WHY do people CHEAT?
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This raises a question ive mentioned before in a similar thread involving a personal experience. Many years ago i was in a relationship with a girl that i enjoyed being with and liked, but i cheated on a few times. Now i know this is a piece of *kitten* thing to do, but i was young, not very mature, and had very little willpower against the options posed to me. She never knew of my cheating. When we were together everything seemed as it should and we were seemingly happy. Well, as relationships often do, we ended up breaking up amicably. She was hurt, but just because of a relationship ending, she still had no idea i had cheated. She had since moved on to a great life with marriage, kids and a good career. She had always maintained that we had a good relationship too bad we just didnt work out.
Now, i often wondered what good it would do to ruin her false perception of our relationship by telling her the truth of my cheating years after we broke up? It was argued by some that i am a coward and a bad guy not to tell her. I always thought either she wouldnt care all these years later, or worse, she would feel stupid and foolish. So it was my belief that why bring bad emotion to someone that doesnt deserve it just to unburden my own guilt. To tell her now, would mean very little to me. It may mean very little to her, but it could also hurt her now over something that doesnt need to be.
Anyway, i just brought it up because it was talked about a while back on here and seemed kind of relevant to the thread.9 -
I just have to say that so far, I am impressed with the maturity of the folks discussing this topic. Infidelity is a huge trigger for a lot of people and it is hard for those who have committed to it (at some point) to come forward and face judgment (in the form of disagrees, :laugh: ).
But so far, no one is screaming, throwing objects or flagging every other post they disagree with. Way to go, Chit-Chat. I'm proud of y'all.
Even you disagree-ers.5 -
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A clinical psychologist could take these 5 pages of this thread and write a great paper based on peoples experiences. The comments are fascinating to me. Really good honest stuff here.1
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A clinical psychologist could take these 5 pages of this thread and write a great paper based on peoples experiences. The comments are fascinating to me. Really good honest stuff here.
basically it is CHEATERS making excuses for themselves and getting upset at those that consider them "pond scum"
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I'm sure there's a million reasons why people cheat (none of them ok) but hey avoid being in a relationship and it's a non-issue
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nighthawk584 wrote: »A clinical psychologist could take these 5 pages of this thread and write a great paper based on peoples experiences. The comments are fascinating to me. Really good honest stuff here.
basically it is CHEATERS making excuses for themselves and getting upset at those that consider them "pond scum"
You’re adorable. Give your wife my best12 -
The only negative thing for me is to lie and pretend to love. I just want people to be direct and real with me because I am a realist myself. Then I will have literally no anger. last thing I would want is for someone to lead me to assume that I'm loved.CanesGalactica wrote: »I just have to say that so far, I am impressed with the maturity of the folks discussing this topic. Infidelity is a huge trigger for a lot of people and it is hard for those who have committed to it (at some point) to come forward and face judgment (in the form of disagrees, :laugh: ).
I do understand that. And that type of deceit is definitely wrong, imo. My personal experiences though? As the "cheater" in some of the situations, it was never about not loving or respecting the other person. A lot of times, it was because boundaries were never set, discussed or even broached or because I was pushed out (for whatever reason).. or in the case of one person, it was because he accused me of cheating (in which I hadn't), was possessive, went through my emails to cherry-pick what he wanted and then ended up being the one to cheat, leave me and move to another state on a whim.. all of this after he threw me through a window, used acid on my back (to clean hair dye stains) and sodomized me *in front of* his children.
It also probably doesn't help that I don't see respect as something that involves my body. What I do with myself is my decision and is up to me and does not involve a secondary party. Some people, when they get in relationships, seem to take that as a carte blanche that they "own" my body, mind and soul simply because we're together. That is an emphatic NO from me. And I get that that is contentious for people. But my level of respect for a person or my love for that matter has absolutely NOTHING to do with my body... and honestly, to treat me (or another) as a possession simply because we're intimate is ANYTHING but respectful to me.
But again, this is my opinion and I get that it might be considered skewed.12 -
Finishiitnow wrote: »According to an article I just read...
We cheat to feel alive and to expand our sense of self desire....your thoughts???!!
That seems extreme to me but I do cheat all the time. I have the Contra cheat codes memorized for life.
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Finishiitnow wrote: »According to an article I just read...
We cheat to feel alive and to expand our sense of self desire....your thoughts???!!
That seems extreme to me but I do cheat all the time. I have the Contra cheat codes memorized for life.
My favorite post in this thread. :laugh:2 -
nighthawk584 wrote: »A clinical psychologist could take these 5 pages of this thread and write a great paper based on peoples experiences. The comments are fascinating to me. Really good honest stuff here.
basically it is CHEATERS making excuses for themselves and getting upset at those that consider them "pond scum"
Except no one has gotten upset. Lynda is entitled to her own opinions.7 -
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Because like other animals, we instinctively aren't monogamous.Finishiitnow wrote: »According to an article I just read...
