WHY do people CHEAT?

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  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,367 Member
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    dunenoret wrote: »
    Are we as mammals designed to be monogamous?

    We're the only mammal that spends 13-odd years of its life in the school system so I think we've moved a bit beyond the others at this point. I doubt formal education was part of nature's original design plan either.
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
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    dunenoret wrote: »
    Are we as mammals designed to be monogamous?

    “designed”?

    ya like maybe the aliens that colonized the planet wanted the monkeys to eventually develop a society that gave tax breaks and/or better divorce settlements if u didn’t cheat like macaroni penguins and gibbons

    I laughed too hard at this. :laugh: I should feel bad, but I don't.
  • AmbitiousButRubbish
    AmbitiousButRubbish Posts: 246 Member
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    @Keep_on_cardio Good luck and hope some good times are in your near future.
  • Reckoner68
    Reckoner68 Posts: 2,139 Member
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    Would you like to come up to my flat and see my etchings?
  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
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    s131951 wrote: »
    GaryRuns wrote: »
    Maybe human beings are not made to be with just one person. Are we?

    I think human beings are complex enough that you can't use a blanket statement about our sexual behavior. Some people are undoubtedly well suited to monogamy, some people undoubtedly are not. You probably need to view it the way a lot of people are starting to view sexual preference, on a sliding scale. Some people are straight, some people are gay, and some people are in between. In a similar way, some people are monogamous, some are polygamous, and some are in between.

    Personally, in my life, I've really tried to get to a point where I don't judge anybody that's not doing something illegal. I personally think cheating is wrong, but I can't put out a blanket statement like "Everyone who cheats is a bad person." I've made far too many mistakes in my own life to judge anyone else.

    I agree. For some monogamy is what works and what they want. For others, not. Ultimately it comes down to know oneself and communicating as best you can with others.

    This makes alot of sense to me. It seems like people experience love differently. I have never experienced the hard, fast falling in love you read about in books and see in movies all the time. If that is a reality for some people I can see how it might be easy to have that happen and get lead into an affair even if you weren't specifically looking for one. My personal experience with love is it is a process, I can't personally see falling suddenly so head over heels in love with someone it could lead me into an affair. Since marrying my husband I have experienced two friend/coworker relationships that felt like they were heading into a more elevated state, but since the process is slow for me I was able to see the signs and remove those relationships before they became a problem.
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
    edited October 2019
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    edit bc i’m supposed to be nice

    Dang, missed it again! :laugh:
    s131951 wrote: »
    GaryRuns wrote: »
    Maybe human beings are not made to be with just one person. Are we?

    I think human beings are complex enough that you can't use a blanket statement about our sexual behavior. Some people are undoubtedly well suited to monogamy, some people undoubtedly are not. You probably need to view it the way a lot of people are starting to view sexual preference, on a sliding scale. Some people are straight, some people are gay, and some people are in between. In a similar way, some people are monogamous, some are polygamous, and some are in between.

    Personally, in my life, I've really tried to get to a point where I don't judge anybody that's not doing something illegal. I personally think cheating is wrong, but I can't put out a blanket statement like "Everyone who cheats is a bad person." I've made far too many mistakes in my own life to judge anyone else.

    I agree. For some monogamy is what works and what they want. For others, not. Ultimately it comes down to know oneself and communicating as best you can with others.

    This makes alot of sense to me. It seems like people experience love differently. I have never experienced the hard, fast falling in love you read about in books and see in movies all the time. If that is a reality for some people I can see how it might be easy to have that happen and get lead into an affair even if you weren't specifically looking for one. My personal experience with love is it is a process, I can't personally see falling suddenly so head over heels in love with someone it could lead me into an affair. Since marrying my husband I have experienced two friend/coworker relationships that felt like they were heading into a more elevated state, but since the process is slow for me I was able to see the signs and remove those relationships before they became a problem.

