My Boyfriend thinks I'm Fat

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  • KarmaKills
    KarmaKills Posts: 99 Member
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    No offense, but your boyfriend sounds like a complete jerk and something tells me you'll never be good enough for him. Dump him and find a man that loves you for who you are.
  • Mikej77
    Mikej77 Posts: 112
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    As a guy, with a wife that I love, I cant imagine ever telling my wife that she is anything but perfect. If she says anything negative about herself I reply with, if you feel that way then do something about it. If someone friend, boyfriend, spouse, or what ever, tells you that you are out of shape in a derogatory way then I would suggest ignore them. People have zero right to judge and I do not see what makes them think they can. We should all support one another in a positive way. If someone feels good about how they look then that is thier God given right to feel that way. So my advice is to drop him, if he does not respect you for who you are. If you feel you could do more to better yourself then do it without him!
  • jenifr818
    jenifr818 Posts: 805 Member
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    My boyfriend thinks I am out of shape and chubby. I am 5'6" and weigh 140 pounds. At 145, he thinks I'm fat, and he can deal with it when I'm 135. Oh the things we do for love...

    Is this ok? I'm not sure whether to be upset about or agree with him. Its true i'm not at my most idea weight, but I eat healthy, do yoga all the time, and do the best I can with exercise for having a job that requires me to be sitting 9 hours a day.

    I used to be good with how I looked, but he really likes skinny girls and makes me feel like "I look good" is not as adequate as "I look like a sport's illustrated model."

    You can easily lose about 200 lbs by dumping his sorry butt. Don't ever let a boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever tell you what you should weigh. That's between you, your doctor, and again, you. If he loves you, he'll accept you as you are, which at 5'6 and 145 is perfectly within normal ranges.
  • supermysza
    supermysza Posts: 167 Member
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    If he's not making your life better then he's not worth being part of it. You deserve someone who will accept you for the way you like yourself. If you feel you should lose weight for your health (or any other reason that YOU want) that's a different story but don't let a guy change you!
  • amluvstld
    amluvstld Posts: 212
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    Your boyfriend is an a-hole. It's his job to tell you you are beautiful, not tear you down. :noway:
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,862 Member
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    Don't feed the trolls
    It's like T-ball. T it up and let the man bashing begin! It's obvious.
  • soupreem27
    soupreem27 Posts: 41 Member
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    You're 5'6" and weigh 140lbs. That's a great weight for your height. Anyone that tells you that you're fat and they know that you're not fat, is only doing it to lower your self esteem. You should NEVER lose weight for anyone but yourself. You said "oh the things we do for love", but that's not love. Please get out of this relationship...it's not gonna get any better.
  • feelingreat90
    feelingreat90 Posts: 5
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    Conversation probably went like this.

    Girl: Do you think im over weight?
    BF: You got a few pounds to lose.
    Girl: You think im fat. I will go tell the world how big of a jerk you are.

    If he thought you were disgusting and fat he would leave you for a smaller girl.

    I wish this was how it went because it would make this much easier to deal with if I was just being overly sensitive. Also, I don't think he is a jerk and am actually surprised by how many people jumped to that conclusion. I posted because I have been struggling to make him happy with my weight for 2 1/2 years. At one point I lost 15 lbs for him and he still just kept saying things like, "you could look really good, you have the frame for it."

    I am posting now because I used this website to lose the weight the first time, came back to it again because he has made so many comments lately about how I should be trying harder, and I am sad because i genuinely enjoy running, swimming, working out, but none of it is good enough. I am just getting to a low point and thought I would try to reach out for advice in a different way than I have before.
  • zipnguyen
    zipnguyen Posts: 990 Member
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    My boyfriend thinks I am out of shape and chubby. I am 5'6" and weigh 140 pounds. At 145, he thinks I'm fat, and he can deal with it when I'm 135. Oh the things we do for love...

    Is this ok? I'm not sure whether to be upset about or agree with him. Its true i'm not at my most idea weight, but I eat healthy, do yoga all the time, and do the best I can with exercise for having a job that requires me to be sitting 9 hours a day.

    I used to be good with how I looked, but he really likes skinny girls and makes me feel like "I look good" is not as adequate as "I look like a sport's illustrated model."

    might want to tell him to "please go"
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
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    Really? Because 145lbs for a 5'6" woman is considered in the healthy weight range. In fact up to 154lbs for a 5'6" woman is considered healthy. If you are healthy, he shouldn't have an issue if it's you that he loves. My hubby told me "as long as you are healthy, that's all that matters" and he's still all over me :tongue: . I am in the healthy range now, but, I am losing a little more weight for ME. No one else, because the acceptance of others isn't what matters to me.
  • kravmark2
    kravmark2 Posts: 158 Member
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    You have to lose weight for you, not for anybody else. All changes you make in life need to be for yourself if you want them to last. Otherwise when you dont have that person motivating you you will fall back into your old habits etc.

    For example " I quit smoking for so and so" ... While this may be an initial motivator you need to find things that internally motivate you. As someone who leans towards codependent behavior this is something I always have to look at. Its also possible to act out because so & so isnt happy with us.

    In your case your boyfriend sounds super controlling and may not be worth the time spent trying to make him happy

    Mark.

    Feel free to add me if you'd like
  • Alderaic
    Alderaic Posts: 294 Member
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    really amazed to see tht peeps on MFP still have meaningful persons in their lives when I see all the dump him comments all the time.

