Frienemies

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  • mwhite0578
    mwhite0578 Posts: 19
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    That's not a friend...not a true friend!
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
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    I would seriously limit the time you spend with her (if ANY) from here on out. With friends like that - really - who needs enemies?!

    If she asks why - tell her that her behavior is not conducive to the path you're on in trying to eat more healthy. If that's the way she treats you knowing what your goal is, then you can't be around her.

    It's sad she had to tear you down...."Seee....I can have all this nice, greasy, gooey food...isn't that great? She's on a diet so she can't. See what you're missing, honey??" Obviously, at least her husband realized what a first-rate *kitten* she was being and told her to quit being mean.

    Sometimes you have to cut your losses and turn them loose. When you're really on a path like this, it is important to really take inventory of your friends and who supports you - and be around them more, thereby being around those that don't support you less.

    Good luck!
  • RekindledRose
    RekindledRose Posts: 523 Member
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    No, their either friends or they're not in my life.

    Life's too short to spend it wasting time with people I don't like.
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
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    I'm assuming you guys come from different environments than I do, because my best (and I mean BEST) friends are the ones who are horrible to me with teasing.

    If it were me...I'd lighten up.
  • peachstategal
    peachstategal Posts: 398 Member
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    It sounds like she is probably jealous that you are working to improve yourself and she is not. I would not end the relationship because the DH's are such good friends. But, you might just come out and tell her that her remarks and actions are making you feel bad and you would appreciate it if she stopped.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    No, their either friends or they're not in my life.

    Life's too short to spend it wasting time with people I don't like.

    This.
  • VioletNightshade
    VioletNightshade Posts: 197
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    She doesn't sound like someone who's being supportive of your decision to live a healthier lifestyle.

    On one hand, my immediate two cents would be "kick this b**** to the curb and get friends who actually care about you," but on the other, I have a lot of friends whom I tease mercilessly because that's how I show affection. I've one friend whom, if you heard him and me talking, you'd think we hated one another. We tease one another over ethnicity, height, interests, things we like, fears, anything, really etc, but we make certain that the other knows we're just kidding, and are careful not to have the other actually get their feelings hurt. It's like a verbal equivalent of play fighting. We're not actually trying to hurt each other.

    It's difficult to say whether she is trying to just tease you about this because she knows it's going to be a part of you for a long time, and she's just trying to relate to you, or if she's legitimately being mean. There can be subtle differences between "I'm teasing you because I'm fond of you" and "I'm legitimately trying to demean you because I think what you're doing is stupid and therefore funny."

    If she's really just being mean, I'd ditch her. If she's just trying to play, play back and talk about how awesome you're going to look and how she's "just jelly," and then when she denies it, something along the lines of "What's that? I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I'm gonna look!"
  • lbatkins
    lbatkins Posts: 6 Member
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    It took me a really long time to learn the difference between someone trying to be funny and someone who is just a d*ck. Your friend sounds like the latter. The best course of action, I think, is to call them out in some way or another. You can try the whole "hey we need to talk" thing, or you can say something obnoxious back and see how she likes it. They usually apologize and knock it off if you do the latter, especially if you're normally passive aggressive.
  • shanniepk
    shanniepk Posts: 98 Member
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    You should get some satisfaction that she is jealous. I know that's not right, but it's true. Congratulations on your weight loss. Keep it up and I promise you will have more frenemies...you'll learn to get used to the haters:).
  • BluejayNY
    BluejayNY Posts: 301 Member
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    No can't say I keep people in my life that treat me like crap. I only kept my exhusband so long because I made a vow I took seriously.
  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
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    I'm assuming you guys come from different environments than I do, because my best (and I mean BEST) friends are the ones who are horrible to me with teasing.

    If it were me...I'd lighten up.

    me and my buds bust each others ballz all the time. its what we do best.
  • dazzer1975
    dazzer1975 Posts: 104 Member
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    I can think of a quick way for you to drop a 100 plus pounds :wink: :laugh:

    Seriously life is too short to hang out with asshats!

    This guy knows, follow the advice.
  • MyOwnSunshine
    MyOwnSunshine Posts: 1,312 Member
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    "If you don't get that fork out of my face, I'm going to take it away from you and stab you in the f'--king eyeball," said in a quiet and serious voice but with the slightest hint of a smile so she doesn't quite know whether you're joking or serious.

    There. The rest of the evening will be peaceful and she most likely won't say another word.

    You should read Henry Rollins.
  • Fat422long
    Fat422long Posts: 29
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    I agree, I wouldn't associate with her anymore. I have the same problem but with FAMILY members. Ugh. I cant run from them.....
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
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    I'm assuming you guys come from different environments than I do, because my best (and I mean BEST) friends are the ones who are horrible to me with teasing.

    If it were me...I'd lighten up.

    me and my buds bust each others ballz all the time. its what we do best.

    Same here, but we don't undermine earnest efforts the others undertake. While we may kick the crap out of each other, and generally bust balls, if one of us is doing something big, we're the first to support.

    Having a kid, going back to school, running a tri, we all support. As we're like brothers, it's us against all of you. ;) We would never allow what the OP mentioned.
  • norahwynn
    norahwynn Posts: 862 Member
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    Believe it or not, she's not your friend. Friends don't taunt their friends like you're both 6 years old. Is there a particular reason you're even considering not cutting the b!t(h out of your life?
  • sharonfoustmills
    sharonfoustmills Posts: 519 Member
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    ha ha, you could just take the bit of fries, chew it a few times then spit it out on her plate of fries and say "yuck, nasty, don't know how you're eating that garbage"
  • ShadeyC
    ShadeyC Posts: 315 Member
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    Hmmm. Having someone in your life who pretends to be your friend but is really a colossal pain in the *kitten* just sounds like a waste of time and energy to me.

    THIS ^

    Seriously, you're "friend" has no boundaries if she treats you like that.
    Hubby can be friends with hubby, but maybe tell them you aren't willing to sacrifice your time with her until she sorts her crap out and decides to act like an adult instead of a jealous 2 year old.
  • Sarahloulalou
    Sarahloulalou Posts: 60 Member
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    Smile and carry on.

    I experienced some very strange behaviour from friends when I started to lose weight. I think your friends love you now, they love you how you are and probably can't adapt to the thought of you changing yourself.

    I also think it could be a case of jealousy, maybe your friend doesn't need or want to lose weight but seeing someone succeed in something can sometimes remind people of their own failures. I'm not great at putting things like this into words so I hope this makes sense.

    Maybe quietly explains to your friend you're doing it for your health and need all the support you can get at the moment xxx
  • ShadeyC
    ShadeyC Posts: 315 Member
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    I'm assuming you guys come from different environments than I do, because my best (and I mean BEST) friends are the ones who are horrible to me with teasing.

    If it were me...I'd lighten up.

    me and my buds bust each others ballz all the time. its what we do best.

    Same here, but we don't undermine earnest efforts the others undertake. While we may kick the crap out of each other, and generally bust balls, if one of us is doing something big, we're the first to support.

    Having a kid, going back to school, running a tri, we all support. As we're like brothers, it's us against all of you. ;) We would never allow what the OP mentioned.

    TOTALLY agree! My besties and I are all terrible with each other, but we know we love each other. What this chick is doing is NOT the same thing. The Hubbies are best mates, not the chicks.

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