WHY do people CHEAT?
Finishiitnow
Posts: 896 Member
According to an article I just read...
We cheat to feel alive and to expand our sense of self desire....your thoughts???!!
We cheat to feel alive and to expand our sense of self desire....your thoughts???!!
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I think my ex definitely loved me to the best of his ability to love. His parents taught him that you get more attention when you mess up. He was looking for my attention. Now he is a sad old recovering alcoholic. I don’t know if he ever found enough love or attention.13
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Maybe because people are afraid to speak the truth and to say what they really want.8
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your_future_ex_wife wrote: »Maybe because people are afraid to speak the truth and to say what they really want.
..... or for the Holiday Inn Express points ?
They have one of the best reward programs in the business.17 -
I think cheating on your partner makes you the lowest form of pond scum on earth, especially when you use the old "it just happened" excuse.
If you're not happy with your partner, put on your damn big girl or big guy panties and tell them. Either fix things or end them.
For those guilty parties, remember this. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.49 -
I think cheating on your partner makes you the lowest form of pond scum on earth, especially when you use the old "it just happened" excuse.
If you're not happy with your partner, put on your damn big girl or big guy panties and tell them. Either fix things or end them.
For those guilty parties, remember this. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.
This x 10010 -
I think cheating on your partner makes you the lowest form of pond scum on earth, especially when you use the old "it just happened" excuse.
If you're not happy with your partner, put on your damn big girl or big guy panties and tell them. Either fix things or end them.
For those guilty parties, remember this. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.
i disagree19 -
I agree that if they cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you. Most of the time, because whatever makes them cheat is usually within them, or about them, their moral code, or their particular emptiness they’re trying to fill, or whatever. Sometimes it’s the current situation.22
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I have no idea honestly...I have never and I don't think anyone has on me....I can imagine it being extremely difficult for all parties and would hope that if someone I was with was contemplating it, they would tell me first so I could prepare ...but maybe that's part of it....they want their cake and to eat it too....or maybe they are missing something and unhappy but feel trapped...regardless its a tough subject that I don't really like to think about nor could I do it...I stayed in a very bad place for years because it was the right thing to do I thought....and if I had met someone then, who knows...I'd like to think I wouldn't but I'm not going to judge anyone else and since I can't speak on my own behalf I just wanted to add....I'm sure its easy to blame and name call...but unless you are dealing with it....we really don't know right?
I will say this my heart breaks for those who have gone thru it and have been blindsided by a cheating partner...I think there are few other things that would hurt as badly. Its really a sucky situation and perhaps communication is the only thing that would stop something like that....welp! hugs and hope no one is dealing with this...if you are..there is nothing absolutely nothing wrong or lacking in you....its the cheater who has the issues....its obvious and it doesn't make it right....but you will be stronger if you just focus on you.
stepping off my soapbox....
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I think cheating on your partner makes you the lowest form of pond scum on earth, especially when you use the old "it just happened" excuse.
If you're not happy with your partner, put on your damn big girl or big guy panties and tell them. Either fix things or end them.
For those guilty parties, remember this. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.
Agreed. I think there are many reasons people cheat but all selfish and never justified.
I have been cheated on and it was the worst experience of my life. I don’t forgive either.
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I thought this was gonna be about eating a whole pizza in bed on a frisky Sunday afternoon.
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Most reasons have been mentioned. Also I think sometimes they're trying to end their primary relationship for whatever reason, and lack the maturity to do it in a better way.10
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- They realized too late that they weren't supposed to be monogamous.
- They've been shamed over their sexual preferences (that don't involve extramarital affairs) and have gone to someone who fulfills those desires without judgment.
- They weren't in love.
- They are capable of loving more than one person.
- They don't feel love or validation in their relationship so they seek it elsewhere.
- They're just a "player" who was never interested in a long term relationship and somehow roped someone into it.
- They have issues they never worked through and still aren't working through.
- It's opportunistic.
- Someone is paying them attention and it makes them feel good.
I mean, there can be soooooooo many reasons a person ventures outside of their relationship. Sometimes it's just for sex, but a lot of times, it's because something is missing and they either didn't communicate with their partner, or worse.. they can't. You'd be surprised how hostile some partners can be when you broach some certain topics.. and unfortunately, you only find out some of these things after you're already deep into a relationship, married, have kids, etc.
This is why they hound the whole "communication is important" bit. Some folks just learn the lesson way too late.
Also, not every person who cheats once will always cheat. It entirely depends on the person, the situation and whether or not they grow/change as a person.37 -
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your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
Thanks.
I only ever come by any tiny lil grain of insight the hard way. 
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Because we are not a pair-bonding species. If you look at divorce rates, or even better, the prevalence of cheating, it becomes very clear we may not be cut out for life long commitment to one person. Just hear me out, If half of all married couples divorce, do you say half of all married couples are defective, or that maybe marriage is a defect. Just food for thought, maybe its not people thats the problem, maybe it the expectations of people.26
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Geez, when I read the post's title, I thought you were talking about cheating on your logging... you know, putting down fake calorie counts in the data base or in your log to make you feel better about your overeating! I'd say people cheat because they want to have their cake and eat it too! 22
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CanesGalactica wrote: »
- They realized too late that they weren't supposed to be monogamous.
