Is verbal harassment common at the gym? And do women or men catch more of it?

shaumom

This is a pretty easy one -

Have you ever witnessed, participated in, or been a victim of, verbal harassment at a gym? How often - frequently, sometimes, occasionally, almost never?

If yes, what type? Sexual harassment, verbal intimidation, insults or derogatory comments, something else?

And, was the victim of said harassment a man or a woman (or someone who reads as a man or woman)?

And if anyone wishes, bonus question: are you a man or woman (or read like one) - just to see if we pay more attention to when people within our own perceived group are harassed, vs. other groups.


Bonus bonus question: if this is something you see sometimes or frequently, do you do anything about it when you see it? Or what do you think should be done about it, if anything?

jseams1234

I have chased down and had words with both men and women who don’t rack their *kitten*. I’ve also had words with jackholes running circuits during prime time. Is that verbal harassment? Otherwise I’ve never been teased or seen anybody else being harassed about their progress or what they are doing regardless of their current fitness levels.

Stockholm_Andy

No not once in 25 plus years of training in various gyms in multiple countries...

IMHO For some reason it's something people how aren't familiar with gym culture worry about that really isn't and issue.

zyxst

Not at a gym. I get it out in public.

VUA21

Nope. The only thing I ever see is someone getting chewed out for not reracking thier weights, not wiping down equipment after they use it, or by 5 sets of 10 texts while taking up equipment during peak hours: and the chewing out is generally done by the staff.

PaperDoll_

I've never encountered this at the gym at all. I'd like to think most people going to the gym are there to focus on themselves and not to concern themselves about anyone else.

100_PROOF_

Not at the gym. I have been asked out on dates, asked out for coffee, asked if I'm married and that type of thing but I do not consider that harassment. I consider that a man asking a lady out. After I decline they usually apologize for bothering and walk away and don't ask again.

I have been eyed and gawked at and that is a bit weird but again that isn't harassment.
Harassment to me would be if a person made inappropriate comments or continued to pester after being asked not to. That hasn't happened to me at a gym and I've been to many many gyms over the years.

I have been harassed on the streets , at bars and clubs. It isn't fun and can be scary.
Harassment like continued cat calling and following me around after being asked to leave me alone. I have even been touched inappropriately at a club (a man grabbed my backside twice) which to me is sexual harassment and assault. I haven't witnessed any of that stuff at the gym though. I would report the person if I did see it or hear it.

AnvilHead

I've trained (on and off) for almost 40 years in over 20 different gyms in three states, and have never seen, taken part in, nor been a victim of, any kind of harassment in any form. Regardless of gender, age, appearance, fitness level, ethnicity, perceived sexual orientation, etc., etc. I've seen a few people rightfully, justifiably chewed out in gyms for doing extraordinarily stupid things, but that's not harassment - that's enforcing rules to keep a safe/usable environment for everybody's good.

Conversely, I've seen plenty of it go on in other public places - public parks/beaches, bars/restaurants/nightclubs, concerts, driving on the highway, grocery stores, parking lots, etc. - but not in the gym.

I agree with @Stockholm_Andy that it seems to be something that people who aren't familiar with gym culture worry about, but isn't really an issue in real life. And Planet Fitness does nothing to help the cause with their ridiculous fearmongering ads in which they stereotype and parody gym users to sell their "No Judgment Zone" mentality (when they're actually the most judgmental of all).

mph323

I'm an older, not particularly fit woman who's been going to my local gym for a year, and frankly, I don't think anyone pays the least bit of attention to me. The most I've seen is people (including me) side-eyeing a person doing something that's...different. There's a young woman at my gym who appears to be working on her flexibility (she's very) by using the equipment as a sort of launching point for various twisty moves that are completely fascinating. I've never seen anyone say anything to her, but she definitely gets attention. Other than that, everyone seems to mind their own.

dreddshawn

If you are self-conscious walking into the gym and working out then, yes, you will interpret every glance and laugh personally. That being said, a certain percentage of any population is/are *kitten*. Usually the gym rats will shut that crap down though. If you are at the gym to criticize someone other than yourself, you are there for the wrong reason.

