Guys/Girls: What is your real opinion on..
Replies
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KosmosKitten wrote: »Related questions:
- Where is the "line" for you personally as to what you would be willing to try or engage in assuming they were legal and involved consenting partners (also legal)?
- Have you ever actually encountered someone with erm... more unusual interests in the bedroom?
- Does anyone ever wonder where these interests originate from in the first place? What dictates what a person will find sexually arousing that is a complete turn off or non-interest for another? I've always wondered where these interests arise from. I don't have answers, only questions.
the line prolly changes depending on the person
never met someone with super crazy fetishes imo
i figure they happen just bc lil funny ways our brains are wired and then random experiences thru life4 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »Related questions:
- Where is the "line" for you personally as to what you would be willing to try or engage in assuming they were legal and involved consenting partners (also legal)?
- Have you ever actually encountered someone with erm... more unusual interests in the bedroom?
- Does anyone ever wonder where these interests originate from in the first place? What dictates what a person will find sexually arousing that is a complete turn off or non-interest for another? I've always wondered where these interests arise from. I don't have answers, only questions.
haven't found the line so much yet i guess
have encountered unusual interests and ended up sparking fires in my brain going forward afterwards
dont think about the causes too much if i can help it anymore
They interest me because people and their motivations for doing things interest me. I'm a "people watcher". Like a person who watches birds, but I enjoy watching people doing people things. Don't care to participate, though.
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KosmosKitten wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Related questions:
- Where is the "line" for you personally as to what you would be willing to try or engage in assuming they were legal and involved consenting partners (also legal)?
- Have you ever actually encountered someone with erm... more unusual interests in the bedroom?
- Does anyone ever wonder where these interests originate from in the first place? What dictates what a person will find sexually arousing that is a complete turn off or non-interest for another? I've always wondered where these interests arise from. I don't have answers, only questions.
haven't found the line so much yet i guess
have encountered unusual interests and ended up sparking fires in my brain going forward afterwards
dont think about the causes too much if i can help it anymore
They interest me because people and their motivations for doing things interest me. I'm a "people watcher". Like a person who watches birds, but I enjoy watching people doing people things. Don't care to participate, though.
i figure i got my own issues and im at the point i don't care to explain them so much. so i figure other folks are the same way. if they wanted me to know why they are the way they are about certain things they'd just tell me.
i mostly people watch at Walmart. i actually feel really bad for the deformed and mangled people who can't go shopping at 3am anymore due to the reduced hours2 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »Related questions:
- Where is the "line" for you personally as to what you would be willing to try or engage in assuming they were legal and involved consenting partners (also legal)?
- Have you ever actually encountered someone with erm... more unusual interests in the bedroom?
- Does anyone ever wonder where these interests originate from in the first place? What dictates what a person will find sexually arousing that is a complete turn off or non-interest for another? I've always wondered where these interests arise from. I don't have answers, only questions.
I....play pretty hard. My limits are pretty much around "do I know how to do that in a mostly-safe manner" and "can my body handle it" which is getting better, but even when I am at goal weight I'll still have arthritis in my feet and that may limit my standing time and possibly what shoes I can wear. (This is kink related, cause a lot of guys kink for women in heels.)
There's a few fetishes that I just don't get into. I'm not repelled by them, they're not unsafe, they just don't move me. Basically, I'll do them if you pay me for my time and possibly the required equipment. (If you draw blood or work with bodily fluids on things that can't be bleached (like leather) best practice is that those things are only ever used on that one person again. This is why my canes are made of hard plastic, not rattan.)
Encountered? I prefer them. (giggle) I live it 24/7. (It's not as exciting as everyone thinks.)
I think in some cases we just come wired kinky. I've been fascinated by power dynamics and pain and psychology since I can remember. I didn't get into it in a formal sense until I was in my forties, but it was answering deep drives within me. I think in some cases people are sandboxing power dynamics and traumas in the society if not in themselves and reenacting them in a kind of sacred drama. But I have no idea where my kink for sharp and shiny things comes from. All I know was the first time I saw someone use a knife in a scene, I.... had to go change clothes.
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KosmosKitten wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Related questions:
- Where is the "line" for you personally as to what you would be willing to try or engage in assuming they were legal and involved consenting partners (also legal)?
- Have you ever actually encountered someone with erm... more unusual interests in the bedroom?
