Is my husband sabotaging my weight loss? HELP!
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I love my husband dearly, we have been together 10 years this year and he loves me no matter what weight I am. The only problem I have at the moment is that I am trying to increase my exercise so that I can loose fat but my husband keeps buying me chocolate and alcohol just when I seem to be getting somewhere. I know he thinks he is being nice and only doing it to de-stress me after a long stressful day, but I really can't say no to chocolate if it is in the house. For example, He bought me 2 x 140g packs of galaxy counters last night and 3 bottles of cider. I managed to restrain myself from drinking the cider, but I ate one of the packs of chocolate last night and I have just sat here and eaten the other pack because they were there.
I feel really bad as I have been working hard to increase my fitness and if I hadn't been eating junk I would have banked some serious calories, but as it stands, I have probably eaten more than I have burned this week. My main meals have all been healthy planned meals according to my diet, but the extras are the issue.
Seriously?! Count yourself lucky. The last thing my ex bought me was a new ironing board!!!! :huh:0 -
Lots of people we love do not realize that they are sabotaging our success. For me my family has always rewarded me with my favorite food when I am good and also to help me when I am upset. Even after years of tell my grandparents to please put the chocolate away (they leave a candy dish on the kitchen table where I sit all weekend while visiting) they still refuse to move it and say it is not for me but other guests. Not everyone knows how it is to struggle with weight loss. People tend to think that we need to have a great inner strength but I am sorry, as humans with something that gives us pleasure right in front of us it is extremely hard to deny that urge... sometimes even impossible. I told my family recently, that unless they stop putting my temptation right in front of me I will not go visit them. And I have decreased my visits..... it is getting better. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down and say please stop! Please try and just support me and trying to take care of myself. I'm sure your husband is a great man, just let him know your frustrations.!0
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Yep, your husband is totally trying to sabotage your weight loss. :noway:0
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My ex did sabotage my weight loss, even while he would complain I was too fat. He could not handle the changes I was making in my life. He is now marrying someone like I used to be- someone he can control.
I hope that's not your husband's case. I hope that he's just trying to do something nice for you to encourage you. Maybe you could give him a list of things you would like him to do instead of the chocolate.
I can't resist chocolate either, so what I do is bring it to work. It hurts a little to take a whole box of godiva to work for my coworkers to devour but that way I get a bite or two and then the rest of it doesn't end up on my thighs.0 -
hello, I believe if he actually knows you are trying to lose weight exercise more he wouldn't bring you that stuff. My husband knows how important my weight loss is to me, it is even important to him. My husband wouldn't buy me any chocolate for me unless I asked him to. But then again he would probably wonder why I want chocolate with my current mind set, and that is to lose weight. It's best to have a good talk with your husband and besides the flowers go on a nice date together some where fun. Stay in a hotel over night and just hang out together that is better than chocolate any day. Keep logging in your food diary and exercise journal things will change soon just talk to your mate.0
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2. I wouldn't label you as unreasonable and controlling, but rather selfish and disconnected and making excuses for yourself, actually. Sadistically punishing your husband? Maybe; I would say to put that kind of label on things I'd have to know how he felt about it.
You want the food choices in your home to be about you and your issues and your poor impulse control/coping skills and he just has to go along with it. In my home all food is allowed and it is on the individual to deal with their issues. That is my choice, because I've already done the 'I can't have XYZ around me because I'll eat and it just has to be kept away because I have issues and can't stop myself!' thing.
Are you talking about me, or the original poster? Because never have I said what you've stated above. I don't know where you're getting this information about me and my "impulse control" other than making it up to suit your argument.I was 200+ pounds as a teenager. I didn't get there by regarding food in a healthy manner or by having will power, I got there by eating my feelings and wallowing in a pit of self hatred. I let my mother purge the house of anything that she saw as unhealthy (which wasn't much) and I let her make me special meals and she wouldn't let my siblings eat sweets in the house. She coddled me and here I am, ten years later, losing weight again because instead of living in reality and dealing with all the temptation around me, I just had temptation taken away.
