WHY do people CHEAT?
Replies
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JeromeBarry1 wrote: »Across a large population, one can chart "the number of sexual partners you've had" as a bell curve. The long tails of the bell curve include 1 and 10,000 or more. I'm aware that for every individual with 2 or more, the reason differs slightly and the billions of slightly different reasons defy our efforts to give a simple answer.
"More than one, smaller than a ballpark". :laugh:
Sorry, was reminded of an episode of Friends in which the above was mentioned.3 -
I was cheated on and didn’t find out until a few years later... I did my best to forgive, but I think the hurt will always be there. Not sure why she did it but she placed a lot of blame on me, and I think I carry that around still...☹️. It truly sucks!10
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Speaking of cheating. I'm re-reading a history book about the golden age of Greece. In the discussion of Alcibiades, it mentions his infidelity to ravish the wife of the king. Her indiscrete telling that the child was his so tormented Alcibiades' wife that she sued for divorce. He responded by professing publicly his love for his wife, she relented, and history records little other than that she died of a broken heart.
It's human to want fidelity. It's human to fail at it. For me, with 1 sexual partner, the humanness of it is no excuse.1 -
I have no idea. I think maybe some personalities are prone to it, and others aren't.
I've never had a reason or desire to cheat. There really isn't anyone out there better than (or even close) to what I already have. Maybe since I'm not looking for it, and don't have the mindset for it, I don't see it, but there weren't many great catches to be found before I met my husband, and there seem to be even less now.
My husband has set the bar high. In my eyes, other guys just can't even. I'm grateful for having discovered my spouse every day!
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I was cheated on and didn’t find out until a few years later... I did my best to forgive, but I think the hurt will always be there. Not sure why she did it but she placed a lot of blame on me, and I think I carry that around still...☹️. It truly sucks!
If your partner cheats, it's not your fault. Period.
She made a conscious decision to betray your relationship. Her choice, her fault.
Don't spend another minute of another hour of another day feeling guilty for something you didn't do. 💙9 -
I’m curious how many friend requests the women who mentioned open marriage got when they hit “post reply.” Lol. Cheating is ultimately an argument about honesty not sexual ethics. Unless of course you’re not honest about your sexual ethics.5
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Tinydancer106 wrote: »@nooshi713 wrote: »I think cheating on your partner makes you the lowest form of pond scum on earth, especially when you use the old "it just happened" excuse.
If you're not happy with your partner, put on your damn big girl or big guy panties and tell them. Either fix things or end them.
For those guilty parties, remember this. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.
Agreed. I think there are many reasons people cheat but all selfish and never justified.
I have been cheated on and it was the worst experience of my life. I don’t forgive either.
Just a hug because you're beautiful, didn't deserve it and it wasn't about you...it was on them....AND you are 100% better off right!!🤷🤘😉🤗💗💗💗💗 see it as a win pretty girl!😍
Thank you. So sweet. 🤗2 -
I was cheated on and didn’t find out until a few years later... I did my best to forgive, but I think the hurt will always be there. Not sure why she did it but she placed a lot of blame on me, and I think I carry that around still...☹️. It truly sucks!
If it was 100% your fault. If you beat her every day, 3 times a day. If you treated her like crap 24/365.
She still had choices.
The decision to end the relationship may have been mutual.
But of all the things she might have done, she was the one who made that PARTICULAR choice.
It had nothing at all to do with you, it was all her.
The relationship ending— if that was partially your fault, own up to it.
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I have been tempted to cheat. I have been in relationships where my physical and emotional needs were neglected, we were long distance, I had a lot of tempting offers, and had mentally checked out of the relationship already due to being treated poorly.
I still didn’t cheat. I ended the relationship. I have been cheated on and didn’t want to have that on my conscience that I’m a cheater. So I can honestly say I have never cheated on anyone, but I can understand how someone can be tempted.
I do know people that have cheated and learned from their mistakes and become better people. I also know some people that probably will always be cheaters because that is who they are.7 -
Because they can but it's costly. Divorce. Alimony. Child Support. Insurance. The house, vehicles, boats, SUV's and all of the rest of it.2
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I’m curious how many friend requests the women who mentioned open marriage got when they hit “post reply.” Lol. Cheating is ultimately an argument about honesty not sexual ethics. Unless of course you’re not honest about your sexual ethics.