Carlos_421

jseams1234 wrote: »

I have chased down and had words with both men and women who don’t rack their *kitten*. I’ve also had words with jackholes running circuits during prime time. Is that verbal harassment? Otherwise I’ve never been teased or seen anybody else being harassed about their progress or what they are doing regardless of their current fitness levels.

Are you staff?

I'm not saying what you describe is harassment but if you don't work there, it's not exactly your place to tell someone else what workout they can and can't do.
Sure, if someone is hogging equipment that can be frustrating but let the staff deal with it. Self appointed gym police don't make it a better place.

AnvilHead

Carlos_421 wrote: »

jseams1234 wrote: »

I have chased down and had words with both men and women who don’t rack their *kitten*. I’ve also had words with jackholes running circuits during prime time. Is that verbal harassment? Otherwise I’ve never been teased or seen anybody else being harassed about their progress or what they are doing regardless of their current fitness levels.

Are you staff?

I'm not saying what you describe is harassment but if you don't work there, it's not exactly your place to tell someone else what workout they can and can't do.
Sure, if someone is hogging equipment that can be frustrating but let the staff deal with it. Self appointed gym police don't make it a better place.

I agree insomuch as if I have beef with something somebody's doing, I quietly take it to the gym staff and let them handle it. I'm there to workout, not get in a contest of "Who's the bigger Alpha".

tess5036

No, not once, not while a plus size, and not now I average (still got some to loose). Nor have I ever witnessed it.
However, I have made friends, received tremendous support, had help offered in a friendly way, and have had nothing but good experience.

nexangelus

Not common at all in any gym I have been in. In fact I have experienced zero in my 29 years of gym going.

Most people are helpful in general (even strong little me gets offers of help from big strong guys and that is a good thing!)

AnnPT77

I go to a YMCA, mostly. The other people exercising are every age (toddlers to probably 90s), ultra-thin to morbidly obese, every race, speaking multiple languages, and wearing various types of clothing (including clothing that is a signifier of religions other than the "C" in YMCA). I've been there myself at every weight from obese to the low end of normal BMI, and with literally no breasts (because of bilateral mastectomies) and not hiding that even in my swimsuit. No one has ever even looked at me oddly, as far as I can recall.

I've never been harassed, never felt harassed, never seen/heard anyone be harassed, or anything remotely like that. The worst I've seen is someone maybe stared at for being unusually loud or mildly rude (like shouting out to a friend who's out in the hall or something).

Some people are very quiet/reticent, but most are friendly to one another (without interfering in others' workouts).

AnvilHead

Most people in the gym have the same insecurities and are thinking the same thoughts that you (the collective/general 'you') are. Everybody there has something about their bodies or their workouts that they're not happy with, are trying to improve, and hope that nobody else is paying attention to. They're too wrapped up in their own gig to worry about you.

That huge bodybuilder over there amongst the stacks of iron in the spaghetti tank top with the body like a Greek god? He's insecure about the size of his calves and hopes people aren't snickering at them behind his back.

The powerlifter on the platform with the bumper plates and the cloud of chalk around her? She's been plateaued at 385 on her deadlift for 3 weeks and is beating her head against the wall trying to break through it and get four plates.

The lean, ripped dude who looks like an underwear model? He's looking in the mirror worrying about his biceps because he thinks they look like spaghetti noodles and despite hitting them hard for six months, he's only added a half inch to them.

The slender woman in the cute leggings with the body to die for, over there doing barbell hip thrusts? When she looks in the mirror, all she sees is a flat booty and she wants it bigger and rounder - like that woman over there on the elliptical.

That woman on the elliptical? She's put on five pounds in the last month and hates, hates, HATES it. Her size 2 clothes are starting to get tight and she feels like a fat cow right now.

So when you walk in the gym overweight, out of shape or whatever, none of them are judging you. They're too busy worrying about their own things and people judging them.

