Anyone Else “Vet” Friend Requests?
Replies
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I reject all men's friend requests. Nothing at all against men... some of them are even cute, but as far as friends, I want women who are anywhere from 20 years younger to 20 years older. I look at their meals and exercises when I have time and cheer them on and if they have time they cheer me on also. I don't care how heavy or how fit a woman is. I just want friends with a positive attitude who keeps trying.6
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MiaBella444 wrote: »I take it as a compliment someone thought I was approachable enough to become an "acquaintance" on a forum full of thousands of strangers and would not "vet" them unjustly without knowing much about them except their online name and picture. I have empathy enough to believe on some school age level, we all have trouble reaching out to people and feel like a wallflower or loser if our profiles have empty spaces under "friends." I have no judgements. I do not see people as fat, ugly, weird or different then me. I am not a "karen" or "mean girl" I love people. All kinds and if you are crazy enough to want to friend me, I am probably one of the weird ones you are speaking about. The Alice, in Wonderland mixed with the Mad Hatter and Cheshire Cat. I can ramble, my mind wonders about everything, I am a free spirit or I am intelligent and reigned in. Who am I to Vet, anyone? Most people are smart enough to understand this is a forum of like minded people. Young or old. just reaching out into the void with other humans that may have a common purpose. If you mean they started disagreeing too much with your posts well, then, yes, its your page and you have a right to disengage with argumentative people if you cannot deal with conflict but at least you gave them a fair chance like you would hope someone did the same for you. So many posts here saying they would be a terrible friend. Do you honestly think that is what people who "friend" you in a forum are asking from you? Repeat: Acquaintance. Casual "online" Encounter. A stranger that you come to be acquainted with their lives and encounter and interact with without personal meetings. Online. To take it farther than that, is a personal choice but to worry every friend request is because someone wants something from you or you are all that and need to fight them off because of how you look, is well, vain.
Terrible FEED friend - meaning I never pay attention to my feed and my diary is private. Someone friending me for feed interaction or to view my diary would be very disappointed.
I don't WORRY about friend requests - I only accept them if I know the person from the forums and think we might exchange DMs.2 -
I stopped bothering to add friends.
I interact enough here with the people I would accept friend requests from anyway as genuine friends, and those who randomly add me for whatever reason, by finding me on someone's thread, I used to add them but often found that people always had problems and wouldn't listen to practical advice and would rather listen to the other woo people giving them woo.
I'd also often see people under eating constantly and people telling them good job for it and them not caring about what it will do to them if they dont eat more.
Eventually I just get annoyed and delete every single one of them and figure if they struggle enough eventually they will be here asking for help on the things I already tried to help them.with before.5 -
MiaBella444 wrote: »I take it as a compliment someone thought I was approachable enough to become an "acquaintance" on a forum full of thousands of strangers and would not "vet" them unjustly without knowing much about them except their online name and picture. I have empathy enough to believe on some school age level, we all have trouble reaching out to people and feel like a wallflower or loser if our profiles have empty spaces under "friends." I have no judgements. I do not see people as fat, ugly, weird or different then me. I am not a "karen" or "mean girl" I love people. All kinds and if you are crazy enough to want to friend me, I am probably one of the weird ones you are speaking about. The Alice, in Wonderland mixed with the Mad Hatter and Cheshire Cat. I can ramble, my mind wonders about everything, I am a free spirit or I am intelligent and reigned in. Who am I to Vet, anyone? Most people are smart enough to understand this is a forum of like minded people. Young or old. just reaching out into the void with other humans that may have a common purpose. If you mean they started disagreeing too much with your posts well, then, yes, its your page and you have a right to disengage with argumentative people if you cannot deal with conflict but at least you gave them a fair chance like you would hope someone did the same for you. So many posts here saying they would be a terrible friend. Do you honestly think that is what people who "friend" you in a forum are asking from you? Repeat: Acquaintance. Casual "online" Encounter. A stranger that you come to be acquainted with their lives and encounter and interact with without personal meetings. Online. To take it farther than that, is a personal choice but to worry every friend request is because someone wants something from you or you are all that and need to fight them off because of how you look, is well, vain.
