Things in recipes that amuse you
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Recipes that tell me to fry some onions or similar, then prep everything else 'while those fry'.
I don't know how fast you chop, but if I do that those onions are gonna be burned little black strips before I'm done.
I would really recommend watching some videos for basic knife skills, such as this one
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-Fg7l7G1zw
The first boyfriend I moved in with, was a chef at the Hilton. He was very junior in the kitchen, so his job was being a glorified food processor. At home, he liked to play head chef and so my kitchen job was doing all the chopping. The one useful thing I took away from this relationship was learning professional knife skills.2 -
Recipes that tell me to fry some onions or similar, then prep everything else 'while those fry'.
I don't know how fast you chop, but if I do that those onions are gonna be burned little black strips before I'm done.
I have literally put myself in the E.R. with a vegetable peeler, so... yeah... I'm gonna take my time with anything sharp!
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The bane of my job in a medical centre is people with fancy chopping 'skills' and fancy chopping equipment - who then somehow end up chopping their fingers and needing emergency suturing.
Mostly, because they do it preparing their dinner, just when I was about to knock off work ....
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Mouse_Potato wrote: »Recipes that tell me to fry some onions or similar, then prep everything else 'while those fry'.
I don't know how fast you chop, but if I do that those onions are gonna be burned little black strips before I'm done.
I have literally put myself in the E.R. with a vegetable peeler, so... yeah... I'm gonna take my time with anything sharp!
That was almost me a couple weeks ago. I took a good chunk off my finger with the peeler but did eventually get it to stop bleeding right before I was about to take myself to urgent care.3 -
My FIL refuses to use the food holder with the mandoline slicer, he just holds everything with his fingers, and he goes super fast. I feel like I should pre-dial "9", "1", and hover over the next "1" whenever he uses it. Haven't had to make that call (yet).3
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Husband saw a mandolin slicer in use on one of the cooking shows I like to watch and was smitten. I warned him that they don’t even let chefs near them until they have mastered their knife skills; mandolin slicers are incredibly dangerous. Refusing to be discouraged, husband purchased one, brought it home, unpacked it, set it up and started making his dish by promptly slicing a quarter sized chunk of flesh out of the knuckle on his middle finger. (Husband protests: it was DIME SIZED)0
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Recipes that tell me to fry some onions or similar, then prep everything else 'while those fry'.
I don't know how fast you chop, but if I do that those onions are gonna be burned little black strips before I'm done.
I would really recommend watching some videos for basic knife skills, such as this onehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-Fg7l7G1zw
The first boyfriend I moved in with, was a chef at the Hilton. He was very junior in the kitchen, so his job was being a glorified food processor. At home, he liked to play head chef and so my kitchen job was doing all the chopping. The one useful thing I took away from this relationship was learning professional knife skills.
Why are you assuming I don't have basic knife skills?
I did Home Economics at school, and I have watched an awful lot of cooking shows. I know exactly how professionals chop. I also know that I am cack-handed to the max, and I want to keep my fingers, thanks.7 -
You can chop very quickly without any danger of cutting fingers even when you are not looking at the cutting board if you use the claw technique with your left hand (assuming you are right handed). And holding the blade between your thumb and forefinger of the right hand gives great control. I assume you are not using the claw position if you are in any danger of cutting yourself.2
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You can chop very quickly without any danger of cutting fingers even when you are not looking at the cutting board if you use the claw technique with your left hand (assuming you are right handed). And holding the blade between your thumb and forefinger of the right hand gives great control. I assume you are not using the claw position if you are in any danger of cutting yourself.
All that the claw position does is increase the risk to the knuckles instead of fingertips. Clumsy choppers will be clumsy choppers no matter what "technique" they use.8 -
You can chop very quickly without any danger of cutting fingers even when you are not looking at the cutting board if you use the claw technique with your left hand (assuming you are right handed). And holding the blade between your thumb and forefinger of the right hand gives great control. I assume you are not using the claw position if you are in any danger of cutting yourself.
No. No I can't. Again, why the assumption that slow choppers just aren't doing it right?9 -
You can chop very quickly without any danger of cutting fingers even when you are not looking at the cutting board if you use the claw technique with your left hand (assuming you are right handed). And holding the blade between your thumb and forefinger of the right hand gives great control. I assume you are not using the claw position if you are in any danger of cutting yourself.
In general, unless I’m chopping something very thin in diameter (spring onion) or otherwise small my hand is simply not big enough to use the ‘right’ technique. If I try the claw technique I don’t have a good enough grip on the item and am much more in danger of everything slipping out of control. Also agree that it just makes your knuckles vulnerable rather than fingertips.
