WHY do people CHEAT?
Replies
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CanesGalactica wrote: »
- They realized too late that they weren't supposed to be monogamous.
- They've been shamed over their sexual preferences (that don't involve extramarital affairs) and have gone to someone who fulfills those desires without judgment.
- They weren't in love.
- They are capable of loving more than one person.
- They don't feel love or validation in their relationship so they seek it elsewhere.
- They're just a "player" who was never interested in a long term relationship and somehow roped someone into it.
- They have issues they never worked through and still aren't working through.
- It's opportunistic.
- Someone is paying them attention and it makes them feel good.
I mean, there can be soooooooo many reasons a person ventures outside of their relationship. Sometimes it's just for sex, but a lot of times, it's because something is missing and they either didn't communicate with their partner, or worse.. they can't. You'd be surprised how hostile some partners can be when you broach some certain topics.. and unfortunately, you only find out some of these things after you're already deep into a relationship, married, have kids, etc.
This is why they hound the whole "communication is important" bit. Some folks just learn the lesson way too late.
Also, not every person who cheats once will always cheat. It entirely depends on the person, the situation and whether or not they grow/change as a person.
♥️2 -
I would like to think I’m open minded about most things but cheating is a bad word to me. That said I do remember a work colleague from about 15 years ago who loved her husband dearly but was struggling a lot because he wasn’t able to do the deed any more and wouldn’t even entertain playing or even trying at all. I remember her sobbing to me one day that she was only 38, a lot older than me at the time, and never thought she’d be consigned to a sexless relationship for the rest of her life before she hit her mid thirties. It had been going on a while.
Predictably she found a partner solely to fill that gap but I know it killed her that it wasn’t her husband. Whether she told him or not, I don’t know but I do know she loved the bones of that man. It made me really uncomfortable at the time, I was only 26 or so and had a pretty active ‘life’ with my now husband. I don’t know how I would have felt in her place. I guess none of us do until it happens.
That’s said outright cheating for no other reason than boredom or because it happened is an absolute no for me.8 -
cicidawn2011 wrote: »Because we are not a pair-bonding species. If you look at divorce rates, or even better, the prevalence of cheating, it becomes very clear we may not be cut out for life long commitment to one person. Just hear me out, If half of all married couples divorce, do you say half of all married couples are defective, or that maybe marriage is a defect. Just food for thought, maybe its not people thats the problem, maybe it the expectations of people.
Personally, I think some people are quite adept at being monogamous (great for them!), but a lot of people are NOT and are more or less forced into monogamy because it is the only socially acceptable position in Western society to have atm. Anyone who is polygamous or in an open relationship... hell, even folks into some less than conventional, but still perfectly legal kinky stuff are shamed and closeted because of how general society treats them.11 -
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CanesGalactica wrote: »cicidawn2011 wrote: »Because we are not a pair-bonding species. If you look at divorce rates, or even better, the prevalence of cheating, it becomes very clear we may not be cut out for life long commitment to one person. Just hear me out, If half of all married couples divorce, do you say half of all married couples are defective, or that maybe marriage is a defect. Just food for thought, maybe its not people thats the problem, maybe it the expectations of people.
Personally, I think some people are quite adept at being monogamous (great for them!), but a lot of people are NOT and are more or less forced into monogamy because it is the only socially acceptable position in Western society to have atm. Anyone who is polygamous or in an open relationship... hell, even folks into some less than conventional, but still perfectly legal kinky stuff are shamed and closeted because of how general society treats them.
Lol, silly people. You can disagree with me all y'all want, but it doesn't change the fact that some are great at monogamy and a lot of people aren't. Just like time, monogamous relationships are a construct, not a hard and fast rule of life.7 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »cicidawn2011 wrote: »Because we are not a pair-bonding species. If you look at divorce rates, or even better, the prevalence of cheating, it becomes very clear we may not be cut out for life long commitment to one person. Just hear me out, If half of all married couples divorce, do you say half of all married couples are defective, or that maybe marriage is a defect. Just food for thought, maybe its not people thats the problem, maybe it the expectations of people.
