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Is verbal harassment common at the gym? And do women or men catch more of it?
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Like everyone else, never. BUT, one of my MFP pals just recently said that she's had issues with a stalker type guy. He was bothering her at another gym and she switched gyms. He showed up at the new gym and again kept trying to talk to her and even touched her without permission.2
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No, never at the gym. But, just last year, as a 5'4" female and somewhere in the 160's, I received a boatload of harassment while biking to a bike trail. On thar particular evening, Nelly was performing on the other side of town. Boatloads of teenagers and young adults were in their cars or waiting at bus stops trying to get to the music festival where Nelly was headlining.
I chose quite randomly that evening to bike to a bicycle trail where I'd continue my peaceful ride and get my 30 km's of biking. To get to the bicycle trail, I had to bike through my own neighborhood and parallel a busy street. I got so many glances, yells, honks, and hollering. It was so traumatic that I have not gone on that route since. Coicedentally, I am now over 10 pounds heavier, so I wouldn't dare.
How did gaggles and gaggles of young men all of the sudden awaken their inner bully at the same time? It was like a call to duty or a dog whistle. I was definitely oveweight then, and may have looked silly on a bike, or maybe they needed someone, anyone, to harass. God, that hurt so much, and brought me right back to high school.
So, my reluctance to step into the weight area in my gym if fuelled by that memory. I am a regular at the gym, but I confine myself to cardio equipment and classes.33 -
I can't think of any harassment at a gym that I've seen (even if directed at someone else).0
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I've attended 6-7 gyms over the years, and I've only ever seen maybe 3-4 incidences. Generally it was men arguing with other men, and seemed to be more territorial displays than anything else. One incident was a man harrassing several women, because the women wanted the small ceiling fan on and for whatever reason he decided that the breeze meant it wasn't a "real workout" and threatened them over it. We later laughed in the locker-room about the veins in his forehead popping out over it, but I guess someone reported him for throwing things around later because I never saw him again.
In my experience, the gym is far more welcoming than the general population, the worst I've had to deal with in a gym was unsolicited advice from men who try to touch me to "correct my form". Whereas I've been followed and screamed at running downtown on several occasions, and once a man tried following my mother and I heckling her about her weight (didn't follow long because he couldn't keep up, *kitten*).5 -
I am a bit surprised that so many people have never experienced nor witnessed this sort of thing happening.
I'm also glad that most people are not going through it because it really sucks if you do.
When I was younger and very fit, I did experience my fair share of unwanted & unsolicited sexual attention from men at the gyms I went to. That was the 90s. Eventually, I started going to female-only gyms to avoid it.
Later in life, after I gained an extreme amount of weight in a very short period of time, I experienced a different sort of 'attention' at the gym--from other women and even a yoga instructor who couldn't believe I was so flexible and strong for my 'size'. I was called names, like fat-*kitten* and fatty, a couple of times. And, there was one time when a complete stranger came up to me in the locker room while I was changing to tell me that I'm "fat" and need to "stop eating so much" (no, I never ate at the gym).
Plus, while working out, I got several sneers and disgusted looks from women walking by me who were quite fit and wore trendy athletic-outfits.
Since I spent most of my life with a fit and trim physique, it was quite a shock to be treated so differently just because my body had changed. Like many folks, I assumed that kind of prejudice and shaming didn't exist at the gym, but I learned the hard way that it does happen.
Now I have a home gym. And I've lost 100+lbs.20 -
>Have you ever witnessed, participated in, or been a victim of, verbal harassment at a gym?
Nope. Been a regular at four different NYC gyms and rec centers over 18 years; never seen anything.
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Only been going to gyms or a year and a half, but I’m there fairly regularly and have only ever seen and experienced people being friendly - on the rare occasions they’re not just concentrating on what they’re doing.0
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Never at the gym. This is interesting to think about - I’ve had to endure sexual comments or body shaming or snide remarks pretty much everywhere else, but at the gym everyone has been friendly and polite (or at least polite-ish) even when I don’t know what I’m doing at all
And I can’t think that I’ve judged other people at the gym - except for that one guy with the flu who was coughing and sneezing on EVERYTHING.
I know I feel insecure in tight workout clothes, sweaty and struggling, and it’s comforting to look around the gym and know I’m not alone, we’re all there for the same reason - to better ourselves, no matter what stage of that process we’re at.3 -
The only harassment I've ever had to deal with was the CIrcuit Nazi Team, Queen B(kitten) who harassed everyone who wasn't doingbthe circuit exactly the same way they were. Which was like, everyone. While most people realized that sometimes you have to circle around an older person, or someone might mistime thier routine by a few seconds. Queen B refused to compromise at all with anyone, and was reported several times by several different people for her constant unpleasantness.2
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Never at the gym, nor have I ever seen it happen to others at the gym. Unfortunately while running outside men do call out sometimes, I’m assuming either the anonymity boosters their confidence or they aren’t the same types going to gyms.2
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I can't say that I have seen it.