That isn't a mistake I'll make again.
Well, I see this is where a lot of your feelings come from. I had no such mother and I lived in a constant world of temptation.
It's your marriage and your husband, so it works for you, but it likely doesn't work for others as the OP suggests.0 -
2. I wouldn't label you as unreasonable and controlling, but rather selfish and disconnected and making excuses for yourself, actually. Sadistically punishing your husband? Maybe; I would say to put that kind of label on things I'd have to know how he felt about it.
You want the food choices in your home to be about you and your issues and your poor impulse control/coping skills and he just has to go along with it. In my home all food is allowed and it is on the individual to deal with their issues. That is my choice, because I've already done the 'I can't have XYZ around me because I'll eat and it just has to be kept away because I have issues and can't stop myself!' thing.
Are you talking about me, or the original poster? Because never have I said what you've stated above. I don't know where you're getting this information about me and my "impulse control" other than making it up to suit your argument.I was 200+ pounds as a teenager. I didn't get there by regarding food in a healthy manner or by having will power, I got there by eating my feelings and wallowing in a pit of self hatred. I let my mother purge the house of anything that she saw as unhealthy (which wasn't much) and I let her make me special meals and she wouldn't let my siblings eat sweets in the house. She coddled me and here I am, ten years later, losing weight again because instead of living in reality and dealing with all the temptation around me, I just had temptation taken away.
That isn't a mistake I'll make again.
Well, I see this is where a lot of your feelings come from. I had no such mother and I lived in a constant world of temptation.
It's your marriage and your husband, so it works for you, but it likely doesn't work for others as the OP suggests.
I dare say the OP is much too busy eating fudge cake that I'm sure she failed to mention her husband buying her because surely she didn't buy it herself, as he's the one doing all sabotaging, to care much what works for others.
I would like to note the irony of you calling me out for supposed assumptions made about you when you were the one who first made assumptions about my husband (selfish and disconnected) and the excuses you assume I make for him. I simply made a judgement based on how I perceive you based on your words, much as you made about me I'm sure.0 -
We're (for the most part) bashing on someone who is asking for advice. I don't think that's fair. If she was able to immediately say no, or have one bite and save the rest, she WOULD NOT HAVE POSTED. : )
I think...if we assume the husband is not trying to sabotage, and that she knows this is a problem and is working on it...but isn't THERE yet, the chocolate does sabotage her. How many of us did not do a pantry purge at some point during this journey? Find a way to keep our snacks separate from our families' snacks? We did not wake up able to avoid our triggers.
For me...I have lost significant weight twice in my life. This time, I am blessed with a BF who snacks mostly on foods I wouldn't have touched at any time in my life. He eats salads with me, and reminds me if I have a few drinks to check my calories. He treats me. With things like my fitbit. Or new clothes that don't quite fit yet so that I can have something to aim toward. I liked the idea someone said about asking for other things for treats...snacks you like, a new dress, a new yoga mat...whatever.
The first time, my ex knew my triggers. He did really well for the most part, and I did too...But occasionally, there would be the gesture treats. Something that I love, but don't have very often. For my 25th birthday he got me an enormous box of this expensive chocolate that I love. I cried. It's the one thing I knew I could not say no to. As I sobbed, and he sat there bewildered...I told him that it hurt that I was working so hard, and he was bringing this into the house. I told him I would have loved a tiny package of this, to savor and enjoy. But this big box belonged to Pandora. All the evils in the food world I'd been avoiding until I was stronger. We made a deal. He kept the chocolates hidden, and would bring me ONE when he wanted to give me something special to cheer me up. Or if I asked for it. One didn't break my diet. It did not tempt me. And as I progressed on my journey, I got stronger. I could look past the cakes and cookies and ice cream, and yes, even the dreaded chocolates. I did eventually get to the place where I could have what I wanted to, and say no to the rest. But if the OP can't right now, she can't. She obviously realizes this is a problem and is working on it, but hasn't gotten to that place yet. How dare anyone judge someone else's weakness? We all have them.