Personally, I think some people are quite adept at being monogamous (great for them!), but a lot of people are NOT and are more or less forced into monogamy because it is the only socially acceptable position in Western society to have atm. Anyone who is polygamous or in an open relationship... hell, even folks into some less than conventional, but still perfectly legal kinky stuff are shamed and closeted because of how general society treats them.
Lol, silly people. You can disagree with me all y'all want, but it doesn't change the fact that some are great at monogamy and a lot of people aren't. Just like time, monogamous relationships are a construct, not a hard and fast rule of life.
All I read here was ‘hard & fast’.
Friend request expedited.5 -
Gawdstruth.. I thought you were talking about cheat eating days! lol!1
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@nooshi713 wrote: »I think cheating on your partner makes you the lowest form of pond scum on earth, especially when you use the old "it just happened" excuse.
If you're not happy with your partner, put on your damn big girl or big guy panties and tell them. Either fix things or end them.
For those guilty parties, remember this. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.
Agreed. I think there are many reasons people cheat but all selfish and never justified.
I have been cheated on and it was the worst experience of my life. I don’t forgive either.
Just a hug because you're beautiful, didn't deserve it and it wasn't about you...it was on them....AND you are 100% better off right!!🤷🤘😉🤗💗💗💗💗 see it as a win pretty girl!😍1 -
@Behindblue_eyes wrote: »My feeling is this - people cheat for a number of reasons 1: because it's "new and exciting - isn't everything in the beginning? 2: The attention (or whatever else is lacking in their primary relationship.) 3: Because they can.
*Triggering hard 😕*
Hugs and I almost feel sorry for any fool who would pull this on you...almost.....as in I would mostly want to squish them like a bug getting it on with another bug while you were at lunch.....👿💗🤗💓🤗💓🤗💗0 -
Motorsheen wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »CanesGalactica wrote: »cicidawn2011 wrote: »Because we are not a pair-bonding species. If you look at divorce rates, or even better, the prevalence of cheating, it becomes very clear we may not be cut out for life long commitment to one person. Just hear me out, If half of all married couples divorce, do you say half of all married couples are defective, or that maybe marriage is a defect. Just food for thought, maybe its not people thats the problem, maybe it the expectations of people.
Personally, I think some people are quite adept at being monogamous (great for them!), but a lot of people are NOT and are more or less forced into monogamy because it is the only socially acceptable position in Western society to have atm. Anyone who is polygamous or in an open relationship... hell, even folks into some less than conventional, but still perfectly legal kinky stuff are shamed and closeted because of how general society treats them.
Lol, silly people. You can disagree with me all y'all want, but it doesn't change the fact that some are great at monogamy and a lot of people aren't. Just like time, monogamous relationships are a construct, not a hard and fast rule of life.
All I read here was ‘hard & fast’.
Friend request expedited.
Accepted. :laugh:CanesGalactica wrote: »cicidawn2011 wrote: »Because we are not a pair-bonding species. If you look at divorce rates, or even better, the prevalence of cheating, it becomes very clear we may not be cut out for life long commitment to one person. Just hear me out, If half of all married couples divorce, do you say half of all married couples are defective, or that maybe marriage is a defect. Just food for thought, maybe its not people thats the problem, maybe it the expectations of people.
Personally, I think some people are quite adept at being monogamous (great for them!), but a lot of people are NOT and are more or less forced into monogamy because it is the only socially acceptable position in Western society to have atm. Anyone who is polygamous or in an open relationship... hell, even folks into some less than conventional, but still perfectly legal kinky stuff are shamed and closeted because of how general society treats them.
True. Never said they were justifiable reasons, just simply pointing out that like so many other things in life, relationships can be approached from multiple angles. The communication is the important bit and that either gets overlooked or just outright ignored so many times.2 -
I think that men and women can cheat for totally different reasons, with a bit of overlap in the middle.