- They've been shamed over their sexual preferences (that don't involve extramarital affairs) and have gone to someone who fulfills those desires without judgment.
- They weren't in love.
- They are capable of loving more than one person.
- They don't feel love or validation in their relationship so they seek it elsewhere.
- They're just a "player" who was never interested in a long term relationship and somehow roped someone into it.
- They have issues they never worked through and still aren't working through.
- It's opportunistic.
- Someone is paying them attention and it makes them feel good.
I mean, there can be soooooooo many reasons a person ventures outside of their relationship. Sometimes it's just for sex, but a lot of times, it's because something is missing and they either didn't communicate with their partner, or worse.. they can't. You'd be surprised how hostile some partners can be when you broach some certain topics.. and unfortunately, you only find out some of these things after you're already deep into a relationship, married, have kids, etc.
This is why they hound the whole "communication is important" bit. Some folks just learn the lesson way too late.
Also, not every person who cheats once will always cheat. It entirely depends on the person, the situation and whether or not they grow/change as a person.
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I would like to think I’m open minded about most things but cheating is a bad word to me. That said I do remember a work colleague from about 15 years ago who loved her husband dearly but was struggling a lot because he wasn’t able to do the deed any more and wouldn’t even entertain playing or even trying at all. I remember her sobbing to me one day that she was only 38, a lot older than me at the time, and never thought she’d be consigned to a sexless relationship for the rest of her life before she hit her mid thirties. It had been going on a while.
Predictably she found a partner solely to fill that gap but I know it killed her that it wasn’t her husband. Whether she told him or not, I don’t know but I do know she loved the bones of that man. It made me really uncomfortable at the time, I was only 26 or so and had a pretty active ‘life’ with my now husband. I don’t know how I would have felt in her place. I guess none of us do until it happens.
That’s said outright cheating for no other reason than boredom or because it happened is an absolute no for me.8 -
Haha I don't agree. There is someone right for everyone, and there's a whole load of invalid matches as well. People expect to find love easily, and that's the problem. I don't know why blind dating even exists. People should seek friendship instead before taking it to dating.cicidawn2011 wrote: »Because we are not a pair-bonding species. If you look at divorce rates, or even better, the prevalence of cheating, it becomes very clear we may not be cut out for life long commitment to one person. Just hear me out, If half of all married couples divorce, do you say half of all married couples are defective, or that maybe marriage is a defect. Just food for thought, maybe its not people thats the problem, maybe it the expectations of people.
Personally, I think some people are quite adept at being monogamous (great for them!), but a lot of people are NOT and are more or less forced into monogamy because it is the only socially acceptable position in Western society to have atm. Anyone who is polygamous or in an open relationship... hell, even folks into some less than conventional, but still perfectly legal kinky stuff are shamed and closeted because of how general society treats them.11 -
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CanesGalactica wrote: »
Haha I don't agree. There is someone right for everyone, and there's a whole load of invalid matches as well. People expect to find love easily, and that's the problem. I don't know why blind dating even exists. People should seek friendship instead before taking it to dating.cicidawn2011 wrote: »Because we are not a pair-bonding species. If you look at divorce rates, or even better, the prevalence of cheating, it becomes very clear we may not be cut out for life long commitment to one person. Just hear me out, If half of all married couples divorce, do you say half of all married couples are defective, or that maybe marriage is a defect. Just food for thought, maybe its not people thats the problem, maybe it the expectations of people.
Personally, I think some people are quite adept at being monogamous (great for them!), but a lot of people are NOT and are more or less forced into monogamy because it is the only socially acceptable position in Western society to have atm. Anyone who is polygamous or in an open relationship... hell, even folks into some less than conventional, but still perfectly legal kinky stuff are shamed and closeted because of how general society treats them.
Lol, silly people. You can disagree with me all y'all want, but it doesn't change the fact that some are great at monogamy and a lot of people aren't. Just like time, monogamous relationships are a construct, not a hard and fast rule of life.
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CanesGalactica wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »
Haha I don't agree. There is someone right for everyone, and there's a whole load of invalid matches as well. People expect to find love easily, and that's the problem. I don't know why blind dating even exists. People should seek friendship instead before taking it to dating.cicidawn2011 wrote: »Because we are not a pair-bonding species. If you look at divorce rates, or even better, the prevalence of cheating, it becomes very clear we may not be cut out for life long commitment to one person. Just hear me out, If half of all married couples divorce, do you say half of all married couples are defective, or that maybe marriage is a defect. Just food for thought, maybe its not people thats the problem, maybe it the expectations of people.
Personally, I think some people are quite adept at being monogamous (great for them!), but a lot of people are NOT and are more or less forced into monogamy because it is the only socially acceptable position in Western society to have atm. Anyone who is polygamous or in an open relationship... hell, even folks into some less than conventional, but still perfectly legal kinky stuff are shamed and closeted because of how general society treats them.
Lol, silly people. You can disagree with me all y'all want, but it doesn't change the fact that some are great at monogamy and a lot of people aren't. Just like time, monogamous relationships are a construct, not a hard and fast rule of life.
All I read here was ‘hard & fast’.
Friend request expedited.5 -
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Gawdstruth.. I thought you were talking about cheat eating days! lol!1
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