Is my husband sabotaging my weight loss? HELP!
Ccuser99
Posts: 47 Member
I love my husband dearly, we have been together 10 years this year and he loves me no matter what weight I am. The only problem I have at the moment is that I am trying to increase my exercise so that I can loose fat but my husband keeps buying me chocolate and alcohol just when I seem to be getting somewhere. I know he thinks he is being nice and only doing it to de-stress me after a long stressful day, but I really can't say no to chocolate if it is in the house. For example, He bought me 2 x 140g packs of galaxy counters last night and 3 bottles of cider. I managed to restrain myself from drinking the cider, but I ate one of the packs of chocolate last night and I have just sat here and eaten the other pack because they were there.
I feel really bad as I have been working hard to increase my fitness and if I hadn't been eating junk I would have banked some serious calories, but as it stands, I have probably eaten more than I have burned this week. My main meals have all been healthy planned meals according to my diet, but the extras are the issue.
Help!!
I feel really bad as I have been working hard to increase my fitness and if I hadn't been eating junk I would have banked some serious calories, but as it stands, I have probably eaten more than I have burned this week. My main meals have all been healthy planned meals according to my diet, but the extras are the issue.
Help!!
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Replies
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Sabotage implies that someone WANTS you fat. I'm pretty sure your husband is not trying to MAKE you fat. You said yourself that he's just probably trying to show you some misguided care. Perhaps another talk, or schedule those times when you can both enjoy those treats together?
That said, I know how difficult it is to not eat something when it's in the house. My BF is a huge snacker and brings in stuff all the time. At some point, you just have to start telling yourself "Have I got enough cals allotted for this? Will it still be there tomorrow, when I can make room for it? And if not, can I just wait until the next time?" Chances are, you'll find it'll still be there or else you can just wait for next time.0 -
Ask him to bring you flowers instead.0
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It's a matter of controlling yourself and talking to him about your goals. Tell him you'd super appreciate it if he supports you on this phase by not buying these stuff. However, if he's also buying them for himself, you really have to rein in your cravings.
Just don't overthink this issue because it might become a bone to pick in the future. Talk talk talk to him.0 -
Put the chocolate in the freezer. It takes longer to eat when frozen, so you might find it easier to only eat a portion of the bag, and not the whole bag. (Love Counters personally, I find it very hard to not eat a whole bag in one go as well!)0
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I would thank him for the gesture but ask that he buy you something else in place of the chocolate or maybe save up the money he would have spent to put towards a treat when you have reached a goal.0
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1. No
2. Instead of asking why he brings home snacks ask why you have to eat them. Just because you have decided to make a change doesn't mean everyone else has to change, it means you *have* to change, and that includes your relationship with food. There will always be temptation, unless you become a hermit and live alone underground, and that includes your home. My husband isn't on a diet and so eats like he always has; I don't ask him to change for me but rather I changed myself.
You have to learn to confront that temptation and deal with it.0 -
I guarantee he's not trying to sabotage you. He's being a caring husband. Do not discourage him. My boyfriend knows I love Nutella, ice cream, and wine; so everytime i stay at his house on my days off, he makes sure to either have it in the house or will go out and buy it for me. Therefore, I have my serving of Nutella (2 tablespoons) one day. The next I'll have my ice cream and I'll have a glass of wine with him at dinner. I log it and move on.
In my opinion, the best thing you can do is work on your self control and discipline. Just because he bought you 3 bottles of cider does not mean you have to drink them all, and you don't have to eat the entire pack of chocolate either. The only person that has the power to sabotage you, is you. Period. You control what you put in your mouth, not your husband. Therefore, instead of eating the whole pack of chocolate, have a serving and work it into your daily calories. Better yet, share the chocolate and the cider with your husband. Either that or put in some extra workout time to make up for the calories.
Self control and moderation is EVERYTHING.0 -
1. No
2. Instead of asking why he brings home snacks ask why you have to eat them. Just because you have decided to make a change doesn't mean everyone else has to change, it means you *have* to change, and that includes your relationship with food. There will always be temptation, unless you become a hermit and live alone underground, and that includes your home. My husband isn't on a diet and so eats like he always has; I don't ask him to change for me but rather I changed myself.