The most common place I slice myself is on the pad of my right thumb (right handed) anyway. So the claw technique has no effect on that particular stupidity on my part! 😂2 -
just_Tomek wrote: »Mouse_Potato wrote: »Recipes that tell me to fry some onions or similar, then prep everything else 'while those fry'.
I don't know how fast you chop, but if I do that those onions are gonna be burned little black strips before I'm done.
I have literally put myself in the E.R. with a vegetable peeler, so... yeah... I'm gonna take my time with anything sharp!
That was almost me a couple weeks ago. I took a good chunk off my finger with the peeler but did eventually get it to stop bleeding right before I was about to take myself to urgent care.
How did you guys do that???? I mean I would honestly have to try real hard to cut myself with a peeler. Thats some major ninja skills me thinks
I was peeling potatoes for Christmas dinner after an 8 hour drive. I was tired and they were slippery. The potato slipped out of my hand and I took off the tip of my thumb. My poor mother was beside herself. She didn't want to have to do the cooking. 0 -
Slow or fast, it is impossible to cut yourself if your left hand is in the claw position close to the bolster, almost touching your right thumb, as long as you have a cooks knife with a wide enough blade. If you are extremely clumsy let your right thumb, which is holding the blade rub along the first knuckle of the claw so that you know by feel how high the blade is.0
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BarbaraHelen2013 wrote: »You can chop very quickly without any danger of cutting fingers even when you are not looking at the cutting board if you use the claw technique with your left hand (assuming you are right handed). And holding the blade between your thumb and forefinger of the right hand gives great control. I assume you are not using the claw position if you are in any danger of cutting yourself.
In general, unless I’m chopping something very thin in diameter (spring onion) or otherwise small my hand is simply not big enough to use the ‘right’ technique. If I try the claw technique I don’t have a good enough grip on the item and am much more in danger of everything slipping out of control. Also agree that it just makes your knuckles vulnerable rather than fingertips.
The most common place I slice myself is on the pad of my right thumb (right handed) anyway. So the claw technique has no effect on that particular stupidity on my part! 😂
You can't cut the pad of your right thumb (right handed) if you are using your right thumb and forefinger to grip the blade and only let the last three fingers of your right hand curl around the handle.0 -
Slow or fast, it is impossible to cut yourself if your left hand is in the claw position close to the bolster, almost touching your right thumb, as long as you have a cooks knife with a wide enough blade. If you are extremely clumsy let your right thumb, which is holding the blade rub along the first knuckle of the claw so that you know by feel how high the blade is.
Knowing where the blade is in no sense prevents me cutting myself with it. You don't understand how clumsy works, do you?
I mean, you're talking to the woman who once managed to, while chopping, somehow throw her knife into the air and then sever the nerve in one fingertip catching it by the blade so that it wouldn't hit the cat.
I currently have a bruise on the inside of one ankle due to how hard I managed to bash my anklebones together during dance class. This sort of thing is not unusual for me.
You may wish to recalibrate all your assumptions.12 -
BarbaraHelen2013 wrote: »You can chop very quickly without any danger of cutting fingers even when you are not looking at the cutting board if you use the claw technique with your left hand (assuming you are right handed). And holding the blade between your thumb and forefinger of the right hand gives great control. I assume you are not using the claw position if you are in any danger of cutting yourself.
In general, unless I’m chopping something very thin in diameter (spring onion) or otherwise small my hand is simply not big enough to use the ‘right’ technique. If I try the claw technique I don’t have a good enough grip on the item and am much more in danger of everything slipping out of control. Also agree that it just makes your knuckles vulnerable rather than fingertips.
The most common place I slice myself is on the pad of my right thumb (right handed) anyway. So the claw technique has no effect on that particular stupidity on my part! 😂
You can't cut the pad of your right thumb (right handed) if you are using your right thumb and forefinger to grip the blade and only let the last three fingers of your right hand curl around the handle.
Yes, you can! I wasn’t referring to chopping ON the board. Almost every home cook I’ve ever seen has done what I do when cutting chips, topping and tailing onions, garlic, green beans and many, many other items. I mean holding the item in the left hand and cutting with the right hand in a kind of pincer between fingers and thumb. Mostly it works fine, the pad of your thumb is a ‘stop’ for the knife and if you’re controlling the knife you don’t get cut! Just now and again with an especially sharp knife (I have one of those super sharp Samura paring knives that I take to a master in London to get sharpened) I mess up and slice into my thumb pad.