Honestly, I have a feeling I'll lose friends because I'm choosing to be open and honest about my experiences, especially because others in this thread have been hurt and they see "my type" as scum.
Their opinions and they are perfectly allowed to have them, I just have a feeling I'll get less friends requests and more deletes than anything, but ah well.5 -
As unfair as it may seem, affairs have a lot to teach us about relationships. It can teach a person what to expect, sometimes it teaches us what we think and what we want and feel entitled to. They reveal our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust and commitment. Ultimately attitudes that have changed dramatically over the past hundred of years. Instead of thinking that the person who cheats is unhappy with their partner or with their relationship, it is sometimes important to think that they may be unhappy with themselves and has nothing to do with the other person. Personally I have been cheated on and it’s taken me a long time to forgive and move on, but mostly I have grown as a person because of my experience.6
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Behindblue_eyes wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »I’m curious how many friend requests the women who mentioned open marriage got when they hit “post reply.” Lol. Cheating is ultimately an argument about honesty not sexual ethics. Unless of course you’re not honest about your sexual ethics.
Honestly, I have a feeling I'll lose friends because I'm choosing to be open and honest about my experiences, especially because others in this thread have been hurt and they see "my type" as scum.
Their opinions and they are perfectly allowed to have them, I just have a feeling I'll get less friends requests and more deletes than anything, but ah well.
Fwiw - I don't see anyone here as "scum." Good people can make bad decisions. Your business is your own, and I'm not here to judge anyone's choices. This thread has been both enlightening and triggering, but I don't frown upon anyone here...nobody here has directly hurt me. And if your so called "friends" delete you, they weren't friends to begin with. Take it for what it's worth, it's the internet. 💛
gracious2 -
Behindblue_eyes wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »I’m curious how many friend requests the women who mentioned open marriage got when they hit “post reply.” Lol. Cheating is ultimately an argument about honesty not sexual ethics. Unless of course you’re not honest about your sexual ethics.
Honestly, I have a feeling I'll lose friends because I'm choosing to be open and honest about my experiences, especially because others in this thread have been hurt and they see "my type" as scum.
Their opinions and they are perfectly allowed to have them, I just have a feeling I'll get less friends requests and more deletes than anything, but ah well.
Fwiw - I don't see anyone here as "scum." Good people can make bad decisions. Your business is your own, and I'm not here to judge anyone's choices. This thread has been both enlightening and triggering, but I don't frown upon anyone here...nobody here has directly hurt me. And if your so called "friends" delete you, they weren't friends to begin with. Take it for what it's worth, it's the internet. 💛
I wasn't referring to anyone specifically (here). I was, however, recalling words I've been called for other things that had absolutely nothing to do with infidelity.
Because nothing charges my self-worth like being told that a person will "never be clean no matter how many times he washes because of how dirty I make him feel".. funny thing is, I did absolutely nothing wrong in that one case. I was innocent and still got flayed alive for being on the up-an-up. Funny how life works, eh?
I will apologize if anything I've said here has triggered anyone. Definitely not my intent. Not really into digging wounds and making them deeper.1 -
My ex wife told me that men cheat because they are *kitten* and women cheat because men are *kitten*.
She seemed to enjoy other *kitten*
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Wow... that reads so wrong when MFP censored lol1
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Behindblue_eyes wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »Behindblue_eyes wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »I’m curious how many friend requests the women who mentioned open marriage got when they hit “post reply.” Lol. Cheating is ultimately an argument about honesty not sexual ethics. Unless of course you’re not honest about your sexual ethics.
Honestly, I have a feeling I'll lose friends because I'm choosing to be open and honest about my experiences, especially because others in this thread have been hurt and they see "my type" as scum.
Their opinions and they are perfectly allowed to have them, I just have a feeling I'll get less friends requests and more deletes than anything, but ah well.