- Does anyone ever wonder where these interests originate from in the first place? What dictates what a person will find sexually arousing that is a complete turn off or non-interest for another? I've always wondered where these interests arise from. I don't have answers, only questions.
haven't found the line so much yet i guess
have encountered unusual interests and ended up sparking fires in my brain going forward afterwards
dont think about the causes too much if i can help it anymore
They interest me because people and their motivations for doing things interest me. I'm a "people watcher". Like a person who watches birds, but I enjoy watching people doing people things. Don't care to participate, though.
i figure i got my own issues and im at the point i don't care to explain them so much. so i figure other folks are the same way. if they wanted me to know why they are the way they are about certain things they'd just tell me.
i mostly people watch at Walmart. i actually feel really bad for the deformed and mangled people who can't go shopping at 3am anymore due to the reduced hours
Hmm, ours has been closing at 11pm ever since I moved here. It was a bit strange getting used to, since I got used to 24 hour locations. The best time to shop there (if you need to for whatever reason) is usually at 11pm to 2am. After that at 24 hour locations, you run into a lot of drunk people coming there after the bars shut down.
Now, I guess that's not as big an issue because the bars also close at the same time the Wal-Mart does (11pm). I also notice that the more mentally unwell people in the town like to shop later at night (which is totally understandable). I feel bad for them, too. Many don't do well in large crowds or with loud noises, so the 1-3am slot was perfect for them.
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KosmosKitten wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Related questions:
- Where is the "line" for you personally as to what you would be willing to try or engage in assuming they were legal and involved consenting partners (also legal)?
- Have you ever actually encountered someone with erm... more unusual interests in the bedroom?
- Does anyone ever wonder where these interests originate from in the first place? What dictates what a person will find sexually arousing that is a complete turn off or non-interest for another? I've always wondered where these interests arise from. I don't have answers, only questions.
haven't found the line so much yet i guess
have encountered unusual interests and ended up sparking fires in my brain going forward afterwards
dont think about the causes too much if i can help it anymore
They interest me because people and their motivations for doing things interest me. I'm a "people watcher". Like a person who watches birds, but I enjoy watching people doing people things. Don't care to participate, though.
i figure i got my own issues and im at the point i don't care to explain them so much. so i figure other folks are the same way. if they wanted me to know why they are the way they are about certain things they'd just tell me.
i mostly people watch at Walmart. i actually feel really bad for the deformed and mangled people who can't go shopping at 3am anymore due to the reduced hours
Hmm, ours has been closing at 11pm ever since I moved here. It was a bit strange getting used to, since I got used to 24 hour locations. The best time to shop there (if you need to for whatever reason) is usually at 11pm to 2am. After that at 24 hour locations, you run into a lot of drunk people coming there after the bars shut down.
Now, I guess that's not as big an issue because the bars also close at the same time the Wal-Mart does (11pm). I also notice that the more mentally unwell people in the town like to shop later at night (which is totally understandable). I feel bad for them, too. Many don't do well in large crowds or with loud noises, so the 1-3am slot was perfect for them.
yeah its a convergence of crazies out there the last few months0 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Related questions:
- Where is the "line" for you personally as to what you would be willing to try or engage in assuming they were legal and involved consenting partners (also legal)?
- Have you ever actually encountered someone with erm... more unusual interests in the bedroom?
- Does anyone ever wonder where these interests originate from in the first place? What dictates what a person will find sexually arousing that is a complete turn off or non-interest for another? I've always wondered where these interests arise from. I don't have answers, only questions.
haven't found the line so much yet i guess
have encountered unusual interests and ended up sparking fires in my brain going forward afterwards
dont think about the causes too much if i can help it anymore
They interest me because people and their motivations for doing things interest me. I'm a "people watcher". Like a person who watches birds, but I enjoy watching people doing people things. Don't care to participate, though.
i figure i got my own issues and im at the point i don't care to explain them so much. so i figure other folks are the same way. if they wanted me to know why they are the way they are about certain things they'd just tell me.
i mostly people watch at Walmart. i actually feel really bad for the deformed and mangled people who can't go shopping at 3am anymore due to the reduced hours
😂 at the word choices here.
Also, I'm the type of partner who will slowly - week over week and year over year - lovingly and gently pick at your brain and tease apart your psyche.
