Is my husband sabotaging my weight loss? HELP!
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It is possible for partners to not want their partner to lose weight due to some insecurities - but that doesn't sound like the situation here. A husband bringing you food is not sabotage. Just talk to your husband and say you would prefer to avoid temptations like that. Because I have a compulsive eating disorder, I have to ask my partner to keep any things I am likely to binge on out of sight (eg. hidden in the cupboard).0
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Chocolate and alcohol used to destress you. You trained him well! But now you need to figure out what destresses you instead of choc and alc and fill him in. I wouldn't pour soap on it and trash it, that's kind of mean, lol. The guy's just trying to make you happy. Tell him what works EVEN BETTER than choc and alc nowadays is ... and when he does get the new thing for you, make a big deal about it. Big thank yous and such.0
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Wow!!! I just looked in your food diary and you had chocolate fudge cake for breakfast and then for lunch plus Galaxy Chocolate Counters at dinner!!! You also had it last night too, are you eating the entire cake yourself??? Is this some new diet I never heard of? I'm sorry, I started out so sympathetic but there's a point where you have a slice "for them" when you shouldn't and then there's simply blaming them for eating the entire cake yourself. Must be nice to have someone else to blame.
Seriously, talk to him nicely and if he does it again, remind him nicely that you said you were not going to be eating those things anymore. If he continues doing it over and over, ask him why he's doing it when it's NOT A NICE THING TO DO. And then throw it in the garbage can.
Whatever you do, do not continue taking it with a smile and scarfing it down and then blaming him because you can't lose weight. YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOU.
Looking back further, you have a steady habit of eating sweets and cakes - honey you have a problem for sure, and it is not your husband.0 -
Lucky gurl! ;-) Haven't read all the posts but from the initial post U wrote it seems like he's just being sweet... Just tell him it makes it hard 4 u when he brings those things home & THEN if he keeps doing it you'll know his intentions...0
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Just because it's there does not mean you have to eat it. The only person that can sabotage your weight loss is you.0
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It is possible for partners to not want their partner to lose weight due to some insecurities - but that doesn't sound like the situation here. A husband bringing you food is not sabotage. Just talk to your husband and say you would prefer to avoid temptations like that. Because I have a compulsive eating disorder, I have to ask my partner to keep any things I am likely to binge on out of sight (eg. hidden in the cupboard).
Same here... Don't think it's necessarily binge eating but my husband knows not 2 bring cupcakes or things of that sort home because I'll devour them in 1 sitting! I have a major sweet tooth!0 -
I was moaning today how I had way gone over cals with drinking last night, and moping around with a hangover, he comes home from the supermarket with cider and cheesecake to 'cheer me up'
I have put the cider away for another day or another week.
I took the cheesecake to work with me (overnightshift), and will fit it into my cals somehow.
Last week he bought me Dance Central 3 for kinect to help my exercising, and even joined in with me so I felt less stupid so he gets it right sometimes
He also fished out his old HRM for me - pity it is broken.
Point is sometimes our loved ones are going to get it wrong when trying to help, but their heart is in the right place.
I told him off a little for it in a joke way but if he wants to buy me chocs he will, if I keep them in the fridge he wont buy more until they are gone and I can just have a little treat here and there.
I bought him a huge tin full of chocs back from hol and haven't succumbed to temptation to eat the lot, so willpower grows from within if you have temptations around all the time.
Removing all the treat food from around you will just mean the second it is put there you are not used to resisting so give in and scoff the lot!0 -
Wow!!! I just looked in your food diary and you had chocolate fudge cake for breakfast and then for lunch plus Galaxy Chocolate Counters at dinner!!! You also had it last night too, are you eating the entire cake yourself??? Is this some new diet I never heard of? I'm sorry, I started out so sympathetic but there's a point where you have a slice "for them" when you shouldn't and then there's simply blaming them for eating the entire cake yourself. Must be nice to have someone else to blame.
