
Sorry you had to go through that. Hopefully that dude gets put in his place.
I could tell you exactly what place my kick would've been aimed at on his torso, but I'll leave that to your imagination.
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Very frequently and it's not restricted to just the gym, it's in public and on here too. Usually it's sexual harassment from a man and I mean not like simple flirting, but actually going a little too far like touching without being asked, showing things I don't need to see, or not taking no for an answer.9
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LovelySavannah wrote: »Very frequently and it's not restricted to just the gym, it's in public and on here too. Usually it's sexual harassment from a man and I mean not like simple flirting, but actually going a little too far like touching without being asked, showing things I don't need to see, or not taking no for an answer.
What ever is happening here needs to the moderators. You (nor any woman) should ever have to deal with someone's ignorance like that. Take screenshots of the post or message and report them.3 -
LovelySavannah wrote: »Very frequently and it's not restricted to just the gym, it's in public and on here too. Usually it's sexual harassment from a man and I mean not like simple flirting, but actually going a little too far like touching without being asked, showing things I don't need to see, or not taking no for an answer.
What ever is happening here needs to the moderators. You (nor any woman) should ever have to deal with someone's ignorance like that. Take screenshots of the post or message and report them.
I've done that before but never got a response so I just ignore0 -
LovelySavannah wrote: »LovelySavannah wrote: »Very frequently and it's not restricted to just the gym, it's in public and on here too. Usually it's sexual harassment from a man and I mean not like simple flirting, but actually going a little too far like touching without being asked, showing things I don't need to see, or not taking no for an answer.
What ever is happening here needs to the moderators. You (nor any woman) should ever have to deal with someone's ignorance like that. Take screenshots of the post or message and report them.
I've done that before but never got a response so I just ignore
Ah I didn't realize there's an ignore function. Good move. I have 3 daughters (all grown) and it never ceases to amaze me how oblivious and ignorant some men (and women too) can be.1 -
LovelySavannah wrote: »LovelySavannah wrote: »Very frequently and it's not restricted to just the gym, it's in public and on here too. Usually it's sexual harassment from a man and I mean not like simple flirting, but actually going a little too far like touching without being asked, showing things I don't need to see, or not taking no for an answer.
What ever is happening here needs to the moderators. You (nor any woman) should ever have to deal with someone's ignorance like that. Take screenshots of the post or message and report them.
I've done that before but never got a response so I just ignore
Ah I didn't realize there's an ignore function. Good move. I have 3 daughters (all grown) and it never ceases to amaze me how oblivious and ignorant some men (and women too) can be.
I don't understand it either. Especially when other women do it to men, it makes me want to slap them.0 -
LovelySavannah wrote: »LovelySavannah wrote: »LovelySavannah wrote: »Very frequently and it's not restricted to just the gym, it's in public and on here too. Usually it's sexual harassment from a man and I mean not like simple flirting, but actually going a little too far like touching without being asked, showing things I don't need to see, or not taking no for an answer.
What ever is happening here needs to the moderators. You (nor any woman) should ever have to deal with someone's ignorance like that. Take screenshots of the post or message and report them.
I've done that before but never got a response so I just ignore
Ah I didn't realize there's an ignore function. Good move. I have 3 daughters (all grown) and it never ceases to amaze me how oblivious and ignorant some men (and women too) can be.
I don't understand it either. Especially when other women do it to men, it makes me want to slap them.
Yeah me too.1 -
No. Never belittled, never harassed, never even flirted with-- not even when I was 20-something and (relatively) hot. I've never even observed any such behavior. People in gyms are there to work out. They aren't interested in much else, in my experience.1
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LovelySavannah wrote: »LovelySavannah wrote: »Very frequently and it's not restricted to just the gym, it's in public and on here too. Usually it's sexual harassment from a man and I mean not like simple flirting, but actually going a little too far like touching without being asked, showing things I don't need to see, or not taking no for an answer.
What ever is happening here needs to the moderators. You (nor any woman) should ever have to deal with someone's ignorance like that. Take screenshots of the post or message and report them.
I've done that before but never got a response so I just ignore
Who are you reporting them to? I've always gotten a response. It may be a little delayed depending on what else is going on, but always got a response.
@Alex5 -
nutmegoreo wrote: »LovelySavannah wrote: »LovelySavannah wrote: »Very frequently and it's not restricted to just the gym, it's in public and on here too. Usually it's sexual harassment from a man and I mean not like simple flirting, but actually going a little too far like touching without being asked, showing things I don't need to see, or not taking no for an answer.
What ever is happening here needs to the moderators. You (nor any woman) should ever have to deal with someone's ignorance like that. Take screenshots of the post or message and report them.
I've done that before but never got a response so I just ignore
Who are you reporting them to? I've always gotten a response. It may be a little delayed depending on what else is going on, but always got a response.
@Alex
That's understandable. Though the sexual harassment on here is the least of my worries, because can simply ignore. The ones that were my main concern are ones in public or in the gym.1 -
I think I'm fairly insulated from most harassment because my husband and I are gym buddies and it's rare that someone will harass someone else's wife in front of him. However, my husband and I do different things at the gym and not everyone knows we are together, which led to a funny incident.