I love to get insights as to why one does the things one does or are into the things they're into. I mean if we've gotten to the point of sharing bodily fluids - which I don't take lightly or casually - what barriers are necessary?
I want access to your heart 🥺, mind 😵, and soul 😇 not just your body...even if it is adorned with cufflinks just as I requested 😏3 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Related questions:
- Where is the "line" for you personally as to what you would be willing to try or engage in assuming they were legal and involved consenting partners (also legal)?
- Have you ever actually encountered someone with erm... more unusual interests in the bedroom?
- Does anyone ever wonder where these interests originate from in the first place? What dictates what a person will find sexually arousing that is a complete turn off or non-interest for another? I've always wondered where these interests arise from. I don't have answers, only questions.
haven't found the line so much yet i guess
have encountered unusual interests and ended up sparking fires in my brain going forward afterwards
dont think about the causes too much if i can help it anymore
They interest me because people and their motivations for doing things interest me. I'm a "people watcher". Like a person who watches birds, but I enjoy watching people doing people things. Don't care to participate, though.
i figure i got my own issues and im at the point i don't care to explain them so much. so i figure other folks are the same way. if they wanted me to know why they are the way they are about certain things they'd just tell me.
i mostly people watch at Walmart. i actually feel really bad for the deformed and mangled people who can't go shopping at 3am anymore due to the reduced hours
😂 at the word choices here.
Also, I'm the type of partner who will slowly - week over week and year over year - lovingly and gently pick at your brain and tease apart your psyche.
I love to get insights as to why one does the things one does or are into the things they're into. I mean if we've gotten to the point of sharing bodily fluids - which I don't take lightly or casually - what barriers are necessary?
I want access to your heart 🥺, mind 😵, and soul 😇 not just your body...even if it is adorned with cufflinks just as I requested 😏
i think ive confounded a few people in my time1 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Related questions:
- Where is the "line" for you personally as to what you would be willing to try or engage in assuming they were legal and involved consenting partners (also legal)?
- Have you ever actually encountered someone with erm... more unusual interests in the bedroom?
- Does anyone ever wonder where these interests originate from in the first place? What dictates what a person will find sexually arousing that is a complete turn off or non-interest for another? I've always wondered where these interests arise from. I don't have answers, only questions.
haven't found the line so much yet i guess
have encountered unusual interests and ended up sparking fires in my brain going forward afterwards
dont think about the causes too much if i can help it anymore
They interest me because people and their motivations for doing things interest me. I'm a "people watcher". Like a person who watches birds, but I enjoy watching people doing people things. Don't care to participate, though.
i figure i got my own issues and im at the point i don't care to explain them so much. so i figure other folks are the same way. if they wanted me to know why they are the way they are about certain things they'd just tell me.
i mostly people watch at Walmart. i actually feel really bad for the deformed and mangled people who can't go shopping at 3am anymore due to the reduced hours
😂 at the word choices here.
Also, I'm the type of partner who will slowly - week over week and year over year - lovingly and gently pick at your brain and tease apart your psyche.
I love to get insights as to why one does the things one does or are into the things they're into. I mean if we've gotten to the point of sharing bodily fluids - which I don't take lightly or casually - what barriers are necessary?
I want access to your heart 🥺, mind 😵, and soul 😇 not just your body...even if it is adorned with cufflinks just as I requested 😏
I do this; it has driven people away. Just sayin'. Didn't matter how subtly or gently I attempted it, still drove them off. Some people just do NOT want to reveal anything about themselves.. almost like they're afraid I'll find out they're a serial killer or something.
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KosmosKitten wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Related questions:
- Where is the "line" for you personally as to what you would be willing to try or engage in assuming they were legal and involved consenting partners (also legal)?
- Have you ever actually encountered someone with erm... more unusual interests in the bedroom?
- Does anyone ever wonder where these interests originate from in the first place? What dictates what a person will find sexually arousing that is a complete turn off or non-interest for another? I've always wondered where these interests arise from. I don't have answers, only questions.
haven't found the line so much yet i guess
have encountered unusual interests and ended up sparking fires in my brain going forward afterwards
dont think about the causes too much if i can help it anymore
They interest me because people and their motivations for doing things interest me. I'm a "people watcher". Like a person who watches birds, but I enjoy watching people doing people things. Don't care to participate, though.
i figure i got my own issues and im at the point i don't care to explain them so much. so i figure other folks are the same way. if they wanted me to know why they are the way they are about certain things they'd just tell me.
i mostly people watch at Walmart. i actually feel really bad for the deformed and mangled people who can't go shopping at 3am anymore due to the reduced hours
😂 at the word choices here.