We cheat to feel alive and to expand our sense of self desire....your thoughts???!!
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Maybe because they’re down on themselves and partner doesn’t show much attention and the new attention from another excites them.
Maybe they’re together for the kids but actually don’t want to be together but they haven’t told each other!
Could be a lot of reasons, not saying its right though.3 -
Every time I have cheated it has been to win
If you're not first, you're last6 -
Reckoner68 wrote: »Every time I have cheated it has been to win
If you're not first, you're last
If you ain't cheatin'.... you ain't tryin'.3 -
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It's only cheating if you get caught. At least, that's how it is when you play Munchkin, Skip-bo or Uno. :laugh:4
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I just want to throw this out there....The pain of being cheated on is much more related to the betrayal than it is about the sex act.12
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Me personally - I would never cheat on someone because I don't think it's a positive thing on my own spirit. I have a conscience and I wouldn't be able to lift that guilt.I think cheating on your partner makes you the lowest form of pond scum on earth, especially when you use the old "it just happened" excuse.
If you're not happy with your partner, put on your damn big girl or big guy panties and tell them. Either fix things or end them.
For those guilty parties, remember this. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.
Although there are some women who may want to maintain a relationship with someone who has a low sex drive, and they probably would cheat in terms of a one night stand or something just for the thrill. isn't that called "swinging" or something? They probably do it behind their partners back so as not to hurt their partner if they don't agree with the idea of it. I don't think it makes them scum per se, it shows that they're needy and unfulfilled, so it can be a complicated matter.
I also do NOT agree with doing things behind someones back... that' just me though.
Swinging is totally different than cheating. So is an open relationship. Swingers and people in an open relationship know their partners are with other people. Cheating...they don't.
Precisely. I am ALL ABOUT DISCLOSURE and safe coitus.2 -
NoHookUpZone wrote: »Open marriages aren't cheating. If at any time one or even both partners feel like it's cheating then that's not an open marriage.
Crossing your mutually agreed boundaries is not an open marriage.
Agree with this👆1 -
Bolded, which latches onto your mention @CommunicationCanesGalactica wrote: »
The only negative thing for me is to lie and pretend to love. I just want people to be direct and real with me because I am a realist myself. Then I will have literally no anger. last thing I would want is for someone to lead me to assume that I'm loved.CanesGalactica wrote: »I just have to say that so far, I am impressed with the maturity of the folks discussing this topic. Infidelity is a huge trigger for a lot of people and it is hard for those who have committed to it (at some point) to come forward and face judgment (in the form of disagrees, :laugh: ).
I do understand that. And that type of deceit is definitely wrong, imo. My personal experiences though? As the "cheater" in some of the situations, it was never about not loving or respecting the other person. A lot of times, it was because boundaries were never set, discussed or even broached or because I was pushed out (for whatever reason).. or in the case of one person, it was because he accused me of cheating (in which I hadn't), was possessive, went through my emails to cherry-pick what he wanted and then ended up being the one to cheat, leave me and move to another state on a whim.. all of this after he threw me through a window, used acid on my back (to clean hair dye stains) and sodomized me *in front of* his children.
It also probably doesn't help that I don't see respect as something that involves my body. What I do with myself is my decision and is up to me and does not involve a secondary party. Some people, when they get in relationships, seem to take that as a carte blanche that they "own" my body, mind and soul simply because we're together. That is an emphatic NO from me. And I get that that is contentious for people. But my level of respect for a person or my love for that matter has absolutely NOTHING to do with my body... and honestly, to treat me (or another) as a possession simply because we're intimate is ANYTHING but respectful to me.
But again, this is my opinion and I get that it might be considered skewed.1 -
InspectorRed wrote: »I just want to throw this out there....The pain of being cheated on is much more related to the betrayal than it is about the sex act.
I agree with this. My definition of cheating is having a relationship on the side that I was not aware of. To me finding out that my partner was hanging out, sharing a meal and companionship would be way more hurtful than straight on sex. Again, my opinion only.3 -
I see you, phantom disagree-er.
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Across a large population, one can chart "the number of sexual partners you've had" as a bell curve. The long tails of the bell curve include 1 and 10,000 or more. I'm aware that for every individual with 2 or more, the reason differs slightly and the billions of slightly different reasons defy our efforts to give a simple answer.2
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Behindblue_eyes wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »I see you, phantom disagree-er.
Dis ain't me. I got a warning for hitting the naughty button 😅
Wait, they're actually issuing warnings for abusing a button now?1 -
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