The gym is just like anywhere else you go - it's full of humans, each with their own flaws, insecurities, doubts, fears, hopes and aspirations. It's not a temple full of perfect people looking down their nose at any mere mortal who dares invade their sacred space. In fact, they were all once exactly where you are now and stood in your shoes as they walked into a gym for the first time.

happytree923

I've belonged to four or five gyms off and on and the only time I've felt even a little weird in a gym was in a Planet Fitness staffed by unfriendly teenagers. And that was just a staffing issue, not harassment at all, and nobody goes to a $10 gym for the stellar customer service.

Dnarules

No, I've never seen this.

MsHarryWinston

I’ve belonged to two gyms and I’ve never seen this. Ever. Honestly, my current gym is downright friendly. People get chatty and complimentary.

Candyspun

When my friend and I in the 90's went to gym regularly and were in great shape, a male who worked there tried to engage with us by fat shaming some customers behind their backs. We shut it down, straight away. I think he thought we'd be impressed? The truth was, we were disgusted that he was treating people like that when they were paying his wages.

MalkinMagic71

Nope. Never.

nickssweetheart

It's never happened to me and I am substantially overweight.

A couple of witches once made cracks about the outfit my (normal bmi) mom chose to work out in, and that made her feel hurt and angry, but that's the closest to harassment that I've heard of from anyone I know in real life.

BUT that was in a gym around my area that is kind of known as a "meat market". I have never sought a membership there. Something about that kind of environment CAN occasionally bring out the petty in people, in my experience.

Aaron_K123

Hard to answer given that what constitutes "harassment" is subjective and in the eye of the beholder. One persons joke is another persons harassment. One persons constructive criticism is anothers harassment etc.

I am not a gym rat, it has been a while since i went to a gym to exercise...but when I did I didn't witness anything I'd personally call harassment.

I think the issue might be there are some out there who would consider a fit person grunting away as they lift their impressively heavy weight to be "harrassment" of a sort because it offends that person to be around that. Which is why gym's like Planet Fitness exist.

BruinsGal_91

Can't say I've noticed any harassment in any of the gyms I've been a member of back in the UK and now in the US.

I felt I had to mention my gym's rules on cell phone use the other week to a guy on the treadmill next to me. He was yapping on his phone while running and managed to drop it and he went flying off the back the treadmill. He nearly wiped out the woman who was walking past, and in avoiding him, she fell onto my treadmill. Luckily I was able to keep my balance and stay on my machine. She chewed the guy out, and he was outraged that she'd done this and told her she should be 'nicer' about it. I pointed to the sign right in front of him that clearly states no talking on phones while on treadmills. He just made lots of harrumphing noises, but did put his phone away.

mbaker566

i've had a few stares at the gym that made me uncomfortable. i get a little bit more when i'm out running, but i run with two 50ish lb dogs so people don't approach me

Diatonic12

sijomial

Stockholm_Andy wrote: »

No not once in 25 plus years of training in various gyms in multiple countries...

IMHO For some reason it's something people how aren't familiar with gym culture worry about that really isn't and issue.

I've been using gyms since 1973 and never been harassed or seen/heard harassment.
Agree with some people having an excessive concern about something that's rare, probably based on feeling out of place or being judged.

My daughter felt uncomfortable using the free weights section of the gym and would stick to the cardio and weights machines as they felt more familiar and "safe". That's really on her and not the gym or the people training there though to be honest.
A couple of sessions training with me and setting up a routine got her past that.

stanmann571

The only thing I've ever seen that looks like verbal harassment is partner motivation, and that's entirely between you and your training partner/spotting buddy.

PWRLFTR1

Creepy staring? Awkward comments? Yeah. Harassment? No. Though I've had disagreements over training methods, but I wouldn't consider that harassment, just some dude being a *kitten*

nooshi713

I have never experienced any harassment at the gym ever. I dont pay much attention to others though because I am focused on what I am doing. I dont think people notice me much to be honest. Outside of the gym is another story....

cwolfman13

In and out of various gyms for most of my life...I've never seen, been a part of, or felt harassed ever.