Seriously, talk to him nicely and if he does it again, remind him nicely that you said you were not going to be eating those things anymore. If he continues doing it over and over, ask him why he's doing it when it's NOT A NICE THING TO DO. And then throw it in the garbage can.
Whatever you do, do not continue taking it with a smile and scarfing it down and then blaming him because you can't lose weight. YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOU.
Looking back further, you have a steady habit of eating sweets and cakes - honey you have a problem for sure, and it is not your husband.
woah. she made me curious, so i looked at your diary, too. your sweet tooth is costing you 1000 calories a day. and if you're drinking alcohol, you're not logging any of it, so that will be in addition to the 1000 calorie surplus over what should be your max. you are eating a ton of chocolate most nights, but you're also eating ice cream cones, cheesecake, high cal fruit cake, 2 quarter pounders and lots of other things he's not buying you. you can still eat what you want, but when you max out your calories, which are already set 600 higher than most people's who are trying to lose weight, and add another 1000 in chocolate and other high sugar desserts, you're sabotaging yourself. it looks like maybe you just started dieting since your diary only goes back a week? try starting anew sunday and log as you eat so that the calories don't get away from you. it's easy to assume it's less than it is and not learn otherwise until everything gets logged at night if you only do it once a day. tomorrow is a new day. fresh start!0 -
I love my husband dearly, we have been together 10 years this year and he loves me no matter what weight I am. The only problem I have at the moment is that I am trying to increase my exercise so that I can loose fat but my husband keeps buying me chocolate and alcohol just when I seem to be getting somewhere. I know he thinks he is being nice and only doing it to de-stress me after a long stressful day, but I really can't say no to chocolate if it is in the house. <snip>
My husband and I have gone through similar issues. They think they are trying to take care of us and make us feel better or celebrate when really they are *unintentionally* sabotaging us. If he is like mine you might be able to get him to change if you tell him enough times. Really *you* need to muster the strength to deal with it.0 -
Wow, after all this today you posted candy for lunch and Chocolate Fudge Cake for dinner. You don't really want to change? Are you tied to a chair right now with your husband force feeding you and recording the food for you?0
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I love my husband dearly, we have been together 10 years this year and he loves me no matter what weight I am. The only problem I have at the moment is that I am trying to increase my exercise so that I can loose fat but my husband keeps buying me chocolate and alcohol just when I seem to be getting somewhere. I know he thinks he is being nice and only doing it to de-stress me after a long stressful day, but I really can't say no to chocolate if it is in the house. For example, He bought me 2 x 140g packs of galaxy counters last night and 3 bottles of cider. I managed to restrain myself from drinking the cider, but I ate one of the packs of chocolate last night and I have just sat here and eaten the other pack because they were there.
I feel really bad as I have been working hard to increase my fitness and if I hadn't been eating junk I would have banked some serious calories, but as it stands, I have probably eaten more than I have burned this week. My main meals have all been healthy planned meals according to my diet, but the extras are the issue.
Seriously?! Count yourself lucky. The last thing my ex bought me was a new ironing board!!!! :huh:0 -
Lots of people we love do not realize that they are sabotaging our success. For me my family has always rewarded me with my favorite food when I am good and also to help me when I am upset. Even after years of tell my grandparents to please put the chocolate away (they leave a candy dish on the kitchen table where I sit all weekend while visiting) they still refuse to move it and say it is not for me but other guests. Not everyone knows how it is to struggle with weight loss. People tend to think that we need to have a great inner strength but I am sorry, as humans with something that gives us pleasure right in front of us it is extremely hard to deny that urge... sometimes even impossible. I told my family recently, that unless they stop putting my temptation right in front of me I will not go visit them. And I have decreased my visits..... it is getting better. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down and say please stop! Please try and just support me and trying to take care of myself. I'm sure your husband is a great man, just let him know your frustrations.!0
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Yep, your husband is totally trying to sabotage your weight loss. :noway:0
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My ex did sabotage my weight loss, even while he would complain I was too fat. He could not handle the changes I was making in my life. He is now marrying someone like I used to be- someone he can control.
