The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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@Fivepts I feel you and can relate so hard. Each person is different. I've finally come to the realization (it took a bloody long time) that I cannot drink again and will never be one of those people who can just 'slow' down. If I ever do pick up a bottle again it will be my last time and it will be the reason/why I die. Stay strong! You're doing good, 1 day at a time.Today I was with my brother and he stopped by the store for a drink. Normally, I would join him but I didn't. I tried not to guilt trip him for drinking but honestly I did a little. Only because yesterday I decided that I would make a change and haven't drank for two days. Even though I had no motivation three days ago, I started over anyway. I told myself that I didn't need motivation or desire. I just needed to do it and I did. Unfortunately, I still have this date in my mind when I will allow myself to drink again. I still don't see myself as someone who doesn't drink. I am not there yet. I want to be, but I am not.
@RubyRed427 Thank you! I wish I could treat myself to something, I just had to do mediation with my ex-husband, I lost custody of my kids temporarily due to my DUI and he was a complete jacka## in the meeting. Not exactly what I had in mind for my sobriety milestone/sober bday BUT I kept my cool, realized I'm doing everything I need to be doing to get my babies back and had an odd sense of peace. I still want to punch something though but I handled it! Anyways, I NEVER thought I would be 30 days AF in a million years
Here I am 
I see you have great motivation to quit. And it would be lovely to have your kids see their mom sober during their childhood. I am not judging at all. I just know I cringe at the times I tried to hide my drunkeness in front of my children- I'm sure they knew.
30 days and counting! Keep it going. I think your sense of peace is from a clear head- no alcoholic fog and determination to get your kids back. 5 -
Very interesting - thanks for sharing! I think I must be missing this enzyme. Because I could have the same amount of alcohol as my friend (similar in size) and be affected so differently including the most wicked hangovers. Good article.
Yes, it was interesting your partner noticed that as well!!4 -
Spoke to a therapist today. Cried to her and told her everything that is making me so sad, upset, happy, etc. After 50 minutes, I felt so much better. If you haven't tried therapy, it can make a big difference. The therapist doesn't tell you what to do or guide you, but you just can ramble and work things out on your own while you talk. Just sayin'
I call it a tune up- last time I talked to her was in September.5 -
An article I read says it's best to stay away from the term "relapse" and replace it with "recovery maintenance". I like that idea. Here's a quote from the article in psychologytoday:
"Last but not least, cognitive therapy is still one of the most fundamental and effective tools in relapse prevention when paired with mindfulness and other behavior-oriented approaches. One of the biggest barriers to someone feeling motivated in recovery is that sobriety is “boring” and there is no room for “fun,” creating a dreadful environment in their recovery journey before it even begins. This misconception needs to be changed to the idea that recovery can be, and is, fun. This cognitive change would then be carried out through different recovery-oriented activities, while using mindfulness and relaxation-oriented practices to manage day-to-day stress and build the resilience and discipline required in recovery.
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Happy Easter to those who celebrate it! I look forward to a family lunch with my daughter and grand kids, father in law, and various nieces and nephews. I'll be bringing a fruit salad, a dip, and some Perrier. We are almost all vaccinated now and I am extremely grateful to celebrate normally.5
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Happy Easter to those who celebrate it! I look forward to a family lunch with my daughter and grand kids, father in law, and various nieces and nephews. I'll be bringing a fruit salad, a dip, and some Perrier. We are almost all vaccinated now and I am extremely grateful to celebrate normally.
Happy Easter, Jen! Enjoy your day with the family!4 -
@Up_n_Running Totally not fair. I would be a little upset with your partner, because he doesn't seem to be gravitating towards your goals, he seems to be gravitating to excessive drinking with your brother. Is there a local pub they can go to? It would be so much easier on you.
I am worried about your brother; even though he is young and drinking can be normal for that age, I just don't want his body to be harmed so early at his age.
p.s. I love the picture of the three of you!4 -
Up_n_Running wrote: »Thanks for your response @RubyRed427 I will have to talk to my partner about it.
Sorry for ranting / venting on here. I was so frustrated this morning.
This is the perfect place to rant. Sorry for too much advice, I think, I give.
I just feel like you're one of my dear friends, so I would say the same thing to them.
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One week post hiccup check in:
I am happy to report that last week's hiccup did not toss me into a downward spiral. I have not had a repeat or even the desire to drink. I realize now how much I love the self control I have sober. I love remembering conversations. I love not waking up with a hangover....
I love the support of this group. I know I'm not a daily poster or even daily reader, but it helps knowing that yall are here and we are struggling thru this together. Struggling in our own, different ways.
I love you all!!!!7 -
@Beka3695 We love you too!!! Hiccups can happen; I'm sure I'll have a hiccup one day.
Remember my sister always says if you're 99 percent sober, then that is awesome!
Sometimes there is too much pressure for 100 percent perfection.
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RubyRed427 wrote: »@Beka3695 We love you too!!! Hiccups can happen; I'm sure I'll have a hiccup one day.
Remember my sister always says if you're 99 percent sober, then that is awesome!
Sometimes there is too much pressure for 100 percent perfection.
I like that!!! 99% sober is officially my new thing!!!!
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Seven months sober today! I was reading some comments on Quora. I see that around this time, the brain is still trying to get back to the normal -before drinking altered the brain chemistry.
Makes sense to me. 30 years of drinking alcohol (not always to excess) has rewired my brain.
Also, I am finding that being sober means having to face reasons you drank in the first place. I'm working on myself- trying to stay positive and find happiness in small life events.
