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WHY do people CHEAT?

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  • your_future_ex_wifeyour_future_ex_wife Member Posts: 4,278 Member Member Posts: 4,278 Member
    • They realized too late that they weren't supposed to be monogamous.
    • They've been shamed over their sexual preferences (that don't involve extramarital affairs) and have gone to someone who fulfills those desires without judgment.
    • They weren't in love.
    • They are capable of loving more than one person.
    • They don't feel love or validation in their relationship so they seek it elsewhere.
    • They're just a "player" who was never interested in a long term relationship and somehow roped someone into it.
    • They have issues they never worked through and still aren't working through.
    • It's opportunistic.
    • Someone is paying them attention and it makes them feel good.

    I mean, there can be soooooooo many reasons a person ventures outside of their relationship. Sometimes it's just for sex, but a lot of times, it's because something is missing and they either didn't communicate with their partner, or worse.. they can't. You'd be surprised how hostile some partners can be when you broach some certain topics.. and unfortunately, you only find out some of these things after you're already deep into a relationship, married, have kids, etc.

    This is why they hound the whole "communication is important" bit. Some folks just learn the lesson way too late.
    Also, not every person who cheats once will always cheat. It entirely depends on the person, the situation and whether or not they grow/change as a person.

    ♥️
  • babyluthibabyluthi Member Posts: 268 Member Member Posts: 268 Member
    Gawdstruth.. I thought you were talking about cheat eating days! lol!
  • Tinydancer106Tinydancer106 Member Posts: 3,679 Member Member Posts: 3,679 Member
    @nooshi713 wrote: »
    LyndaBSS wrote: »
    I think cheating on your partner makes you the lowest form of pond scum on earth, especially when you use the old "it just happened" excuse.

    If you're not happy with your partner, put on your damn big girl or big guy panties and tell them. Either fix things or end them.

    For those guilty parties, remember this. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.


    Agreed. I think there are many reasons people cheat but all selfish and never justified.

    I have been cheated on and it was the worst experience of my life. I don’t forgive either.


    Just a hug because you're beautiful, didn't deserve it and it wasn't about you...it was on them....AND you are 100% better off right!!🤷🤘😉🤗💗💗💗💗 see it as a win pretty girl!😍
    edited September 2019
  • Tinydancer106Tinydancer106 Member Posts: 3,679 Member Member Posts: 3,679 Member
    My feeling is this - people cheat for a number of reasons 1: because it's "new and exciting - isn't everything in the beginning? 2: The attention (or whatever else is lacking in their primary relationship.) 3: Because they can.

    *Triggering hard 😕*

    Hugs and I almost feel sorry for any fool who would pull this on you...almost.....as in I would mostly want to squish them like a bug getting it on with another bug while you were at lunch.....👿💗🤗💓🤗💓🤗💗
  • KosmosKittenKosmosKitten Member Posts: 7,902 Member Member Posts: 7,902 Member
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    Because we are not a pair-bonding species. If you look at divorce rates, or even better, the prevalence of cheating, it becomes very clear we may not be cut out for life long commitment to one person. Just hear me out, If half of all married couples divorce, do you say half of all married couples are defective, or that maybe marriage is a defect. Just food for thought, maybe its not people thats the problem, maybe it the expectations of people.
    Haha I don't agree. There is someone right for everyone, and there's a whole load of invalid matches as well. People expect to find love easily, and that's the problem. I don't know why blind dating even exists. People should seek friendship instead before taking it to dating.

    Personally, I think some people are quite adept at being monogamous (great for them!), but a lot of people are NOT and are more or less forced into monogamy because it is the only socially acceptable position in Western society to have atm. Anyone who is polygamous or in an open relationship... hell, even folks into some less than conventional, but still perfectly legal kinky stuff are shamed and closeted because of how general society treats them.

    Lol, silly people. You can disagree with me all y'all want, but it doesn't change the fact that some are great at monogamy and a lot of people aren't. Just like time, monogamous relationships are a construct, not a hard and fast rule of life. :p

    All I read here was ‘hard & fast’.

    Friend request expedited.

    Accepted. :laugh:
    1sphere wrote: »
    1sphere wrote: »
    Because we are not a pair-bonding species. If you look at divorce rates, or even better, the prevalence of cheating, it becomes very clear we may not be cut out for life long commitment to one person. Just hear me out, If half of all married couples divorce, do you say half of all married couples are defective, or that maybe marriage is a defect. Just food for thought, maybe its not people thats the problem, maybe it the expectations of people.
    Haha I don't agree. There is someone right for everyone, and there's a whole load of invalid matches as well. People expect to find love easily, and that's the problem. I don't know why blind dating even exists. People should seek friendship instead before taking it to dating.

    Personally, I think some people are quite adept at being monogamous (great for them!), but a lot of people are NOT and are more or less forced into monogamy because it is the only socially acceptable position in Western society to have atm. Anyone who is polygamous or in an open relationship... hell, even folks into some less than conventional, but still perfectly legal kinky stuff are shamed and closeted because of how general society treats them.
    I believe that people need to be more open and truthful about themselves in the first dates or meets, or whatever. Doing shady stuff behind someones back just isn't cool, but I guess people are carrying so much fear about what others think/fear of ruining a potential relationship/fear of being dissed.

    True. Never said they were justifiable reasons, just simply pointing out that like so many other things in life, relationships can be approached from multiple angles. The communication is the important bit and that either gets overlooked or just outright ignored so many times.
    edited September 2019
  • threewinsthreewins Member Posts: 546 Member Member Posts: 546 Member
    I think that men and women can cheat for totally different reasons, with a bit of overlap in the middle.

    Men can cheat because they want to have someone new and exciting. They don't necessarily want to replace their current partner, just be with someone new. I think that much more men want to try open marriages or swinging etc than women.
  • Glazed_and_ConfusedGlazed_and_Confused Member Posts: 1,307 Member Member Posts: 1,307 Member
    • They realized too late that they weren't supposed to be monogamous.
    • They've been shamed over their sexual preferences (that don't involve extramarital affairs) and have gone to someone who fulfills those desires without judgment.
    • They weren't in love.
    • They are capable of loving more than one person.
    • They don't feel love or validation in their relationship so they seek it elsewhere.
    • They're just a "player" who was never interested in a long term relationship and somehow roped someone into it.
    • They have issues they never worked through and still aren't working through.
    • It's opportunistic.
    • Someone is paying them attention and it makes them feel good.

    I mean, there can be soooooooo many reasons a person ventures outside of their relationship. Sometimes it's just for sex, but a lot of times, it's because something is missing and they either didn't communicate with their partner, or worse.. they can't. You'd be surprised how hostile some partners can be when you broach some certain topics.. and unfortunately, you only find out some of these things after you're already deep into a relationship, married, have kids, etc.

    This is why they hound the whole "communication is important" bit. Some folks just learn the lesson way too late.
    Also, not every person who cheats once will always cheat. It entirely depends on the person, the situation and whether or not they grow/change as a person.

    I think this sums it up quite perfectly.
  • amorfati601070amorfati601070 Member Posts: 1,828 Member Member Posts: 1,828 Member
    My feeling is this - people cheat for a number of reasons 1: because it's "new and exciting - isn't everything in the beginning? 2: The attention (or whatever else is lacking in their primary relationship.) 3: Because they can.

    *Triggering hard 😕*

    Mostly agree with this. The lust overrides and short term rewards consume them in the moment. Yes, they are not satisfied with the current partner and bored...for lack of better words. That is almost a positive feedback loop, which explains why some might cheat repetitively.
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