This is supposed to be a place of support.
Wow! Thank you for your support xx0 -
I just wanted to say that I agree with everyone who has slated me for eating the crappy foods, and yes you are right, I did make the cake myself and as I am the only one in the household who liked the beetroot choc cake, I felt obliged to eat it all then start again once it had all gone, but you are right and I realised what I was doing yesterday. A hard lesson learned, but I did throw away the remaining cake yesterday and managed to get through the whole day without eating any chocolate!
I made the cake because I had grown the beetroot in my allotment and didn't know what to make with it, so i looked up recipies online and that one jumped out at me as delicious! (no surprise there) In heindseight, I should have made something less delicious (to me anyway) and something more healthy.
I have spoken to hubby and he has agreed not to ask me if I want choc any more and not to buy me any choc gifts. I love him dearly and I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but you have shown me that tbf I was the one who was sabotaging my own weight loss and thank you for showing me this. I also have realised that yes, I do have a problem with sweet foods and I have to address this. I don't tend to buy it in, but the baking has got to stop.0 -
No, your husband is not trying to sabatoge your weight loss.
As previous posters have said, just because its in the house doesn't mean you have to eat it.
I eat whatever I want in moderation of course. If my cals don't allow for it that day I work out so they will. And if I didn't want to work out that day well then I didn't want that food that bad.
Be thankful that your husband does this nice gesture for you. Don't overthink it. He's being a good husband. Maybe just eat some of the chocolate and put the rest away for another day. Same goes with the cider, drink some then save the rest for another day.0 -
In your diary have a look.
Every single day you are over in calories, over in carbs, over in fat, over in sugar, over in sat fats...... yet way under in protein.
Why is that? More protein. Less 'junk'. What's with the cream? 194 cals of cream? Ummmmm ewww. I can feel that coating my throat & stomach just thinking about it. Ease up on the treats. You don't eat anywhere near enough good stuff....fruits, vegetables, nuts. Make the most of the calories you have.
Nobody (I hope) is trying to make you feel bad or put you down.... just trying to make you see what we all have learnt over the months/years doing it ourselves.0 -
In your diary have a look.
Every single day you are over in calories, over in carbs, over in fat, over in sugar, over in sat fats...... yet way under in protein.
Why is that? More protein. Less 'junk'. What's with the cream? 194 cals of cream? Ummmmm ewww. I can feel that coating my throat & stomach just thinking about it. Ease up on the treats. You don't eat anywhere near enough good stuff....fruits, vegetables, nuts. Make the most of the calories you have.
Nobody (I hope) is trying to make you feel bad or put you down.... just trying to make you see what we all have learnt over the months/years doing it ourselves.
I was substituting milk with cream as I was trying the low carb diet.0 -
You really dont understand how bad food poisons your body and mind until you cut yourself free of it.
the food shaming inherent in so-called "clean eating" is nonsense. utter nonsense.
yep0 -
OP, you don't have to justify your eating. You ate chocolate cake. It's not a big deal. Plenty of people on here regularly eat ice cream, chips and hamburgers.
You came asking a question and are being remarkably patient with those not being particularly polite.0 -
OP, you don't have to justify your eating. You ate chocolate cake. It's not a big deal. Plenty of people on here regularly eat ice cream, chips and hamburgers.
You came asking a question and are being remarkably patient with those not being particularly polite.
But you can't complain about somebody giving you chocolate & then turn around & eat an entire cake for days just because you didnt want it to go to waste after you made it. People who eat it don't normally have the right to complain about eating it or about others giving it to them because it comes down to them eating it.0 -
Hello!
What about asking for small individual portions of dark chocolate instead? So rather than a whole slab/ bag, he just brings you a small portion - that way you get good chocolate, and he feels happy because he can treat you? You'll feel happy because it's a small portion, so you won't feel guilty and it's easier to work it into your diet - and eating one portion every now and then isn't going to derail you completely.