Also, I'm the type of partner who will slowly - week over week and year over year - lovingly and gently pick at your brain and tease apart your psyche.
I love to get insights as to why one does the things one does or are into the things they're into. I mean if we've gotten to the point of sharing bodily fluids - which I don't take lightly or casually - what barriers are necessary?
I want access to your heart 🥺, mind 😵, and soul 😇 not just your body...even if it is adorned with cufflinks just as I requested 😏
i think ive confounded a few people in my time
Past tense; you're still doing it. 2 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Related questions:
- Where is the "line" for you personally as to what you would be willing to try or engage in assuming they were legal and involved consenting partners (also legal)?
- Have you ever actually encountered someone with erm... more unusual interests in the bedroom?
- Does anyone ever wonder where these interests originate from in the first place? What dictates what a person will find sexually arousing that is a complete turn off or non-interest for another? I've always wondered where these interests arise from. I don't have answers, only questions.
haven't found the line so much yet i guess
have encountered unusual interests and ended up sparking fires in my brain going forward afterwards
dont think about the causes too much if i can help it anymore
They interest me because people and their motivations for doing things interest me. I'm a "people watcher". Like a person who watches birds, but I enjoy watching people doing people things. Don't care to participate, though.
i figure i got my own issues and im at the point i don't care to explain them so much. so i figure other folks are the same way. if they wanted me to know why they are the way they are about certain things they'd just tell me.
i mostly people watch at Walmart. i actually feel really bad for the deformed and mangled people who can't go shopping at 3am anymore due to the reduced hours
😂 at the word choices here.
Also, I'm the type of partner who will slowly - week over week and year over year - lovingly and gently pick at your brain and tease apart your psyche.
I love to get insights as to why one does the things one does or are into the things they're into. I mean if we've gotten to the point of sharing bodily fluids - which I don't take lightly or casually - what barriers are necessary?
I want access to your heart 🥺, mind 😵, and soul 😇 not just your body...even if it is adorned with cufflinks just as I requested 😏
i think ive confounded a few people in my time
Past tense; you're still doing it.
oh no i certainly dont want that1 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »
Seems like a good response. Do you think it would change your interaction with them knowing that they had a particular fetish (again, not harmful to anyone and not illegal) but weren't telling you (for whatever reason)?
Definitely not. In the specific example of my marriage, we have a lot of our own time, our own things. She makes fabric things for her Etsy shop, I make sawdust. She's allowed to have whatever separate from me that she needs.1 -
hawkeye45_ wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »
Seems like a good response. Do you think it would change your interaction with them knowing that they had a particular fetish (again, not harmful to anyone and not illegal) but weren't telling you (for whatever reason)?
Definitely not. In the specific example of my marriage, we have a lot of our own time, our own things. She makes fabric things for her Etsy shop, I make sawdust. She's allowed to have whatever separate from me that she needs.
That's a great way to look at it; hadn't considered it in that light before.
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KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/gals: What would you do if you found out your long term partner ended up having an unusual kink/fetish? Nothing illegal or harmful to others, just... out of the ordinary. How do you respond? Let's assume that they developed this fetish throughout the course of your relationship (they didn't come into the relationship knowing they were already into this particular thing).
- How do you respond?
- Is it a deal breaker?
- Do you attempt to engage to see if maybe you'll enjoy it, too or at least not mind it?
- If the above is no, it's not enjoyable... do you end your relationship with this person?
Saw a Reddit thread earlier today that gave me pause and it seemed like an interesting question for y'all.
I'm not sure how to respond to this....
other than to ask "are you barefoot right now?"2 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/gals: What would you do if you found out your long term partner ended up having an unusual kink/fetish? Nothing illegal or harmful to others, just... out of the ordinary. How do you respond? Let's assume that they developed this fetish throughout the course of your relationship (they didn't come into the relationship knowing they were already into this particular thing).
- How do you respond?
- Is it a deal breaker?