Also going to mention that I only ever use a paring knife or a small santoku knife because those huge long bladed heavy chef’s knives you’re talking about are way too unwieldy in my small hands! Owing to the weight of such knives I tend to have to hold it too far down the hilt for balance and control, then I’ll cut the index finger side of my middle finger on the back corner of the blade because I’m struggling to control the weight. 🤷♀️0 -
This is the best thread I have ever read. "I laughed, I cried!" Thank you. I thought I was the only one confused by the zero star reviews on allrecipes.com or annoyed by Martha Stewart who makes everything more difficult than it has to be, etc. You guys are awesome. And yes, I read from the beginning.2
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Clearly I am clueless about how clumsy people can be and what equipment they are using.
I find it unfathomable I could cut myself if I grip the blade of a large cooks knife between right thumb and forefinger near the bolster, curling the last three fingers of the right hand around the handle. Cut food to size so you can easily push through food at the right speed with your left thumb with left knuckles in the claw position brushing against the blade. Also cut food so it is less than the height of the blade which ensures you don't need to lift knife high enough to cut knuckles. Your claw should be as close as possible to the bolster so your left knuckles rub against the wide part of the blade. If you are not good at sensing height of the blade let the right thumb brush against first knuckle of you left hand claw so you can tell by touch.
With my hands in this position I don't need to look at the cutting board while chopping and slicing. Everything is done by sense of touch.2 -
I’m glad that works for you with the size of your knife and the size of your hands. Simply repeating it does not make it work for my hands! Not everyone is the same! 🤷♀️😉6
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I'm on MYFP since 2011. Best thread ever!!!1
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just_Tomek wrote: »Mouse_Potato wrote: »Recipes that tell me to fry some onions or similar, then prep everything else 'while those fry'.
I don't know how fast you chop, but if I do that those onions are gonna be burned little black strips before I'm done.
I have literally put myself in the E.R. with a vegetable peeler, so... yeah... I'm gonna take my time with anything sharp!
That was almost me a couple weeks ago. I took a good chunk off my finger with the peeler but did eventually get it to stop bleeding right before I was about to take myself to urgent care.
How did you guys do that???? I mean I would honestly have to try real hard to cut myself with a peeler. Thats some major ninja skills me thinks
My clumsiness is epic. It is astonishing the ways I can find to accidentally hurt myself. In this case I was peeling apples for applesauce. The apple slightly slipped in my hand while peeling and apparently the peeler decided that finger was part of the apple.4 -
Clearly I am clueless about how clumsy people can be and what equipment they are using.
I find it unfathomable I could cut myself if I grip the blade of a large cooks knife between right thumb and forefinger near the bolster, curling the last three fingers of the right hand around the handle. Cut food to size so you can easily push through food at the right speed with your left thumb with left knuckles in the claw position brushing against the blade. Also cut food so it is less than the height of the blade which ensures you don't need to lift knife high enough to cut knuckles. Your claw should be as close as possible to the bolster so your left knuckles rub against the wide part of the blade. If you are not good at sensing height of the blade let the right thumb brush against first knuckle of you left hand claw so you can tell by touch.
With my hands in this position I don't need to look at the cutting board while chopping and slicing. Everything is done by sense of touch.
That’s nice for you, who clearly have normal human coordination.
Your inability to fathom my clumsiness does not magically make me any less clumsy, though. Or your advice any more useful. Why can’t you just accept that what works for yuo does not work for everyone?5 -
(Plus, frankly, even if you somehow make it physically impossible for me to cut myself, working at speed still makes it more likely that I will spray chunks of onion across the worktop and on the floor, which is also not helpful. Now can we get back to amusing things in recipes, and off assuming that clumsy people just don’t know what they’re doing?)7
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My actual advice is that if you know anybody who works in a professional restaurant kitchen is to ask them to teach you professional knife skills. Their advice should be independent of hand size, strength, and *maybe* coordination level.1
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And it is impossible to spray onion onto the worktop or floor if you hold the blade perpendicular to the cutting surface.0
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Gone.2
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Alright, something I find amusing in directions (microwave instructions seem prone to this) is when the last step says something like "Enjoy!". It's a bit presumptuous to just assume I'm going to enjoy this, don't you think? I'll be the judge of what I enjoy. 5
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Like the presumptuous Serves 4,type comments??
Who are they to assume I am sharing it with anyone??
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just_Tomek wrote: »Another thing that never makes sense to me....
"add a bit of butter to the pan"....... and the cook dumps half a stick of butter in. WTF??
This is why I do not watch cooking shows, they just do not really teach anything. The exceptions are Alton Brown and America's Test Kitchen since they explain not only what to do but WHY they are doing it so I learn things I can apply to other things I make.
The only other exception when I was a kid was The Galloping Gourmet because he was just so much fun to watch.3
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