I don't talk to anyone at the gym unless I'm asked a question by someone. I don't offer advice or try suggesting a change in form even when what they are doing is obviously going to get them hurt.
I don't talk to anyone in the pool either unless I'm spoken to first.5 -
What concerns me about threads like this is that they tend to validate and feed resentments that people are carrying around. If you see harassment going on, have the wherewithal to report it, or better yet, have the courage to stand up to the harasser and tell them to stop. But don't let it ruin your day, and don't slowly poison yourself by living in sustained resentment and anger.14
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I'm 46 and have worked out at various gyms throughout my life and I have never, ever witnessed any kind of fat shaming, derogatory comment, intimidation or harassment.1
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I witnessed a domestic dispute at my gym. This lady was telling her husband what her "trainer" told her to do. They got in a screaming/cussing match over bicep curls.
I think the fight was about the "trainer."
Once, this "fat powerlifter" told me I couldn't use "his" bench (he did it in an "intimidating" manner). Long story short, I used the bench.9 -
ttippie2000 wrote: »What concerns me about threads like this is that they tend to validate and feed resentments that people are carrying around. If you see harassment going on, have the wherewithal to report it, or better yet, have the courage to stand up to the harasser and tell them to stop. But don't let it ruin your day, and don't slowly poison yourself by living in sustained resentment and anger.
I agree with your assessment. Threads like this normalize passive aggressive behavior.
We are quickly moving from an assertive society to a passive one. Swallow your anger and vent on the internet... - this is a horrible path to set upon. It allows abuse to continue without resistance when a simple "No" would often be enough.8 -
ttippie2000 wrote: »What concerns me about threads like this is that they tend to validate and feed resentments that people are carrying around. If you see harassment going on, have the wherewithal to report it, or better yet, have the courage to stand up to the harasser and tell them to stop. But don't let it ruin your day, and don't slowly poison yourself by living in sustained resentment and anger.
But . . . but . . . it seems like the majority of the replies are people saying they don't see it at the gym, a few saying they have and have done something about it, and a few saying they have and haven't done much.
To me, it seems like this thread is mostly countering the gymtimidated people's worries that gyms are a hotbed of judgement and harassment.
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Jesus, what gyms do you guys go to that you're worried about harassment? Sure, occasionally people hit on other people, and occasionally people might say something rude (Generally in response to bad gym etiquette) but for the most part, gym people are super nice and more friendly than the general population.
Overweight people think fit people are judging them, but coming from being a fat guy and now a fit guy, the only thing we are thinking is "Good for you" about doing something for your health.
You're damn sure gonna get judged/potentially talked to rudely if you refuse to use the machines correctly, or have bad gym etiquette though.
At the gym, I'm friendly to everyone, and pretty much everyone is friendly to me. Thats been every gym I've ever went to, and I've went to a lot.
....Though I did yell at a lady the other day when her poorly behaved 5 or 6 year old child was weaving all over the track lanes and directly in front of me while I was doing sprints on the fast lane of the track. I'm 215 lbs, at a full sprint I would have wrecked that kid. I BARELY was able to throw myself around him and ate it hard on the track. That lady deserved getting yelled at. FFS, if your kid is doing that, either put them in the free daycare, or make them stop doing that *kitten*.16 -
ttippie2000 wrote: »What concerns me about threads like this is that they tend to validate and feed resentments that people are carrying around. If you see harassment going on, have the wherewithal to report it, or better yet, have the courage to stand up to the harasser and tell them to stop. But don't let it ruin your day, and don't slowly poison yourself by living in sustained resentment and anger.
But . . . but . . . it seems like the majority of the replies are people saying they don't see it at the gym, a few saying they have and have done something about it, and a few saying they have and haven't done much.
To me, it seems like this thread is mostly countering the gymtimidated people's worries that gyms are a hotbed of judgement and harassment.
Yes, I agree. A few people may have a negative experience and have out-sized and ongoing negative consequences. I didn't mean to demean these people at all, just caution that the Internet can act like an echo chamber in such cases.7 -
Never experienced either at the bodybuilding gym i went to, nor at the local YMCA.0
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Never experienced this at the gym, although when starting back after gaining some Christmas kgs and feeling super self conscious I know I felt much more visible. The logical part of my brain realizes that I am really not that interesting and nobody is paying attention to anything but their own workout
The few times someone has commented on my workout have been to compliment me on progress.