Otherwise, I would always appreciate flowers or bubble bath or something from my hubby if he feels like spoiling me. Believe me, I know how hard it is hun - my husband does the same (chocolate biscuits!! Two "evils" combined!!) and then says the same thing "I am not making you eat it" - it's horrid!0 -
Your husband isn't sabotaging anything. You are sabotaging yourself and using your husband as an excuse. Own up to your actions - You don't HAVE to eat the chocolate he buys you.0
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In your diary have a look.
Every single day you are over in calories, over in carbs, over in fat, over in sugar, over in sat fats...... yet way under in protein.
Why is that? More protein. Less 'junk'. What's with the cream? 194 cals of cream? Ummmmm ewww. I can feel that coating my throat & stomach just thinking about it. Ease up on the treats. You don't eat anywhere near enough good stuff....fruits, vegetables, nuts. Make the most of the calories you have.
Nobody (I hope) is trying to make you feel bad or put you down.... just trying to make you see what we all have learnt over the months/years doing it ourselves.
I was substituting milk with cream as I was trying the low carb diet.
Honestly, I get so confused over this milk/ cream issue - paleo (or is it primal?) and atkins/ low carb say cream, then everyone else says fat free milk and it just gets overwhelming!0 -
In your diary have a look.
Every single day you are over in calories, over in carbs, over in fat, over in sugar, over in sat fats...... yet way under in protein.
Why is that? More protein. Less 'junk'. What's with the cream? 194 cals of cream? Ummmmm ewww. I can feel that coating my throat & stomach just thinking about it. Ease up on the treats. You don't eat anywhere near enough good stuff....fruits, vegetables, nuts. Make the most of the calories you have.
Nobody (I hope) is trying to make you feel bad or put you down.... just trying to make you see what we all have learnt over the months/years doing it ourselves.
I was substituting milk with cream as I was trying the low carb diet.
Honestly, I get so confused over this milk/ cream issue - paleo (or is it primal?) and atkins/ low carb say cream, then everyone else says fat free milk and it just gets overwhelming!
Do what works for you.0 -
In your diary have a look.
Every single day you are over in calories, over in carbs, over in fat, over in sugar, over in sat fats...... yet way under in protein.
Why is that? More protein. Less 'junk'. What's with the cream? 194 cals of cream? Ummmmm ewww. I can feel that coating my throat & stomach just thinking about it. Ease up on the treats. You don't eat anywhere near enough good stuff....fruits, vegetables, nuts. Make the most of the calories you have.
Nobody (I hope) is trying to make you feel bad or put you down.... just trying to make you see what we all have learnt over the months/years doing it ourselves.
I was substituting milk with cream as I was trying the low carb diet.
Honestly, I get so confused over this milk/ cream issue - paleo (or is it primal?) and atkins/ low carb say cream, then everyone else says fat free milk and it just gets overwhelming!
Hi Squishy,
I have been following atkins for a while and have felt healthier for it. I have been eating whole foods instead of processed mixed foods, but I am unsure if it worked which is why I decided to come onto MFP to see if I could look a little closer at my diet. I know my diary looks bad because it just happened at the wrong time with hubby buying chocs and me baking a choc cake lol I know it sounds like an excuse, but before I logged on to here, I was following the Atkins quite strictly and it did work for me health and energy wise, but I just wasn't loosing the weight.
I haven't reacted strongly to the people who have slammed me for my diary because I agree with them for the last week, but I didn't want to lie about what I had eaten just so people didn't have a go at me, afterall, isn't that what MFP is for? keeping honest records?
Re Low carb diet, all I can say is that in my experience, my body feels better for eating low carb food, even though it does look higher in fat and protein. cream is definately better for me than milk, but maybe this is not the case for everyone.
Anyway, it is a new day and I am back on track and have no more sweet stuff left in the house, so hopefully the people who have an issue with me on here will see a better picture of what I am all about
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I wouldn't take it this way, it sounds like he's doing what he can to be nice. In his own mind it makes perfect sense.