Some of us (me, and I believe others) are talking about things we do now because of actual past experiences here on MFP with people sending friend requests, and after the acceptance, those people send inappropropriate personal messages that make it pretty clear that what they want is . . . well, I'll say flirtation, but it's something well beyond that.
If it's "vain" to have that kind of bad experience, then start being cautious about friend requests after that happens, then . . . yes, I'm vain.10 -
KrissDotCom wrote: »I stopped bothering to add friends.
I interact enough here with the people I would accept friend requests from anyway as genuine friends, and those who randomly add me for whatever reason, by finding me on someone's thread, I used to add them but often found that people always had problems and wouldn't listen to practical advice and would rather listen to the other woo people giving them woo.
I'd also often see people under eating constantly and people telling them good job for it and them not caring about what it will do to them if they dont eat more.
Eventually I just get annoyed and delete every single one of them and figure if they struggle enough eventually they will be here asking for help on the things I already tried to help them.with before.
Yes, one of the reasons I stopped looking at my feed was due to two undereaters and the positive comments they got.5 -
paperpudding wrote: »Or some people, me included, are just not into the friends thing and say so on our profiles - I don't think I have to fight them off and I certainly don't think it is to do with how I look ( actually I don't really look like a Christmas pudding ) and I'm not worried that friend requests are after something else and I don't feel like a wallflower or loser if my profile is empty under friends.
So, yes I do think I would be a terrible friend ( or acquaintance or causal online or whatever you want to call it, MFP happens to call it friends) since I have no intention of interacting 1:1 with people which is what the friends system is intended for.
If others, including you, do want to do that - great, go for it, enjoy.
But respect that some of us don't want to.
I think that makes you a good (online) friend. But for context, I have a cat. The no pressure we're friends not spouses kind of friendship is where it's at.5 -
Similar to @AnnPT77 I do now, because I've had more than a few annoying unsolicited messages from men.
I don't get it - nowhere on my profile do I say I'm looking for a relationship/fling/ flirtation/anything else along those lines, yet I still get messages. I am here on a fitness site to lose weight and get mutual support from others doing the same. That is IT. Why don't people use a dating site instead if they want to meet someone?
Anyway, I started off naive and friendly and accepting all requests, but now I don't accept friend requests unless people send a message along with it, and I always check them out too. Sad, but that's the way of the internet it seems!4 -
Yes... i've been logging for over 1,050 days and i have zero friends. Solves everything. Do my stuff solo, lurk the forums.4
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Yep. I check em out. There being said I have made some really good friends here...then again many creepy people have cropped up too0
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I wanted to add, but forgot....
I’m sure it’s been discussed as I’ve not read every post here. I feel bad for the ladies, as I’m nearly certain they are the ones that get the weird and creepy requests.
Please accept my apology on behalf of decent men.
Please don't apologize for something you didn't do or for the pervs...
Just my 2¢
(Flame suit on)4 -
I wanted to add, but forgot....
I’m sure it’s been discussed as I’ve not read every post here. I feel bad for the ladies, as I’m nearly certain they are the ones that get the weird and creepy requests.
Please accept my apology on behalf of decent men.
That's very kind but you don't have to carry the blame for all pervy creeps. But it's a very kind gesture so thank you.
For the record they're everywhere and I'm sure there are creepy women too. I have gotten all sorts of messages on Instagram and even words with friends. The best on Instagram are the ones claiming to want to be your sugar daddy. 😂🤣 So many scams out there and I wonder how many fall for them1 -
Yep, there are some creepy women out there too. But just like the creepy guys, we should all remember that we can draw the line in the sand wherever we want. If people are looking for support, humor, non fitness banter, whatever.... they can probably find the right fit if they keep looking.
And everyone should report the creepy stuff. If it happens enough most of them will get tired of making new user names to creep on people and move on. Those that had harmless intentions but crossed a line will ease up and be more cautious about how they communicate.
I still vet requests, but in hindsight some that I just accepted blindly ended up being good feed friends. Some that I thought were a better "fit" disappeared, or got weird, or just come and go. And I've been a slacker lately, so I'm surprised all of them didn't drop me.