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Thanks @Up_n_Running !! Love the gif!
I agree. I feel so much happier when I'm sober. I wake up happy to be sober and can't wait to plan my day and it doesn't involve alcohol. That obsessions is fading....
The best part is I've had no hangovers!! hooray! No vomiting, wasted days and hours on the couch, no self loathing, no sneaking and lying to myself about how much I drank, no wasted money on alcohol, so many benefits.
Have a great day!
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Up_n_Running wrote: »30 days AF 👌😁
Only another 104 days until I am back at my personal best. Can't wait.
Tattoo parlours are open on 26th April in Scotland, so I will be phoning to book an appointment then.....my tattoo will represent my 100 days AF that I managed on prior streak and also be for my parents so it will be really special for me. Really special. ❤🦋🌹💯
That is beautiful. I can't wait to see your tattoo if you want to share it with us. I love the double meaning. Congrats on day 30!!3 -
Wow. I didn't realize until I logged in how long it's been since I read and posted. I've caught up with the reading. A belated kiss and hug to you, Ruby for the tragedy in your family. I was so sorry to read about that. Congratulations on your sober vacation. Jen, that was amazing to learn about your father! How well I remember his brave actions that day! @Up_n_Running, you are doing great! The "boys" are going to have to learn to respect your boundaries. Hopefully they will get there. You at least deserve your sleep!
I'm not doing very well on the drinking front. I just can't believe I was 6 months AF and then am still struggling after relapsing (or whatever term @RubyRed427 mentioned was better) on January 6. I've had 10-day AF streaks since then, but then bam! I've never experienced, ever, the kind of blackout drinking described by some, but my drinking was (and is at the moment) slow and steady and bad for me. I've never even had a deadly hangover, but I know I kind of live in a hungover state when I'm drinking--functional but feeling crappy. One issue is my terrible tinnitus. It seems alcohol is the only thing that calms it down. Another weird thing is that I never drink while out. On Easter, I joined my husband and mom and sister and friend for my very first restaurant outing since COVID started. It was a lovely Easter brunch, complete with mimosas. But I stuck to water. But THEN, when I got home, I drank. It's not because I'm "hiding" my drinking. I truly am not motivated to drink when I'm socializing. I know that's the opposite of many people's experience.
Anyway, yadda yadda yadda. I'm boring myself and I'm sure you guys. I really want my sobriety back. I believe I will get it back. But one thing I now know for SURE is that "just one" is deadly for me. I read Quit Like a Woman when I was not drinking and really liked it, along with a few other good, inspiring books. I guess I'll go back to those and also try to stay faithful to this group because it has been so helpful.8 -
36 days AF! I had my 30 day 'birthday' at my local meeting been kind of down lately though. I have been gardening and prepping my backyard/beds. I started some seeds, lettuce, lemon cucumber, watermelon, microgreens. My friends who have greenhouses will be giving me their heirloom tomato and other starts when they're ready. Gardening is my therapy. For years my exhusband wouldn't 'let/allow' me to garden and when I was drinking I would plant but it was a mess, would end up forgetting where I planted bulbs, would end up bailing on the project because I was so effed up, etc. I was able to sit in my garden last night (I worked in it until after dark) and just sat and took everything in. I thought how I am actually grateful for being AF. My exhusband is still being horrible, we had mediation last week and he went on a rant to the mediator about how I'm doing nothing to better myself, refuses to let kids come back home or anymore time for that matter. Also found out from my daughter he told my babies to start calling his new girlfriend "mom". COMPLETELY pissed me off and devastated me. I would have ordinarily went and got a bottle of the hard stuff but I am getting more tools in my toolbox to cope with better ways. I am hella proud of everyone on here, for taking the right steps to be healthy and taking care of themselves 7
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@mtngrl3, Congratulations on 36 days! The gardening sounds like wonderful therapy. We had a community plot several years ago and it was really amazing to see things "magically" appear. We don't garden any more, but just yesterday we received our first CSA share, and prepping and figuring out what to do with the produce is therapeutic for me! Plus, I so admire our farmers who have bounced back after our epic Texas freeze. Last night I sauteed beet greens and they were delicious. Today I'm roasting the beets. Fresh produce makes me happy, and I'm sure growing it is a wonderful distraction from any temptation.
Bummer about your ex. That would be a real trigger, but you are coping beautifully. Brava!5 -
P.S. to my 2 a.m. post above: I was up until 4:30 because of tinnitus. I did some research. Although alcohol kind of deadens the sensation of buzzing, it is actually a contributing factor to the symptom. As is salt. As is sugar. As is aspartame (I usually drink one Diet Coke a day). So now I have an extra motivation to quit the alcohol. It's "helpfulness" is just one more of its lies.
I took half a day off and got permission to work the other half from home, so I'm reflecting on my diet and my drinking, prepping veggies, and feeling optimistic.6 -
@donimfp It will all work itself out. You had a long run AF for six months; you can use those tools you used before, once again.
I don't believe willpower works, so you may need to reread (like you said) books, focus on sobriety, meditate, etc.
I believe in you!!
Thanks for sharing; every time someone shares their experiences, it helps me sooo much.
I have a little voice that sometimes whispers, "sure you can go back to drinking and be normal." I can see for many of us, it's so hard to be a moderate drinker.
@mtngrl3 Sounds like your ex husband needs some parenting lessons- sorry to be blunt. He should be more respectful of you in regards to his girlfriend (having your kids call her mom). That is too confusing for children.
He should also be big enough to acknowledge your efforts!!! I'm so proud of you!!
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