- Do you attempt to engage to see if maybe you'll enjoy it, too or at least not mind it?
- If the above is no, it's not enjoyable... do you end your relationship with this person?
Saw a Reddit thread earlier today that gave me pause and it seemed like an interesting question for y'all.
If it's not enjoyable for me and he really wants and needs that fetish.. then yeah, I'd end it, it would be unfair to both of us otherwise.
But Id try most things once, so within reason I'd give it a go3 -
Motorsheen wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/gals: What would you do if you found out your long term partner ended up having an unusual kink/fetish? Nothing illegal or harmful to others, just... out of the ordinary. How do you respond? Let's assume that they developed this fetish throughout the course of your relationship (they didn't come into the relationship knowing they were already into this particular thing).
- How do you respond?
- Is it a deal breaker?
- Do you attempt to engage to see if maybe you'll enjoy it, too or at least not mind it?
- If the above is no, it's not enjoyable... do you end your relationship with this person?
Saw a Reddit thread earlier today that gave me pause and it seemed like an interesting question for y'all.
I'm not sure how to respond to this....
other than to ask "are you barefoot right now?"
Yep.
Nice try. 1 -
slimgirljo15 wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/gals: What would you do if you found out your long term partner ended up having an unusual kink/fetish? Nothing illegal or harmful to others, just... out of the ordinary. How do you respond? Let's assume that they developed this fetish throughout the course of your relationship (they didn't come into the relationship knowing they were already into this particular thing).
- How do you respond?
- Is it a deal breaker?
- Do you attempt to engage to see if maybe you'll enjoy it, too or at least not mind it?
- If the above is no, it's not enjoyable... do you end your relationship with this person?
Saw a Reddit thread earlier today that gave me pause and it seemed like an interesting question for y'all.
If it's not enjoyable for me and he really wants and needs that fetish.. then yeah, I'd end it, it would be unfair to both of us otherwise.
But Id try most things once, so within reason I'd give it a go
How does a person know if they need a particular kink or fetish vs. wanting it? I have quite a few and while I'd really like to engage in all of them 100% of the time, none of them are essential for living. I can still engage in a really good time without them, although if any particular kink/fetish came up, it would probably qualify as a phenomenal time.
I guess I'm asking: where is the line between compromising your wants and desires in this regard vs. an actual need that keeps a person from enjoying life with a person? In my experience, no person I've been with who had kinks actually *needed* them for the relationship to continue. They were just a bonus. Some were more extreme interests, too.
I do agree with you, though. Just curious and picking the collective brains of Chit-Chat because it fascinates me. 1 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »slimgirljo15 wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/gals: What would you do if you found out your long term partner ended up having an unusual kink/fetish? Nothing illegal or harmful to others, just... out of the ordinary. How do you respond? Let's assume that they developed this fetish throughout the course of your relationship (they didn't come into the relationship knowing they were already into this particular thing).
- How do you respond?
- Is it a deal breaker?
- Do you attempt to engage to see if maybe you'll enjoy it, too or at least not mind it?
- If the above is no, it's not enjoyable... do you end your relationship with this person?
Saw a Reddit thread earlier today that gave me pause and it seemed like an interesting question for y'all.
If it's not enjoyable for me and he really wants and needs that fetish.. then yeah, I'd end it, it would be unfair to both of us otherwise.
But Id try most things once, so within reason I'd give it a go
How does a person know if they need a particular kink or fetish vs. wanting it? I have quite a few and while I'd really like to engage in all of them 100% of the time, none of them are essential for living. I can still engage in a really good time without them, although if any particular kink/fetish came up, it would probably qualify as a phenomenal time.
I guess I'm asking: where is the line between compromising your wants and desires in this regard vs. an actual need that keeps a person from enjoying life with a person? In my experience, no person I've been with who had kinks actually *needed* them for the relationship to continue. They were just a bonus. Some were more extreme interests, too.
I do agree with you, though. Just curious and picking the collective brains of Chit-Chat because it fascinates me.
i wouldn’t want to be in relationship that didn’t do the thing i like. its just a big deal to me. but maybe some things are small fun and other things like change the entire dynamic all the time
and me tryin to stay out of moderator trouble talking bout this stuff like
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Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?2
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KosmosKitten wrote: »Related questions:
- Where is the "line" for you personally as to what you would be willing to try or engage in assuming they were legal and involved consenting partners (also legal)?