I have experienced much more catcalling when out running, and one time a stranger stopped me in the middle of running laps at the park to tell me he had been watching me for the past twenty mins and that he thought I needed to change my running style to more of a heel strike (um, thanks, random creepy dude!)... personally, I have found gym goers to be pretty friendly and non judgmental.0 -
There is one man who followed me around the gym 4-5 times over a few months. He would use the machines next to me or just generally be close by way too often to be normal and is the only person so far at that gym to interrupt my sets to ask stupid questions (my answers got shorter and less polite every time). I do consider it harassment and it did affect how safe and confident I felt but I didn't want to be told by the gym employees that I'm overreacting, or worse, that he would know I had reported him and become a different kind of harasser. So I just dealt with it and texted my sister every time I saw him there.
Haven't seen him in a while, it's nice not to be on the lookout for him.19 -
I met my husband at the gym.
He harassed but after I was done working out. He wasn't disgusting but he made me laugh. We have been married for 21 years.10 -
I've been to a few different gyms over many, many years and I've never seen it. I'm sure it happens from time to time just about anywhere you can imagine. I've been harassed many times on the street, though.1
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I just remembered an article from a few years ago. Does anyone remember that nasty woman who took nude photos of overweight women in the gym changerooms and posted them online, ridiculing them? It's not common, but this is a horrific example of harassment.5
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I just remembered an article from a few years ago. Does anyone remember that nasty woman who took nude photos of overweight women in the gym changerooms and posted them online, ridiculing them? It's not common, but this is a horrific example of harassment.
An extreme version, and probably rare. She faced legal issues for that.5 -
I just remembered an article from a few years ago. Does anyone remember that nasty woman who took nude photos of overweight women in the gym changerooms and posted them online, ridiculing them? It's not common, but this is a horrific example of harassment.
An extreme version, and probably rare. She faced legal issues for that.
This reminds me of the only time I can remember when I was confrontational with someone at the gym. I was in the locker room, changing -- i.e., naked -- and these girls who looked to be 12 to 14 years old were taking selfies in front of the mirror. I had no way to know whether they were catching my reflection, but I told them firmly that they needed to stop and that it was incredibly rude to take pictures in a locker room.
But on the original question, no, in nearly 40 years of using university gyms, free or cheap county rec department gyms, cheap for-profit gyms, not-so-cheap gyms, gyms in hotels when traveling, and women-only gyms, I have never felt harassed myself, and the only incidents I can remember seeing where I felt like someone was bordering on verbally abusive were people who clearly knew each other.
I never had anyone, male or female, staff or customer, say, imply, or look at me in a way that made me feel like I was unwelcome because of my gender or current body size.
A couple of times in 40 years I've run into instructors who seemed reluctant to have me join their class because I was new, and they seemed to have the odd notion that their classes -- part of what the gym membership was supposed to pay for -- were only for people whom they already knew and already knew how to do what they were supposedly teaching. One of them turned out to be great once I made it clear I wasn't leaving. The other was still a jerk, but one session of her yoga class in a windowless concrete slab room covered in wrestling mats had me looking for a real yoga studio with light and soft music, anyway. I guess it's kind of understandable she had lost the namaste concept, having to work under those conditions.
When I was younger, I would occasionally catch guys in gyms looking, but they pretty much always looked away, embarrassed to be caught looking. Occasionally they would flash a chagrined smile. Neither of those situations felt like harassment to me. Occasionally people -- usually men -- will offer unsolicited advice. It's annoying when they don't know what they're talking about, but it's not harassment.
I've never experienced harassment out running, "power" walking, or biking, but I think it's because I mostly do that in suburban, rural, or vacation areas. I've been verbally harassed, followed, had my path blocked, had guys expose themselves or *kitten* in front of me, and been touched inappropriately walking in cities, on college campuses (heck, in my elementary school classroom as an 11-year-old and walking home from the school at about the same age), on public transit, at non-gym swimming pools, and in almost every other venue I've ever been in. Libraries. Banks. Pizza joints. Bars, of course. You name it.
So I'd have to say that gyms are among the safest spaces I know of for being allowed to just get on with your life and not have to smile and talk to strangers because somebody will you a *kitten* if you don't.
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I’ve noticed some of the people walking by the yoga classroom sometimes staring a little....but thirty middle aged and older ladies all in down dog position rear ends facing the window would be a sight, I suppose. Harassment? Never. And a few of those starers have come and joined us.1
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I think there may be more of that than people realize. I know I was once closely watching a woman doing power cleans because it’s a lift I wanted to learn how to do, and I suddenly realized that she probably thought that I was being creepy.I’ve noticed some of the people walking by the yoga classroom sometimes staring a little....but thirty middle aged and older ladies all in down dog position rear ends facing the window would be a sight, I suppose. Harassment? Never. And a few of those starers have come and joined us.
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Fortunately - I’ve personally never seen that or experienced it. Ive been a member of my gym for about 10 years. I find MFP forums to be much more hostile than any person I’ve run into at my gym!3
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