I hope that's not your husband's case. I hope that he's just trying to do something nice for you to encourage you. Maybe you could give him a list of things you would like him to do instead of the chocolate.
I can't resist chocolate either, so what I do is bring it to work. It hurts a little to take a whole box of godiva to work for my coworkers to devour but that way I get a bite or two and then the rest of it doesn't end up on my thighs.0 -
hello, I believe if he actually knows you are trying to lose weight exercise more he wouldn't bring you that stuff. My husband knows how important my weight loss is to me, it is even important to him. My husband wouldn't buy me any chocolate for me unless I asked him to. But then again he would probably wonder why I want chocolate with my current mind set, and that is to lose weight. It's best to have a good talk with your husband and besides the flowers go on a nice date together some where fun. Stay in a hotel over night and just hang out together that is better than chocolate any day. Keep logging in your food diary and exercise journal things will change soon just talk to your mate.0
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2. I wouldn't label you as unreasonable and controlling, but rather selfish and disconnected and making excuses for yourself, actually. Sadistically punishing your husband? Maybe; I would say to put that kind of label on things I'd have to know how he felt about it.
You want the food choices in your home to be about you and your issues and your poor impulse control/coping skills and he just has to go along with it. In my home all food is allowed and it is on the individual to deal with their issues. That is my choice, because I've already done the 'I can't have XYZ around me because I'll eat and it just has to be kept away because I have issues and can't stop myself!' thing.
Are you talking about me, or the original poster? Because never have I said what you've stated above. I don't know where you're getting this information about me and my "impulse control" other than making it up to suit your argument.I was 200+ pounds as a teenager. I didn't get there by regarding food in a healthy manner or by having will power, I got there by eating my feelings and wallowing in a pit of self hatred. I let my mother purge the house of anything that she saw as unhealthy (which wasn't much) and I let her make me special meals and she wouldn't let my siblings eat sweets in the house. She coddled me and here I am, ten years later, losing weight again because instead of living in reality and dealing with all the temptation around me, I just had temptation taken away.
That isn't a mistake I'll make again.
Well, I see this is where a lot of your feelings come from. I had no such mother and I lived in a constant world of temptation.
It's your marriage and your husband, so it works for you, but it likely doesn't work for others as the OP suggests.0 -
2. I wouldn't label you as unreasonable and controlling, but rather selfish and disconnected and making excuses for yourself, actually. Sadistically punishing your husband? Maybe; I would say to put that kind of label on things I'd have to know how he felt about it.
You want the food choices in your home to be about you and your issues and your poor impulse control/coping skills and he just has to go along with it. In my home all food is allowed and it is on the individual to deal with their issues. That is my choice, because I've already done the 'I can't have XYZ around me because I'll eat and it just has to be kept away because I have issues and can't stop myself!' thing.
Are you talking about me, or the original poster? Because never have I said what you've stated above. I don't know where you're getting this information about me and my "impulse control" other than making it up to suit your argument.I was 200+ pounds as a teenager. I didn't get there by regarding food in a healthy manner or by having will power, I got there by eating my feelings and wallowing in a pit of self hatred. I let my mother purge the house of anything that she saw as unhealthy (which wasn't much) and I let her make me special meals and she wouldn't let my siblings eat sweets in the house. She coddled me and here I am, ten years later, losing weight again because instead of living in reality and dealing with all the temptation around me, I just had temptation taken away.
That isn't a mistake I'll make again.
Well, I see this is where a lot of your feelings come from. I had no such mother and I lived in a constant world of temptation.
It's your marriage and your husband, so it works for you, but it likely doesn't work for others as the OP suggests.