Men can cheat because they want to have someone new and exciting. They don't necessarily want to replace their current partner, just be with someone new. I think that much more men want to try open marriages or swinging etc than women.0 -
I think cheating on your partner makes you the lowest form of pond scum on earth, especially when you use the old "it just happened" excuse.
If you're not happy with your partner, put on your damn big girl or big guy panties and tell them. Either fix things or end them.
For those guilty parties, remember this. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.
Although there are some women who may want to maintain a relationship with someone who has a low sex drive, and they probably would cheat in terms of a one night stand or something just for the thrill. isn't that called "swinging" or something? They probably do it behind their partners back so as not to hurt their partner if they don't agree with the idea of it. I don't think it makes them scum per se, it shows that they're needy and unfulfilled, so it can be a complicated matter.
I also do NOT agree with doing things behind someones back... that' just me though.
Swinging is totally different than cheating. So is an open relationship. Swingers and people in an open relationship know their partners are with other people. Cheating...they don't.
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I think cheating on your partner makes you the lowest form of pond scum on earth, especially when you use the old "it just happened" excuse.
If you're not happy with your partner, put on your damn big girl or big guy panties and tell them. Either fix things or end them.
For those guilty parties, remember this. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.
Although there are some women who may want to maintain a relationship with someone who has a low sex drive, and they probably would cheat in terms of a one night stand or something just for the thrill. isn't that called "swinging" or something? They probably do it behind their partners back so as not to hurt their partner if they don't agree with the idea of it. I don't think it makes them scum per se, it shows that they're needy and unfulfilled, so it can be a complicated matter.
I also do NOT agree with doing things behind someones back... that' just me though.
Swinging is agreed upon by both partners with specific rules, not the same as cheating.7 -
Kcicidawn2011 wrote: »Because we are not a pair-bonding species. If you look at divorce rates, or even better, the prevalence of cheating, it becomes very clear we may not be cut out for life long commitment to one person. Just hear me out, If half of all married couples divorce, do you say half of all married couples are defective, or that maybe marriage is a defect. Just food for thought, maybe its not people thats the problem, maybe it the expectations of people.
This is why my husband and I have a mutually agreed open marriage with ground rules.
This is strictly based on strong couples who can come to mutual arrangement.
It's entirely a choice, and it's not for everyone.11 -
CanesGalactica wrote: »
- They realized too late that they weren't supposed to be monogamous.
- They've been shamed over their sexual preferences (that don't involve extramarital affairs) and have gone to someone who fulfills those desires without judgment.
- They weren't in love.
- They are capable of loving more than one person.
- They don't feel love or validation in their relationship so they seek it elsewhere.
- They're just a "player" who was never interested in a long term relationship and somehow roped someone into it.
- They have issues they never worked through and still aren't working through.
- It's opportunistic.
- Someone is paying them attention and it makes them feel good.
I mean, there can be soooooooo many reasons a person ventures outside of their relationship. Sometimes it's just for sex, but a lot of times, it's because something is missing and they either didn't communicate with their partner, or worse.. they can't. You'd be surprised how hostile some partners can be when you broach some certain topics.. and unfortunately, you only find out some of these things after you're already deep into a relationship, married, have kids, etc.
This is why they hound the whole "communication is important" bit. Some folks just learn the lesson way too late.
Also, not every person who cheats once will always cheat. It entirely depends on the person, the situation and whether or not they grow/change as a person.
I think this sums it up quite perfectly.2 -
Behindblue_eyes wrote: »My feeling is this - people cheat for a number of reasons 1: because it's "new and exciting - isn't everything in the beginning? 2: The attention (or whatever else is lacking in their primary relationship.) 3: Because they can.
*Triggering hard 😕*
Mostly agree with this. The lust overrides and short term rewards consume them in the moment. Yes, they are not satisfied with the current partner and bored...for lack of better words. That is almost a positive feedback loop, which explains why some might cheat repetitively.0
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