- Have you ever actually encountered someone with erm... more unusual interests in the bedroom?
- Does anyone ever wonder where these interests originate from in the first place? What dictates what a person will find sexually arousing that is a complete turn off or non-interest for another? I've always wondered where these interests arise from. I don't have answers, only questions.
All the bathroom stuff, medical stuff and bondage is a hard pass. No.
A guy liked to lick my armpits and that was pretty weird.
Who knows?
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Yoshiboobs wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Related questions:
- Where is the "line" for you personally as to what you would be willing to try or engage in assuming they were legal and involved consenting partners (also legal)?
- Have you ever actually encountered someone with erm... more unusual interests in the bedroom?
- Does anyone ever wonder where these interests originate from in the first place? What dictates what a person will find sexually arousing that is a complete turn off or non-interest for another? I've always wondered where these interests arise from. I don't have answers, only questions.
All the bathroom stuff, medical stuff and bondage is a hard pass. No.
A guy liked to lick my armpits and that was pretty weird.
Who knows?
You know, just when I think I've learned all the fetishes or sexual interests there are out there.. something just comes randomly out of left field and shatters that illusion. 1 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »slimgirljo15 wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/gals: What would you do if you found out your long term partner ended up having an unusual kink/fetish? Nothing illegal or harmful to others, just... out of the ordinary. How do you respond? Let's assume that they developed this fetish throughout the course of your relationship (they didn't come into the relationship knowing they were already into this particular thing).
- How do you respond?
- Is it a deal breaker?
- Do you attempt to engage to see if maybe you'll enjoy it, too or at least not mind it?
- If the above is no, it's not enjoyable... do you end your relationship with this person?
Saw a Reddit thread earlier today that gave me pause and it seemed like an interesting question for y'all.
If it's not enjoyable for me and he really wants and needs that fetish.. then yeah, I'd end it, it would be unfair to both of us otherwise.
But Id try most things once, so within reason I'd give it a go
How does a person know if they need a particular kink or fetish vs. wanting it? I have quite a few and while I'd really like to engage in all of them 100% of the time, none of them are essential for living. I can still engage in a really good time without them, although if any particular kink/fetish came up, it would probably qualify as a phenomenal time.
I guess I'm asking: where is the line between compromising your wants and desires in this regard vs. an actual need that keeps a person from enjoying life with a person? In my experience, no person I've been with who had kinks actually *needed* them for the relationship to continue. They were just a bonus. Some were more extreme interests, too.
I do agree with you, though. Just curious and picking the collective brains of Chit-Chat because it fascinates me.
I meant *need* in that if his kinks were not embraced by me and that was a deal breaker for him. I guess what I'm saying is if that kink became so important that he couldn't live without it then yeah, fair to go our own ways.
I'd hate to think my partner was missing out on something important to them because of me, so letting them go so they could find a better match would feel like the right thing to do.. thats not saying I wouldn't want to remain close to them.. I wouldn't be judgemental in any way.
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sweet_ermengarde wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »slimgirljo15 wrote: »KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/gals: What would you do if you found out your long term partner ended up having an unusual kink/fetish? Nothing illegal or harmful to others, just... out of the ordinary. How do you respond? Let's assume that they developed this fetish throughout the course of your relationship (they didn't come into the relationship knowing they were already into this particular thing).
- How do you respond?
- Is it a deal breaker?
- Do you attempt to engage to see if maybe you'll enjoy it, too or at least not mind it?
- If the above is no, it's not enjoyable... do you end your relationship with this person?
Saw a Reddit thread earlier today that gave me pause and it seemed like an interesting question for y'all.
If it's not enjoyable for me and he really wants and needs that fetish.. then yeah, I'd end it, it would be unfair to both of us otherwise.
But Id try most things once, so within reason I'd give it a go
How does a person know if they need a particular kink or fetish vs. wanting it? I have quite a few and while I'd really like to engage in all of them 100% of the time, none of them are essential for living. I can still engage in a really good time without them, although if any particular kink/fetish came up, it would probably qualify as a phenomenal time.
I guess I'm asking: where is the line between compromising your wants and desires in this regard vs. an actual need that keeps a person from enjoying life with a person? In my experience, no person I've been with who had kinks actually *needed* them for the relationship to continue. They were just a bonus. Some were more extreme interests, too.