Fwiw - I don't see anyone here as "scum." Good people can make bad decisions. Your business is your own, and I'm not here to judge anyone's choices. This thread has been both enlightening and triggering, but I don't frown upon anyone here...nobody here has directly hurt me. And if your so called "friends" delete you, they weren't friends to begin with. Take it for what it's worth, it's the internet. 💛
I wasn't referring to anyone specifically (here). I was, however, recalling words I've been called for other things that had absolutely nothing to do with infidelity.
Because nothing charges my self-worth like being told that a person will "never be clean no matter how many times he washes because of how dirty I make him feel".. funny thing is, I did absolutely nothing wrong in that one case. I was innocent and still got flayed alive for being on the up-an-up. Funny how life works, eh?
I will apologize if anything I've said here has triggered anyone. Definitely not my intent. Not really into digging wounds and making them deeper.
No apologies necessary, we're just expressing here. I'm sorry for your pain.
Nah. It's ancient history, but I've been reminiscing a lot about past events as a sort of spiritual growth. Things I couldn't learn then because I was emotionally invested I can now evaluate without the attachment I once had and my hopes are that I can learn something meaningful from the experiences, particularly bad/less-than-great ones.
Because you know, human growth is generally a good thing.
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CanesGalactica wrote: »I’m curious how many friend requests the women who mentioned open marriage got when they hit “post reply.” Lol. Cheating is ultimately an argument about honesty not sexual ethics. Unless of course you’re not honest about your sexual ethics.
Honestly, I have a feeling I'll lose friends because I'm choosing to be open and honest about my experiences, especially because others in this thread have been hurt and they see "my type" as scum.
Their opinions and they are perfectly allowed to have them, I just have a feeling I'll get less friends requests and more deletes than anything, but ah well.
Mfp seems to be more forgiving of human shortcomings than any other online forum I’ve been part of. I have been spending a lot of time this past year stockpiling the courage to be more transparent about who i really am and what I’ve done. In general I mean. Not for any catharsis or anything, more just for the sake of consistency. I don’t owe people every sordid detail of my past but i want people to know that whatever i do share is the ugly naked truth.
Also, I have hugged the comments admitting to infidelity here but it isn’t an atta boy for being in some cheaters club, it’s because i can appreciate how difficult it is to admit stuff that isn’t going to be well received by the masses. It’s also so they know that someone out there has read their post without changing opinions about them as a result.7 -
heyjude0225 wrote: »My ex wife told me that men cheat because they are *kitten* and women cheat because men are *kitten*.
She seemed to enjoy other *kitten*
I’ve heard this expression before and it kinda makes me see red, lol. No man made me do it, *kitten* or otherwise5 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »Behindblue_eyes wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »Behindblue_eyes wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »I’m curious how many friend requests the women who mentioned open marriage got when they hit “post reply.” Lol. Cheating is ultimately an argument about honesty not sexual ethics. Unless of course you’re not honest about your sexual ethics.
Honestly, I have a feeling I'll lose friends because I'm choosing to be open and honest about my experiences, especially because others in this thread have been hurt and they see "my type" as scum.
Their opinions and they are perfectly allowed to have them, I just have a feeling I'll get less friends requests and more deletes than anything, but ah well.
Fwiw - I don't see anyone here as "scum." Good people can make bad decisions. Your business is your own, and I'm not here to judge anyone's choices. This thread has been both enlightening and triggering, but I don't frown upon anyone here...nobody here has directly hurt me. And if your so called "friends" delete you, they weren't friends to begin with. Take it for what it's worth, it's the internet. 💛
I wasn't referring to anyone specifically (here). I was, however, recalling words I've been called for other things that had absolutely nothing to do with infidelity.
Because nothing charges my self-worth like being told that a person will "never be clean no matter how many times he washes because of how dirty I make him feel".. funny thing is, I did absolutely nothing wrong in that one case. I was innocent and still got flayed alive for being on the up-an-up. Funny how life works, eh?
I will apologize if anything I've said here has triggered anyone. Definitely not my intent. Not really into digging wounds and making them deeper.
No apologies necessary, we're just expressing here. I'm sorry for your pain.