    Likewise. I've never had that "head over heels" experience. I have to warm up, trust and very slowly open up to someone. I have also realized that I am capable of loving more than one person at a time and that it is genuine. It does not diminish how I feel about someone else I already love, however.
  • Reckoner68
    Reckoner68 Posts: 2,139 Member
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    edit bc i’m supposed to be nice

    Dang, missed it again! :laugh:
    s131951 wrote: »
    GaryRuns wrote: »
    Maybe human beings are not made to be with just one person. Are we?

    I think human beings are complex enough that you can't use a blanket statement about our sexual behavior. Some people are undoubtedly well suited to monogamy, some people undoubtedly are not. You probably need to view it the way a lot of people are starting to view sexual preference, on a sliding scale. Some people are straight, some people are gay, and some people are in between. In a similar way, some people are monogamous, some are polygamous, and some are in between.

    Personally, in my life, I've really tried to get to a point where I don't judge anybody that's not doing something illegal. I personally think cheating is wrong, but I can't put out a blanket statement like "Everyone who cheats is a bad person." I've made far too many mistakes in my own life to judge anyone else.

    I agree. For some monogamy is what works and what they want. For others, not. Ultimately it comes down to know oneself and communicating as best you can with others.

    This makes alot of sense to me. It seems like people experience love differently. I have never experienced the hard, fast falling in love you read about in books and see in movies all the time. If that is a reality for some people I can see how it might be easy to have that happen and get lead into an affair even if you weren't specifically looking for one. My personal experience with love is it is a process, I can't personally see falling suddenly so head over heels in love with someone it could lead me into an affair. Since marrying my husband I have experienced two friend/coworker relationships that felt like they were heading into a more elevated state, but since the process is slow for me I was able to see the signs and remove those relationships before they became a problem.

    Likewise. I've never had that "head over heels" experience. I have to warm up, trust and very slowly open up to someone. I have also realized that I am capable of loving more than one person at a time and that it is genuine. It does not diminish how I feel about someone else I already love, however.

    We should start a “we miss everything” club

    Sign-ups end October 16
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,497 Member
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    Reckoner68 wrote: »
    Would you like to come up to my flat and see my etchings?

    ... you don't have to ask me twice, sailor.
  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
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    edit bc i’m supposed to be nice

    Dang, missed it again! :laugh:
    s131951 wrote: »
    GaryRuns wrote: »
    Maybe human beings are not made to be with just one person. Are we?

    I think human beings are complex enough that you can't use a blanket statement about our sexual behavior. Some people are undoubtedly well suited to monogamy, some people undoubtedly are not. You probably need to view it the way a lot of people are starting to view sexual preference, on a sliding scale. Some people are straight, some people are gay, and some people are in between. In a similar way, some people are monogamous, some are polygamous, and some are in between.

    Personally, in my life, I've really tried to get to a point where I don't judge anybody that's not doing something illegal. I personally think cheating is wrong, but I can't put out a blanket statement like "Everyone who cheats is a bad person." I've made far too many mistakes in my own life to judge anyone else.

    I agree. For some monogamy is what works and what they want. For others, not. Ultimately it comes down to know oneself and communicating as best you can with others.

    This makes alot of sense to me. It seems like people experience love differently. I have never experienced the hard, fast falling in love you read about in books and see in movies all the time. If that is a reality for some people I can see how it might be easy to have that happen and get lead into an affair even if you weren't specifically looking for one. My personal experience with love is it is a process, I can't personally see falling suddenly so head over heels in love with someone it could lead me into an affair. Since marrying my husband I have experienced two friend/coworker relationships that felt like they were heading into a more elevated state, but since the process is slow for me I was able to see the signs and remove those relationships before they became a problem.

    Likewise. I've never had that "head over heels" experience. I have to warm up, trust and very slowly open up to someone. I have also realized that I am capable of loving more than one person at a time and that it is genuine. It does not diminish how I feel about someone else I already love, however.