I do agree with you, though. Just curious and picking the collective brains of Chit-Chat because it fascinates me.
i wouldn’t want to be in relationship that didn’t do the thing i like. its just a big deal to me. but maybe some things are small fun and other things like change the entire dynamic all the time
and me tryin to stay out of moderator trouble talking bout this stuff like
You and me both. That's why I don't mention what interests me.
I think the willingness to try them (if you are able) is more important to me than whether you (as my hypothetical partner) like the same things I do. I can't expect everyone to have the same interests as I do and if it *is* something I developed over the course of a long relationship with someone and didn't come into the relationship knowing I liked, I would be more understanding of the hesitancy or unwillingness to participate depending on whatever it happens to be.
Personally, I'm pretty upfront about most of my interests *if* asked or *if* we get to the intimate stage. Just seems like something you would want your partner(s) to be aware of.
In the case of the particular subreddit, it was a male asking if females would be willing to date a person if they were upfront about their interest in cross-dressing (as in, he already had an established interest and financial investment in it). Most women said no and gave their reasoning why, but a few surprised me by saying that it wasn't a deal-breaker and that depending on how deep the rabbit hole went, they'd give it a shot.
It just got me thinking since that was not a particular thing that has appeared in any of my relationships (yet, anyway).
P.S. Moderators, I love you. Please don't put me in jail. 4 -
A follow-up to the previous discussion.
If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)2 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »Related questions:
- Where is the "line" for you personally as to what you would be willing to try or engage in assuming they were legal and involved consenting partners (also legal)?
- Have you ever actually encountered someone with erm... more unusual interests in the bedroom?
- Does anyone ever wonder where these interests originate from in the first place? What dictates what a person will find sexually arousing that is a complete turn off or non-interest for another? I've always wondered where these interests arise from. I don't have answers, only questions.
This thread exploded so I figured someone must’ve asked an interesting question 😅
For me personally: if he needs to inflict pain to be satisfied, he won’t have a willing partner in me. I can’t inflict pain either. Not hardcore anyway. I was with a guy who liked having his back scratched to the point of bleeding. I did it but didn’t love anything about it. Some things are intense. That’s okay. But if he has to smoke me in the face to get off, I’m not the girl for him
Oh and I don’t think there’s anything remotely sexy about getting pissed on, or *kitten* on for that matter, so i could never get on board with that
As a female I’m already well aware of how easily a man could overpower me, so what I think is really sexy is when they use psychological methods to show dominance, not just physical. I’m not opposed to physical dominance, it’s just extremely ubiquitous. A man who remains in control while being gentle.. the contrast is so striking.7 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »Guys/Gals: What is the best musical genre and why?
Chamber music (contemporary or modern) is relaxing and able to provoke deep thoughts about the power of music to convey, well, everything 😍. I just find it powerful on various levels and Debussy is my fav, at least for now.3 -
hawkeye45_ wrote: »A follow-up to the previous discussion.
If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)
no bc i get jealous and i’m possessive and all my insecurity would come out and i’d listen to sad music all the time and cry a bunch3 -
hawkeye45_ wrote: »A follow-up to the previous discussion.
If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)
depends on how badly they wanted it and how badly i didn't want to do it.
and i figure itd be easier to leave. or just start cheating. if whatever it was happened to be a hard "no" for me i mean3 -
hawkeye45_ wrote: »A follow-up to the previous discussion.
If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)
Yes. Open relationships don't bother me if the established bond I have with an individual is strong. If they can be fulfilled with another person for that particular interest, I say go for it so long as they are safe, don't bring home diseases (to me) and aren't engaging in anything that can get them in trouble legally or isn't consensual. Especially if everything else in our relationship is in line and going great, I don't see why I would deny them.2 -
sweet_ermengarde wrote: »hawkeye45_ wrote: »A follow-up to the previous discussion.
If your partner discovered something that they enjoyed and wanted to try (within the bounds of not harming others), and it was not for you, would you consider an open relationship so they can get that itch scratched? Why or why not? (I left out the word "illegal" here because, in some states, any position other than missionary is illegal.)
no bc i get jealous and i’m possessive and all my insecurity would come out and i’d listen to sad music all the time and cry a bunch
Someone needs to confiscate all your Blue October CD's2
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