So yeah..... I do vet them but really can't justify why!2 -
I wanted to add, but forgot....
I’m sure it’s been discussed as I’ve not read every post here. I feel bad for the ladies, as I’m nearly certain they are the ones that get the weird and creepy requests.
Please accept my apology on behalf of decent men.
You're one of the good eggs Jim 🙂
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I wanted to add, but forgot....
I’m sure it’s been discussed as I’ve not read every post here. I feel bad for the ladies, as I’m nearly certain they are the ones that get the weird and creepy requests.
Please accept my apology on behalf of decent men.
Please don't apologize for something you didn't do or for the pervs...
Just my 2¢
(Flame suit on)
only 2c? 😁
Whilst there are pervs thats true, they are more than made up for by the ton of genuine nice peeps.. of which you are one 🙂 genuine nice, not perv I meant 😂🤣
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I don’t track on MFP, I use a different app. I’m not very active on my feed either, but I usually will add most people who make a request, and only do a cull if I feel it’s necessary. I mostly use MFP for the forum. Maybe I will start posting on my feed again?0
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You know what's amazing to me is that this thread is only 2 months old but it seems like years ago. MFP time is warp speed, 5 days seems like weeks and weeks. A month or two seems like years, @springlering62. Best regards. Catch you back out there on the trail.0
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I posted earlier that I added everyone and then if they didn't post or log on for a while I deleted them.
I got my first super creeper the other day and not am rethinking the whole thing! He was super creepy with pictures and threats. Dude we are just trying to be healthy not push our political/religious agenda!7 -
AliNouveau wrote: »I wanted to add, but forgot....
I’m sure it’s been discussed as I’ve not read every post here. I feel bad for the ladies, as I’m nearly certain they are the ones that get the weird and creepy requests.
Please accept my apology on behalf of decent men.
That's very kind but you don't have to carry the blame for all pervy creeps. But it's a very kind gesture so thank you.
For the record they're everywhere and I'm sure there are creepy women too. I have gotten all sorts of messages on Instagram and even words with friends. The best on Instagram are the ones claiming to want to be your sugar daddy. 😂🤣 So many scams out there and I wonder how many fall for them
The only creepy requests/messages I've received on MFP is when a large group of us all set out profile photo to match that of another member to mess with folks on who was who in the feed for fun and games. I received some random requests then... and this was back when MFP still listed gender in the profile so the creepers didn't even bother to check that! It was only up for a day too.
And yeah, creepers are everywhere. Instagram, Facebook. Even on LinkedIn my fiance gets creepy random messages.1 -
I’ve changed my profile pic as the previous one (back shot - I was proud of my muscles) seemed to convey the wrong impression to quite a few men. I’ll accept most requests but if any creep messages come in they’re instantly blocked.
I was asked on Instagram if someone could pay me for shots of my lats 🤣🤣1 -
The_Enginerd wrote: »AliNouveau wrote: »I wanted to add, but forgot....
I’m sure it’s been discussed as I’ve not read every post here. I feel bad for the ladies, as I’m nearly certain they are the ones that get the weird and creepy requests.
Please accept my apology on behalf of decent men.
That's very kind but you don't have to carry the blame for all pervy creeps. But it's a very kind gesture so thank you.
For the record they're everywhere and I'm sure there are creepy women too. I have gotten all sorts of messages on Instagram and even words with friends. The best on Instagram are the ones claiming to want to be your sugar daddy. 😂🤣 So many scams out there and I wonder how many fall for them
The only creepy requests/messages I've received on MFP is when a large group of us all set out profile photo to match that of another member to mess with folks on who was who in the feed for fun and games. I received some random requests then... and this was back when MFP still listed gender in the profile so the creepers didn't even bother to check that! It was only up for a day too.
And yeah, creepers are everywhere. Instagram, Facebook. Even on LinkedIn my fiance gets creepy random messages.
Oh wow LinkedIn too??? I guess they'll try anywhere. On Instagram I've had people just send pictures and then ask what I think. These are usually just shirtless....not bottomless 😂🤣. I always end up blocking them but would be fun to mess and say well you could add some definition or lose 25lbs.1
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