You have to learn to confront that temptation and deal with it.
^this0 -
Is your husband overweight? Does he eat or choose to eat healthy. I myself never had a weight issue but i started "OUR" diet for my wife she is over 100lbs overweight and i figured this would be the best way to inspire her. Eating clean changed my whole outlook on life itself. You really dont understand how bad food poisons your body and mind until you cut yourself free of it. When my wife was quitting smoking years ago i would offer to buy her smokes because i saw she was in pain. That might just be what he is picking up from you at times? My personal belief is that, unless everyone in the house is on board, someone is going to tip the ship so to speak.0
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Tempt yes. Sabotage no. Can't force you to eat what he buys. Sabotage would be giving you something he says is "healthy" when it's actually not.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Is your husband overweight? Does he eat or choose to eat healthy. I myself never had a weight issue but i started "OUR" diet for my wife she is over 100lbs overweight and i figured this would be the best way to inspire her. Eating clean changed my whole outlook on life itself. You really dont understand how bad food poisons your body and mind until you cut yourself free of it. When my wife was quitting smoking years ago i would offer to buy her smokes because i saw she was in pain. That might just be what he is picking up from you at times? My personal belief is that, unless everyone in the house is on board, someone is going to tip the ship so to speak.
Yeah, no.
I do just fine eating my southwest salad while my husband eats his bacon cheese burger or my 6 ounce steak while he eats two six ounce steaks or my one serving of ice cream to his two...or four. He doesn't have to change his habits because I changed mine.0 -
You really dont understand how bad food poisons your body and mind until you cut yourself free of it.
the food shaming inherent in so-called "clean eating" is nonsense. utter nonsense.0 -
You are the only person who can sabotage your weight loss.
The world is filled with chocolate and booze. You don't have to eat or drink it all.
Ask him specifically not to buy these things for you. If he buys them for himself, as him to keep them out of your sight. If you can't deal with them being in the house, throw them away. If you really want chocolate or cider, plan it into your calorie allotment for the day and have some.
Ultimately, people can be helpful to your effort, or people can make things more challenging, but you're in charge of what goes in your mouth.0 -
Your husband is not sabotaging you if you chose to eat both packages of chocolate. That was your decision and you have to take responsibility for that.
On a personal note, my wife and I cut and bulk on different cycles. If she wants pizza, she eats it, often in front of me. It is up to me to eat my lean pork chop or chicken and vegetables. Is it always easy? No. But my weight loss or healthy gain are not anyone else's responsibility.0 -
CBT it - retrain your thought process.
Thank him for bringing such a valuable training aid into the house. Now you can see chocolate, knowing that you don't have to eat it and with his help you are winning.
Mine does much the same, but tends not to produce the bag of minstrels on my Down Days. He does dole out 2 or 3 as a treat for my Up Day every now and then. I usually thank him for the thought and either eat them or say no. But it did take a while for us both to believe me if I said no
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Until you put your big girl pants on, get use to it0
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I love it when people blame others for things they can control on their own.0
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You really dont understand how bad food poisons your body and mind until you cut yourself free of it.
the food shaming inherent in so-called "clean eating" is nonsense. utter nonsense.
^^This. And when you realize that "certain" food is not the enemy, you'll find it much easier to resist the temptation to over-indulge.0 -
I'm currently doing a search on the internet for a thread "I buy my wife expensive chocolate and all she does is whine about how I'm pampering her. HELP!!! I need a wife that appreciates me instead of nagging me!"
Or ... ya know... something like that.0 -
Ask him to bring you flowers instead.
aww omg thats perfect.
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1. No
2. Instead of asking why he brings home snacks ask why you have to eat them. Just because you have decided to make a change doesn't mean everyone else has to change, it means you *have* to change, and that includes your relationship with food. There will always be temptation, unless you become a hermit and live alone underground, and that includes your home. My husband isn't on a diet and so eats like he always has; I don't ask him to change for me but rather I changed myself.