Nah. It's ancient history, but I've been reminiscing a lot about past events as a sort of spiritual growth. Things I couldn't learn then because I was emotionally invested I can now evaluate without the attachment I once had and my hopes are that I can learn something meaningful from the experiences, particularly bad/less-than-great ones.
Because you know, human growth is generally a good thing.
Have I mentioned how much i enjoy your posts? 😏2 -
Finishiitnow wrote: »According to an article I just read...
We cheat to feel alive and to expand our sense of self desire....your thoughts???!!
Most that I've seen over the years, venture out because ...- Maltreatment
- Unfulfillment
- Thrills
- Desire
- Connection
- Visibility
- To feel wanted
- Want OUT and away from being the convenience
When cheated (committed to the discipline of abstinence until marriage), and with immaturity, I teetered towards being all about my shattered and pained ego, walking out of my committed (affianced) relationships, from my teens to my early 30s. Since, a lot has changed, with my perception, my tolerance and my approach. I believe, that at all times, we're to allow ourselves the very same liberties we'll permit a SO . Most quit where some dare the turbulence, where minding the pH levels in all facets of a relationship, is necessary, every single day, 24/7. The onus is on each of us, with how we opt to maintain the environmental conditions of our human relationships as we define it, dependent on our value system - To forgive, to understand and to not let go just because, as I'd done multiple times. When someone breaks the line at all, most fail to recognise the exclamation for what it is, quick to scrutinise, quick to assault, quick to reject, quick to abuse.
I much prefer the me now, for having been cheated, for I too am flawed.2 -
cicidawn2011 wrote: »Because we are not a pair-bonding species. If you look at divorce rates, or even better, the prevalence of cheating, it becomes very clear we may not be cut out for life long commitment to one person. Just hear me out, If half of all married couples divorce, do you say half of all married couples are defective, or that maybe marriage is a defect. Just food for thought, maybe its not people thats the problem, maybe it the expectations of people.
Reading your post has me thinking: Of the 1/2 of all who married and are now divorcees, what percentage were circumstantial marital unions, what percentage were love marriages and which percentage were that of arranged marriages?
Some marriages, if asymptomatic, go unnoticed until boom.2 -
cicidawn2011 wrote: »Because we are not a pair-bonding species. If you look at divorce rates, or even better, the prevalence of cheating, it becomes very clear we may not be cut out for life long commitment to one person. Just hear me out, If half of all married couples divorce, do you say half of all married couples are defective, or that maybe marriage is a defect. Just food for thought, maybe its not people thats the problem, maybe it the expectations of people.
Reading your post has me thinking: Of the 1/2 of all who married and are now divorcees, what percentage were circumstantial marital unions, what percentage were love marriages and which percentage were that of arranged marriages?
Some marriages, if asymptomatic, go unnoticed until boom.
I believe the 50% divorce statistic is North American so far fewer arranged marriages. And I think those cultures where arranged marriages are common are less tolerant of divorce.
I seem to recall that it isn't 50% of first marriages that end in divorce because the higher failure rate of second and subsequent marriages drives the rate up. More than half of first marriages survive (not sure of the duration measured though). Your odds get worse with multiple marriages though.3 -
I think the main reason is that people just change. We as humans are constantly evolving; we’re not the same people in our 20s as 30s, etc... With that- people often grow apart, but due to life circumstances they stay together. Not for love but for convenience. Life happens, work happens, stress happens, & sex gets put on the back burner, communication breaks down..
As humans we are wired to be sexual, crave a connection, the desire to be wanted/needed. When our emotional or sexual needs aren’t being met then we branch out to fill that void.9 -
Sometimes people cheat because the two people in a relationship have different levels of sexual desire. You might have one spouse with a huge sex drive and the other wants no sex at all. And in some cultures this is expected and the spouse with the huge drive takes a "minor spouse", keeping the marriage intact.
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I cheated at Zelda4
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CaliValleyGirl wrote: »I cheated at Zelda
post reported.3 -
Motorsheen wrote: »CaliValleyGirl wrote: »I cheated at Zelda
post reported.
THAT book was SOLD BY Nintendo! IT WAS completed consensual cheating!
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