I was waiting on the deadlift area and my husband was sitting on a nearby bench between sets, listening to this pair of college guys who were taking turns deadlifting and coming back to rest on the bench next to his. They were making crude talk about their girlfriends, girls they wished were their girlfriends, various ladies in the room, and so on. According to my husband their take on me was, "She looks okay." (Thanks, kid, I'm more than twice your age...) It was obvious they were new lifters and were making a huge show of lifting 135 pounds with their backs curled and terrible form, grunting and straining. Anyway, they finished with the bar and one of them grins at me and says, in this patronizing tone of voice, "Would you like me to help you put some smaller weights on?" And I said, "Nope, I'm good, thanks!" and did an easy set of 12. My husband was sitting next to the two guys trying not to crack up. They did a double-take. One of them said, "Whoa!" and the other said, "She's got some muscles." My husband says, "That's my wife - that's her warm-up set."
Anyway I still see them once in a while, and they still make remarks about their girlfriends, but I think that incident cured them of making remarks about other people in the same room!
In general my experience has been that the more serious someone is as a gym-goer the more polite and helpful they tend to be. We have a handful of really huge guys at our gym and they are all gentle giants.11 -
This is a pretty easy one -
Have you ever witnessed, participated in, or been a victim of, verbal harassment at a gym? How often - frequently, sometimes, occasionally, almost never?
If yes, what type? Sexual harassment, verbal intimidation, insults or derogatory comments, something else?
And, was the victim of said harassment a man or a woman (or someone who reads as a man or woman)?
And if anyone wishes, bonus question: are you a man or woman (or read like one) - just to see if we pay more attention to when people within our own perceived group are harassed, vs. other groups.
Bonus bonus question: if this is something you see sometimes or frequently, do you do anything about it when you see it? Or what do you think should be done about it, if anything?
There are so many gym idiots .That slam the weights for no good reason! Run around doing for weight machines at once saying they are super setting when the gym is full. I had said to two guys the gyms to full for super setting. Using the only bench press in the gym to do leg stretch! But when you ask nice to use the machine they always understand and move. Just sit on the machine on there phone! You don't know if there are doing a program from their phone or texting. But everyone is mostly nice.4 -
I have had ladies ask if i can lift my top up! But there are in their 70s!4
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jasonpoihegatama wrote: »I have had ladies ask if i can lift my top up! But there are in their 70s!
I enjoy watching the advanced lifters in my gym. It's like my anatomy book coming to life, especially, on lifts that I have not practised enough. I will ask for permission first, though, and they never had a problem with that. They are great teachers.3 -
LovelySavannah wrote: »nutmegoreo wrote: »LovelySavannah wrote: »LovelySavannah wrote: »Very frequently and it's not restricted to just the gym, it's in public and on here too. Usually it's sexual harassment from a man and I mean not like simple flirting, but actually going a little too far like touching without being asked, showing things I don't need to see, or not taking no for an answer.
What ever is happening here needs to the moderators. You (nor any woman) should ever have to deal with someone's ignorance like that. Take screenshots of the post or message and report them.
I've done that before but never got a response so I just ignore
Who are you reporting them to? I've always gotten a response. It may be a little delayed depending on what else is going on, but always got a response.
@Alex
That's understandable. Though the sexual harassment on here is the least of my worries, because can simply ignore. The ones that were my main concern are ones in public or in the gym.
Still should report things here, or they just keep doing it to others. It's not okay. I used to get a bit of attention in my younger years. It took some time, but I learned to carry myself differently. Now they just get a "mess with me and you won't like where my foot lands." Seems to work.5 -
I'd also report it, as I know it's not considered okay at MFP and they will do something. If there's an issue at your gym -- which I don't think is common or normal -- I'd report it too, and if they don't do something I'd change gyms. I've never seen an issue at my gym, and I think that's a minimum requirement.4
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Not harassed, but I definitely attracted creepers even when I weighed 250 lbs. I was doing a weighted hip thrust and I noticed that there was an older man on a machine facing me. The next time I waited to do my hip thrusts when there was no one on that machine. As soon as I started my hip thrusts the he came over and sat on the machine and said hello. FYI I was 49 or 50 at the time but I was still getting carded to buy drinks because of the weight.2
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As someone who has done a job that sometimes included enforcing workplace sexual harassment policies, I'd point out that the complainer seeing nothing happen, isn't exactly the same as nothing happening.
You'd hope that severely bad behavior in a gym, by a patron, would get a person booted. Of course you'd see that, if they were never in the gym in future. And if management took immediate action to reprimand a patron, you'd see that, probably.
Other places or parties involved, it's possibly more iffy. As a manager dealing with incidents between employees, I can't think of a situation where I couldn't at least tell the victim "appropriate disciplinary action was taken". (By itself, that's not very satisfying to a victim. Boy, do I get that.)
I can think of situations where, under law and contract at the time, it couldn't be much more information than that, sadly.
I don't have a clue what feedback victims get in online environments, if they report harassment. I'd guess it differs place to place.
But yes, not complaining about egregious behavior is allowing the jerk to move on to new victims, unchecked. If someone complaining would be put at risk, I can empathize that they might choose silence**. The risk to a complainant on MFP would seem to be low, even in a context where we're more easily doxxed than many people imagine.
** (In the larger culture, women have been doing that for years. They (we) knew they'd (we'd) be disbelieved and possibly worse. That (understandable) silence is one reason some decent men are now a bit naive about women's experience.)8
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