    That makes sense. Sometimes new people and experiences change how we feel about others, but not always. I can see loving more than one partner, we already love lots of different people in different ways in our lives (parents, spouse/SO, children, friends)
  • Finishiitnow
    Finishiitnow Posts: 896 Member
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    drjoe68 wrote: »
    I don’t know what is the motivation behind the cheating, however I know the outcome of being cheated on. I was married for almost 19 years before I finally decided I had enough of being cheated on. I don’t regret it, should have done it sooner. The problem, however, is what that did to me. After the divorce, I met a really good person and we had very strong chemistry from the start. I mean immediately! We went out on and off for almost a year and a half. We would have crazy passion when we got together followed by a heated break-up. She has told me several times that she loves me, and that really scared me. Having been cheated on several times, I don’t know if I can ever trust again, if I can ever love again. That is what results from cheating, pain and abolished trust. I really and truly wish this person happiness and hope she finds someone that will love her as she loves him. You are always in my mind.

    Dear reader, While I was going through your response, tears came to my eyes.
    The narrative is beautiful and meaningful.
    When I wrote this post, I was remembering the broken heart of the man that was capable of making me feel like a teenager again. I was singing in the shower, renewing my closet and challenging myself to do tons of new adventures with him. I tried to fixed that broken beautiful piece. With no success! I thought maybe that the fitness members here could help him.

    After reading the many responses in this post, I recognized that I won't be able to understand why she cheated 😔, and I may not be able to get you in the same shape but I promise you that with every broken piece we can make a new original and authentic you. Your Picasso fan! AG
  • johnbtay3
    johnbtay3 Posts: 170 Member
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    I think sometimes to change things up and the excitement. A lot of people that have a family, their lives become boring and routine. It's an outlet for something more exciting.
  • XxFunctionalStrengthxX
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    drjoe68 wrote: »
    I don’t know what is the motivation behind the cheating, however I know the outcome of being cheated on. I was married for almost 19 years before I finally decided I had enough of being cheated on. I don’t regret it, should have done it sooner. The problem, however, is what that did to me. After the divorce, I met a really good person and we had very strong chemistry from the start. I mean immediately! We went out on and off for almost a year and a half. We would have crazy passion when we got together followed by a heated break-up. She has told me several times that she loves me, and that really scared me. Having been cheated on several times, I don’t know if I can ever trust again, if I can ever love again. That is what results from cheating, pain and abolished trust. I really and truly wish this person happiness and hope she finds someone that will love her as she loves him. You are always in my mind.

    Dear reader, While I was going through your response, tears came to my eyes.
    The narrative is beautiful and meaningful.
    When I wrote this post, I was remembering the broken heart of the man that was capable of making me feel like a teenager again. I was singing in the shower, renewing my closet and challenging myself to do tons of new adventures with him. I tried to fixed that broken beautiful piece. With no success! I thought maybe that the fitness members here could help him.

    After reading the many responses in this post, I recognized that I won't be able to understand why she cheated 😔, and I may not be able to get you in the same shape but I promise you that with every broken piece we can make a new original and authentic you. Your Picasso fan! AG

    Sometimes people are too broken to be mended by another so soon after. When you're a "rebound" for someone, it can be just as devastating as the initial. Sometimes worse.

    From my own experiences of having been cheated on multiple times, from multiple people, it makes it very difficult to trust others. Especially when it occurred over the course of years, along with other things that occurred in the relationships.

    Many of us are broken and mended multiple times over. The scars are the glue, a reminder of being imperfect while searching for a type of perfection which doesn't exist except in fairytales and lore.
  • vanityy99
    vanityy99 Posts: 2,583 Member
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    johnbtay3 wrote: »
    I think sometimes to change things up and the excitement. A lot of people that have a family, their lives become boring and routine. It's an outlet for something more exciting.

    I heard that men want their wives to act like their girlfriends still. I didn’t really understand that until I read this comment...
  • XxFunctionalStrengthxX
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    vanityy99 wrote: »
    johnbtay3 wrote: »
    I think sometimes to change things up and the excitement. A lot of people that have a family, their lives become boring and routine. It's an outlet for something more exciting.

    I heard that men want their wives to act like their girlfriends still. I didn’t really understand that until I read this comment...

    It isn't just men, as I hear it a lot from women too. Another site I'm on, the sheer volume of women who are in a relationship (married or otherwise) talking about how boring their lives are and how pathetic their husband/BF are. Yet, when asked why they don't leave if they're unhappy, they don't want to give up what they already have.