You have to learn to confront that temptation and deal with it.
QFT0 -
Unless he's sitting there stuffing it in your mouth, no. You CAN refuse to eat the chocolate if it's in the house, you just choose not to. Learn to be ok with eating a reasonable amount then putting the rest away.0
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I have a friend that I've known for 7 years her husband does the same ****. she has been trying to lose 30 lbs for that long , it sucks when they do that, next pour liquid soap all over food and dump in trash in front of him , to let him know you are dead serious..0
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I have a friend that I've known for 7 years her husband does the same ****. she has been trying to lose 30 lbs for that long , it sucks when they do that, next pour liquid soap all over food and dump in trash in front of him , to let him know you are dead serious..
Yeah, that doesn't sound psychotic at all, and I'm sure would go over much better than having a calm and rational discussion with your husband.0 -
Get over it, no such thing as clean eating we all know but its a common term for not eating processed junk and such. Not food shaming its fact. Certain foods will alter the way the brain functions.You really dont understand how bad food poisons your body and mind until you cut yourself free of it.
the food shaming inherent in so-called "clean eating" is nonsense. utter nonsense.
^^This. And when you realize that "certain" food is not the enemy, you'll find it much easier to resist the temptation to over-indulge.0 -
Thanks for the advice guys, lots of home truths and helpful hints. I know you are right when you say I am responsible for what I put in my mouth and I completely agree, I also know that I have no will power which is why I don't buy the stuff or have it in the house myself. I am actively taking steps to avoid temptation.
I have spoken to hubby about not buying me chocolates and he doesn't for a while and then he just does it again. I know I should throw them away or just not eat them, but I really can't resist the temptation of chocolate, I only wish that I could. I have even tried EFT tapping but this didn't work for me.
I guess I will have the conversation again with my husband and just hope that he sticks to it as I know that I cannot resist chocolate if it is put in front of me.
"I can resist everything except for temptation..." Oscar Wilde0 -
You can ask him not to buy you chocolates or alcohol. OR you could just not eat them?
My Missus isn't on a lifestyle change and has a whole 'goodie' cupboard. I think I've eaten half a dozen biscuits from it in 3 months. Literally 6. In 12 weeks. Just don't eat them if your unable to stop at 1/2.0 -
As you can tell, sometimes MFP is not the best place to get advice on unsupportive spouses.
If you are a compulsive eater or food addict, you will find there are less than sympathetic people. If you are an alcoholic, a spouse bringing in a bottle of whiskey as a "gift" would be seen for what it is. Not helpful, a little codependent and definitely misguided.
Have a talk about the importance of losing weight and how difficult it is for you. Mention that you like rewards and then spell out what you would like as a reward, be it flowers, a dress or kettle bells.
Not everyone on MFP is a food addict or compulsive eater, so they don't understand. At least that's why I think they're very judgmental and blame people for not having iron willpower. If we all had iron willpower none of us would be overweight, alcoholics, drug addicts or the like.0 -
Is your husband overweight? Does he eat or choose to eat healthy. I myself never had a weight issue but i started "OUR" diet for my wife she is over 100lbs overweight and i figured this would be the best way to inspire her. Eating clean changed my whole outlook on life itself. You really dont understand how bad food poisons your body and mind until you cut yourself free of it. When my wife was quitting smoking years ago i would offer to buy her smokes because i saw she was in pain. That might just be what he is picking up from you at times? My personal belief is that, unless everyone in the house is on board, someone is going to tip the ship so to speak.
:noway:0 -
It would annoy me if my husband kept bringing home chocolates for me when he knows I don't want to eat them. and if he knew me he'd know other things I like, like flowers. Ok he does it thinking he's doing something nice, but obviously he's not putting much thought into it as he knows you don't want chocolate.
Also if he sees that you eat the chocolate everytime he brings it to you, that's telling him you like it and want it after all.0
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