My boyfriend does something similar. I'm a sugar junkie so I am pretty strict about not having candy/ chocolate etc at home. Sometimes he'll get home and have a chocolate bar or a bag of m&ms and a bottle of wine. I put all the treats in a big jar that's hidden so I wasn't constantly reminded of it. A few weeks pass and he comments, don't I like candy any more.
I explained to him that some of those things have the same calorie counts as an entire meal so I was saving them for emergencies. He says I'm too hard on myself but then next time he gets home, he gets a small pack of treat-size chocolates. "They're under 100 calories, I thought you could take them into work if you wanted to take something sweet for lunch."
More than any grand gesture, stuff like this makes me realise he's a keeper. So glad I didn't go nuts at him at the beginning, I had no idea that it was him being a sweetheart. Also, best thing you can do... steel your resolve not to touch them. Consider it training for all the resisting-sugar you'll be doing at birthdays, work lunches, thanksgiving etc...0 -
As a former binger and "food addict" for years, I just wanted to say it is possible to learn moderation. I never thought I would be one to be able to eat just one serving of anything yummy, but now I do it all the time. When my husband buys me yummy treats (once in awhile) I will have 1 serving of that a day. I also have received big boxes of chocolate. But now those boxes take me 1-2 months or more to eat.
Take 3 chocolates out (or whatever is a serving), close box, eat it and log it Don't go back for more. I'm not saying it's easy, but if you are tough with yourself it will get easier over time. I try to set aside 20% of my daily calories for treats. Just budget it in! 0 -
As a former binger and "food addict" for years, I just wanted to say it is possible to learn moderation. I never thought I would be one to be able to eat just one serving of anything yummy, but now I do it all the time. When my husband buys me yummy treats (once in awhile) I will have 1 serving of that a day. I also have received big boxes of chocolate. But now those boxes take me 1-2 months or more to eat.
Take 3 chocolates out (or whatever is a serving), close box, eat it and log it Don't go back for more. I'm not saying it's easy, but if you are tough with yourself it will get easier over time. I try to set aside 20% of my daily calories for treats. Just budget it in!
I like the idea of 20% for treats0 -
The only way your husband could be sabotaging you is if he was sitting on your chest shoving food down your throat. otherwise you are sabotaging yourself.0
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The only way your husband could be sabotaging you is if he was sitting on your chest shoving food down your throat. otherwise you are sabotaging yourself.
This. Not because it's in the house that you have to eat it.
We are all adults here and we are responsible for our actions, no one esle is (unless it's forced down your throat0 -
but I really can't say no to chocolate if it is in the house.
thats just silly.0 -
Sabotage would entail your husband sneaking things into your food. Perhaps baking a giant chocolate bar into a meatloaf, or filling the salt shaker with sugar.
He's just being nice. Eat the treats, or don't.
If it helps, you can send the galaxy counters to other MFPers in the USA. Maybe some smarties if it's handy.0 -
but I really can't say no to chocolate if it is in the house.
thats just silly.
silly but honest0 -
Is your husband overweight? Does he eat or choose to eat healthy. I myself never had a weight issue but i started "OUR" diet for my wife she is over 100lbs overweight and i figured this would be the best way to inspire her. Eating clean changed my whole outlook on life itself. You really dont understand how bad food poisons your body and mind until you cut yourself free of it. When my wife was quitting smoking years ago i would offer to buy her smokes because i saw she was in pain. That might just be what he is picking up from you at times? My personal belief is that, unless everyone in the house is on board, someone is going to tip the ship so to speak.
Yeah, no.
I do just fine eating my southwest salad while my husband eats his bacon cheese burger or my 6 ounce steak while he eats two six ounce steaks or my one serving of ice cream to his two...or four. He doesn't have to change his habits because I changed mine.
^^THIS nailed it!!!!0 -
willpower.......honestly you either have it or you don't. I don't like blaming other people for my struggles.0
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