I dare say the OP is much too busy eating fudge cake that I'm sure she failed to mention her husband buying her because surely she didn't buy it herself, as he's the one doing all sabotaging, to care much what works for others.
I would like to note the irony of you calling me out for supposed assumptions made about you when you were the one who first made assumptions about my husband (selfish and disconnected) and the excuses you assume I make for him. I simply made a judgement based on how I perceive you based on your words, much as you made about me I'm sure.0 -
We're (for the most part) bashing on someone who is asking for advice. I don't think that's fair. If she was able to immediately say no, or have one bite and save the rest, she WOULD NOT HAVE POSTED. : )
I think...if we assume the husband is not trying to sabotage, and that she knows this is a problem and is working on it...but isn't THERE yet, the chocolate does sabotage her. How many of us did not do a pantry purge at some point during this journey? Find a way to keep our snacks separate from our families' snacks? We did not wake up able to avoid our triggers.
For me...I have lost significant weight twice in my life. This time, I am blessed with a BF who snacks mostly on foods I wouldn't have touched at any time in my life. He eats salads with me, and reminds me if I have a few drinks to check my calories. He treats me. With things like my fitbit. Or new clothes that don't quite fit yet so that I can have something to aim toward. I liked the idea someone said about asking for other things for treats...snacks you like, a new dress, a new yoga mat...whatever.
The first time, my ex knew my triggers. He did really well for the most part, and I did too...But occasionally, there would be the gesture treats. Something that I love, but don't have very often. For my 25th birthday he got me an enormous box of this expensive chocolate that I love. I cried. It's the one thing I knew I could not say no to. As I sobbed, and he sat there bewildered...I told him that it hurt that I was working so hard, and he was bringing this into the house. I told him I would have loved a tiny package of this, to savor and enjoy. But this big box belonged to Pandora. All the evils in the food world I'd been avoiding until I was stronger. We made a deal. He kept the chocolates hidden, and would bring me ONE when he wanted to give me something special to cheer me up. Or if I asked for it. One didn't break my diet. It did not tempt me. And as I progressed on my journey, I got stronger. I could look past the cakes and cookies and ice cream, and yes, even the dreaded chocolates. I did eventually get to the place where I could have what I wanted to, and say no to the rest. But if the OP can't right now, she can't. She obviously realizes this is a problem and is working on it, but hasn't gotten to that place yet. How dare anyone judge someone else's weakness? We all have them.
This is supposed to be a place of support.
Wow! Thank you for your support xx0 -
I just wanted to say that I agree with everyone who has slated me for eating the crappy foods, and yes you are right, I did make the cake myself and as I am the only one in the household who liked the beetroot choc cake, I felt obliged to eat it all then start again once it had all gone, but you are right and I realised what I was doing yesterday. A hard lesson learned, but I did throw away the remaining cake yesterday and managed to get through the whole day without eating any chocolate!
I made the cake because I had grown the beetroot in my allotment and didn't know what to make with it, so i looked up recipies online and that one jumped out at me as delicious! (no surprise there) In heindseight, I should have made something less delicious (to me anyway) and something more healthy.
I have spoken to hubby and he has agreed not to ask me if I want choc any more and not to buy me any choc gifts. I love him dearly and I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but you have shown me that tbf I was the one who was sabotaging my own weight loss and thank you for showing me this. I also have realised that yes, I do have a problem with sweet foods and I have to address this. I don't tend to buy it in, but the baking has got to stop.0 -
No, your husband is not trying to sabatoge your weight loss.
As previous posters have said, just because its in the house doesn't mean you have to eat it.
I eat whatever I want in moderation of course. If my cals don't allow for it that day I work out so they will. And if I didn't want to work out that day well then I didn't want that food that bad.
Be thankful that your husband does this nice gesture for you. Don't overthink it. He's being a good husband. Maybe just eat some of the chocolate and put the rest away for another day. Same goes with the cider, drink some then save the rest for another day.0
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