    How do you guys know if he's not an amazing BF on all the other aspects?
    Not saying that he is right in any way, he is not, but the dump him comments are just stupid and borderless trolls (on the troll side of the border)

    he's insensitive and you should
    a) shove it to his face,letting him know that it hurts
    b) make sure that he is as fit as he wants you to be
    c) talk lifestyle, ifhe is fit and want you to be healthy for activities, then weight has absolutely no point being ever mentionned
    d) ask him to maybe watch less skinny porn and focus more on real life with you

    that is if he is not a douche when it comes to other things of course.
  • rhinesb
    rhinesb Posts: 204 Member
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    I think my husband is old. I mean, he's 45.

    lol... 45 is old? wow.

    I'm 41. I married him when he was a hot 31 year old.

    LOL....hate to tell ya, then you're old too.

    Are you kidding? I'm four years YOUNGER than him.

    Also, my kids are three and one, so they're not old enough yet to tell me how out-of-it I am. I have at least three more years of grace.

    So you honestly think that because you are a measly 4 years younger then him, that he is old yet you are not?
    My husband is 46. I am 39. My husband is far from old. If you feel your husband is old at 45, I hate to say it, you need to add yourself to that bracket as well.

    I'm pretty sure she's joking. It's called sarcasm.
    I was wondering if anyone else picked up on the obvious sarcasm
  • feelingreat90
    feelingreat90 Posts: 5
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    I think I need to try this again...I love my boyfriend and have no intention of leaving him. He has a weakness when it comes to weight, but it most other ways he is a wonderful and supportive man.

    I am really open to advice on how to productively move past this. I don't want to continue to feel this way, and so far nothing I have tried has made him realize just how big an effect he is having on my body image. Please, if you have any (productive) ideas for how to approach this and help it hit home with him or at least how to make me less sensitive to it, let me know.
  • fishgutzy
    fishgutzy Posts: 2,807 Member
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    Weight vs. height for women varies by body type just as it does for men. Probably more so.
    My wife is 5'10 and weighed 125 pounds when I met here. At my peak, I weighed more than both of us did combined when we met.
    She was not underweight for her build. Neither of us wish to go back to what we weighed back then. She thought I was skinny and under weight but didn't say so at the time :bigsmile:

    He loves you or he doesn't. It is that simple. If it is his "image" of you that he loves then and can't stand when you deviate from his image of you he seems to have no tolerance. Best that he showed his true colors now.
  • Ashley_Panda
    Ashley_Panda Posts: 1,404 Member
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    This is a lose/lose situation.
    Either lose the weight.
    Or lose the boyfriend.
  • darkesnow
    darkesnow Posts: 3 Member
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    Sounds like you need to lose around 200 pounds... HIM.
  • rhinesb
    rhinesb Posts: 204 Member
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    You are a little overweight. But that's a different issue than your boyfriend.

    My sister dated a guy in college who wouldn't date her until she lost weight (she started out about where you are - I never though of her as fat). She did - and looked fantastic. She also wound up with bulimia (not the fault of her sensible weight loss program, but true nonetheless.) He controller her eating. She worried if she gained weight she'd lose him. He could be obnoxious. My mom saw him walk across the room and take food out of her hand.

    We all worried that anyone who would only love you if you were thin was not a person you would want to be with for better or worse. This seemed shallow to all of us.

    They got married. It's been 30 years. She did gain weight eventually. He's good with that. I still don't like the controlling thing. I wouldn't have married him, but I didn't have to. She did.

    How do you like to be treated?
    How in the world do you even think she is a little over weight???
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
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    I think I need to try this again...I love my boyfriend and have no intention of leaving him. He has a weakness when it comes to weight, but it most other ways he is a wonderful and supportive man.

    I am really open to advice on how to productively move past this. I don't want to continue to feel this way, and so far nothing I have tried has made him realize just how big an effect he is having on my body image. Please, if you have any (productive) ideas for how to approach this and help it hit home with him or at least how to make me less sensitive to it, let me know.

    If you have no intention of leaving him, here are a few tips.

    1) If YOU want to lose weight for YOU then go for it. Do NOT lose weight for anyone else, because even the motivation of the hurtful thing he said won't last nearly as long as it will if you are motivated within yourself to lose the weight. If you think you're a good weight - tell him.
    2) Show him healthy bmi charts online and make him SEE that you are in the healthy range.
    3) Tell him you will not change yourself for him. That he needs to love, respect and accept you as you are. That if you are going to change, you're going to do it for yourself.
    4) Failing all that, reconsider your ideal of not leaving him :tongue:
  • jenifr818
    jenifr818 Posts: 805 Member
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    I think I need to try this again...I love my boyfriend and have no intention of leaving him. He has a weakness when it comes to weight, but it most other ways he is a wonderful and supportive man.

    I am really open to advice on how to productively move past this. I don't want to continue to feel this way, and so far nothing I have tried has made him realize just how big an effect he is having on my body image. Please, if you have any (productive) ideas for how to approach this and help it hit home with him or at least how to make me less sensitive to it, let me know.

    My opinion if that even if he's amazing in every other area of life, his negatively affecting your body image can easily override all that. Picture yourself with him 5 or so years down the road. Picture your life after you've had a couple of kids and as a result, gained weight. Picture him negatively affecting your potential future daughter's body image. Chances are, he won't get better, and it WILL affect your kids. Is that really something you want? You need to flat out tell him what a **** he's being, and if he won't change in this area, my advice is to ditch him. There are many amazing men out there, you don't need to suffer with one who can't deal with you being at a HEALTHY weight

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